Hello, I've now reached my low point. I've been attempting for the last four years to invite people on dates, only to find out they are already in a relationship or gay men (true story, don't laugh). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 20-to-30 yrs old, petite, good-looking, introverted, educated, and independent. I live in a city. I can't complain attention-wise, but I haven't found any of the guys attractive. In fact, I've only dated twice in my life. My first relationship was abusive and the second one ended because he didn't want a long distance relationship.

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Is it possible that I only attract people I don't like? So I can't find anyone compatible? Am I meant to be forever alone? It really sucks.

FullLipsDotNose said:

Hello, I've now reached my low point. I've been attempting for the last four years to invite people on dates, only to find out they are already in a relationship or gay men (true story, don't laugh). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 20-to-30 yrs old, petite, good-looking, introverted, educated, and independent. I live in a city. I can't complain attention-wise, but I haven't found any of the guys attractive. In fact, I've only dated twice in my life. My first relationship was abusive and the second one ended because he didn't want a long distance relationship.

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Is it possible that I only attract people I don't like? So I can't find anyone compatible? Am I meant to be forever alone? It really sucks.

don't be sad. dating can really suck. i'm no expert on relationships but even i know that! have you tried volunteering somewhere? it's a really good way to meet new people. you get to interact without the pressure of a *date*, and things can develop a lot more naturally. just my 2c. good luck

ps: remember, life isn't entirely about being in a relationship, some of my friends are married and really, really unhappy. it's worth holding out for a guy you really like, you can really trust, who helps you feel good about yourself.

FullLipsDotNose said:

Hello, I've now reached my low point. I've been attempting for the last four years to invite people on dates, only to find out they are already in a relationship or gay men (true story, don't laugh). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 20-to-30 yrs old, petite, good-looking, introverted, educated, and independent. I live in a city. I can't complain attention-wise, but I haven't found any of the guys attractive. In fact, I've only dated twice in my life. My first relationship was abusive and the second one ended because he didn't want a long distance relationship.

-

Is it possible that I only attract people I don't like? So I can't find anyone compatible? Am I meant to be forever alone? It really sucks.

Take the pressure off.

I can only share my experiences…I’ve had encounters with all types of women (particularly over the past couple of years)…and have appreciated sex is not the goal as such.

Just enjoy connecting with girls I have an interest with like sport/arts/conversation/architecture/music/travel – and they are all sorts…young/old/body types etc…

Sometimes the attraction is immediate…sometimes it has grown slow-burn.

I talk to some of my mates – and it is all about the end goal – sex – which then puts pressure on themselves and they don’t interact naturally with the opposite sex.

So, if you meet someone openly and get to know them and enjoy their company, then that is a start…you may not sexually fancy them…but they might have a friend in their social circle you do....and you may also see them in a different light

Also…bars are rubbish for meeting people imo – too much pressure/expectation… chat with folks in natural environments…and I find the interactions are far more open and genuine.

You come across as authentic (tree of life)… stay receptive to any contact you feel has a connection and let it grow…

Sometimes we get a bit too caught up in all the messages forced upon us in our daily lives about what we ought to be...rather than how we actually are...

H☮

No you are not doomed/ destined/ meant to be alone forever. You just haven't clicked with anyone yet.

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I know it can feel kind of hopeless when you've been lonely for a long time. Unfortunately when you are in that situation, it's easy to be so anxious that it's hard to make connections. You might rush into something with the first one that comes along, and when it doesn't work out, feel so bruised it's hard to get back out there. I feel for you.

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I'd make one recommendation when it comes to meeting people. Find an activity where potential partners can be found, something you enjoy doing and feel confident doing. Don't show up with the express intention of getting a date, just show up.

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I'm a musician. While none of my bands was ever famous or wealthy enough to command "groupies" or anything like that, it's no coincidence that almost every girl I went out with in my single days, I met when I was playing a show. That was a situation where I was at my MOST confident, had my chest puffed out a little bit, often surrounded by people who liked me or at least my band, maybe even had respect for me. I'm the same awkward pudgy guy, but in a situation where I could walk around like I owned the place. It surely made me a little more daring to go start a conversation with an attractive stranger. And they got to see me in my best light as a first impression. You know, of COURSE that's how I met girls.

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So I would try that. Take a class, join a club, anything where you can see and be seen in a place that's comfortable and makes you feel you're at your best. I wouldn't say "don't use those online apps", some people have found they work, but don't depend solely on them. I know for me, that would be starting from an uncomfortable place, I wouldn't be on my game, and if it didn't work out immediately I would feel rejected. It's a little weird meeting people under the pretense "hey maybe we should date?"

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Good luck.

Connected said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Hello, I've now reached my low point. I've been attempting for the last four years to invite people on dates, only to find out they are already in a relationship or gay men (true story, don't laugh). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 20-to-30 yrs old, petite, good-looking, introverted, educated, and independent. I live in a city. I can't complain attention-wise, but I haven't found any of the guys attractive. In fact, I've only dated twice in my life. My first relationship was abusive and the second one ended because he didn't want a long distance relationship.

-

Is it possible that I only attract people I don't like? So I can't find anyone compatible? Am I meant to be forever alone? It really sucks.

Take the pressure off.

I can only share my experiences…I’ve had encounters with all types of women (particularly over the past couple of years)…and have appreciated sex is not the goal as such.

Just enjoy connecting with girls I have an interest with like sport/arts/conversation/architecture/music/travel – and they are all sorts…young/old/body types etc…

Sometimes the attraction is immediate…sometimes it has grown slow-burn.

I talk to some of my mates – and it is all about the end goal – sex – which then puts pressure on themselves and they don’t interact naturally with the opposite sex.

So, if you meet someone openly and get to know them and enjoy their company, then that is a start…you may not sexually fancy them…but they might have a friend in their social circle you do....and you may also see them in a different light

Also…bars are rubbish for meeting people imo – too much pressure/expectation… chat with folks in natural environments…and I find the interactions are far more open and genuine.

You come across as authentic (tree of life)… stay receptive to any contact you feel has a connection and let it grow…

Sometimes we get a bit too caught up in all the messages forced upon us in our daily lives about what we ought to be...rather than how we actually are...

H☮

.

This is a really nice post.

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For me, I did meet a lot of my girflriends in bars since that's where we played, LOL. But it's different when it's a music gathering as opposed to like a singles bar. Not everyone you talk to is trying to score.

Thank y'all, I'll try to change my attitude and install Tinder.

EmmaMcG said:

The best thing to be is bisexual, then you have a shot at everybody. Believe me, I should know.

I would slightly disagree. My experience is that most of the women you fall in love with are not into women and if they do, they may fear you'll run away with a guy sooner or later. If you date a guy though, he won't have that insecurity, but he'll assume you'll fancy threesomes, and with other girls he likes. By all means, not everyone's like that, but this is nothing unusual.

FullLipsDotNose said:

Do you attend church? If so, consider their singles programs. It's a great place to start.

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Thank y'all, I'll try to change my attitude and install Tinder.

I would slightly disagree. My experience is that most of the women you fall in love with are not into women and if they do, they may fear you'll run away with a guy sooner or later. If you date a guy though, he won't have that insecurity, but he'll assume you'll fancy threesomes, and with other girls he likes. By all means, not everyone's like that, but this is nothing unusual.

I suppose I've been quite lucky as far as that goes. If they trust you they shouldn't be worried about you running off with a guy though. Likewise, if you're with a guy who loves you, he shouldn't be thinking about threesomes because if he has you, he shouldn't need anyone else. I know I might have a slightly idealised view on relationships, which probably explains why I don't have many exes, especially compared to my friends. I've had 4 boyfriends and 3 girlfriends since I was 13 (I'm 26 now), the longest relationship being 6 years, the shortest being 49 days (don't ask). I don't mind the time I'm single in between because when I eventually find someone I think is special or could be "the one", it makes the wait seem worth it. The worst thing you could do is change who you are. Be yourself and you will find someone sooner or later and it will be worth the wait.

That's fine. My longest relationship was 2 months, the shortest 2 weeks.

and I say don't be afraid to try out dating sites or apps.

I'm really curious - what would you say makes a good dating site or app?

bobzilla77 said:

Connected said:

Take the pressure off.

I can only share my experiences…I’ve had encounters with all types of women (particularly over the past couple of years)…and have appreciated sex is not the goal as such.

Just enjoy connecting with girls I have an interest with like sport/arts/conversation/architecture/music/travel – and they are all sorts…young/old/body types etc…

Sometimes the attraction is immediate…sometimes it has grown slow-burn.

I talk to some of my mates – and it is all about the end goal – sex – which then puts pressure on themselves and they don’t interact naturally with the opposite sex.

So, if you meet someone openly and get to know them and enjoy their company, then that is a start…you may not sexually fancy them…but they might have a friend in their social circle you do....and you may also see them in a different light

Also…bars are rubbish for meeting people imo – too much pressure/expectation… chat with folks in natural environments…and I find the interactions are far more open and genuine.

You come across as authentic (tree of life)… stay receptive to any contact you feel has a connection and let it grow…

Sometimes we get a bit too caught up in all the messages forced upon us in our daily lives about what we ought to be...rather than how we actually are...

H☮

.

This is a really nice post.

.

For me, I did meet a lot of my girflriends in bars since that's where we played, LOL. But it's different when it's a music gathering as opposed to like a singles bar. Not everyone you talk to is trying to score.

Thanks dude!

And you are spot on about going to places that put you in the best light...if looking to meet someone.

The distinguishing factor about bars is - you were the main attraction...and it is your natural habitat

For a a guy like me...I'd just be another numpty on the make...with a room full of guys also trying on their game.

Bad odds! and that isn't even factoring the likes of you!

Plus imo...women are geared to be chatted up in bars...which stacks the deck against the likes of me even more....and I just don't feel comfortable in that environment (maybe 20yrs ago - pre digital age!)

Hence, I find a more natural way to connect - a woman going about her daily business or somewhere that I enjoy and come across a like minded-soul i.e. a particular art exhibit...a specific sport...a class of some sort

Anywhere that has motivated us to go because of our own interest - and then you already know there is some commonality to build upon.

JustErin said:

There is some good advice here but I'm gonna say things that is likely to be a less popular opinion...but whatevs... I once read that people who are perpetually single (not by choice) are single because they are attempting to date out of their league. I'm not just talking physicality here, although it would be naive to deny that the physical component is a major factor, but I also mean intellectually, emotionally, culturally and even socio-economically. It's true that opposites can attract but I think statistically the birds of a feather rule applies to most of us. I also believe that the don't look for love and it will come to you advice is total bullocks. I don't know why people always say that. I guess that maybe it stems from the belief that a person that is happy and secure with themselves is most attractive (and I totally agree with this) but I don't think looking for love or not has anything to do with it. You said that the people you ask out are either in a relationship or gay so I would say that is your main problem. You need to put yourself in situations where single, interested in your sex people frequent and I say don't be afraid to try out dating sites or apps.

Nothing controversial here Erin - what you are saying makes alot of sense

Whatever people do that makes them comfortable and truthful is always the best way to go imo

And if it is bars or classes or internet dating or church or even parents/friends introductions - then cool...as long as you feel natural, then I believe it will exude confidence and subsequent attraction - because you won't feel anxious or pressure

I have met someone really interesting and we immediately started talking to each other. I have no idea what direction it will take tho.

RodeoSchro said:

Do you attend church? If so, consider their singles programs. It's a great place to start.

Even there you have to be careful; there are con-men (and women) who work the truly faithful in churches...

FullLipsDotNose said:

I have met someone really interesting and we immediately started talking to each other. I have no idea what direction it will take tho.

Nice - chuffed for you!

Just go with the flow - no expectation...enjoy the time and get to know each other...no rush...

Keep us posted from time-to-time

FullLipsDotNose said:

I have met someone really interesting and we immediately started talking to each other. I have no idea what direction it will take tho.

don't worry about the direction. from what i've seen when its right between two people, direction just sort of unfolds naturally without any forcing. good luck

As crazy as this may sound i am 55 and still wanting a relationship.

I often disagree with JustErin, but not this time. Opposites can attract but mostly people look for someone simular. I was on disablility for a while and am not any longer. While on disability and trying to get back to working I was attracting men that WANTED to get on disability and thought that that was basically the big lottery ticket in life. I was trying to pull myself out and was attracting men who thougtt I had it made.

Everybody had a vibe about them, people in general are attracted to those with a simular vibe. If you want to attract different people, change you first.

Deadflow3r said:

As crazy as this may sound i am 55 and still wanting a relationship.

I often disagree with JustErin, but not this time. Opposites can attract but mostly people look for someone simular. I was on disablility for a while and am not any longer. While on disability and trying to get back to working I was attracting men that WANTED to get on disability and thought that that was basically the big lottery ticket in life. I was trying to pull myself out and was attracting men who thougtt I had it made.

Everybody had a vibe about them, people in general are attracted to those with a simular vibe. If you want to attract different people, change you first.

Agreed - "The Law of Attraction" is an interesting philosophy founded in the principle of us holding up a mirror to the world.

Funnily, it is an area of exploration I have chosen as my next intellectual project.

It's weird how when we focus on something, we notice it more in the world around us....

Connected said:

…you may not sexually fancy them…but they might have a friend in their social circle you do....

Bloody calculating bastard!

....and I am one too!

He asked me out. Maybe he fancies me.

FullLipsDotNose said:

He asked me out. Maybe he fancies me.

Nice.

If he has asked you out - and is single - then he likes you...

And if you like him - then we have a match and a fun date!

Enjoy it...and just see where it leads...

Most regular guys are nervous when they ask out a girl they like out - we're not all "players"

Go with the flow - and keep us posted!

Best

Hx

FullLipsDotNose said:

Hello, I've now reached my low point. I've been attempting for the last four years to invite people on dates, only to find out they are already in a relationship or gay men (true story, don't laugh). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 20-to-30 yrs old, petite, good-looking, introverted, educated, and independent. I live in a city. I can't complain attention-wise, but I haven't found any of the guys attractive. In fact, I've only dated twice in my life. My first relationship was abusive and the second one ended because he didn't want a long distance relationship.

-

Is it possible that I only attract people I don't like? So I can't find anyone compatible? Am I meant to be forever alone? It really sucks.

You're a 20something...My advice to you since you're an introvert is to continue dating through friends, Family, coworkers & Online until you weed out the bad apples and find that Good Ripe one...It's a GREAT thing when people show you their TRUE-selves after 1 or more Dates...Then and only then can you decide if you wanna continue getting to know the real them or keep walking....More than anything enjoy your 20's/30's...Maybe your "Single Years" are meant for you to focus on yourself then God will bring the right Man into your Life...

FullLipsDotNose said:

He asked me out. Maybe he fancies me.

Do not get on your kness on first date please, and i u do be careful.

[Edited 10/25/16 16:05pm]

Chancellor said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Hello, I've now reached my low point. I've been attempting for the last four years to invite people on dates, only to find out they are already in a relationship or gay men (true story, don't laugh). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 20-to-30 yrs old, petite, good-looking, introverted, educated, and independent. I live in a city. I can't complain attention-wise, but I haven't found any of the guys attractive. In fact, I've only dated twice in my life. My first relationship was abusive and the second one ended because he didn't want a long distance relationship.

-

Is it possible that I only attract people I don't like? So I can't find anyone compatible? Am I meant to be forever alone? It really sucks.

You're a 20something...My advice to you since you're an introvert is to continue dating through friends, Family, coworkers & Online until you weed out the bad apples and find that Good Ripe one...It's a GREAT thing when people show you their TRUE-selves after 1 or more Dates...Then and only then can you decide if you wanna continue getting to know the real them or keep walking....More than anything enjoy your 20's/30's...Maybe your "Single Years" are meant for you to focus on yourself then God will bring the right Man into your Life...

Everything was cool...

Why bring God into it?

We all have enough shit to carry in life... without dogma like this.

Full Lips - just enjoy yourself...no expectation...no weight...no judgement...

Be comfortable and truthful...

And mindful...

Then be free to live your life... and fuck anyone who imposes anything upon you...

We don't choose to be born....we don't choose when we die....we sure as fuck choose how to live...

And none other than ourselves know our truth.... and that is all we have.

Best

Hx

Connected said:

Everything was cool...

Why bring God into it?

We all have enough shit to carry in life... without dogma like this.

Full Lips - just enjoy yourself...no expectation...no weight...no judgement...

Be comfortable and truthful...

And mindful...

Then be free to live your life... and fuck anyone who imposes anything upon you...

We don't choose to be born....we don't choose when we die....we sure as fuck choose how to live...

And none other than ourselves know our truth.... and that is all we have.

Best

Hx

Are you the OP of this thread?....No you're not....I'll mention God whenever I feel like it.....You gave whatever advice you wanted to give in multiple posts..Be happy with that...I replied to FullLips not you.....

Chancellor said:

Connected said:

Everything was cool...

Why bring God into it?

We all have enough shit to carry in life... without dogma like this.

Full Lips - just enjoy yourself...no expectation...no weight...no judgement...

Be comfortable and truthful...

And mindful...

Then be free to live your life... and fuck anyone who imposes anything upon you...

We don't choose to be born....we don't choose when we die....we sure as fuck choose how to live...

And none other than ourselves know our truth.... and that is all we have.

Best

Hx

Are you the OP of this thread?....No you're not....I'll mention God whenever I feel like it.....You gave whatever advice you wanted to give in multiple posts..Be happy with that...I replied to FullLips not you.....

Chill out mate - God is in your mind...

And this is a forum