XX (2017)

This anthology of four (4) short horror films was promising, but uneven. The animated sequences between the films were really inventive. A decent Halloween watch.

.75

I watched the orignial "Halloween" last night. It's still the scariest movie I've ever seen.

Mermaids (1990) 3.5/5 I never saw this before in it's entirety, I really enjoyed it. A definite comfort movie I'd watch again.

I just got back from "Halloween (2018).

SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS AHEAD! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS AHEAD! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS AHEAD!

But not yet. I promise, I will tell you again when the spoilers are coming. This movie is so awesome that: (1) you HAVE to see it if you like horror movies; but (2) I HAVE to write all about it right now!

Here's how great this movie is - I missed the first 20 minutes on account of misreading the start time (I guess. That's what I get for going to a movie stone cold sober in the afternoon) and I still am going to give this movie all the stars. So I kind of have to make up the first part from reading the plot summary on Wikipedia.

Are you ready?

SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS RIGHT HERE! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS RIGHT HERE! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS RIGHT HERE!

The movie starts with the explanation that Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) has spent the last 40 years being a Michael prepper. Her house is Michael-proof. She knows how to use every kind of gun. She raised her daughter to be prepared for Michael's return, which caused two marriages to fail, plus she lost custody of her daughter at age 12.

Meanwhile there are a couple documentary makers who want to interview Michael Myers and find out why he did what he did. They meet him but he won't talk. So they go to Haddonfield, Illinois - the scene of the murders 40 years ago, plus 15 years before that when Michael killed his sister.

Laurie's granddaughter Allyson attends the same high school in Haddonfield that Laurie did. She has the same English class. Allyson sits in the same chair Laurie did. She looks out the window - the very same window that Laurie saw Michael Myers for the first time. Guess who Allyson sees standing in the exact same place Michael Myers stood in 40 years ago to the day?

Laurie! It's so awesome! Also awesome is that the English teacher is P. J. Soles! She played Michael's last victim in the original "Halloween". There are more than a few allusions to the original like this, and they are all GREAT.

Laurie tries to reconcile with her daughter's family but it doesn't go well. Karen (Laurie's daughter, Allyson's mother)) still hasn't forgiven Laurie for a life of Preparing For Michael. Karen's husband is played by Toby Huss. Do you know who he was?

He was The Wiz on "Seinfeld"!





And he was also Big Mike on "Reno 911"!





This movie is AWESOME. It was all I could do to keep myself from shouting "IIIIIIII'm the WIZ!" whenever Huss was onscreen.

So anyway, Laurie gets the boot from the family dinner, while at the same time Michael Myers is being loaded onto a Maximum Security Bus with a bunch of other mental patients, and they are going to be transported to a Maximum Security Prison. Dr. Loomis from the original movie has died, but Dr. Sartain has taken his place. Studying Michael Myers - specifically, getting him to say even one word - is Dr. Sartain's life passion and he insists on riding in the bus. I bet you can guess what happens next!

A young boy and his dad are travelling on a dark country road. What's that up ahead? It's a bus, crashed into a ditch! And there are a bunch of mental patients in white robes, walking around like zombies! Dad better get out and investigate. And get killed, of course, but fortunately out of the eyesight of the boy.

The cops show up but too late to save the boy, his dad, all the security guards, and who knows what else. Michael Myers is on the loose!

And naturally he ends up in Haddonfield, as do the two documentary filmmakers. He kills them both at a gas station, then steals the Michael Myers mask they had in their trunk, as well as some trusty coveralls from a mechanic he had killed. By my count Michael had killed 6 people and the sun hadn't even gone down yet.

Allyson (the granddaughter) has a date for the Halloween Dance, and it's true love. At least, it is until she sees him kissing another girl. She gets mad and leaves, escorted home by some other dude. While this is happening, Michael Myers is killing several people in various neighborhoods, for no apparent reason other than he wants their knives.

Allyson and the boy get into a fight, and Allyson leaves the boy in a backyard. Unfortunately, it's the same backyard that Michael Myers is hiding in. Michael kills the boy but not before the boy's screams bring Allyson over to see what the rumpus is. She sees that the rumpus is that Michael Myers is in fact back, and is in fact killing people again. She runs away.

About this time, Deputy Will Patton shows up. Actually, Patton is playing Deputy Hawkins - the police officer that arrested Michael somewhere along the line, but not until after Michael had killed his daughter. So obviously Deputy Will Patton is holding a grudge.

He has a colleague - The Black Guy Who Cracks Wise And Wears A Cowboy Hat. You just know what's going to happen to him, right? Well, guess what?

NOTHING happens to him. He lives! But mainly it's because the filmmakers clearly forgot he was in the movie. You see him in a couple early scenes, cracking wise in his cowboy hat. And then......nothing. I have a suspicion that he was actually killed at some point but the filmmakers said, "Man, we can't kill off The Black Guy In the Cowboy Hat because that's a stereotype" so they left his gruesome death on the cutting room floor.

All the cops converge on the town and this time they know that Michael Myers really is back and really is killing people. Dr. Sartain is there too, and hooks up with Deputy Will Patton.

Allyson's hot friend is babysitting a smack-talking kid, and the plan is for Allyson and her date to join the hot friend and her boyfriend at the house and smoke weed. although they did not invite Michael Myers to smoke weed with them, he shows up anyway. He does not smoke any weed.

He does, of course, kill the hot girl and her boyfriend, but the smack-talking kid is able to escape, run out into the street, and get the attention of both the cops and Laurie, who is patrolling the streets with a lot of guns.

"The Boogeyman is in my house!" the smack-talking kids smack talks. AWESOME reference to the first movie. "The Boogeyman is upstairs!" Deputy Will Patton and Laurie enter the house, see Michael, and Laurie shoots him in the shoulder, but Michael is still able to get away. Allyson shows up after all her friends are dead and this puts her in a bad mood.

Deputy Will Patton, Dr. Sartain and Allyson get in a cop car, while Laurie gets into her Michael Mobile to round up her daughter and son-in-law. They're all supposed to meet at Laurie's house.

As Deputy Will Patton, Dr. Sartain and Allyson are driving down a dark road, Dr. Sartain says his life's passion is to get Michael Myers to talk, so he can understand what feelings Michael has when he kills people. They are deep in discussion when who should appear in the middle of it but Michael Myers! "I've got you now!" says Deputy Will Patton. "No!" screams Dr. Sartain. "He's property of the state and must not be harmed!"

Yeah, right!

Deputy Will Patton floors it and runs Michael Myers over. Dr. Sartain runs out, checks Michael's pulse, and says, "You've killed him. You've killed Michael Myers! Now I'll never know what he felt when he killed people!"

Unless......he stabs Deputy Will Patton in the neck with his scalpel. Which he does and says, "Aha! Now I know how it feels!" Allyson sees all this happen but she's in the back seat of the cop car, and there's no way out of the back seat. wire cage, no door handles and all that.

To make matters worse, Michael Myers is NOT dead - just unconscious. To make matters worser, Dr. Sartain puts Michael in the back seat with Allyson. To make matters worsest, Michael wakes up. To make matters worse than worsest, Michael kicks in the cage, effectively rendering Dr. Sartain useless. This does, however, somehow make Michael's door open and while he's pounding Dr. Sartain, Allyson escapes.

A severely beaten Dr. Sartain is lying on his back on the road. Michael stands over him. "How does it feel, Michael? How does it feel?" Michael responds by squishing Dr. Sartain's head like a grape.

Everyone left alive ends up at Laurie's house. She has a secret basement, full of prepper stuff like canned yams and guns. "Welcome to my childhood prison" says Karen to The Wiz as they descend down a secret staircase to the basement.

Meanwhile, Allyson is running over the hills and through the woods, to Grandmother's house she goes. Michael Myers gets there the easy way - by stealing and driving Dead Deputy Will Patton's police car. He stops it 100 yards from Laurie's house, which naturally arouses the suspicions of the two deputies guarding Laurie's house. Just as naturally they go to investigate and even more naturally, Michael kills them.

The Wiz goes outside to see what all the commotion is and...well, he ain't The Wiz any more.

Laurie and Karen go down to the secret basement, where Laurie retrieves her Guaranteed Michael Myers Killing Rifle. She then shoots a hole through the basement ceiling/kitchen floor, alerting Michael as to her whereabouts. "I've got to end this" she says and goes upstairs, searching for Michael.

She can't find him anywhere, although she does find The Wiz's body stuffed in a closet. After she clears each room she hits a button, and metal prison bars slam down, sealing off the room. It's pretty rad.

Michael surprises her somewhere and almost strangles her. She's able to shoot him in the fingers, and he throws her out a second-story window. She bounces off the roof and lands on the ground, splayed out in the leaves exactly like Michael was when Dr. Loomis shot him 40 years ago. Michael looks in the house and then glances back again at where he'd thrown Laurie...and....

HELL YES SHE IS GONE!

So. Freaking. Awesome.

Somehow Allyson shows up and all three girls end up fighting Michael Myers, ultimately making him fall down the basement stairs when Karen pretends she just can't shoot Michael and Laurie sneaks up behind him and stabs him into the basement. Laurie hits a hidden switch and BAM! Steel bars slam across the basement opening!

"This wasn't a prison," says Laurie. "IT WAS A TRAP!" Again -

So. Freaking. Awesome.

It's a trap filled with a dozen natural gas outlets, all of which Laurie opens by remote control. Oh - all the natural gas outlets also have a convenient flame right next to them. Which, of course, turns the basement, and then the house, into a roaring inferno.

"Goodbye, Michael," says Laurie as they leave him to fry. Michael still says nothing. THE END.

The credits roll. We see many cool things about the cast and crew. This movie actually had someone hired in the capacity of "Fear Coordinator". And coordinate the fear he did! He coordinated the bejeezus out of the fear!

After all the credits are done, there's only one thing left.

Michael Myers' breathing.

Duh Duh DUUUHHHHH!

"Halloween (2018) is just a great, great movie. If there had never been an original, this would still be a great movie. But the references and story continuity are just so great. I will always rank the original "Halloween" as the scariest movie I've ever seen, but this one is probably Number Two.

I rate "Halloween (2018)" as Five Bloody Knives out of Five Bloody Knives. So. Freaking. Awesome!

RodeoSchro said:

I just got back from "Halloween (2018).

SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS AHEAD! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS AHEAD! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS AHEAD!

But not yet. I promise, I will tell you again when the spoilers are coming. This movie is so awesome that: (1) you HAVE to see it if you like horror movies; but (2) I HAVE to write all about it right now!

Here's how great this movie is - I missed the first 20 minutes on account of misreading the start time (I guess. That's what I get for going to a movie stone cold sober in the afternoon) and I still am going to give this movie all the stars. So I kind of have to make up the first part from reading the plot summary on Wikipedia.

Are you ready?

SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS RIGHT HERE! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS RIGHT HERE! SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS RIGHT HERE!

The movie starts with the explanation that Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) has spent the last 40 years being a Michael prepper. Her house is Michael-proof. She knows how to use every kind of gun. She raised her daughter to be prepared for Michael's return, which caused two marriages to fail, plus she lost custody of her daughter at age 12.

Meanwhile there are a couple documentary makers who want to interview Michael Myers and find out why he did what he did. They meet him but he won't talk. So they go to Haddonfield, Illinois - the scene of the murders 40 years ago, plus 15 years before that when Michael killed his sister.

Laurie's granddaughter Allyson attends the same high school in Haddonfield that Laurie did. She has the same English class. Allyson sits in the same chair Laurie did. She looks out the window - the very same window that Laurie saw Michael Myers for the first time. Guess who Allyson sees standing in the exact same place Michael Myers stood in 40 years ago to the day?

Laurie! It's so awesome! Also awesome is that the English teacher is P. J. Soles! She played Michael's last victim in the original "Halloween". There are more than a few allusions to the original like this, and they are all GREAT.

Laurie tries to reconcile with her daughter's family but it doesn't go well. Karen (Laurie's daughter, Allyson's mother)) still hasn't forgiven Laurie for a life of Preparing For Michael. Karen's husband is played by Toby Huss. Do you know who he was?

He was The Wiz on "Seinfeld"!





And he was also Big Mike on "Reno 911"!





This movie is AWESOME. It was all I could do to keep myself from shouting "IIIIIIII'm the WIZ!" whenever Huss was onscreen.

So anyway, Laurie gets the boot from the family dinner, while at the same time Michael Myers is being loaded onto a Maximum Security Bus with a bunch of other mental patients, and they are going to be transported to a Maximum Security Prison. Dr. Loomis from the original movie has died, but Dr. Sartain has taken his place. Studying Michael Myers - specifically, getting him to say even one word - is Dr. Sartain's life passion and he insists on riding in the bus. I bet you can guess what happens next!

A young boy and his dad are travelling on a dark country road. What's that up ahead? It's a bus, crashed into a ditch! And there are a bunch of mental patients in white robes, walking around like zombies! Dad better get out and investigate. And get killed, of course, but fortunately out of the eyesight of the boy.

The cops show up but too late to save the boy, his dad, all the security guards, and who knows what else. Michael Myers is on the loose!

And naturally he ends up in Haddonfield, as do the two documentary filmmakers. He kills them both at a gas station, then steals the Michael Myers mask they had in their trunk, as well as some trusty coveralls from a mechanic he had killed. By my count Michael had killed 6 people and the sun hadn't even gone down yet.

Allyson (the granddaughter) has a date for the Halloween Dance, and it's true love. At least, it is until she sees him kissing another girl. She gets mad and leaves, escorted home by some other dude. While this is happening, Michael Myers is killing several people in various neighborhoods, for no apparent reason other than he wants their knives.

Allyson and the boy get into a fight, and Allyson leaves the boy in a backyard. Unfortunately, it's the same backyard that Michael Myers is hiding in. Michael kills the boy but not before the boy's screams bring Allyson over to see what the rumpus is. She sees that the rumpus is that Michael Myers is in fact back, and is in fact killing people again. She runs away.

About this time, Deputy Will Patton shows up. Actually, Patton is playing Deputy Hawkins - the police officer that arrested Michael somewhere along the line, but not until after Michael had killed his daughter. So obviously Deputy Will Patton is holding a grudge.

He has a colleague - The Black Guy Who Cracks Wise And Wears A Cowboy Hat. You just know what's going to happen to him, right? Well, guess what?

NOTHING happens to him. He lives! But mainly it's because the filmmakers clearly forgot he was in the movie. You see him in a couple early scenes, cracking wise in his cowboy hat. And then......nothing. I have a suspicion that he was actually killed at some point but the filmmakers said, "Man, we can't kill off The Black Guy In the Cowboy Hat because that's a stereotype" so they left his gruesome death on the cutting room floor.

All the cops converge on the town and this time they know that Michael Myers really is back and really is killing people. Dr. Sartain is there too, and hooks up with Deputy Will Patton.

Allyson's hot friend is babysitting a smack-talking kid, and the plan is for Allyson and her date to join the hot friend and her boyfriend at the house and smoke weed. although they did not invite Michael Myers to smoke weed with them, he shows up anyway. He does not smoke any weed.

He does, of course, kill the hot girl and her boyfriend, but the smack-talking kid is able to escape, run out into the street, and get the attention of both the cops and Laurie, who is patrolling the streets with a lot of guns.

"The Boogeyman is in my house!" the smack-talking kids smack talks. AWESOME reference to the first movie. "The Boogeyman is upstairs!" Deputy Will Patton and Laurie enter the house, see Michael, and Laurie shoots him in the shoulder, but Michael is still able to get away. Allyson shows up after all her friends are dead and this puts her in a bad mood.

Deputy Will Patton, Dr. Sartain and Allyson get in a cop car, while Laurie gets into her Michael Mobile to round up her daughter and son-in-law. They're all supposed to meet at Laurie's house.

As Deputy Will Patton, Dr. Sartain and Allyson are driving down a dark road, Dr. Sartain says his life's passion is to get Michael Myers to talk, so he can understand what feelings Michael has when he kills people. They are deep in discussion when who should appear in the middle of it but Michael Myers! "I've got you now!" says Deputy Will Patton. "No!" screams Dr. Sartain. "He's property of the state and must not be harmed!"

Yeah, right!

Deputy Will Patton floors it and runs Michael Myers over. Dr. Sartain runs out, checks Michael's pulse, and says, "You've killed him. You've killed Michael Myers! Now I'll never know what he felt when he killed people!"

Unless......he stabs Deputy Will Patton in the neck with his scalpel. Which he does and says, "Aha! Now I know how it feels!" Allyson sees all this happen but she's in the back seat of the cop car, and there's no way out of the back seat. wire cage, no door handles and all that.

To make matters worse, Michael Myers is NOT dead - just unconscious. To make matters worser, Dr. Sartain puts Michael in the back seat with Allyson. To make matters worsest, Michael wakes up. To make matters worse than worsest, Michael kicks in the cage, effectively rendering Dr. Sartain useless. This does, however, somehow make Michael's door open and while he's pounding Dr. Sartain, Allyson escapes.

A severely beaten Dr. Sartain is lying on his back on the road. Michael stands over him. "How does it feel, Michael? How does it feel?" Michael responds by squishing Dr. Sartain's head like a grape.

Everyone left alive ends up at Laurie's house. She has a secret basement, full of prepper stuff like canned yams and guns. "Welcome to my childhood prison" says Karen to The Wiz as they descend down a secret staircase to the basement.

Meanwhile, Allyson is running over the hills and through the woods, to Grandmother's house she goes. Michael Myers gets there the easy way - by stealing and driving Dead Deputy Will Patton's police car. He stops it 100 yards from Laurie's house, which naturally arouses the suspicions of the two deputies guarding Laurie's house. Just as naturally they go to investigate and even more naturally, Michael kills them.

The Wiz goes outside to see what all the commotion is and...well, he ain't The Wiz any more.

Laurie and Karen go down to the secret basement, where Laurie retrieves her Guaranteed Michael Myers Killing Rifle. She then shoots a hole through the basement ceiling/kitchen floor, alerting Michael as to her whereabouts. "I've got to end this" she says and goes upstairs, searching for Michael.

She can't find him anywhere, although she does find The Wiz's body stuffed in a closet. After she clears each room she hits a button, and metal prison bars slam down, sealing off the room. It's pretty rad.

Michael surprises her somewhere and almost strangles her. She's able to shoot him in the fingers, and he throws her out a second-story window. She bounces off the roof and lands on the ground, splayed out in the leaves exactly like Michael was when Dr. Loomis shot him 40 years ago. Michael looks in the house and then glances back again at where he'd thrown Laurie...and....

HELL YES SHE IS GONE!

So. Freaking. Awesome.

Somehow Allyson shows up and all three girls end up fighting Michael Myers, ultimately making him fall down the basement stairs when Karen pretends she just can't shoot Michael and Laurie sneaks up behind him and stabs him into the basement. Laurie hits a hidden switch and BAM! Steel bars slam across the basement opening!

"This wasn't a prison," says Laurie. "IT WAS A TRAP!" Again -

So. Freaking. Awesome.

It's a trap filled with a dozen natural gas outlets, all of which Laurie opens by remote control. Oh - all the natural gas outlets also have a convenient flame right next to them. Which, of course, turns the basement, and then the house, into a roaring inferno.

"Goodbye, Michael," says Laurie as they leave him to fry. Michael still says nothing. THE END.

The credits roll. We see many cool things about the cast and crew. This movie actually had someone hired in the capacity of "Fear Coordinator". And coordinate the fear he did! He coordinated the bejeezus out of the fear!

After all the credits are done, there's only one thing left.

Michael Myers' breathing.

Duh Duh DUUUHHHHH!

"Halloween (2018) is just a great, great movie. If there had never been an original, this would still be a great movie. But the references and story continuity are just so great. I will always rank the original "Halloween" as the scariest movie I've ever seen, but this one is probably Number Two.

I rate "Halloween (2018)" as Five Bloody Knives out of Five Bloody Knives. So. Freaking. Awesome!

Can't quite get the hype for this movie. And reading your review, I'm not quite sure you do either.

PatrickS77 said:

RodeoSchro said:

<Really awesome stuff>

Can't quite get the hype for this movie. And reading your review, I'm not quite sure you do either.

damn. filmstruck going off the air...utter bummer.

peedub said:

damn. filmstruck going off the air...utter bummer.

Where will people stream Criterion films now?

sexton said:

peedub said:

damn. filmstruck going off the air...utter bummer.

Where will people stream Criterion films now?

nowhere, now, i suppose...it's a shame. they curated a really nice selection of films which for the most part are now only going to be available at far spread festivals/arthouse cinemas or at a (relatively) cost prohibitive price point to own a hard copy. i'm glad i took advantage of their 50% off sale; but, jeez louise, it's been nice having access to their archive (and other randomness). they've presented a ton of stuff that just is not going to be shown anywhere else...

peedub said:

sexton said:

Where will people stream Criterion films now?

nowhere, now, i suppose...it's a shame. they curated a really nice selection of films which for the most part are now only going to be available at far spread festivals/arthouse cinemas or at a (relatively) cost prohibitive price point to own a hard copy. i'm glad i took advantage of their 50% off sale; but, jeez louise, it's been nice having access to their archive (and other randomness). they've presented a ton of stuff that just is not going to be shown anywhere else...

there is a pretty substantial criterion collection available on kanopy, which can be accessed for free if your local library participates in the service. & it's a great service even if you've seen all their criterion catalogue.

https://www.kanopy.com/

regardless, there is a lesson in filmstruck going away - it's a reminder to hang on to your physical media. a streaming service can vanish. your disc should last forever, or your life at least.

[Edited 10/26/18 13:06pm]

halloween (2007) 1.5/5 i love ugly & trashy movies, but this just went a bit too far in wallowing in its misery. there's not a bit of a wink or a hint of glee in skewering the tropes it wades through. pretty dire stuff, i'd say.

halloween (2018) 3/5 this is a lot better, though it's a bit all over the place. it lacks a bit of controlled focus & atmosphere. by slasher standards, it's undeniably pretty good, but i can't help but think it pales when you compare it to the way recent horror movies have elevated the genre with genuine atmosphere, tight plotting, better quality of acting than we've seen in the past. perhaps not completely fair to compare a slasher to more atmospheric horror, but we've had a pretty neat little horror renaissance in the past few years, & i think this comes up a bit short in comparison.

also, there is a plot twist in this thing that might be the most ridiculous thing i've seen in a film in years. it didn't really harm the film for me, but it truly came out of nowhere & still makes me laugh a little bit.

peedub said:

sexton said:

Where will people stream Criterion films now?

nowhere, now, i suppose...it's a shame. they curated a really nice selection of films which for the most part are now only going to be available at far spread festivals/arthouse cinemas or at a (relatively) cost prohibitive price point to own a hard copy. i'm glad i took advantage of their 50% off sale; but, jeez louise, it's been nice having access to their archive (and other randomness). they've presented a ton of stuff that just is not going to be shown anywhere else...

That's a damn shame, I bought a special criterion edition of The Man Who Fell To Earth before Bowie died and I have yet to watch it...

purplethunder3121 said:

peedub said:

nowhere, now, i suppose...it's a shame. they curated a really nice selection of films which for the most part are now only going to be available at far spread festivals/arthouse cinemas or at a (relatively) cost prohibitive price point to own a hard copy. i'm glad i took advantage of their 50% off sale; but, jeez louise, it's been nice having access to their archive (and other randomness). they've presented a ton of stuff that just is not going to be shown anywhere else...

That's a damn shame, I bought a special criterion edition of The Man Who Fell To Earth before Bowie died and I have yet to watch it...

The Blu-ray is worth some money now that it's out of print.

Venom (2018) - When Eddie Brock acquires the powers of a symbiote, he will have to release his alter-ego "Venom" to save his life.

It started out okay, but once Venom and Eddie Brock began speaking to each other, it got too goofy for me. Talented actors Tom Hardy and Michelle Williams were wasted. 2/5

The Hate U Give (4.5 of 5 Stars)

This is really a powerful movie. I went with my niece and we both were wishing that we had brought Kleenex with us.

An interesting tidbit was that when the movie appeared on Rotten Tomatoes with excellent reviews, it was getting a surprisingly bad audiance rating on the site. I checked and found out that the movie had not been released yet, so those negative ratings were coming from trolls that hadn't seen the movie. Ironic, given the title of the film!. Now that it has been released, it has gone steadily higher though still brought down by those premature raters. When Cinemascore actually used people attending the movies rather than internet surveys, the movie got a rare A+ rating.

Clueless for the 2nd time, except this time I just noticed this is a retelling of Emma. Late Freight. 4.5/5

Hellraiser 3 / 10

The Nightmare Before Christmas. 5/5.

Last night I watched a two-fer of Halloween movies - The Last Half Of "Halloween 5" and "Mr. Jones".

"Halloween 5" - Yuck. Previously on Rate The Last Part Of A Movie I Saw, I'd written that I'd only seen the last 2 minutes of this. "Oh, you have to watch it!" said a nameless Orger. "It's really pretty good!"

No, it isn't.

Many bad and stupid things occurred but none more stupid than the arrival of a mysterious "Man In Black" at the end, who kills all the cops and sets Michael Myers free. WTF?

"Mr. Jones" - Did you know there are two movies by this name? One of them was made in 1993 and stars Richard Gere. The other was made in 2013 and is a found-footage horror film. I'm sure you can guess which one we watched.

We should have watched the other one - and it's plot is "Mr. Jones (Richard Gere) is a man suffering from bipolar disorder, a disease that affords him periods of intense emotional pleasure and expansiveness but which also results in periods of suicidal depression. In one of his manic periods he jumps up onto the stage during a concert performance of Beethoven's ninth and starts conducting, resulting in his arrest. Libbie (Elizabeth Bowen), a doctor at a psychiatric hospital, takes an interest in his condition and falls for him, has sex with him, and has to resign from her position."

Get that? A depressing movie about a guy with a mental disease, in which the only thing good that happens is apparently some boinking, sounds better than the horror "Mr. Jones".

Ugh.

The "Mr. Jones" we watched is not the classic found-footage type; this is a more like a documentary. I was really excited to see it, based on a story on Vox yesterday that listed the 13 Best Found-Footage Horror Films That You Should Watch. The description of "Mr. Jones" was something like, "This movie is so different and original that I am not going to reveal anything about the plot. Watch it!"

Watched it.

Not original.

Not scary.

Made no sense.

Basically, this movie is "WHAT IF WE MADE UP OUR OWN BANKSY CHARACTER BUT MADE HIM A DEMON?"

Yep - Banksy is a scarecrow-maker in this movie.

The plot - such as it is - is that the movie opens with the narrator/lead guy saying something like, "What if you decided to spend a year in paradise, making the greatest nature documentary ever, and you brought your awesome and hot wife with you?" OK, cool! "But what if you were a crappy documentary maker, your relationship with your wife was on the rocks, and nothing was as it seemed?" OK, that could be cool, too!

It wasn't.

The first thing the movie tells us is that there is this incredibly mysterious artist named "Mr. Jones" who makes these incredible scarecrow/skeleton things out of tree branches and bones, and then sends them to seemingly random people. Allegedly, and for some unknown reason, an existing Mr. Jones scarecrow is worth at least $1,000,000 but if someone found a new one (there are only 9 or 10 in existence), then it would be worth at least $10,000,000.

But........no one who owns a Mr. Jones wants to sell theirs. Which is weird, because everyone that has one blames it on the total destruction of their life. You get a Mr. Jones, and everything goes to poop. Why they just don't burn them, I have no idea.

So anyone, our intrepid hero/loser - named "Scott" - and his hot wife - named "Penny" - rent this house in the absolute middle of nowhere. At first it's great, because they can boink all the time and generally walk around naked. But things start to unravel when Scott realizes he really isn't very good at making documentaries (although he is good at rigging some kind of video camera that films frontwards and backwards), nor is he taking his "pills". This infuriates Penny, so she quits boinking Scott.

One day while out attempting to film some nature, a dude in a hooded robe takes Scott's backpack. Scott follows him and what do you know! This dude has a house on the hill right above theirs! He brings Penny over to show it to her.

There isn't anyone home so naturally they invade this guy's home and go down into his basement. There they see a bunch of Mr. Jones' scarecrow skeletons. "WOW!" says Penny. "Do you know who lives here?!? MR. JONES! We found Mr. Jones!" they decide to quit making a nature documentary and instead make a Mr. Jones documentary.

So, never even having met this guy yet, Scott decides to go to New York and interview people that have received Mr. Jones scarecrow skeletons, while Penny stays behind at the house. She has no car and it's a 10-mile hike to the road.

Everyone Scott interviews tells him that the Mr. Jones scarecrow skeletons are evil and that if he ever sees Mr. Jones, he should run away. For some reason this does NOT prompt Scott to return to his hot wife, whom as we know he has left alone with no car but with Mr. Jones clearly lurking in the vicinity.

And lurk Mr. Jones does. In fact, he lurks right up to Penny one day. She sees that he has a gnarly, disfigured face and is about 5 feet tall. Gnarls? Five feet tall? Cee-Lo Green?!?!?

A lot of stupid stuff happens, and then Scott and Penny end up in Mr. Jones' sub-basement, which is filled with scarecrow skeletons. It's at this point that you will curse Scott for inventing a camera that can film frontwards and backwards. They keep switching from one view to another every 1.3 seconds. It's like watching a bad music video from the 90's.

Scott and Penny make it back to their home, where the daylight never comes. Seriously - their plan is to wait until daylight and then haul buns out of there. But no matter how much time passes, it's always night.

Various stupid and hard-to-focus-on stuff happens. Allegedly, the ending of the film is that Mr. Jones was a shaman who guarded the borderline between the real world and a dream world. Scott and Penny screwed that up so of course now Scott is the new Mr. Jones.

I only know all that because I read the plot summary on Wikipedia.

Don't waste your time on this "Mr. Jones" or the other "Mr. Jones". Neither sounds like a lot of laughs.

I rate "Halloween 5" as DO NOT WATCH and I rate "Mr. Jones" as YOU WILL LIKE THE SONG "ME AND MRS. JONES" BETTER THAN YOU WILL LIKE "MR. JONES".

Avoid!

In my attempt not to watch horror movies last night during channel surfing I settled on The Snowman based on it's brief description. So much for avoiding a bit of gore just before bed. I see it got horrific reviews, I'm kind of eh about even the bit of gore really didn't get much of a reaction from me didn't even cover my eyes. Fassbender looked good though, that's pretty much all I thought of it and why I kept watching. So 2/5 maybe.

attention film buffs and physical media collectors...

the criterion collection is currently 50% off at barnes and noble/barnes and noble dot com (including, sexton, the pre-order of that ingmar bergman box set).

logger said:

Hellraiser 3 / 10

WHAT?? Hellraiser was the best horror ever made! Clive Barker's top!

TheFman said:

logger said:

Hellraiser 3 / 10

WHAT?? Hellraiser was the best horror ever made! Clive Barker's top!

I'm sure it may of been ahead of its time back in the day but I thought it was lame. I cannot imagine how it ever was thought of scary. I had never seen it before and was expecting more. It is voted as being one of the best horror movies made so I must be wrong

Ugot2shakesumthin said:

Bohemian Rhapsody 6/10 Clumsy especially at the beginning. The acting is fantastic, the music awesome, the directing and screenplay pretty bad. Overall it’s enjoyable if you are a Queen fan, not so much if you care about film.

8 out of 10 for me. I loved it, even though it took liberties with the timelines.

SquirrelMeat said:

SquirrelMeat said:

wittgenstein (1993) 2.5/5

very theater stagey, occasionally amusing, sporadically engaging, but even at a brisk 70 minutes or so a bit dull. i know nothing about wittgenstein, and i don't really feel like i learned much from this - i was mystified more than anything.

this is my first derek jarman film. he seemed like an intriguing figure, and he seemed to pop up as a collaborator with people whose work i truly enjoyed a lot, so i'm going to try to go deeper with his films, but if i encounter more like this, i probably won't explore much further.




please give (2010) 3.5/5 if you've got catherine keener as a lead, you've pretty much already won me over, but putting that aside, this is a very pleasant movie. something like a more light-hearted kelly reichardt. won't bowl you over with emotion or startling revelations. just a nice story of upheavals in people's lives, some minor, some major.

[Edited 11/4/18 13:02pm]

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again (2018)

Not exactly what I was expecting to watch on a Saturday night, but fun.

.5