one is a sociopath....

It's quite sad that yet again a thread gets hijacked. As Joey said mental illness is one of the least understood and hardest things to struggle through. Sufferers often self medicate through drink or drugs. My advice to the OP is to not worry about Christmas too much, people who care will understand the stress you are under, and if I am correct and you are juggling a job and study then make sure you do not undertake too much. I've seen it too many times, empoyers putting pressure on students to work through the holidays with no consideration for assignments etc... As a fellow linguist (IIRC) I'm interested - what were you on the radio for?

[Edited 12/20/16 2:49am]

maplenpg said:

It's quite sad that yet again a thread gets hijacked. As Joey said mental illness is one of the least understood and hardest things to struggle through. Sufferers often self medicate through drink or drugs. My advice to the OP is to not worry about Christmas too much, people who care will understand the stress you are under, and if I am correct and you are juggling a job and study then make sure you do not undertake too much. I've seen it too many times, empoyers putting pressure on students to work through the holidays with no consideration for assignments etc... As a fellow linguist (IIRC) I'm interested - what were you on the radio for?

[Edited 12/20/16 2:49am]

It was a scholarly talk on popular culture. We briefly mentioned Prince

done with school until 2017. Had the final class of a subject today, was about to cry but got through it and passed the subject.

[Edited 12/20/16 8:48am]

I'm really, really scared of the next two days. When I was younger, I used to be excited about Christmas. Nowadays, I don't want them to exist.

FullLipsDotNose said:

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I'm really, really scared of the next two days. When I was younger, I used to be excited about Christmas. Nowadays, I don't want them to exist.

Why is that, do you think? Like, what separates Christmas from any other time of year that makes you more unhappy?

Because there's so much pressure on those days. Everyone talks aboout Christmas from autumn and it's a big event. If you oversleep Easter or your birthday, it's not a big deal. And it's not a big deal to oversleep New Year's Eve either lol. I spent the evening packing gifts and thinking if they are perfect choices. I wouldn't feel like this if it was just someone's b-day party. On top of this, I'm introverted and there will be more people than ever in the house for the dinner, including people I hardly know and who I can't communicate with because we don't share any languages.

FullLipsDotNose said:

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said: Why is that, do you think? Like, what separates Christmas from any other time of year that makes you more unhappy?

Because there's so much pressure on those days. Everyone talks aboout Christmas from autumn and it's a big event. If you oversleep Easter or your birthday, it's not a big deal. And it's not a big deal to oversleep New Year's Eve either lol. I spent the evening packing gifts and thinking if they are perfect choices. I wouldn't feel like this if it was just someone's b-day party. On top of this, I'm introverted and there will be more people than ever in the house for the dinner, including people I hardly know and who I can't communicate with because we don't share any languages.

what's the worse thing that can happen?

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I'm really, really scared of the next two days. When I was younger, I used to be excited about Christmas. Nowadays, I don't want them to exist.

Why is that, do you think? Like, what separates Christmas from any other time of year that makes you more unhappy?

startin as early as september people are bombarded with images of what happy is suppose to look like. the images are damn near impossible to duplicate especially for those who cannot afford to be so happy... folks are made to feel that 'stuff' can make things better than they are OR that, even without the stuff, that people are there or some diety is there to make them feel better...

memories of those 'other' times and the denial that they will never be again come in to play.

AND LASTLY... the winter weather adds to the emotional gloom... people love to do the 'woe is me' thing in the winter, if only to make others just as unhappy...

FullLipsDotNose said:

MoBettaBliss said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Because there's so much pressure on those days. Everyone talks aboout Christmas from autumn and it's a big event. If you oversleep Easter or your birthday, it's not a big deal. And it's not a big deal to oversleep New Year's Eve either lol. I spent the evening packing gifts and thinking if they are perfect choices. I wouldn't feel like this if it was just someone's b-day party. On top of this, I'm introverted and there will be more people than ever in the house for the dinner, including people I hardly know and who I can't communicate with because we don't share any languages.

what's the worse thing that can happen?

I can do something awkward and everyone will be angry at me. I will cry and everyone will be angrier at me. I will then write on the org that I'm useless, everyone here will be angry at me, I'll get a ban, so I'll cry for the rest of my life.

FullLipsDotNose said:

MoBettaBliss said:

what's the worse thing that can happen?

I can do something awkward and everyone will be angry at me. I will cry and everyone will be angrier at me. I will then write on the org that I'm useless, everyone here will be angry at me, I'll get a ban, so I'll cry for the rest of my life.

if you do something awkward, will everyone be angry at you?... seriously



.

[Edited 12/24/16 0:41am]

MoBettaBliss said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I can do something awkward and everyone will be angry at me. I will cry and everyone will be angrier at me. I will then write on the org that I'm useless, everyone here will be angry at me, I'll get a ban, so I'll cry for the rest of my life.

if you do something awkward, will everyone be angry at you?... seriously



.

[Edited 12/24/16 0:41am]

Why not? I see it all the time - someone says something awkward, spills tea or treads on someone's toe and everyone is pissed off.

FullLipsDotNose said:

MoBettaBliss said:

if you do something awkward, will everyone be angry at you?... seriously

Why not? I see it all the time - someone says something awkward, spills tea or treads on someone's toe and everyone is pissed off.

Then you need to surround yourself with better people. If it's friends and relatives that are doing that, they are the ones who should be ashamed.

The party is over now. It was weird. I don't know what exactly happened and I don't want to talk about it in details either, because it takes me a few years backward and I see unresolved family issues. I suppose that when I get up in the morning, I'll feel upset. Or maybe suicidal again.

ATM I'm not feeling anything. We drank a lot and now I'm psychically numb. I can't feel happiness, sadness, anger, nor fear. But I know it's bad. This house is awkward and I shouldn't be here, so maybe I'll have to leave earlier than I planned.

.

[Edited 1/22/17 11:03am]

QueenofCardboard said:

I have:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Commitment Phobia

Social Phobia

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Postpartom Depression/Anxiety

Seasonal Affective Disorder

A husband who is a hoarder

been under severe financial strain since 2008

been sober for eighteen years now.

read every self help book, tried every exercise plan and mental health maintenance program.

The only thing that ever helped me was getting on the right medication and joining a women's support group.

Those twelve steppers that tell you not to get on medication, because "it will interfere with your recovery", don't know what they are talking about.

Medication works, if it is the right one or the right combination of medications.

Don't kick yourself for having mood disorders, get yourself to a good psychiatrist, and find a good support group.

Sometimes if you can't find a good support group that fits for you, you can start your own.

That is what I ended up doing and all the women who joined it were very appreciative to me for starting that group.

Congratulations on getting through the semester, and through Christmas Eve.

The worst is over and every coming day will be a little longer for a while.

Be proud of yourself for being such a high functioning person despite all of your emotional difficulties

And read Desiderata by Max Erhmann

[Edited 12/24/16 21:44pm]

Thanks a lot! Seems we share a few syndroms and disorders (the ones I highlighted).

THANK YOU, GRANDPARENTS!!! Got a purple poster

Happy new year to everyone. Lots of love, understanding, and sanity, if possible

FullLipsDotNose said:

QueenofCardboard said:

I have:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Commitment Phobia

Social Phobia

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Postpartom Depression/Anxiety

Seasonal Affective Disorder

A husband who is a hoarder

been under severe financial strain since 2008

been sober for eighteen years now.

read every self help book, tried every exercise plan and mental health maintenance program.

The only thing that ever helped me was getting on the right medication and joining a women's support group.

Those twelve steppers that tell you not to get on medication, because "it will interfere with your recovery", don't know what they are talking about.

Medication works, if it is the right one or the right combination of medications.

Don't kick yourself for having mood disorders, get yourself to a good psychiatrist, and find a good support group.

Sometimes if you can't find a good support group that fits for you, you can start your own.

That is what I ended up doing and all the women who joined it were very appreciative to me for starting that group.

Congratulations on getting through the semester, and through Christmas Eve.

The worst is over and every coming day will be a little longer for a while.

Be proud of yourself for being such a high functioning person despite all of your emotional difficulties

And read Desiderata by Max Erhmann

[Edited 12/24/16 21:44pm]

Thanks a lot! Seems we share a few syndroms and disorders (the ones I highlighted).

I'm Bipolar Type I. I was diagnosed at 17 and am now 38. Like you, the most helpful thing for me was getting on the right medication. Unfortunatly it took years of trial and error. In between I had 3 major hospitalizations, ECT and several suicide attempts. Support groups are helpful because it's good to be around people who not only understand how you feel but also understand the challenges you face with some of the heavier psychiatric medications. Mood stabilizers and antipsychotics have some pretty horrendous side effects. Through all the ups and downs over the years I'm now no longer afraid to live and I don't keep suicide in my back pocket. To the OP, remember, at the end of the day, you only have to answer to yourself! Don't worrying about pleasing others.

FullLipsDotNose said:

The party is over now. It was weird. I don't know what exactly happened and I don't want to talk about it in details either, because it takes me a few years backward and I see unresolved family issues. I suppose that when I get up in the morning, I'll feel upset. Or maybe suicidal again.

ATM I'm not feeling anything. We drank a lot and now I'm psychically numb. I can't feel happiness, sadness, anger, nor fear. But I know it's bad. This house is awkward and I shouldn't be here, so maybe I'll have to leave earlier than I planned.

FullLips, it sounds like you grew up under a lot of stress. Also, being a "people pleaser". That will cause a a tremendous amount of stess/anxiety on anyone. Then too, you may not be getting the proper nutrition, exercise (to get those endorphines going, to help you relax). I won't go into a sermon here on the Org but if you care to, check out "Rare Earths" Forbidden Cures by Dr. Joel D. Wallach (you can find it on Amazon). I think you'll find it interesting and helpful.

destructive mood again

.

[Edited 1/22/17 11:03am]

I haven't taken meds since 2010 but i have changed my diet significantly and spend a great deal of time listening to motivational speakiers and reading motivational books.

I beg anybody with psych issues to look at how much time they spend outside and also their diet. Before you drop your drugs even. Just start upping your walks outdoors, eat less refined foods and go on the internet and see what else you can do along with the perscribed medications.

[Edited 1/4/17 15:34pm]

Deadflow3r said:

I haven't taken meds since 2010 but i have changed my diet significantly and spend a great deal of time listening to motivational speakiers and reading motivational books.

I beg anybody with psych issues to look at how much time they spend outside and also their diet. Before you drop your drugs even. Just start upping your walks outdoors, eat less refined foods and go on the internet and see what else you can do along with the perscribed medications.

[Edited 1/4/17 15:34pm]

I'd love to go outside, but it's snowy and frosty these days. I'm worried about going outside cause I may slip easily and having your butt hurt's not fun. And even if it wasn't snowy and frosty, there would be a lot of mud in the countryside (I have been polishing my shoes recently). I can't wait for the spring.

Deadflow3r said:

I haven't taken meds since 2010 but i have changed my diet significantly and spend a great deal of time listening to motivational speakiers and reading motivational books.

I beg anybody with psych issues to look at how much time they spend outside and also their diet. Before you drop your drugs even. Just start upping your walks outdoors, eat less refined foods and go on the internet and see what else you can do along with the perscribed medications.

[Edited 1/4/17 15:34pm]

Yep, you said a mouthful. A lotta people don't realize that certain foods can cause anything from neurological issues to depression. I discovered the book Eat Right 4 Your Type by Dr. Peter D'Adamo and was totally knocked off my feet when I turned to the chapter on Type B (blood type) and read how the lectins in "chicken" affected Type Bs. I had all the symptoms (all types of neurological problems that mimicked multiple sclerosis and chronic fatigue syndrome) and that was basically all I ate as far as meat. I had sworn off pork and beef and ate very little turkey (chicken was my favorite poultry). Within 2 weeks of going on the Type B diet, those symptoms stopped. For Type O's wheat is the worst (causing depression/bipolar, schizophrenia, substance abuse ect.). It's the "gluten" in the wheat (whole and refined) that does a number on them. Years before he wrote the book, he'd been putting his patients on diets to lose weight. The diet worked for some of his patients but not for others. Thus began his study of the "blood types". He breaks it down to a "science" and it all makes sense. Also, as I stated in an earlier post, the book, Rare Earths, Forbidden Cures by Dr. Joel Wallach is another good one. He talks about (among other things) the body needing 99 essential vitamins, minerals and amino acids daily and if you don't get them the body will be thrown off balance after a while. Kudos to you Deadflow, on your change and improvement

[Edited 1/5/17 21:16pm]

I dislike the fact that I'm very sensitive. Especially with my father. Whenever we have argument, however small, I end up crying afterwards. I've been like this my whole life. I think he sometimes treated me harshly as a child, even other children that met him told me they were afraid of him. I know it's not his fault though; there's a history of autistic spectrum in my family and it's possible he's on the spectrum. But I can't help myself. I'm also aware that I inherited it from him in a number of ways, so I get really angry easily, for example. Now I'm afraid of having children and this is one of the reasons - I don't want them to be scared of me. I talked about it to my classmates at high school and they told me I wouldn't be like that because I already knew I didn't want to do it.

-

Secondly, even though I know he loves and just can't express it, I still think he (in addition to the rest of my family) doesn't approve of some of my lifestyle choices. I don't want to go into details, but I see he has double standards for men and women. I mean, he's not a chauvinist, but some of his opinions are not feminist IMO. So there are things I can't do or say in front of my family because it creates tension.

-

On the other hand, I feel guilty about all of this. I know my family loves me, but the fact they don't accept some things about me makes me sad and enervated. Not to mention that I see myself as weak because I'm so sensitive.

FullLipsDotNose said:

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I dislike the fact that I'm very sensitive. Especially with my father. Whenever we have argument, however small, I end up crying afterwards. I've been like this my whole life. I think he sometimes treated me harshly as a child, even other children that met him told me they were afraid of him. I know it's not his fault though; there's a history of autistic spectrum in my family and it's possible he's on the spectrum. But I can't help myself. I'm also aware that I inherited it from him in a number of ways, so I get really angry easily, for example. Now I'm afraid of having children and this is one of the reasons - I don't want them to be scared of me. I talked about it to my classmates at high school and they told me I wouldn't be like that because I already knew I didn't want to do it.

-

Secondly, even though I know he loves and just can't express it, I still think he (in addition to the rest of my family) doesn't approve of some of my lifestyle choices. I don't want to go into details, but I see he has double standards for men and women. I mean, he's not a chauvinist, but some of his opinions are not feminist IMO. So there are things I can't do or say in front of my family because it creates tension.

-

On the other hand, I feel guilty about all of this. I know my family loves me, but the fact they don't accept some things about me makes me sad and enervated. Not to mention that I see myself as weak because I'm so sensitive.

Sensitivity is not a weakness. The biggest problem you have is that you seem to think you have a problem. Now, obviously, I don't know you outside of the org, but you seem like a really nice person who just has a negative opinion of herself. That's not really unusual either though. A lot of people feel that way about themselves so again, it's not a problem exclusive to you and therefore there is no need to feel different or weak because of it. Just be proud of who you are. As for the issues with your father, I can't relate. I never knew my father. But my mother had fairly strong feelings about some of my lifestyle choices too. She didn't like it when she found out I had a girlfriend. She said it was unnatural. She wasn't totally homophobic, she encouraged experimentation, but she didn't like the idea of her daughter being in a RELATIONSHIP with another girl. On top of all that, she was never what I'd call a great mother. My older sister and I pretty much raised my brother. There's a lot of things I won't go into but I know, through everything, that she loved us. Unfortunately, she died 2 years ago at the ripe old age of 42 but I know that regardless of what she thought about my lifestyle or what I did or didn't do with my life, she loved me. And that's what matters. So if you're father is giving you a hard time or disagrees with some of your beliefs, at least you know he loves you despite your differences. As far as you having children goes, don't be afraid of repeating the same mistakes your parents made. You've lived through the other side of that relationship so you'll have a better understanding of things.

Thanks. I know it can be hard for relatives to accept someone's sexuality or gender. It takes time at best. But I think that even if I had a queer child, I'd have to deal with it on my own cause I'd be worried about them. When you've been through the same thing as your child you are more scared. And then some people can also say that the child is queer because of you, because you somehow intoxicated them or whatever. As if heterosexual parents only parented heterosexual children, haha.

FullLipsDotNose said: