The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex

often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where

to do it before he got home to his wife.

He couldn't do it in his office.

He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.

He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

Finally, he realized his solution.

On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.

He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.

Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied,

"What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there

because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

a blind man went for a job in a lumber yard.

the owner asks him "but what would you be able to do around here???"

and the man explained that he could identify any wood just by smell.

so they decided to test him. and sure enough he was correct every time.

they decided to pull a fast one on him and brought the secretary out and

had her lay on a bench.

the man came over had a sniff then asked for them to turn it over.

they did so and he took another smell and a knowin smile came to his face.

he laughed and said "thought you could fool me huh?

this is an old shithouse door off a fishing boat"

A man applied for a job as a lumberjack and was hired. The first week he cut down more lumber than anyone else but the following Monday he called in and said he was sick. But he showed up Tuesday and once again cut more lumber than anyone else the rest of the week.

However, again he called in Monday and said he was sick. This went on for a month. He would work Tuesday through Friday like a madman, and then call in Monday and say he was sick.

His boss brought him into the office. "I'm worried about you," he said. "You call in every Monday and say you're sick. Do you have a problem? Drugs? Alcohol? Money?"

"Yes, but nothing like that," said the man. "You see, my sister is married to an abusive guy. He gets drunk Friday after work, then comes home and beats her. I show up, stop it, and comfort her. Then one thing leads to another and we spend all day in Monday fooling around in bed".

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!" exclaimed the boss.

"Hey," said the guy, "I told you I was sick!"

RodeoSchro said:

A man applied for a job as a lumberjack and was hired. The first week he cut down more lumber than anyone else but the following Monday he called in and said he was sick. But he showed up Tuesday and once again cut more lumber than anyone else the rest of the week.

However, again he called in Monday and said he was sick. This went on for a month. He would work Tuesday through Friday like a madman, and then call in Monday and say he was sick.

His boss brought him into the office. "I'm worried about you," he said. "You call in every Monday and say you're sick. Do you have a problem? Drugs? Alcohol? Money?"

"Yes, but nothing like that," said the man. "You see, my sister is married to an abusive guy. He gets drunk Friday after work, then comes home and beats her. I show up, stop it, and comfort her. Then one thing leads to another and we spend all day in Monday fooling around in bed".

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!" exclaimed the boss.

"Hey," said the guy, "I told you I was sick!"

LOL, I thought that one would be a hit!

There's an Orger on Facebook whose got a thread about rubbing olive oil on her boobs, as it's supposed to firm them up. Think I ought to post this joke on that thread?

******************************

A woman told her husband, "I want a boob job". The husband said, "Great, but we can't afford that right now. And really, you don't need to see a doctor. Just rub some toilet paper on your boobs every day and before long, they'll be huge!"

"How can rubbing toilet paper on my boobs make them grow?" she asked.

The man said, "I don't know, but it sure worked on your ass!"

BADD!!!!

RodeoSchro said:

A man applied for a job as a lumberjack and was hired. The first week he cut down more lumber than anyone else but the following Monday he called in and said he was sick. But he showed up Tuesday and once again cut more lumber than anyone else the rest of the week.

However, again he called in Monday and said he was sick. This went on for a month. He would work Tuesday through Friday like a madman, and then call in Monday and say he was sick.

His boss brought him into the office. "I'm worried about you," he said. "You call in every Monday and say you're sick. Do you have a problem? Drugs? Alcohol? Money?"

"Yes, but nothing like that," said the man. "You see, my sister is married to an abusive guy. He gets drunk Friday after work, then comes home and beats her. I show up, stop it, and comfort her. Then one thing leads to another and we spend all day in Monday fooling around in bed".

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!" exclaimed the boss.

"Hey," said the guy, "I told you I was sick!"

RodeoSchro said:

LOL, I thought that one would be a hit!

There's an Orger on Facebook whose got a thread about rubbing olive oil on her boobs, as it's supposed to firm them up. Think I ought to post this joke on that thread?

******************************

A woman told her husband, "I want a boob job". The husband said, "Great, but we can't afford that right now. And really, you don't need to see a doctor. Just rub some toilet paper on your boobs every day and before long, they'll be huge!"

"How can rubbing toilet paper on my boobs make them grow?" she asked.

The man said, "I don't know, but it sure worked on your ass!"

depends....

friend or foe?

either way would work for me