you might have seen this before. regardless, the advice is timeless.

> > Subject: HOW TO TAKE A POOP AT WORK.
> >
> > HOW TO TAKE A POOP AT WORK. We've all been there but
> > don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our
> > cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as
> > we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
> > inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following
> > is the 2000 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
> >
> > Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will
> > become a pure pleasure.
> >
> > ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while
> > taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall.
> >
> > This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> > panic embarrassment.
> >
> > This is similar to the hot flash you receive when
> > passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release
> > an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.
> >
> > If you are standing next to the farter in the
> > urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
> > escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
> > laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
> >
> >
> > JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
> >
> > Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip
> > out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of
> > diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic.
> >
> > Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to
> > spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
> >
> >
> > COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the
> > toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water
> > and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location.
> >
> > This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
> > stink up the bathroom.
> >
> > This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
> > OF SHAME.
> >
> >
> > WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall,
> > to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the
> > bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment
> > if someone walks in and busts you.
> >
> > As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
> > does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
> > COURTESY FLUSH.
> >
> >
> > OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague
> > who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often
> > see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
> > newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look
> > around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before
> > entering the bathroom.
> >
> >
> > THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition:
> > A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
> > emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can
> > help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet
> > Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
> >
> >
> > SAFE HAVENS. Definition: A seldom used bathroom
> > somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors.
> >
> > Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
> > This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
> > entering the bathroom.
> >
> >
> > TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not
> > realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the
> > door open.
> >
> > This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
> > moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this
> > occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
> > This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
> >
> >
> > CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phony cough that alerts
> > all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall.
> >
> > This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> > alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used
> > in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
> >
> > ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used
> > to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a
> > stall.
> >
> > This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
> >> > If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
> > immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
> >
> >
> > WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud
> > splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an
> > embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
> > coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
> >
> > HAVANA OMELET. Definition: A load of diarrhea that
> > creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water.
> >
> > Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
> > Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
> >
> >
> > UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to
> > linger around forever.
> >
> > Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
> > mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it
> > difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always
> > wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty.
> >
> > This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
> >
> > FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a
> > bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers.
> >
> > If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
> > back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
> > People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly
> > going into the bathroom.

The Org - ur source 4 the news that u need... and now 2day's weather, take it away 2the9s! and later on, Aaron with Sports!

OMG... THIS HAD TO BE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME.. THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LAUGH CHICO!!!

funny..although i wish i wasn't eating when i read it

silkyspread said:

You're very welcome Silky!!
My apologies Mr. Bliss...

---

Oh man! I wish I hadn't just eaten my lunch.

This is funny I like to in the bathroom and it makes me laugh when I think about whoever might be hit by a cloud .

It was so funny that it made me shit my pants.

ROFLMAO!!! :LOL:

I can't take a dump at work because there's only one bathroom and it's for everyone. I don't want the people looking at me in looking because there's a smell coming from the bathroom. I can imagine their faces

Ha ha ha! It is so true !

I am definitely an "OUT OF THE CLOSET" POOPER
[This message was edited Wed Oct 30 14:13:28 PST 2002 by exoglitz]

LMFAO
oldies but goodies

Whatever happened to Chico,anyway??

:LOL: ROFLMAO