Two weeks ago my dad collapsed with blood sugar over 800. After about two weeks he was back home and sugar was normal.

Then, tonight, I get this text out of the blue from him:

Just so you won't get your drawers all twisted in a knot, I'm going back to the V.A. hospital in the morning. That's in [town name]. Something about my kidneys. I don't know any more than that. Don't call me because I need to rest. Do you understand that? No calls. PERIOD. I'll get back to you when I get home. Do you understand me? Three or four days."

I mean, am I overreacting by thinking he was being a shithead without cause?

Respect his wishes. From what I read, he isn't being a s***head.

It sounds like my father. He just wants you to know if he has bad news to let him deal with it and not worry. I would keep it on the downlow.

I feel bad for your Dad.

I feel bad for TP because of course he is worried about his Dad and wants to know what is going on with him, and talk to the Drs if need be.

I swear men and their health. *grumble, grumble* Well, he did let you know something that's a plus. Hopefully you can get info other ways.

EmmaMcG said:

It's hard to say without context but given that you say he sent this text out of the blue, I'm guessing there was no context?

There was no text before. In fact, the last text before that was weeks prior. I'd not talked to him since over a week ago on the phone. He's not a texting person. It was out of the blue last night. The only context I could give was in my original post.

This is the kind of text my sisters and I might get from our parents (if our parents were the texting type). They are very afraid of being micromanaged - especially when it comes to health issues. As well-meaning as the input of their children might be, they do not relish the idea of being given advice or - as they see it - being treated like children.

As long as he is not in actual danger and you do not have guardianship, there is little you can do except respect his wishes. If you try to get in touch with his doctors, it will get back to him.

That said, once this crisis is past, you may want to talk with him about things like health care power of attorney and end-of-life issues. Don't try to do it now - it'll just freak him out more. But as I recently told my parents, the time to plan is before there is a crisis. I have their health care power of attorney, but there is so much more we need to iron out - so I will be having "the talk" with them next month.

RodeoSchro said:

Respect his wishes. From what I read, he isn't being a s***head.

Genesia said:

This is the kind of text my sisters and I might get from our parents (if our parents were the texting type). They are very afraid of being micromanaged - especially when it comes to health issues. As well-meaning as the input of their children might be, they do not relish the idea of being given advice or - as they see it - being treated like children.

As long as he is not in actual danger and you do not have guardianship, there is little you can do except respect his wishes. If you try to get in touch with his doctors, it will get back to him.

That said, once this crisis is past, you may want to talk with him about things like health care power of attorney and end-of-life issues. Don't try to do it now - it'll just freak him out more. But as I recently told my parents, the time to plan is before there is a crisis. I have their health care power of attorney, but there is so much more we need to iron out - so I will be having "the talk" with them next month.

Well said Genesia. Wait till he gets back in touch with you. Having "the talk" with your parents also depends on how close you are with him. I have two siblings but I was the one to with whom my mom entrusted these items. We both knew my siblings could not emotionally handle it.

i hope all is well.

Genesia said:

This is the kind of text my sisters and I might get from our parents (if our parents were the texting type). They are very afraid of being micromanaged - especially when it comes to health issues. As well-meaning as the input of their children might be, they do not relish the idea of being given advice or - as they see it - being treated like children.

As long as he is not in actual danger and you do not have guardianship, there is little you can do except respect his wishes. If you try to get in touch with his doctors, it will get back to him.

That said, once this crisis is past, you may want to talk with him about things like health care power of attorney and end-of-life issues. Don't try to do it now - it'll just freak him out more. But as I recently told my parents, the time to plan is before there is a crisis. I have their health care power of attorney, but there is so much more we need to iron out - so I will be having "the talk" with them next month.

I don't know his doctors from a can of paint. He is 1500 miles away. My 411 on anything about him is limited just because of sheer distance. I've never tried to manage him, because I can't do that from this far away anyway. His ex-wife helps him when he needs it. He lives on his own (he's 75) and does relatively okay without the help of a nurse or home assistant or anything like that.

I think with my parents they don't want anyone to know. They don't want it out on social media so no one robs the house and/or they feel sick and people start to stop by the house and bother them. Like myself, I don't want people to know about health issues or marriage or rehab.

that seems like his way of saying "do not worry about me"

He seriously just does not want to be bothered while he is recovering or going through. If my dad sent that to me I would make sure I speak to the doctor but not him at the very least

LadyLayla said:

Genesia said:

This is the kind of text my sisters and I might get from our parents (if our parents were the texting type). They are very afraid of being micromanaged - especially when it comes to health issues. As well-meaning as the input of their children might be, they do not relish the idea of being given advice or - as they see it - being treated like children.

As long as he is not in actual danger and you do not have guardianship, there is little you can do except respect his wishes. If you try to get in touch with his doctors, it will get back to him.

That said, once this crisis is past, you may want to talk with him about things like health care power of attorney and end-of-life issues. Don't try to do it now - it'll just freak him out more. But as I recently told my parents, the time to plan is before there is a crisis. I have their health care power of attorney, but there is so much more we need to iron out - so I will be having "the talk" with them next month.

Well said Genesia. Wait till he gets back in touch with you. Having "the talk" with your parents also depends on how close you are with him. I have two siblings but I was the one to with whom my mom entrusted these items. We both knew my siblings could not emotionally handle it.

My problem right now is that my parents trust me - but my youngest sister is a bossy, mouthy know-it-all who keeps cocking all that up. I mean...she's at their house now...and she sent a text last night that she's so tired of them being "stuck on stupid" (her exact words, if you can imagine anything so disrespectful). Of course, she sent it at 9:00 at night, so I'm sure she was a few drinks in, at that point.

Meanwhile, I'm going to visit them in May and will probably be met with a wall of silence when I try to work on some things with them, because of how my sister acted while she was there.

That must be hard, Trivial! I imagine it would feel weird to get this rather urgent text and then be told to cool it at the same time!!! All the same, I cosign to the sentiment to respect his wishes and hose off his tone.