I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

Try asking nicely like:

.

Otherwise cut that umbilical and let them make someone else miserable.

.

Don't talk about yourself. Don't give them ammo.

.

I talk to my parents like a handful of times, each time divert from questions about me that may supply them with ammunition, instead its hey how ya doin, whos miserable, who works more than who, who wants money then. Always other folks. Never about me. Then:

.

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

why do people feel obligated to talk to people who make them feel like shit....

luvsexy4all said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

why do people feel obligated to talk to people who make them feel like shit....

Because they are your family.

FullLipsDotNose said:

luvsexy4all said:

why do people feel obligated to talk to people who make them feel like shit....

Because they are your family.

my family became conspirators in the murde rof another family member...do u think i still talk to them?

luvsexy4all said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Because they are your family.

my family became conspirators in the murde rof another family member...do u think i still talk to them?

Wow. Well, I don't know, but I wouldn't judge you either way.

FullLipsDotNose said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman.

To me that's good enough reason not to let what your fam say affect you. My family has been openly discussing women's weight and figure my whole life. It's just in their culture to do so and apparently it's not considered "rude" or "sexist" (they're not American). When I was a teenager their opinion mattered so much to me. I strived to be healthy and pretty, I mean who doesn't, even the boys do. And my standard used to be something that was mostly built based on my fam's opinions.

Not anymore though, I know it's cliche thing to say but I gradually but surely come to realize it's all about being healthy, self-respect and confidence. Now that I know I'm healthy and happy with the way I look I couldn't care less of what my uncle says about how women should really put a lot of efforts into stay slim their whole life because they tend to gain fat more easily than men and all that yadiyada. I don't hate him or think less of him, I still love&care about him as my family, I just became indifferent to his views his comments. Wishing you'd find the way to do the same:)

.

[Edited 7/3/18 13:18pm]

All you can do is ignore it.

A father should never, under any circumstances, comment on a daughter's weight - and yet they do it anyway. I spent my entire teenage years thinking I was fat because (when I was 12 or 13) my dad told me I was getting "a little broad across the beam." In other words, my dad told me I had a big butt. Seriously, Dad? I wasn't fat, I was in the middle of normal female puberty. Meanwhile, he looked like he was in his second trimester with twins.

I have forgiven but (obviously) haven't forgotten. Parents are people. They can be just as thoughtless as anyone else.

They say it as if you will go "really? I never noticed! Okay, let me control my portions! " as if it is that simple.

Just forgive it. The older generation is much less sensitive to this kind of thing.

Sometimes it is projection, and you are hearing this unsolicited advice from someone who oughta be telling themselves.

In addition to it being inappropriate to make weight comments to you in this way, his timing sucked given it sounds like you have started feeling better about yourself again. Perhaps if you don't know whether to cut him off or not means you are not ready to take such a drastic step. I know women who have set firm limits with their fathers about making comments about their weight, and still have a relationship with them. If you not ready to assert yourself in that way, focus your energy on the activities and people that help you feel good about yourself. That is something he can't control!!!!

What other people think of you is none of your business.

I do find that we often get offended or hurt with things because we find truths in them. Do you feel overweight? Does any extra weight bother you on some level? Either way, it's still your journey. It's shitty that your dad says such things to his daughter.

I don't give a pass to older generations, either. They've been around longer, they've seen more. They aren't blind. They realize how words hurt and how things used to be, so it's up to them to continue to set an example for future generations to be better people.

Lastly, it says more about him pointing out flaws than it does you possibly possessing them.

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

Maybe you should ask yourself the question why something your father says makes you so upset.

Its not about your father but how you react to it.

People can say what they want, its how you take it.

"I wish he just let me be"....your father can do whatever he wants, but you have the power to just be and not be concerned about what people say but you ave to work for it.

My father said the same thing to me. Once I bought a shirt and the bottom of it was a solid color unlike the rest of the shirt and he said the shirt made me look fat or well I was getting fat. I think it was from a loving place that my father wants me to be healthy. So I just don't know if your father is coming from a loving place or being a jerk? Though sometimes the truth it hurts. I don't talk to anyone. Anymore that I don't have to.

nextedition said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

Maybe you should ask yourself the question why something your father says makes you so upset.

Its not about your father but how you react to it.

People can say what they want, its how you take it.

"I wish he just let me be"....your father can do whatever he wants, but you have the power to just be and not be concerned about what people say but you ave to work for it.

I write everything down. Cause and effect. What I feel and what my thoughts are to get me into that place. I would deal with someone putting me down business like. If it was coming from a bad place.

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

turn it back on him and express your righteous anger. hold a hand mirror up to him, showing him his own body or walk him until he stands before a full-length mirror. i'm guessing that - like most guys - he has a potbelly, or some other physical feature that is not perfect. draw his attention to this in an unflattering way and ask him how he feels when you criticize him for this. if he is shocked or hurt then honestly tellhim how he did/does the same thing to you. turn about is fair play, even for family members.

XxAxX said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

turn it back on him and express your righteous anger. hold a hand mirror up to him, showing him his own body or walk him until he stands before a full-length mirror. i'm guessing that - like most guys - he has a potbelly, or some other physical feature that is not perfect. draw his attention to this in an unflattering way and ask him how he feels when you criticize him for this. if he is shocked or hurt then honestly tellhim how he did/does the same thing to you. turn about is fair play, even for family members.

That's just asking for more trouble. It appears the thread starter did nothing but post here.

I don't like it.

[Edited 7/27/18 22:51pm]