ant-man and the wasp - 3.5/5. no movie with a morrissey reference or two could be half-bad, or even a hundredth bad, i think. like the first one, this is enjoyable, easy-going fun. also like the first one, it's a bit forgettable - it seems to have fallen out of my head as quickly as it entered - but it seems fitting that my only criticisim of this mild, pleasant time in the theatre is also mild.

I've been on a binge lately catching and watching a lot of things on my list. I was behind in my Marvel viewing so I caught up. I've watched all these films in the last two weeks.

Ant-Man 4.5/5 - a fun movie, and it's clear that Paul Rudd is a tasty snack with no expiration date

The Conjuring 5/5 - with next to no cussing, minimal blood, no harsh violence (gore, slashing), the movie still garnered an R-rating because it's just that fucking scary; the two wives in real life were consultants on the film & said that's how it happened

The Conjuring 2 3/5 - not quite as good as the first, but still a great level of a twist near the end (and stuck less to the originating story than the first movie

Thor Ragnarok 4/5 - the better of the Thor movies, I think

Doctor Strange 4/5 - fun all the way around

Black Panther 4/5 - not quite as great as everyone raved, but really good; a bit long

The Bellboy 5/5 - a perfect farce of a comedy, and clocks at just over an hour. Jerry Lewis wanted Cinderfella to come out the next Christmas and the studio would only agree to that if he produced another movie for the summer; he wrote The Bellboy in nine days, and shot it at the Fountainbleu Hotel in Miami Beach during the day while he performed there at night.

EmmaMcG said:

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: FALLOUT This will be possibly the least informative review you'll ever read because I want to be careful not to include any spoilers. The reason I'm being extra careful about spoilers is because you owe it to yourself to see this movie with as little prior knowledge as possible. Going in, I thought this would be typical Mission Impossible/Tom Cruise stuff. A solid, 3.5/5 action movie that doesn't do much wrong but outside of the action scenes, has little else going for it. In fact, it wasn't a movie I was particularly excited about at all. But fucking hell was I wrong. Not only is it the best Mission Impossible to date, it's also quite possibly a contender for my favourite Tom Cruise movie of all time. And if I'm putting this on the same level as Top Gun, then you know it must be good. "Good" is an understatement. It's absolutely brilliant. I could actually feel my heart beat in my chest so hard I thought an alien was going to burst out. Now, it could have been the sheer amount of butter I had them put on my popcorn that did it but I think it was the sight of Tom Cruise in that fucking helicopter. And falling from the helicopter. For real. No stuntman or green screen. The man is insane but I love him. Reward Tom Cruise for his amazing bravery/stupidity by seeing Mission Impossible Fallout. I'll be seeing it again after I recover. And maybe get this thing with my heart checked out... [Edited 7/25/18 0:53am]

Awesome! I will definitely go see that this weekend.

If I can avoid a divorce, my plan is to see "Equalizer 2 - Even More Equalizing" AND "Mission Impossible to Comprehend - Fallout Boy Edition" before Monday arrives.

I just watched the movies in The Conjuring franchise. I'll list them below in order of preference. For those that don't know, these are not necessarily sequels, but side stories (much like Rogue One and Solo were for Star Wars). They all relate, though.

1) The Conjuring - despite no harsh violence, little blood and next to no cussing, the film still garnered an R-rating for the sheer terror of it. I haven't been scared in a movie like that for quite a long while. Paranormal Activity was the last one that had me white-knuckling it through the film. It is based on a true story. The wife of the family and the wife of the investigation couple (she is a clairvoyant) were both consultants on the film and said that is what really happened.

2) Annabelle Creation - A prequel to and released after Annabelle, this one really goes back and discusses why the doll is so pivotal in these movies, and the real evil behind it. There is a bit more blood in this, with a moment or two of harsh gore.

3) The Conjuring 2 - like it's predecessor, it is based on a real story, and still centers on the husband & wife team (a real couple) who investigates paranormal activity & hauntings. The beginning of the film references Amityville Horror, another haunting they investigated in real life. The scenario in C2 is based on a story of two teenage girls who are still believed today to be frauds in making up the whole thing. Real life investigators and critics are portrayed in the film (and side by side photos show up in the credits). The movie takes a different twist and makes it unbelievable throughout (as in the critics of the situation are more believable than the girls), but in the end - the movie twists all that into something much scarier and real.

4) Annabelle - this picks up where Creation left off (yet were released in opposite order). The doll, the demon throughout all the film (Valek, the profane who appears as a nun as a rite of sacrilege) is present and temporarily seen. I enjoyed it being set in the 50s, where women are thought of as weak and hysterical, and investigators look to the husband for confirmation to divulge any details of an investigation (as if the wife needs permission). Alfre Woodard is in this one, and plays a pivotal role.

The suspense built up in scenes, and the ultimate payoff make all the films worthy of a watch. Some fair better than others, but all are good. Sequentially, it's Annabelle Creation, Annabelle, C, C2. The Nun is due out any day now and is part of the story. If you wait until the very end of the credits in C2 or Creation (I forget which one), there is an easter egg about the nun. Also, The Crooked Man, referenced in C2 and seen, is getting his own movie in 2019. The Nun looks ridiculously scary just in the trailer.

More bad MoviePass news.

When we last talked about this trainwreck of an idea, their stock had dropped to 18 cents a share. It had since gone down to 8 - yes, 8 - cents a share. They were in danger of being de-listed from the NASDAQ stock exchange, so they did brilliant thing - a 250-to-1 reverse stock split!

The reverse stock split re-figured the stock price at $21 a share. Now THAT sounds like a real price! Woo hoo! Good times ahead! Except...

As soon as the stock began trading at $21 a share, it went immediately down to $10.60 a share. Which, pre-split, would have put it at 4 cents per share.

And it is still over-priced. Ouch.

TrivialPursuit said:

I just watched the movies in The Conjuring franchise. I'll list them below in order of preference. For those that don't know, these are not necessarily sequels, but side stories (much like Rogue One and Solo were for Star Wars). They all relate, though.

1) The Conjuring - despite no harsh violence, little blood and next to no cussing, the film still garnered an R-rating for the sheer terror of it. I haven't been scared in a movie like that for quite a long while. Paranormal Activity was the last one that had me white-knuckling it through the film. It is based on a true story. The wife of the family and the wife of the investigation couple (she is a clairvoyant) were both consultants on the film and said that is what really happened.

2) Annabelle Creation - A prequel to and released after Annabelle, this one really goes back and discusses why the doll is so pivotal in these movies, and the real evil behind it. There is a bit more blood in this, with a moment or two of harsh gore.

3) The Conjuring 2 - like it's predecessor, it is based on a real story, and still centers on the husband & wife team (a real couple) who investigates paranormal activity & hauntings. The beginning of the film references Amityville Horror, another haunting they investigated in real life. The scenario in C2 is based on a story of two teenage girls who are still believed today to be frauds in making up the whole thing. Real life investigators and critics are portrayed in the film (and side by side photos show up in the credits). The movie takes a different twist and makes it unbelievable throughout (as in the critics of the situation are more believable than the girls), but in the end - the movie twists all that into something much scarier and real.

4) Annabelle - this picks up where Creation left off (yet were released in opposite order). The doll, the demon throughout all the film (Valek, the profane who appears as a nun as a rite of sacrilege) is present and temporarily seen. I enjoyed it being set in the 50s, where women are thought of as weak and hysterical, and investigators look to the husband for confirmation to divulge any details of an investigation (as if the wife needs permission). Alfre Woodard is in this one, and plays a pivotal role.

The suspense built up in scenes, and the ultimate payoff make all the films worthy of a watch. Some fair better than others, but all are good. Sequentially, it's Annabelle Creation, Annabelle, C, C2. The Nun is due out any day now and is part of the story. If you wait until the very end of the credits in C2 or Creation (I forget which one), there is an easter egg about the nun. Also, The Crooked Man, referenced in C2 and seen, is getting his own movie in 2019. The Nun looks ridiculously scary just in the trailer.

Reasonably entertaining films, mostly, but the whole "based on a true story" thing is of course utter bullshit.

Lianachan said:

Reasonably entertaining films, mostly, but the whole "based on a true story" thing is of course utter bullshit.

Well, I think maybe you are debating whether these supernatural occurrences happened at all, or if there is a supernatural world. I'm not here to hijack the thread into a debate about that. There were situations which were investigated by the Warrens, true or not. They were there, that much is true. I suppose only those who were there truly know the truth. I am just enjoying the movies for what they are, and if it happens to be a retelling of a real-life thing, even better.

Today is a sad day for the world. For it is The Day After I Watched Equalizer 2. Let me say this straight out:

Don't waste your time with this movie.

Now, if for some reason you have more money than you know what to do with, and you also are so organized that wasting 2 1/2 hours on this movie will absolutely not affect your life, then you can quit reading now. Because...

I AM GOING TO TEAR THIS MOVIE A WHOLE NEW PLACE TO POOP.

That's a SPOILER ALERT, in case you're new to this place.

NOTE: I call one character "James" but I just found out his name was actually "Miles". I'm too lazy to fix it, so just pretend that I did, and say "Miles" in your head every time you read "James".

I had previously referred to this movie as "The Equalizer 2 - Even More Equalizing". I apologize for inadvertantly misleading you. There is LESS Equalizing in this movie, not more. It should have been called "The Equalizer 2 - We Forgot What The Equalizer Does Best And Spent Our Whole Budget On Emotions".

The movie begins on a train. With that great little white graphic in the bottom left-corner telling you where you are. In this case it's "Turkey. Train Bound For Istanbul". My experience has been that any movie or TV show that uses little white graphics to tell you where you are is usually a good movie or TV show. That theory, however, is now shot to doll rags.

The Equalizer is disguised as a Turkish guy with a beard and a turban. He goes into the bar, which contains only four swarthy Turks, and the bartender. The Equalizer asks for water but is told the bar is closed. However, he convinces the bartender to give him some water. Not through Equalizing, mind you. He saves that for the swarthy Turks.

They are Equalized - presumably lethally but maybe not - on account of the main bad swarthy guy had kidnapped his daughter from her American mother out of spite. Even though they are on a train going through the middle of nowhere (but sounding its train horn at all times for some unknown reason), and The Equalizer has no apparent way off the train after committing four apparent murders in front of a witness, all we ever see is that The Equalizer brings the daughter back to the mom. And, of course, The Equalizer is a friend of the mom, but the fact that he is the one who saved the daughter is a secret shared only between The Equalizer and the daughter. The mom has no idea who retrieved her daughter and doesn't even seem to really care.

Not a good start. Especially not good, since the gallon of margaritas I'd consumed at dinner were quickly wearing off, and I wasn't at a Booze and Chow. I was at a regular theater. While purchasing my Reese's Pieces, I enquired as to whether they had booze. They had beer (yuck!) and wine (yay!) but the wine dispenser wasn't working (boo!). I offered to help fix it but my offer was declined (Sad!).

Back to the disappointment. The Equalizer now lives in nicer-but-still-multi-cultural apartment building. Fatima has a garden. James is a talented African-American art student but is obviously going to be a drug dealer. The Equalizer drives a Lyft. He has regular clients.

One is an old man, presumably Jewish. Presumably he had been separated from his family and interred during "The War", which was presumably WWII. He had a sister or cousin or something like that. Someone painted a portrait of her before The War and it was supposed to be his. But someone - presumably the Nazis but we aren't told - stole it during The War and it eventually became a famous work of art. It recently sold for $12 million. The old man says that should be his money but since he has no proof of ownership, he can't get paid. Therefore, when The Equalizer drives him to The Copy Center every day, the old man only tips him 50 cents. The old man's entire life apparently consists of making copies of an old picture of the painting and going to various courts, trying to prove the painting is his. He always fails.

Fatima's garden is wrecked one day, and the mural that someone had painted on the brick wall next to it is covered in graffitti (you would think it was James the young African-American artist who painted the mural, but it wasn't). "Kids did this" says James, which is the EXACT same thing Kevin Bacon said in "Diner" when he saw how the manger had been vandalized. But unlike Kevin Bacon, James takes no pro-active steps, instead choosing to buddy up with some drug dealers. The kids who did this never get Equalized or even caught. Instead, The Equalizer takes it upon himself to clean the wall but he Tom Sawyer's James into finishing the job. He also thinks he's convinced James to stay away from drug dealers.

None of that means anything but the director thought wasting 20 minutes on it was better than having The Equalizer Equalize some people instead. Poor choice, if you ask me.

But then the director realizes his mistake and tries to correct it. He fails.

James goes to local drug den, where the chicks are cooking up meth and the dudes are smoking doobies. The dudes give James a gun and tell James he's got to go kill the dudes from the gang that killed his brother. An eye for an eye, and all that. James agrees.

But then The Equalizer shows up. He Equalizes a couple guards - again, non-lethally WTF?!? - and then gets the drop on the 6 or 7 doobie-smoking dudes in the meth lab/apartment. Without firing shot or doing any kind of Equalizing, The Equalizer convinces James to leave the drug dealers and come with him.

This is REALLY STUPID and a perfect characterization of why this movie is a bomb. I bet you're thinking, "Well, RodeoSchro - obviously the drug dealers know where James lives, and probably also even know The Equalizer and where he lives. Surely they are not going to let The Equalizer just waltz right in and take away their latest protege. They have been dissed! They demand revenge! Sounds like The Equalizer Kill Count is going to increase by 6 or 7 druggies!"

Nope.

Let me say it again:

Nope.

The drug dealers are completely forgotten about. You never see them again. They do not bother James. They do not go after The Equalizer. It's like they never existed.

Double you. Tee. Eff?!?!?

This complete lack of Equalization is a crime against nature.

Speaking of crime, for some reason a Belgian CIA asset and his wife are murdered. For some other reason, The Equalizer's old boss Susan is sent to Belgium to investigate. It's hinted she is sent because she likes Belgian chocolate. No, really.

She investigates the crime scene, then goes to her hotel. She and many other people get in the elevator. Susan is the last to enter. Two dudes in backpacks with soccer balls are going to the same floor and have already pressed the button for it, so Susan doesn't have to press any buttons. The entire movie hinges on that. Despite the fact that every single day I get in the elevator of our 18-story building and most of the time someone has already pressed the floor I need, it never turns out whoever pressed the button before me is actually an assassin. But not this time.

As you have already guessed, the two backpack dudes are actually assassins and kill Susan in her room. When The Equalizer figures this out by astrally projecting himself to all the crime scenes, he is upset. Yes, the Equalizer can astrally project himself. You didn't know that?

Say, do you remember that The Equalizer is dead? He is. At least, everyone thinks so because they had a funeral for him when he got blown up on assignment some years back. But it was a ruse, because faking your own death is the only way to get out of government-sanctioned Equalizing.

The Equalizer blows his cover by showing up at a park and flagging down his old partner, Dave. They are both bummed out by Susan's murder and agree to help each other find "the real killers". (Man, I am just FULL of 80's/90's references, aren't I?) So naturally The Equalizer returns to Boston and his Lyft job.

His first customer is a swarthy dude who is allegedly flying somewhere for his daughter's 5th birthday. He has a teddy bear in his lap. It's a prop. The Equalizer knows what you and I know - any swarthy dude in an Equalizer movie is a bad guy. The Equalizer purposefully drives in the wrong direction for five minutes, which the swarthy guy does not remark upon. This tacit admission of swarthy badness gets the swarthy guy Equalized.

You can see what comes next, right? Who is the only living person besides Susan's grieving husband that knows The Equalizer is alive? Dave!

The Equalizer shows up at Dave's house the next morning, just as Dave and his wife are getting their two lovely daughters off to school. Somehow Dave knew The Equalizer was coming because Dave's whole gang is waiting outside. Dave tells The Equalizer that he's always killed people; he used to do it for God and country but now he just does it for money. As far as he's concerned there is no Good or Bad, there is only Money. Although he only Equalizes people for money, in the interest of self-preservation he and his gang are going to Equalize The Equalizer. Right there in the street.

Oh yeah? The Equalizer tells Dave and the gang that he's going to kill them and the only thing he regrets is that he can only kill them once. Hoo boy, this fight should be a dandy!

But...no. The Equalizer avoids the fight by asking Dave's wife for a ride to the airport. She says OK.

Is that gripping or what!

What.

James - still free from drug dealer retaliation! - is painting The Equalizer's apartment so of course two of Dave's gang members show up. But The Equalizer is one step ahead, as he has both (1) cameras in every single space of his apartment; and (2) a safe room hidden behind a bookcase. Now, I understand the cameras but why in the Sam Hill would The Equalizer need a safe room? HE IS THE FREAKING EQUALIZER. HE HIDES FROM NO ONE.

James, however, is no Equalizer so he does hide. Successfully - until he comes out, whereupon he is captured by the bad guys. Why they think some dude who's painting a wall is an important person to a killing machine like The Equalizer makes no sense, but that's what happens.

Oh, I almost forgot. Hopefully I will be successful soon and WILL forget, but not yet. Any way, thanks to the magic of Dolby Surround Sound, we get to hear thunder for most of the movie. Climate Change is real y'all, and there is a Category Five hurricane about to blow Boston away. That's why there is thunder all through the night. I promise some people will see Jesus in the morning light (another boss '90's reference!).

Dave calls The Equalizer and tells him they've kidnapped James. The Equalizer says, "You know where I'll be". And Dave does, because above The Equalizer's bed there are not mirror tiles but instead a painting of The Equalizer's old home, which is apparently on Cape Cod or some other island. (I don't know if Cape Cod is an island but at least I've heard of it before. Also, The Equalizer may have had fishing nets and posters all over the wall, but I forgot to remember.)

Dave and the gang proceed to that island, which is being evacuated on account of the Category Five hurricane. The Equalizer is already there, but Dave has to shoot a cop in order to cross the bridge.

Dave and his trusty sniper rifle take up residence on a tower. The gang spreads out and searches for The Equalizer. The gang then utilizes all of the following Official Military Hand Signals while they search for The Equalizer:




Dave keeps calling for a SitRep. You know how much I love the term "SitRep"! (I love it a LOT.)

He gets no SitReps from his team, because The Equalizer has Equalized all of them. So Dave has to improvise. The Equalizer is one step ahead of Dave, and blows away the transformer so as to kill the power on the island.

And then he goes to the bakery, slits open all the bags of flour, and turns on two electric floor fans.

How did the person in charge of continuity miss that?!?!?!?!?

The Equalizer magically appears on the tower with Dave. They have a fight. The Equalizer squishes one of Dave's eyes, then throws him 100 feet down to the rocky shore. He said nothing. I was literally screaming at him to say something like, "Your daughters deserve better! Goodbye, jerk!" He didn't, so I said it for him. I am confident the other eight people in the giant movie theater appreciated that.

The Equalizer then retires to the back porch of his island home, where he watches the Category Five hurricane make landfall. He caresses his wife's old glasses, so you know he'll be safe from rising tides, storm surges and tornadoes.

Fatima's garden is mysteriously fixed. James get on a bus to go to school and a girl digs his drawings. The old man is surprised by the appearance of his long-lost sister/whatever. No, he never got the painting or the $12 million. The end.

This movie is a MAJOR disappointment. According to the weirdos on www.allouttabubblegum.com, the Kill Count in Equalizer 1 was 20 confirmed, 4 suspected. My Kill count for this putrid movie is 5 confirmed, Everyone Else unconfirmed. What a total disgrace.

But I guess it can be fixed. If for some reason you haven't watched the original "The Equalizer", then you COULD watch this one first. You might think, "Hmmm, that's an interesting character. He looks like he could be pretty good at Equalizing. I wonder what happens after the Category Five hurricane leaves?"

Then you could watch the original "The Equalizer" and you would say, "OH YES! His potential as an Equalizer has been fully realized! I can't wait for The Equalizer Three!"

If only that was the way this went down. But it isn't. The Equalizer's appeal deteriorated in this movie, based on the absence of a good plot and imaginative Equalizing. Since I live in reality, and watched these movies in the order they were made, my rating for "The Equalizer 2" is:

1/2 SitRep out of 5 SitReps. Avoid this movie.

.

[Edited 7/26/18 14:58pm]

Skyscraper - Dwayne Johnson. It was exactly what I was expecting. Great special effects and a fun movie.

I will definitely see MI - Fallout! I'm a huge fan of those movies.

Really was entertained by this genuinely edgy, surreal, smart, indie-crafted-yet-cast-with-stars, comedy film with great casting. It straddles satire/commentary/b-movie genre well. It's like the less slick but tripping cousin of "Get Out". The star was in "Get Out". With a "white voice" already!

Within the first five minutes I had a hunch this was going to be a contemporary "They Live".

It could be cut a little tighter, but it has all the signature style of an auteur's heavy hand, almost like a Spike Lee, Tarrantino, or Lynch movie has a certain stylistic contrivance, where everything from little sound design stingers to the edits have an energetic attitude.

This felt like when I was discovering crazy cult films, first run in the theater, in the late 80's at the coolest little movie theater at the University of Texas in Austin... the Dobie Cinema. Rest in peace, Dobie Cinema.

Lianachan said:

TrivialPursuit said:

Reasonably entertaining films, mostly, but the whole "based on a true story" thing is of course utter bullshit.

i don't want to derail any threads either, but the warrens were definitely not the nice, pleasant couple as they are protrayed in these films. ed in particular was known as a bit of a jerk & a bully, and someone very much in pursuit of a buck or two. i like the films & think they're perfectly good entertainment, especially the first conjuring, which is a reasonably fun & creepy film. but i'd definitely take the whole thing with ample quantities of salt.

my favourite warren story was told by steve novella on the skeptics' guide to the universe podcast. warren was giving novella a tour of his 'museum' and said 'y'know when you're in a room by yourself & you feel cold air on your neck? that's ghost cold!'

see skeptic hero joe nickell's comments on the conjuring & the warrens here, for eg:
https://www.csicop.org/sp...oe_nickell

island of death (1976) 3.5/5 trashy, unreasonably tasteless & containing truly horrible (though not real) goat abuse, incoherent, & fairly incompetently made. naturally i loved it & have watched it twice this year.

the first purge (2018) 1.5/5 summer: too hot, too sweaty, too smelly - so a heat wave drove me into a theatre. really should have gone for incredibles, but my need for trash always leads me astray. rote action scenes, zero tension or momentum, & some really obvious & didactic messaging that wasn't even a millimetre deep. still worth it for the a/c.

[Edited 7/26/18 11:40am]

ufoclub said:

Really was entertained by this genuinely edgy, surreal, smart, indie-crafted-yet-cast-with-stars, comedy film with great casting. It straddles satire/commentary/b-movie genre well. It's like the less slick but tripping cousin of "Get Out". The star was in "Get Out". With a "white voice" already!

Within the first five minutes I had a hunch this was going to be a contemporary "They Live".

It could be cut a little tighter, but it has all the signature style of an auteur's heavy hand, almost like a Spike Lee, Tarrantino, or Lynch movie has a certain stylistic contrivance, where everything from little sound design stingers to the edits have an energetic attitude.

This felt like when I was discovering crazy cult films, first run in the theater, in the late 80's at the coolest little movie theater at the University of Texas in Austin... the Dobie Cinema. Rest in peace, Dobie Cinema.

i really liked it too.

one of the podcasts i follow called it spike lee meets charlie kaufman, & i don't think i could summarized it any better than that.

TrivialPursuit said:

Lianachan said:

The films would be easier to enjoy if they were presented truthfully, as fiction, though. Research the Warrens if you’re interested, they are pretty nasty - frauds, and preying on and profiting from the vulnerable.

Yeah, but "based on" is always a loose term, isn't it? It's certainly not meant to be a documentary. Real life doesn't have multiple camera angles or a great score. LOL

I know a bit about the Warrens. I don't think anyone ever comes out of these things with clean hands.

LMAO, this is awesome! It's the Lyft reviews from all the people The Equalizer drove around in the movie. It almost makes going to see this turkey worthwhile!

The good news is that you don't need to suffer through this movie in order to get a chuckle from these. BTW I forgot to comment on some minor Equalizing that The Equalizer did to some douchey hedge fund managers, but their review is in here:

https://www.theringer.com...er-reviews

.

[Edited 7/26/18 15:04pm]

RodeoSchro said:

Rodeo and Ace --

Life comes at you fast.

MoviePass can't pay for its tickets.

https://money.cnn.com/2018/07/27/media/moviepass-service-outage/index.html

namepeace said:

Rodeo and Ace --

Life comes at you fast.

MoviePass can't pay for its tickets.

https://money.cnn.com/2018/07/27/media/moviepass-service-outage/index.html

"The price has been in freefall ever since. If valued at its pre-split amount, Friday's price would be equivalent to about 1.5 cents."


Bummer.

Orphan (2009) - 4 out of 5 stars.

A couple decide to adopt after having a stillborn child. An adoptive child is chosen from an orphanage with dire consequences. A psychological horror with a number of twists which I wasn't expecting. I certainly didn't expect the end. A little slow at times but for the most part really very good.

[Edited 7/28/18 8:08am]

maplenpg said:

Ugot2shakesumthin said:

Ugot2shakesumthin said:

Mission Impossible: Fallout 6/10 These movies always have amazing production values using the best talent behind the scenes they can afford. Glossy big budget dumbed down spectacle for the masses. Admirable to point, but immediately forgettable. If only these movies didn’t feel contempt for the intelligence of the audience. I’ve seen all of the movies in the series so far but I honestly can’t remember what any of them are about. [Edited 7/28/18 8:30am]

I compared the last "Mission: Impossible" that I saw to Chinese food - really good when you're eating it, but you're hungry again an hour later. There's no cliche I won't use!

But EmmaMcg's enthusiasm for the new movie has me excited. I'm going to go see it hopefully tomorrow (Sunday) but I might go see the late show. That way I won't be hungry again before I go to bed.

RodeoSchro said:

Last night, after recovering from a day of guitar-playing and steak-eating, my family and I settled in to watch "The Death of Stalin". Not to be confused with The "Death of a Salesman". Completely different movies, although people die in each one. Unfortunately, they do not die via one of RodeoSchro's Approved Methods of Film Death.

Have I not listed RodeoSchro's Approved Methods of Film Death? Let's rectify that oversight now!

RODEOSCHRO'S APPROVED METHODS OF FILM DEATHS

1. Death at the hands of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham or James Bond (the cool James Bonds, not that poor imitation that Daniel Craig does). Or Dolph Lundgren. Or, really, anyone I consider a bada**. Tom Cruise is on this list, pending my viewing of "Mission" Impossible - Fallout Boy" which should take place in less than 5 hours! *See below

2. Death at the hands of a monster. But only a cool monster. Lame space monsters like Transformers and Pacific Rimsters don't count but other space monsters that are cool - like Alien or Predator - definitely do count. Obviously monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman are at the top of this list. Use them as examples of what cool monsters are

3. Death at the hands of a supervillian. But only if it's a minor character we don't care much about, AND/OR the supervillian is cool enough to be hated. Uncool supervillians like Marvel Comics supervillians don't count because if they are uncool, then they can't really be supervillians, can they? Cool supervillians would be people like Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger

4. Death via a method that makes me laugh. Self-explanatory

As I mentioned, there is death in this...movie. Now you are asking, "RodeoSchro - why the ellipse? Is your keyboard stuck? Clearly this is a movie! It's not some stupid Hitler documentary from NetFlix!"

No, it's not some stupid Hitler documentary from NetFlix - but it's close. The ellipse is because I don't know what kind of movie this is supposed to be.

Is it a comedy? It starts off as one but then there's very little comedy after that. And the things that make you laugh are not readily identifiable as comedic pieces. It's confusing. All these horrible Enemies Of America are just bad, bad guys - in both the movie and in real life (did you see this movie, President Trump? I bet you were rooting for Bariya, weren't you????). It's kind of hard to laugh at stuff that Steve Buscemi says in his portrayal of Khruschev, when you know that Khruschev was a mass murderer.

Is it a documentary? If so, it's not a very good one. In addition to the comedic attempts (which are not usually found in a documentary), it doesn't really seem like this version of events is historically accurate. It's just weird. One of the weirdest things is how they handle Stalin's Death Lists. First with (attempted) comedy, then with subterfuge. The Molotov guy was on a Death List when Stalin kicked the bucket. He was one of the Communist Council members and unbeknownst to him (at the time) all his fellow Communist Council members knew he was on a Death List. When Stalin died, that meant that Molotov was no longer on a Death List. Now, you would think he'd be mad that none of his buddies warned him about being on a Death List - or at the very least, not trust them. But no! After they give him his wife back, he acts like nothing has ever happened. Not being on a Death List, not getting back the wife that he had condemned to death - none of it mattered to Molotov. Weird. I was expecting some cocktails of the Molotov variety but I was disappointed.

Is it a period piece? I guess, if you accept a bunch of very very British actors playing Russians but using their very very British accents in their dialogue. No one in this movie speaks with a hint of a Russian accent. Steve Buscemi is the only American in a major role, which seems even more weird when you compare his accent to that of all the high-caliber British accents everyone else uses. Here's a rule - if you're going to use Steve Buscemi as a Russian but keep his American accent, you need to temper that with additional squeaky-voiced actors like Gilbert Gottfried and Bart Simpson.

When you don't know what a movie is, it's very hard for that movie to be any good. And that's the problem with this movie.

The death of Stalin was a good thing, but "The Death of Stalin" only gets 1,500,000 Stalin Death Lists out of 5,000,000 Stalin Death Lists.

* "Mission: Impossible - Fallout Boy" Update - The plan was this: (1) I was going to watch the movie, while across the street (2) my wife decorated on of our producer's office for their birthday (we go nuts for birthdays at our office. Too nuts, in fact. I've had to resort to near physical violence in order to stamp out the use of confetti. Confetti is the tool of the Devil). Then she would go home and bake a birthday cake, picking me up when the movie was over. Literally JUST AS WE WERE PULLING INTO THE PARKING LOT I made the fatal mistake of asking my wife if she needed my help with the office decorating. She looked up at me with sad, puppy dog eyes and said, "Well, what if I wanted to see the movie too?" I replied very intelligently, "You said Friday that you didn't want to see it. Plus, I'm still hearing it from you and my son about 'Equalizer 2 - A Distressingly Small Amount of Equalizing- and our son didn't even go to the movies with us that night". Perfect logic, right? I thought so too - until she replied, "I only meant I didn't want to see 'Mission Impossible - Fallout Boy' on Friday night. But I really do want to see it".

Yeah, right. This was nothing more than a ploy to get me to help ruin...uh, decorate, someone's office in such a manner that they won't be able to do any work until someone (me, obvs) cleans it up. I will probably never see "Mission: Impossible - Fallout Boy". But if I do, I already have the perfect opening line. You know how I hate to waste an original thought! (I know, I don't have many of them.)

.

[Edited 7/29/18 16:41pm]

RodeoSchro said:

EmmaMcG said:

RodeoSchro said:

Last night, after recovering from a day of guitar-playing and steak-eating, my family and I settled in to watch "The Death of Stalin". Not to be confused with The "Death of a Salesman". Completely different movies, although people die in each one. Unfortunately, they do not die via one of RodeoSchro's Approved Methods of Film Death.

Have I not listed RodeoSchro's Approved Methods of Film Death? Let's rectify that oversight now!

RODEOSCHRO'S APPROVED METHODS OF FILM DEATHS

1. Death at the hands of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham or James Bond (the cool James Bonds, not that poor imitation that Daniel Craig does). Or Dolph Lundgren. Or, really, anyone I consider a bada**. Tom Cruise is on this list, pending my viewing of "Mission" Impossible - Fallout Boy" which should take place in less than 5 hours! *See below

2. Death at the hands of a monster. But only a cool monster. Lame space monsters like Transformers and Pacific Rimsters don't count but other space monsters that are cool - like Alien or Predator - definitely do count. Obviously monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman are at the top of this list. Use them as examples of what cool monsters are

3. Death at the hands of a supervillian. But only if it's a minor character we don't care much about, AND/OR the supervillian is cool enough to be hated. Uncool supervillians like Marvel Comics supervillians don't count because if they are uncool, then they can't really be supervillians, can they? Cool supervillians would be people like Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger

4. Death via a method that makes me laugh. Self-explanatory

As I mentioned, there is death in this...movie. Now you are asking, "RodeoSchro - why the ellipse? Is your keyboard stuck? Clearly this is a movie! It's not some stupid Hitler documentary from NetFlix!"

No, it's not some stupid Hitler documentary from NetFlix - but it's close. The ellipse is because I don't know what kind of movie this is supposed to be.

Is it a comedy? It starts off as one but then there's very little comedy after that. And the things that make you laugh are not readily identifiable as comedic pieces. It's confusing. All these horrible Enemies Of America are just bad, bad guys - in both the movie and in real life (did you see this movie, President Trump? I bet you were rooting for Bariya, weren't you????). It's kind of hard to laugh at stuff that Steve Buscemi says in his portrayal of Khruschev, when you know that Khruschev was a mass murderer.

Is it a documentary? If so, it's not a very good one. In addition to the comedic attempts (which are not usually found in a documentary), it doesn't really seem like this version of events is historically accurate. It's just weird. One of the weirdest things is how they handle Stalin's Death Lists. First with (attempted) comedy, then with subterfuge. The Molotov guy was on a Death List when Stalin kicked the bucket. He was one of the Communist Council members and unbeknownst to him (at the time) all his fellow Communist Council members knew he was on a Death List. When Stalin died, that meant that Molotov was no longer on a Death List. Now, you would think he'd be mad that none of his buddies warned him about being on a Death List - or at the very least, not trust them. But no! After they give him his wife back, he acts like nothing has ever happened. Not being on a Death List, not getting back the wife that he had condemned to death - none of it mattered to Molotov. Weird. I was expecting some cocktails of the Molotov variety but I was disappointed.

Is it a period piece? I guess, if you accept a bunch of very very British actors playing Russians but using their very very British accents in their dialogue. No one in this movie speaks with a hint of a Russian accent. Steve Buscemi is the only American in a major role, which seems even more weird when you compare his accent to that of all the high-caliber British accents everyone else uses. Here's a rule - if you're going to use Steve Buscemi as a Russian but keep his American accent, you need to temper that with additional squeaky-voiced actors like Gilbert Gottfried and Bart Simpson.

When you don't know what a movie is, it's very hard for that movie to be any good. And that's the problem with this movie.

The death of Stalin was a good thing, but "The Death of Stalin" only gets 1,500,000 Stalin Death Lists out of 5,000,000 Stalin Death Lists.

* "Mission: Impossible - Fallout Boy" Update - The plan was this: (1) I was going to watch the movie, while across the street (2) my wife decorated on of our producer's office for their birthday (we go nuts for birthdays at our office. Too nuts, in fact. I've had to resort to near physical violence in order to stamp out the use of confetti. Confetti is the tool of the Devil). Then she would go home and bake a birthday cake, picking me up when the movie was over. Literally JUST AS WE WERE PULLING INTO THE PARKING LOT I made the fatal mistake of asking my wife if she needed my help with the office decorating. She looked up at me with sad, puppy dog eyes and said, "Well, what if I wanted to see the movie too?" I replied very intelligently, "You said Friday that you didn't want to see it. Plus, I'm still hearing it from you and my son about 'Equalizer 2 - A Distressingly Small Amount of Equalizing- and our son didn't even go to the movies with us that night". Perfect logic, right? I thought so too - until she replied, "I only meant I didn't want to see 'Mission Impossible - Fallout Boy' on Friday night. But I really do want to see it".

Yeah, right. This was nothing more than a ploy to get me to help ruin...uh, decorate, someone's office in such a manner that they won't be able to do any work until someone (me, obvs) cleans it up. I will probably never see "Mission: Impossible - Fallout Boy". But if I do, I already have the perfect opening line. You know how I hate to waste an original thought! (I know, I don't have many of them.)

.

[Edited 7/29/18 16:41pm]

I'm not married (yet) but if my fiancé tried to prevent me from spending some quality time with Tom Cruise I'd consider that valid grounds for dismissal. The wedding would be put on indefinite hold until such time as I got to see Tom doing what he does best; killing foreigners, jumping from airplanes and running from stuff.

I'm counting this only as a delay, not a prevention.

And to be honest, I was really tired yesterday. I spread 40 bags of mulch in 100-degree heat. That rendered me mostly inoperable, but my flower beds look great!

My new plan is "Mission: Impossible - Falloff" Tuesday night, then "The Spy Who Dumped Me" on Friday night.