As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

FullLipsDotNose said:

As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

I am sorry that people make you feel that way. The key is, how do YOU feel about yourself? That is what matters. People w/o disability thinks like that. You cant change them, you are the one that have to change your way of thinking. Unfortunatley that's isnt good thing to say but, that's all that can be done. You or anyone else can change the world. If you let tht bother you, you are going to find yourself hating, angry, and bitter. All of that will cause you to strike out in some way. Another things too, dont let them know you feel that way, they will most certainly work on you. Move on and live, d what you like to do. Dont let it get you down....go to church, gain your strength from you weakness....

FullLipsDotNose said:

As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

don't worry about what mean people say. their perceptions of you have about as much meaning and power as a fart in the wind. it might be hard at first but just ignore them. know that karma will handle their misdeeds. if you want to dance - dance. even when you stumble and fall. there are support groups and chat rooms online for those who register on the autism disorder spectrum and helpful channels on YouTube if you are interested in knowing how others deal with their 'differently wired brains'. i hope you feel better. plenty of people will understand and love you for who you are so don't let the baddies getcha down

[Edited 9/2/18 11:17am]

EmmaMcG said:

I think you might be a little hard on yourself. I'm sure these people don't 'hate' you. The example you gave about your sister not allowing you to babysit for her is sounds to me like she's just being overprotective of her children. Which is more her problem, not yours. As for the others who may think you're weird or whatever because you do things differently, again, I really think that they are the ones with the issues. And it sounds like they live really sheltered lives if they react to things you do in that manner. Autism is a very common thing. I personally know 5 people who are autistic and that's not counting the many autistic relatives of other people I know. My fiancé's brother is autistic and he's one of the smartest people I have ever met. So again, it's not surprising that you have a good education. There's nothing unusual about that for me. As far as people not liking you goes, that's life. There's quite A LOT of people who don't like me. For a variety of reasons. It doesn't bother me though. And it shouldn't bother you either. Because even though some people may not like you or want to see you fail, there will always be others who do like you and are happy when you succeed. Those are the people who should occupy your thoughts. The rest can go and fuck themselves because, to be perfectly honest, they're not worth your time.

I'm just worried she'll influence the child to think I'm a psycho. Well, that's probably a bit extreme, but I know of women who don't let the fathers of their children to take care of them because they are not "children persons", which is really weird as they are the fathers... I don't need to be that close to the child as I'm its aunt anyway, but I'd be unhappy if it didn't like me just because someone said something bad about me. That being said, my sister wants me to help the baby with its homework once it starts school, so I have no idea what she thinks about me. I'm just afraid she hates me and just wants me to do things she assigns me. "Don't go near my child unless you know how to solve their maths problems" or whatever.

FullLipsDotNose said:

EmmaMcG said:

I think you might be a little hard on yourself. I'm sure these people don't 'hate' you. The example you gave about your sister not allowing you to babysit for her is sounds to me like she's just being overprotective of her children. Which is more her problem, not yours. As for the others who may think you're weird or whatever because you do things differently, again, I really think that they are the ones with the issues. And it sounds like they live really sheltered lives if they react to things you do in that manner. Autism is a very common thing. I personally know 5 people who are autistic and that's not counting the many autistic relatives of other people I know. My fiancé's brother is autistic and he's one of the smartest people I have ever met. So again, it's not surprising that you have a good education. There's nothing unusual about that for me. As far as people not liking you goes, that's life. There's quite A LOT of people who don't like me. For a variety of reasons. It doesn't bother me though. And it shouldn't bother you either. Because even though some people may not like you or want to see you fail, there will always be others who do like you and are happy when you succeed. Those are the people who should occupy your thoughts. The rest can go and fuck themselves because, to be perfectly honest, they're not worth your time.

I'm just worried she'll influence the child to think I'm a psycho. Well, that's probably a bit extreme, but I know of women who don't let the fathers of their children to take care of them because they are not "children persons", which is really weird as they are the fathers... I don't need to be that close to the child as I'm its aunt anyway, but I'd be unhappy if it didn't like me just because someone said something bad about me. That being said, my sister wants me to help the baby with its homework once it starts school, so I have no idea what she thinks about me. I'm just afraid she hates me and just wants me to do things she assigns me. "Don't go near my child unless you know how to solve their maths problems" or whatever.

If that's the case, You shouldn't let her use her. That's really aweful. I know I said it on FB, but, try to talk to her about this situation and how you feel.

FullLipsDotNose said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

I wonder why you won't allow yourself to be pleased, or even find it hard to believe, that people see you as inspirational? You obviously haven't failed, despite having the cards stacked against you at times. People find all sorts of people an inspiration - when I was younger, men who dressed up as rhinos to run the London marathon inspired me to be charitable, to challenge myself, push harder, to be mindful of all the animals that share our planet and to do things I never thought I was capable of (including running the marathon). My point is, these men were not there to be an inspiration, but to complete their own goals, yet they unknowingly inspired me. You did not go through higher education to be an inspiration, but in doing so, you've clearly become one - be proud of that.

I know it is easier said than done but try to see the good qualities that you obviously have instead of focusing on the negative qualities that you think everyone else sees. I would recommend having an honest talk with your sister, however difficult that may be (do it in a letter if necessary), rather than pontificating on her reasons for not letting you babysit. Tell her how much it hurts you - sounds to me like she's just being over-protective, which is her right, and which happens to the best of us.

If it's any consolation, I couldn't open the door at my place of work the other day and was the laughing stock. I had no choice but to suck it up and try and laugh with them, even if I did shrivel up inside. We are all human - don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself a break. I'm sure your co-workers and sister don't want you to fail, in fact I bet they'd be horrified if they read your post and thought that they'd in any way caused you to feel 'like a freak at a freak show'. Take care.

maplenpg said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

I wonder why you won't allow yourself to be pleased, or even find it hard to believe, that people see you as inspirational? You obviously haven't failed, despite having the cards stacked against you at times. People find all sorts of people an inspiration - when I was younger, men who dressed up as rhinos to run the London marathon inspired me to be charitable, to challenge myself, push harder, to be mindful of all the animals that share our planet and to do things I never thought I was capable of (including running the marathon). My point is, these men were not there to be an inspiration, but to complete their own goals, yet they unknowingly inspired me. You did not go through higher education to be an inspiration, but in doing so, you've clearly become one - be proud of that.

I know it is easier said than done but try to see the good qualities that you obviously have instead of focusing on the negative qualities that you think everyone else sees. I would recommend having an honest talk with your sister, however difficult that may be (do it in a letter if necessary), rather than pontificating on her reasons for not letting you babysit. Tell her how much it hurts you - sounds to me like she's just being over-protective, which is her right, and which happens to the best of us.

If it's any consolation, I couldn't open the door at my place of work the other day and was the laughing stock. I had no choice but to suck it up and try and laugh with them, even if I did shrivel up inside. We are all human - don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself a break. I'm sure your co-workers and sister don't want you to fail, in fact I bet they'd be horrified if they read your post and thought that they'd in any way caused you to feel 'like a freak at a freak show'. Take care.

The thing is they never say such stuff out of amusement, they are appalled by me. My sister tells me to act my age even. Some people use autism as an insult in general. "Why are you so autistic today? You are self-centred and are making mistakes." Welp.

FullLipsDotNose said:

As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

It doesn't sound like people hate you, but it does sound like you are sensitive to their reactions.

Let me ask, how does your autism manifest? Is it just the clumsy and weird stuff? You mentioned two examples, one of not being able to open a door, and a second where you used a fork for two kinds of sauce.

Could it be that your sister is not just being overly protective of her kids, but also of you? Taking care of kids is hard. She lets your parents babysit because they have already raised (at least) two children - you and your sister - one of whom has a disability. But your sister may just be concerned that taking care of her son could be overwhelming for you -- if loud noises bother you, if you become upset at something her son says, if you become angry easily -- all of these things that kids tend to do that might cause you some difficulty. Kids have a way of trying an adults patience at times, and if her son were to try your patience, how would it make you feel?

None of that would mean your sister hates you, but rather that she care about you and doesn't want to overwhelm you in caring for her son. The fact that she has asked you to help him with his homework, shows that she cares about you and values you. She has seen what you were able to accomplish, and she knows you are smart. If she hated you, she wouldn't ask you to help her son with his homework.

And just because someone tells you to "use your brain" doesn't mean they hate you, either. It just means that they don't understand your condition or how it affects you. In fact, the guy that told you to use your brain because of the door, probably doesn't even realize that you have autism. He could have been having a bad day and took it out on you when he said that. People say mean things to other people all the time, not because that person did anything wrong, not because they hated that person, but because they are having a bad day and don't know how to deal with their own emotions and take it out on someone else.

You sound really accomplished in what you've done with your life, given your disability. If people tell you that you are an inspiration to them, it means that they've seen how your disability can affect you, and how it has affected others, and you didn't let it hold you back. That is inspiring.

FullLipsDotNose said:

maplenpg said:

I wonder why you won't allow yourself to be pleased, or even find it hard to believe, that people see you as inspirational? You obviously haven't failed, despite having the cards stacked against you at times. People find all sorts of people an inspiration - when I was younger, men who dressed up as rhinos to run the London marathon inspired me to be charitable, to challenge myself, push harder, to be mindful of all the animals that share our planet and to do things I never thought I was capable of (including running the marathon). My point is, these men were not there to be an inspiration, but to complete their own goals, yet they unknowingly inspired me. You did not go through higher education to be an inspiration, but in doing so, you've clearly become one - be proud of that.

I know it is easier said than done but try to see the good qualities that you obviously have instead of focusing on the negative qualities that you think everyone else sees. I would recommend having an honest talk with your sister, however difficult that may be (do it in a letter if necessary), rather than pontificating on her reasons for not letting you babysit. Tell her how much it hurts you - sounds to me like she's just being over-protective, which is her right, and which happens to the best of us.

If it's any consolation, I couldn't open the door at my place of work the other day and was the laughing stock. I had no choice but to suck it up and try and laugh with them, even if I did shrivel up inside. We are all human - don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself a break. I'm sure your co-workers and sister don't want you to fail, in fact I bet they'd be horrified if they read your post and thought that they'd in any way caused you to feel 'like a freak at a freak show'. Take care.

The thing is they never say such stuff out of amusement, they are appalled by me. My sister tells me to act my age even. Some people use autism as an insult in general. "Why are you so autistic today? You are self-centred and are making mistakes." Welp.

Your sister telling you to act your age -- do you know how many times I've heard that from a family member when I've made mistakes or gotten emotional? Sisters (and brothers) say stuff like that to each other all the time. It doesn't mean they don't like you, or that they are appalled by you, but that they are just being a sibling and acting out.

benni said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

It doesn't sound like people hate you, but it does sound like you are sensitive to their reactions.

Let me ask, how does your autism manifest? Is it just the clumsy and weird stuff? You mentioned two examples, one of not being able to open a door, and a second where you used a fork for two kinds of sauce.

Could it be that your sister is not just being overly protective of her kids, but also of you? Taking care of kids is hard. She lets your parents babysit because they have already raised (at least) two children - you and your sister - one of whom has a disability. But your sister may just be concerned that taking care of her son could be overwhelming for you -- if loud noises bother you, if you become upset at something her son says, if you become angry easily -- all of these things that kids tend to do that might cause you some difficulty. Kids have a way of trying an adults patience at times, and if her son were to try your patience, how would it make you feel?

None of that would mean your sister hates you, but rather that she care about you and doesn't want to overwhelm you in caring for her son. The fact that she has asked you to help him with his homework, shows that she cares about you and values you. She has seen what you were able to accomplish, and she knows you are smart. If she hated you, she wouldn't ask you to help her son with his homework.

And just because someone tells you to "use your brain" doesn't mean they hate you, either. It just means that they don't understand your condition or how it affects you. In fact, the guy that told you to use your brain because of the door, probably doesn't even realize that you have autism. He could have been having a bad day and took it out on you when he said that. People say mean things to other people all the time, not because that person did anything wrong, not because they hated that person, but because they are having a bad day and don't know how to deal with their own emotions and take it out on someone else.

You sound really accomplished in what you've done with your life, given your disability. If people tell you that you are an inspiration to them, it means that they've seen how your disability can affect you, and how it has affected others, and you didn't let it hold you back. That is inspiring.

apart from the things I mentioned previously:

- I have trouble with coordination in general - I need to hold the handle while going down stairs and I can't skip rope

- I'm easily disturbable, which is the reason why I work remotely as well (disturbing lights, noises and smells can lead me to meltdowns)

- I sometimes have problems with decoding what people say - I sometimes fail to detect irony, sarcasm, etc.

- I wave hands or mumble aloud when I think

- I have synesthesia (I think)

- I remember useless details up to 20+ years ago

- I need something to occupy my hands, so I usually play with pens

- I have trouble telling if there's a mess in a room or not

- I have special interests that I talk about regardless of whether anyone listens to me (music, science, public transport, food, languages)

I like you just fine here and I'm sure I'd like you just fine if I ever got the pleasure of meeting you in person.

Maybe you are a little too busy with what people think of you.

First of all, i'm sure people don't hate you, as you dramaticly put it.

You are defending yourself to what you think people might think of you.

Let it go.

"people love to hate me"...you know thats not true.

Always remember, everybody is busy with themselves for 99%.

We always think that people are so busy with us...they are not.

The same people you think they want you to fail, might think the same way about you.

FullLipsDotNose said:

benni said:

It doesn't sound like people hate you, but it does sound like you are sensitive to their reactions.

Let me ask, how does your autism manifest? Is it just the clumsy and weird stuff? You mentioned two examples, one of not being able to open a door, and a second where you used a fork for two kinds of sauce.

Could it be that your sister is not just being overly protective of her kids, but also of you? Taking care of kids is hard. She lets your parents babysit because they have already raised (at least) two children - you and your sister - one of whom has a disability. But your sister may just be concerned that taking care of her son could be overwhelming for you -- if loud noises bother you, if you become upset at something her son says, if you become angry easily -- all of these things that kids tend to do that might cause you some difficulty. Kids have a way of trying an adults patience at times, and if her son were to try your patience, how would it make you feel?

None of that would mean your sister hates you, but rather that she care about you and doesn't want to overwhelm you in caring for her son. The fact that she has asked you to help him with his homework, shows that she cares about you and values you. She has seen what you were able to accomplish, and she knows you are smart. If she hated you, she wouldn't ask you to help her son with his homework.

And just because someone tells you to "use your brain" doesn't mean they hate you, either. It just means that they don't understand your condition or how it affects you. In fact, the guy that told you to use your brain because of the door, probably doesn't even realize that you have autism. He could have been having a bad day and took it out on you when he said that. People say mean things to other people all the time, not because that person did anything wrong, not because they hated that person, but because they are having a bad day and don't know how to deal with their own emotions and take it out on someone else.

You sound really accomplished in what you've done with your life, given your disability. If people tell you that you are an inspiration to them, it means that they've seen how your disability can affect you, and how it has affected others, and you didn't let it hold you back. That is inspiring.

apart from the things I mentioned previously:

- I have trouble with coordination in general - I need to hold the handle while going down stairs and I can't skip rope

- I'm easily disturbable, which is the reason why I work remotely as well (disturbing lights, noises and smells can lead me to meltdowns)

- I sometimes have problems with decoding what people say - I sometimes fail to detect irony, sarcasm, etc.

- I wave hands or mumble aloud when I think

- I have synesthesia (I think)

- I remember useless details up to 20+ years ago

- I need something to occupy my hands, so I usually play with pens

- I have trouble telling if there's a mess in a room or not

- I have special interests that I talk about regardless of whether anyone listens to me (music, science, public transport, food, languages)

I know it hurts to be rejected, but the stuff I highlighted above rules you out as a babysitter - especially the one about being easily disturbable. Little kids are noisy and boisterous and messy and smelly under the best of circumstances. You don't say how old your nephew is, but could you change a poopy diaper? What if he got sick and threw up? What if you told him to do something and HE had a meltdown?

Your sister's top priority is the safety and well-being of her child. Try to understand that - and feel good that she does want you involved in a way that works for everyone (helping with homework). She does not hate you. She knows what you can and cannot handle, and is looking out for you.

Genesia said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

apart from the things I mentioned previously:

- I have trouble with coordination in general - I need to hold the handle while going down stairs and I can't skip rope

- I'm easily disturbable, which is the reason why I work remotely as well (disturbing lights, noises and smells can lead me to meltdowns)

- I sometimes have problems with decoding what people say - I sometimes fail to detect irony, sarcasm, etc.

- I wave hands or mumble aloud when I think

- I have synesthesia (I think)

- I remember useless details up to 20+ years ago

- I need something to occupy my hands, so I usually play with pens

- I have trouble telling if there's a mess in a room or not

- I have special interests that I talk about regardless of whether anyone listens to me (music, science, public transport, food, languages)

I know it hurts to be rejected, but the stuff I highlighted above rules you out as a babysitter - especially the one about being easily disturbable. Little kids are noisy and boisterous and messy and smelly under the best of circumstances. You don't say how old your nephew is, but could you change a poopy diaper? What if he got sick and threw up? What if you told him to do something and HE had a meltdown?

Your sister's top priority is the safety and well-being of her child. Try to understand that - and feel good that she does want you involved in a way that works for everyone (helping with homework). She does not hate you. She knows what you can and cannot handle, and is looking out for you.

Does it mean I shouldn't have children?

FullLipsDotNose said:

Genesia said:

I know it hurts to be rejected, but the stuff I highlighted above rules you out as a babysitter - especially the one about being easily disturbable. Little kids are noisy and boisterous and messy and smelly under the best of circumstances. You don't say how old your nephew is, but could you change a poopy diaper? What if he got sick and threw up? What if you told him to do something and HE had a meltdown?

Your sister's top priority is the safety and well-being of her child. Try to understand that - and feel good that she does want you involved in a way that works for everyone (helping with homework). She does not hate you. She knows what you can and cannot handle, and is looking out for you.

Does it mean I shouldn't have children?

There is no way I can (or would) answer that.

OK, thanks to everyone replying to this thread. It helped me see the issue from more angles, so I'm not as sad as I was before.

FullLipsDotNose said:

coldcoffeeandcocacola said:

coldcoffeeandcocacola said:

coldcoffeeandcocacola said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

OK, thanks to everyone replying to this thread. It helped me see the issue from more angles, so I'm not as sad as I was before.

Okay so you sound like an aaverage joe. you have quirks but everyone does - they just hide them better than you or else you’re so wrapped up in how people perceive you and their comments you don’t see them. Babysitting is hell on Earth be glad you are not being guilted in to it. See if you still want to babysit after being pooped and vomited On at the same time by a screaming toddler that is not your own. Your sisters hurt your ego and that’s what sisters are good at. Let your parents deal with babysitting as they feel a safe choice for her as they brought you both up and you both survived. A diagnosis of Autism does not make you the alien you feel you are, it changes nothing and it still makes you an average joe. It just explains why you do things the way you do. You’re not inspirational how condescending what you are is living a normal life that they assumed you didn’t as they imagined a situation they assumed you lived in. The people that say this are actually normally very nice well meaning but stupid people. My brothers are autistic. I know. People are stupid! Cheer up my friend. You’re all good.

Honestly, I don't have a problem with faeces nor vomits, I only have problems with some food textures and packages. I hate bubble gums and even typing this out makes me I actually clean after our dog and I'm completely OK with that. Well, in fact, I sometimes look at gross videos (acne, mucus, you name it) just for fun. Yeah, I'm silly.

FullLipsDotNose said:

coldcoffeeandcocacola said:

coldcoffeeandcocacola said:

I understand as I have siblings who have gone through very similar. Please stop letting your autism define you! My brothers did and were self conscious and self critical like you and when they stopped they were so much happier. It’s a tiny aspect of who you are and you are not a freak show or whatever the phrase was you used. Life has been harder for you as a result of the fact you perceive things a little differently to some people but you are not a victim you are a successful and clearly caring person and you will do very well in your life by those virtues alone. Let me tell you my brothers are the best coolest and nicest people I know as they are a tiny bit different to most people I know. My brothers have higher autism and gained degrees like yourself and life is sometimes hard to navigate but they found their calm and so will you. I want to wish you love and happiness, you sound so down and I want you to know that life will get better. Promise. You know starfish and coffee was meant to be written about a girl with Autism or maybe aspergers right? They often question if prince was on the scale. You know he also supported charities for A? If prince thinks it’s cool and writes a song about it guess what? It’s cool and he’s think you’re cool so do your thing. X

Yessss But I think that I made a few orgers angry when I suggested he might have been on the spectrum, too

FullLipsDotNose said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

As many of you know, I am autistic. This is something I was born with and something I can't change. Unfortunately, it has a negative impact on my life. For example, I am very clumsy and do weird stuff, which I actually realise later on. Think Mr Bean, but more outspoken.

-

People frequently tell me to use my brain. One of the people at the workplace when I couldn't open the door (luckily, I only go there from time to time, I am allowed to work from home). My sister when I used a fork for two kinds of sauce so it became dirty. She doesn't want me to babysit her son and she repeats that taking care of a child is hard. However, she lets my parents babysit.

-

I fucking use my brain. If I didn't use this motherfucking brain, I wouldn't be able to survive. How do you think I got education? I can only do this stupid job because of my fucking degrees.

-

Alternatively, people tell me I am their inspiration because I am articulate and have a degree because they've never seen a verbal autistic with education. Excuse me? So many people can speak and have schools. Not that not being articulate and not having education is bad, but having education and being articulate is hardly inspirational.

-

Basically, I feel like a freak at a freak show. People love to hate me. People love to watch me failing. But people don't want me to be their coworker or relative.

-

Pardon my French.

sometimes people REALLY need to go f themselves....and should be told so

Fuck what people think about you.

I know it's not a new concept but as a human being, we tend to look to others for encouragement, confirmation, praise, etc. This is natural and how we're raised has a lot to do with it. You can change the way your mind reacts to others words just by changing your perspective.

I have three people in my life that I value what they have to say to me. Three, that's it. Everybody else can say whatever they want to me and I'll listen but I really don't care.

I guess, I care but only on the surface, in an empathatic way. You have to have empathy for others, it's what separates us from serial killers.

Learn, grow and be a good person. Let your actions define you, not your words.

Unless someone has something to teach you or you actually respect them, don't give another human being the power to influence your mind or how you feel.

Be strong and remember these people who treated you like shit. Not in a vengeful way but more so because it says everything you need to know about them.

The world is a big place and good people exist. Have faith in that fact.

Sorry, I'm going to get off my soapbox now (whatever a soapbox is...)

[Edited 9/6/18 9:05am]

Friend, (is it okay that I call you that?)

Although I do not have a disability, I have spent MY LIFE feeling like an outsider. All throughout highschool and middle school, and even now, as an adult, I still am a bit different then people my age. I'm just an old soul. I have never had many friends and have always felt a little lonely and weird. I have struggled with chronic depression since I was 14 years old. It has taken me YEARS, years, let me tell you, to accept the fact that in order to maintain my mental health and to just get through life and not go insane, I have to not care what people think about me. Because no matter what people think of me, it's not about me. It's about them. It's about their inablity to be kind and their need to be mean to others because they are ignorant.

Side not, I have also struggled the majority of my life with friends because for some reason, as a woman, I tend to not get along great with other women. If you're a girl, and you're a little different, man women can be mean. Girls can be EVIL. The mental shit they put you through is torture. Which I never understood, since we should probably be helping each other out. Ok, back to my main point.

People won't try to understand you, and if they do, it will be rare. Unfortunetly we live in a society that has lost a lot of its empathy, and people have forgotten that everyone is the same and just to be kind to everyone.

But, don't let that bother you, okay? Just try to be happy with yourself (I know that's asking a lot). Just say, "so what, I'm me."

Be your own best friend. All you need is yourself, and you're good.

And honestly, be kind to everyone. And if they're not kind to you, fuck 'em. You don't need to have those type of people in your life.

Hopefully that helped, even a little bit.

-Grace

[Edited 9/6/18 20:25pm]

[Edited 9/6/18 20:42pm]