4 years ago I had heel spurs removed from my left foot and was prescribed Vicodin. After the procedure I went home and was in a great deal of pain. Once sedation wore off i felt the pain immensely. I took the prescribed medication and it worked but I noticed the high it gave me.

One Saturday 5 days out of surgery I took a pill and within 15 minutes I chased it with a vodka & cranberry.I didn't know at the time the road i was traveling down at the time. Once the medication ran out I didn't indulge again as there were no refills but I enjoyed the combination of alcohol and pills.

Then ironically on 4/21/15 I had gastric sleeve surgery and afterwards I was in pain in my abdominal area. I was prescribed Percocet to alleviate the pain and again took them as prescribed with no refills. After surgery I couldn't drink beer in abundance(5-6) prior to the procedure. I was only able to consume a half of beer before I would fill full. I went from 349lbs. to 232Lbs and felt and looked great.

I than began taking them recreationally intermittently. First it started with me taking one 5mg pill with alcohol about 2 times a month. Then it increased to taking one 5mg pill on Friday and Saturday. Little did I know that I was slowly but surely developing a habit. One of my closet friends approached me about what I was getting into and told me "leave that shit alone bro you don't need it". I heard em but I had my own agenda & didn't think it was a problem.

I was then approached by a loved one who was obtaining them for me and told to chill out as I had too much to lose. I was nodding when sitting still along with drooling and vomiting one Saturday while watching NFL playoffs. I tried to get more from the source but noticed when i called my calls went unanswered nor were they returned. This went on for about 2 months so I had no choice but to cool out.

One weekend while out in front of my house the source rode past in his car as his girlfriend lived down the street from me. I yelled out & he stopped & pulled over. I said I had been trying to get in contact with hime for a while but could never reach him. He stated he was instructed by my loved one not to give me anything else that's why he didn't answer.

He says "your a good guy" please don't tell him I gave you more pills. I got ten 5mg pills and was now taking two to achieve the elevation I wanted. They were lasting me about 2 weeks at this point but I was now progressing in the amount I was taking. The use became more frequent on weekends. Then Prince passed away and God told me the next day what the cause of death was as I read a book by Liz Jones that stated he was addicted to Percocet for a long time.

The addiction progressed rapidly afterwards to the whole weekend of taking pills then eventually to taking small amounts on weekdays in 2017. I was fastly spiralling out of control & started missing work in small spurts. My teenage sweetheart who i remined friends entered my life on 10/3/17 and I was elated cause I always wanted to spend my life with her since the day we met. But I had a secret in which I kept from from her. I thought she'd be my saviour from this demon I was dealing with.

I continued to take small amounts daily so I could mask my addiction. I never had any money and all my bills were behind and my car was repoed. I realized a while back that I had a problem but thought often "I got this". My source would run out of Percocet at times and when he did I didn't take any as I was scared of what happened to Prince. I refused to search them out on the streets cause of the epidemic of the Opioid Crisis.

I never wanted to seen extremely high around my girlfriend and stepdaughter who were living with me so I'd do just enough to elevate. On weekdays it never exceeded 15mg and that was on a bad day. I kept it around 7.5mg while trying to continue to work. I only consumed pills with wine after work to unwind and deal with my emotions. I sold all my guitars & equipment along with other valuables chasing pills. I would barely send any money for my children and left them high & dry.

On 10/6/18 and facing eviction from we're we were living I came clean to everyone. Everyone was supportive and I agreed I needed treatment. My girlfriend was supportive but pissed as I had placed my 3 children and her in a bad spot.

I was on the fence about going into inpatient treatment cause I was still in denial. On 10/9/18 I made a decision to enter treatment and after calling I was asked to be there in 2 hours. I showered and packed what I needed hastily. My children's mother asked if I her wanted her to go with me and after thinking for a minute I said yes. I text my girlfriend & told her where I was going & where I would be. I talked to her while at the the admission site never mentioning who was with. I am being honest that there was no sexual contact between us in 2+ years.

I told my girlfriend that the court hearing for eviction was on 10/12/18. She asked if she could stay there at least til the weekend to find them a place to go and I said yes. After leaving the admission site we had a 2 hour drive to the facility where I'd be. The apartment was not in my name and basically i screwed my friend who did me favor. My childrens mother asked what was i going to do with my belongings in the apartment and my car. I told her who i left in charge to handle that. She asked me if I trusted who I left to handle that and thats when it hit me. Who would he have in there helping him and would some of my stuff be stolen in the process. I thought my girfriend was more than capable of handling it but she didn't drive or know how to. If i left it to her to handle who would she have helping moving my belongings. Would they steal clothes or my shoe collection. Selfish thought

I intructed my childrens mother to get my belongings as I was with her for 15 years and knew her whole family. Once I arrived at the facility I was notified of a 7 day blackout period meaning no contact with the outside world while on detox. My cell phone was then confiscated and I could not warn my girlfriend of what was to come. My stepdaughter came home from school to a ransacked mostly empty apartment. I figured my girlfriend would come home and see and then find a place to go. This was real shitty and cruel what I had done.

My childrens mother was now driving my car and when my friend who got the apartment for me went to get the key from my Aunt he was told who already had picked it up. He was as baffled as my girlfriend was and he was supposed to get my car for me but I could not relay any info as far as my intentions. On 10/12/18 my therapist at the facility retrieved my phone so i could get a number out of it to handle my sick benefits and short term disability while out of work.

Once I turned the phone on the text messages started coming in from my girlfriend and they weren't pleasant. I immediately called and she answered and went in on me about the way I left and who I had in our apartment. My friend I believe had told her everything that took place and she was livid and hung up. I cried and was depressed for days. The victim I am not in this cause I am the shooter.

Needless to say they are homeless and I feel horrible and she hates me cause of the position I put them in. She was also under the impression that I wasn't in treatment & moved out & went back to my children's mother. I text her the name of my therapist and 2 days later she called my therapist. We called back on speakerphone but I wouldn't address what I done cause i would have needed more time and that wasn't possible. Conversation went good and i was very optimistic i could fix this. My girlfriend said I have to go to get back to my desk cause she was at work. Before terminating the call the therapist stated "yes cause we still have to call ur children's mother" and that sent her back into a fury. The text messages were now pouring in immediately as my phone was on sitting on my therapist desk.

I was supossed to leave the facility on 10/26/18 & decided to stay throught hthe weekend. In the process my phone was turned off. When i checked it said all calls were restricted and I then knew she'd think I came home and blocked her. I got my cell phone carrier to provide verification that the phone was turned off due to nonpayment. My childrens mother left me stranded at the facility and would not pick me up or answer the phone cause she's bitter I've moved on. My girlfrind was mad that I didn't call her for a ride but how could I and she doesn't drive. We were on good terms then last I received a email basically saying she hates me for they're living arrangments. When I moved her in with me her living situation was already unstable I just put her back in the same situation from which she came.

I am 100% wrong and take full ownership for everything that I caused....addictions hurts alot of people and I am remorseful.

THIS IS MY STORY.....FEEL FREE TO SAY WHATEVER YOU LIKE!!!

THANKS GOD BLESS

[Edited 11/5/18 11:37am]

thecloud said:

wish you well

I wish you all the best