A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.

To his dismay, there were thousands of

people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.

To his surprise,

St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down

the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly.

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands

and guided him up to the front of the line,

and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said,

"I don't mind all this attention,

but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied,

"Well, I've added up all the hours for which

you billed your clients,

and by my calculation you must be about

193 years old!"

----

These two guys,

George and Harry,

set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.

After 37 hours in the air, George says

"Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".

Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon,

and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.

George says,

"I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground".

So Harry yells down to the man

"Hey, could you tell us where we are?".

And the man on the ground yells back

"You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".

George turns to Harry and says

"That man must be a lawyer".

Harry says

"How can you tell?".

George says

"Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate,

and totally useless".

also, the lawyer will later bill them for his advice

[Edited 1/5/18 17:48pm]

.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

purplethunder3121 said:

.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"