This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years,

the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly

every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell

would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off

because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor,

she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner

and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards,

neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts,

and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband

was sound asleep and,

gently pulling the bed covers back,

she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants

and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken

with his usual trumpeting which was followed by

a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps

as he ran into the bath room.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing,

tears in her eyes!

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later,

her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with

a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “Honey you were right…

all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,

and today it finally happened,

but by the grace of god,

some Vaseline and two fingers.

I think I got most of them back in..."

A lot of people cry when they cut an onion.

The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

Two men were talking.

"So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special.

I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know,

I get a little each month,

but not enough to live on.”

thank you for posting jokes King. makes me laugh

XxAxX said:

thank you for posting jokes King. makes me laugh

i gotta make sure i'm

ready for tomorrow...

KingBAD said:

XxAxX said:

thank you for posting jokes King. makes me laugh

i gotta make sure i'm

ready for tomorrow...

KingBAD said:

Two men were talking.

"So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special.

I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know,

I get a little each month,

but not enough to live on.”

Score!

BADD!!!