really scar kids for life? I know it sounds silly but I'm curious to know how some people are affected by it.

Hmm... What do you mean by "scar"?

I think what would more probably cause some mental/emotional harm are the ignorant and/or malicious attitudes of the outside world... on the other hand, they may empower a particularly strong-minded kid.

Lammastide said:[quote]Hmm... What do you mean by "scar"?

/quote]


Like emotionally damage the child, I guess. I am friends with someone who has a gay parent and though she doesn't talk about it much, I always wonder how it may effect her (if it even does).

BY the way, I'm only asking because I am curious- please know I am very open minded and I support gay rights (I sound so corny right now, don't I? LOL. JAy Jay don't kill me!)

purplegypsy said:

Don't worry. I haven't assumed anything. I'm preparing my response... be back in a sec.

I'm curious to know the answer to this myself.

I've wanted to have children for quite a long time now. Two of my female friends have even offered to provide the womb, but I'm worried about how my lifestyle would affect any child I fathered.


Plus there's the fact that I can barely look after myself!

I think having a parent who's not ready to raise a child scars a child.

Other than that, stability+guidance+love is the recipe, whether Heather has two mommies, two daddies or a partridge in a pear tree with a side of jell-o.

I dont think that anyones sexuality would have a direct affect on a child.OK so maybe they are going to get a hard time from the other kids at school,thats almost a forgone conclusion.

I would love to have kids,but gay people in the UK cannot adopt

As long as you can offer a loving and stable enviroment for a child I dont think that anything else really matters

Much love Pochacco

A while back there was some study about this and it appeared that in general, kids growing up with same-sex parents, turn out to be very openminded, tolerant people and ar most certainly not automatically gay due to the so called "contamination theory".

Personally, I have a relationship with a man who was shortly married, and waited pretty long before coming out of the closet. We don't yet live together but very often the two of us are parenting for his lovely 3year old daughter

i also met the mom, who also has a new (heterosexual) relationship, and she trusts the both of us.

The girl herself doesn't make a fuss because she is now growing up and experiencing this situation first hand, without being taught any bigot ideas about gay relationships. she sees and deals with the reality, not the gossip.
It will indeed be the reactions of the outside world that will be giving her the hard times; not the the situation it self.
Both are families are supporting us as if we were any other couple in the family, and it feels great

First off, two incompetent parents of any sexual orientation are going to do a kid harm. I think only two mature, mutually supportive, willing and able adults should consider raising a child in any situation…

That having been said, all things being equal, I can only imagine it’d be comparatively easier to have two heterosexual parents as that’s the social convention. Still, again, I think the harm of having a gay parent would more likely come from having to endure the attitudes of a world constructed around heterosexualism, not having a parent born outside of that model. A gay parent – or the partner of one – should be aware of this friction and wield a bit of extra sociopolitical savvy and supportive resourcefulness. But then, wouldn’t a more socially adept parent help under any circumstance?

For the heterosexual child, it’s fully possible that a healthy example of male-female partnership can be shown by two mutually loving parents, though one might be gay. I happen to be a gay father while my child’s mother is heterosexual, and I can attest that our relationship is far more the model of a healthy male-female partnership than a good 80% of the hetero relationships to which we’re privy. I adore my kid’s mom; she adores me; and we both adore our baby. We fulfill our respective household/familial responsibilities and we take care of one-another emotionally and mentally. As a result, all three of us (baby included) are pretty much models among our circle of 98% hetero peers. That to me is the example to be set, not what we may or may not do in bed. As it were, I’d hope other examples of a healthy traditional male-female pairing could be found among aunts, uncles, cousins, other relatives and a network of supportive family friends of any child.

All these dynamics would be in place, too, for the non-heterosexual child. Moreover, he/she will have seen some precedent that they have a workable place in domestic life with a mutually supportive parenting partner. So no one’s at a loss here.

…Plus a gay dad will have great taste in clothes, and a gay mom could teach a kid how to throw a good left hook! (Just kidding.)

I saw this cute litle play-kitchen for litle girls at IKea and I know a litle three year old who is gonna love it

Anxiety said:

co sign !!
Educating a child is something that lacks in a lot of parents today.

I wonder if does know their parents are gay

I'm jumping on the bandwagon here, but...I don't think a person's sexual orientation in any way enhances or decreases a person's ability to parent. If the parent(s) love the child, show that love and teach their child, everything will turn out fine, regardless...

I'm no expert on this (both my parents are straight) but I hardly think that having gay parents "scars kids for life."

I still believe that sexual orientation is something that comes naturally, and either you ARE or you AREN'T.

Whether raised in a heterosexual or homosexual household, a child will grow up right as long as they're raised in a house full of LOVE and RESPECT.

Trust me, I came from a VERY dysfunctional family, and those two ingrediants make ALL the difference.

BTW--I do know a few people who had gay parents, and they turned out to be hetero and happy.

SonnySixkiller said:

Yeah, but you came from a dysfunctional family, so why should we trust you!?!?!

(I hope you know I'm kidding)

purplegypsy said:

I know that you're saying that you're openminded and all, but I think you really need to read and reflect upon your own question. Maybe you're not as openminded as you think. Your friend probably doesn't talk much about having gay parents because it probably isn't a big deal to her. The only deterimental effects of having gay parents is dealing with all the people who think that it scars you for life.
[This message was edited Thu Apr 10 15:50:50 PDT 2003 by jessyMD32781]

Most people have the wrong idea about parenting a child. They seem to think it's like a math problem - you input one thing and you get predictable results each time. That is not the case. You can try and shape a child's existence as much as you want, but that life is the childs' and his or her experiences and aptitudes (a combination of nature and nurture) decide what challenges will befall them in adulthood. You can be 'the best loving nurturing parent in the world' and have absolutely perfect DNA and still have a child that grows up to wreak havoc on others. Conversely, you can have the most dysfunctional family situation rear up a spectacular model human being.

I think parents and human beings in general naturally want control over their environment and how their child grows up. The healthier idea might be to set appropriate boundaries but let go of the control. You may do more harm than good in trying to set up a perfect scenario.

This topic is probably in the wrong forum considering the debate.

Please remember that we all have our own opinions, keeping that in mind, I have to say that I am not too sure that I agree with gay couples having a child. I think that children have enough to deal with however, I think it also has a lot to do with the community that you are raising this child in. Now if you are in a community which is gay majority then I would say it would make it easier on the child because there are other children "like them" and they are not being singled out as the different one. There are cruel children out there that will be able to scar a child with teasing and horrible comments. I personally would not want my child to have to endure that. You really need to think about what the child will be experiencing. You can teach them not to listen to those children but you know what... they will and their feelings will be deeply hurt no matter how strong you raise your child to be! Not only are children cruel but parents are too, and if they have strong beliefs about this then your child may be torn from friendships created before the other childs parents knew the situation. Does that make sense? They may tell their child they are not aloud to play with your child and what not. Because I have not been in the actual situation I can not tell you how I would feel if my daughter wanted to stay the night at her friends house where there was a same sex parent situation. At this point I would say no because my daughter is too young to be exposed to that and my values and beliefs still have not fully been instilled. When she is older she is welcome to form her own opinions but right now it is my job to try and let her know what I believe and same sex marriage is not something I believe in.

luv4thepurple1 said:

it's not any worse than being teased for having freckles. trust me. Most young kids don't even get it and for parents who have a problem with it...well, they just have problems.

jessyMD32781 said:

I am just curious to know if you have children?

luv4thepurple1 said:

No, but my mother is a lesbian and my father is in a heterosexual relationship (they were married to each other at one point) so I am speaking from more personal experience than you on the subject. I've dealt with it first hand and I do not believe, nor do others around me, that my mother's relationship (17 years strong!) with her partner has scarred me for life. I just wish that people wouldn't harp on the sexuality of others so much. There is so much more to a person than who he or she sleeps with and their is so much more to creating good relationships and raising healthy children than whether or not the parents are heterosexual or homosexual.

You do have a right to express your opinion on the subject, as does everybody on this web site, but I also have the right to roll my eyes at it.

luv4thepurple1 said:

Just what wouldn't you want her exposed to? 2 loving adults who are sharing their lives and raising a child together. Wow, once I said that it does sound scary.

jessyMD32781 said:

How old were you when your mother began her relationship if you dont mind me askin?

luv4thepurple1 said:

I was seven when my mother began hers and eleven when my father began his relationship with his girlfriend. As long as we're asking personal questions, are you married and how old were you when you had your daughter?

jessyMD32781 said:

I am currently going through a divorce and I have 3 daughters. I was 19 when I had my first.

luv4thepurple1 said:

My thoughts are with you during this time. A divorce is hard, especially with three kids.

jessyMD32781 said:

Thank you, I really appreciate that! Please dont get me wrong, I am a very open minded person but raising kids is really hard now adays especially being a single mother. I just want the best for them and at this point my two youngest are too young to understand the whole same sex thing... you know? I would rather be able to explain it to them on my own terms than to have them exposed to it first hand.

luv4thepurple1 said:

I totally understand that and I think that you should talk to your kids about it and about your beliefs before they have any exposure to it. However, be sure to explain it in an open minded way, reminding them that you believe one thing while other may believe something else and thatthere is nothing wrong with that. Too many people forget that part.

i think it would be an added stress to the child's life for a period of time. like all other things that would come to pass. with that said (and I am prepared for all the crap i'll get for this one) i think it is a bad idea for gays to have kids. I come from the school that thinks sexuality is a learned behaviour. Learned in many, many different ways (not just parentally) from many different influences. I think if you have gay parents it absolutely makes you more open to homosexuality. I am not saying it makes you a homosexual, just that you may be open to experiences that you may not have been open to otherwise. I mean, if your moms or dads do it like that...why not at least try? Of course sex is appealing in general and having sex feels good, so if a kid were to try it out and like it, chances are that kid would try it again and like it again. Now, this kid may then identify him/herself as bisexual when it actuality that kid is only sexual. I speak from a place of some experience so i am not making assumptions here. I do understand that things are different for every person, in their unique circumstance. Obviously, straight parents have gay kids...this is not in question. Children have a proven tendency to re-enact their environments...that's just a normal fact of childhood. I think a homosexual lifestyle is a harder lifestyle to live, full of prejudice and anger and hate from other people and i wouldn't want to be one of the reasons that a child is subjected to it.
I don't think it should be illegal for gays to adopt or have children but i do think that it is not the best idea in the world. One other small reason i don't think it is the best idea is because i don't know many gay couples that stay together. I mean, yeah a few years, maybe even a decade, but i have never met a gay couple that has been together as long as a typical, married straight couple. I know divorce is hard for a child to go through and this just seems like another issue that would most likely present itself. Before the flames start...just understand i am speaking in generalities only...i am not saying these things are impossible or inevitable...just that they are the majority.
anyway, that is just my opinion...sorry it is sooo long!