Last night, I got settled in bed and did my usual channel-flipping while my wife drifted off to Never-Never Land. What would it be? The usuals? "Big Bang Theory"? "Rules of Engagement"? "Curse Myself For Not Getting My DVR Fixed So I Could Watch Something I've Recorded"?

But wait! What was that? "Unforgiven"? The awesome Clint Eastwood cowboy movie? And it's just started?!? Heck to the YEAH!

So I watched "Unforgiven".

Clint Eastwood plays William Munney, a murderous cowboy. Or, as you will see, an assassin. Isn't that an interesting word for a cowboy movie? Now, I've read well over 100 Louis L'Amour western novels, probably 50 or 60 Louis L'LAmour western short stories, and at least 30 other western novels by people like Zane Grey, etc. Let's not forget that I've watched 100s and 100s of western movies and TV shows. Also, I am RODEO Schro. R-O-D-E-O, as in ""Yee haw, watch this!!!!" R-O-D-E-O. Well, OK - I myself am not a rodeo cowboy. But I do work for one, and I ride a horse, and I have own a lot of cowboy hats. So between all this cowboy experience, do you know how many other times I've heard the word "assassin" used in a western context?

Zero.

That's what makes this so great! We'll come back to the greatness of this word in a moment.

I tuned in about 10 minutes after "Unforgiven" started. The great Gene Hackman is Little Bill, the sheriff of Big Whiskey and he's got English Bob in his jail cell. He has beaten the absolute crap out of English Bob. Also in the jail cell is another English guy, but his name isn't Bob. It's Mr. Peepers, or something like that. Mr. Peepers is a biographer and has written a story about a great shoot-out that English Bob was involved in. Except, Mr. Peepers wasnt actually AT the shoot-out and has written down how English Bob says it went down. Which is fine, except...

Little Bill WAS at the shoot-out, and tells Mr. Peepers it didn't happen at all like English Bob said. It was basically two drunks that messed up, and one ended up dead. So Mr. Peepers is now enamored of Little Bill.

And he shouldn't be. You see, the proprietor of Big Whiskey's saloon/bordello is a real a-hole who is mean to his hookers. And he lets the cowboys mistreat them, including one time where a couple of cowboys lay into one of the girls with their knives and turn her into the female Joker. What does Little Bill do? Nothing.

So the hookers pool their money and send for Clint Eastwood to come and kill the two cowboys, as well as the saloon proprietor, who let these guys get away with it. I don't know why they didn't also hire Eastwood to kill Little Bill but they didn't. However, guess what happens?

Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, and The Kid ride into town. Freeman and The Kid go upstairs with the hookers, while Eastwood sits at a table. He's really sick, though. Little Bill and his deputies come in and ask Eastwood for his gun. Seems there's an ordinance that says all guns must be checked into the sheriff's custody while the cowboy is in town.

SIDE NOTE - This really IS how it was in The Old West. Gunplay got to be so bad that towns outlawed the possession of guns. You had to check your guns with the sheriff. So the next time some right-wing gun nut goes on about how he wishes 'Murica would go back to how it was in The Old West, or how Open Carry is going to make us all safer, direct him to this movie review.

Eastwood makes a mistake and says he doesn't have a gun. Of course he has a gun! He's Clint Freaking Eastwood! He was BORN with a gun! This infuriates Little Bill, who proceeds to kick the dogpoop out of the sick-and-near-death Eastwood. Bad move! Eastwood crawls out of the saloon, and he, Freeman and The Kid make it out of town.

The Kid is a little braggart, always yapping about how he's killed 5 men so far and can't wait to kill the two cowboys they've come to assassinate.

Assassinate! There's that word again!

Eastwood almost dies but doesn't; turns down "a free one" from the scarred hooker; sees ghosts; and decides he's sick and tired of The Kid's constant yapping. But now that he's recovered, it's time to earn his money.

They ambush one of the bad cowboys while he's riding the range with some buddies. Freeman shoots but hits the horse instead of the cowboy. The horse is laying on the cowboy, who is now defenseless. But Freeman just can't bring himself to finish it. The Kid starts yapping, so Eastwood takes Freeman's rifle and completes the assignment. However, they are only there to kill that one cowboy (the other cowboy isn't there at the time), so they don't shoot his buddies. This, of course, leaves those guys free to ride into town and tell Little Bill that assassins got Cowboy 1 and are coming for Cowboy 2.

Morgan Freeman quits and rides away.

Little Bill's deputies hole up Cowboy 2 in the ranch house. Although everyone in the world knows Eastwood and The Kid are going to stake out the ranch house, Little Bill places no deputies outside. They're all inside, playing cards and laughing and drinking. Now, playing cards and laughing are fine, but drinking? Well as we guys know, drinking leads to peeing and do you think the ranch house has indoor plumbing? No, it does not!

Eastwood and The Kid stake out the outhouse, knowing that sooner or later Cowboy 2 is going to have to empty his bladder. Which he does! Eastwood tells The Kid, "You can shoot him". The Kid kicks open the outhouse door and there's Cowboy 2 on the pot. Cowboy 2 puts up his hands, asks for mercy, and gets shot 3 times whilst pooping. The Kid now has his first notch on the old gun belt! (Sure, he was lying about killing 5 men. No one believed him anyway.)

This leads to my whole reason for watching "Unforgiven"!

The deputies in the house hear the gunshots. The big fat deputy bursts out the door (which, upon reflection, was pretty impressive considering his girth), sees Eastwood and The Kid hightailing it out of there, and says,

"Assassins!"

Man, I just love that. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've heard hired killers called everything you can think of except that. And make no mistake - it's an accurate term. But it's one that has just never, ever, to my knowledge, been used in any genre of western. Let's say it again!

"Assassins!"

Eastwood and The Kid get away and meet the scarred hooker outside their hideout. The hooker informs Eastwood that Morgan Freeman had been caught, tortured and killed by Little Bill. This makes Eastwood very, very mad. Mad enough to do exactly what you think he's going to do.

But The Kid declines to join the party. It seems that killing a man wasn't quite as much fun as he thought it would be. So he gives Eastwood his gun and says he's never going to own a gun again. Left unsaid is that now, The Kid will spend the rest of his life as a wanted man until the day he's caught and hung.

Eastwood rides back into town and enters the saloon. He's got a shotgun. He asks, "Who owns this place?" The sleazy proprietor says, "I do". Eastwood says, "You people next to him better move away". And then Mr. Sleazy Proprietor gets the first barrel of the shotgun.

Then Eastwood looks at Little Bill and tells all the people around Little Bill that they'd better move away. Little Bill tries to play tough but Eastwood pulls the trigger.

Click!

"Gun jam!" says Little Bill, smiling as he now sees his chance. Fool!

No one EVER has a chance against Clint Freaking Eastwood in a gun battle! Eastwood shoots Little Bill and everyone else that has the temerity to draw their gun. All those guys are dead except for Little Bill. He's still alive but Eastwood notices that and stands over him with a rifle.

"I don't deserve this," says Little Bill. "I'm building a house. I don't deserve to die this way". I'm thinking, what? You deserve to die falling off a ladder? Anyway, Eastwood delivers the second-best line in this great movie when he says:

"Deserves got nothing to do with it".

Blam! Goodbye, Little Bill.

Eastwood then tells everyone else alive that they can either leave, or get shot. Then he walks out of the bar to his horse and yells at the town, "Anyone that shoots at me, I'm going to kill you, your family, your friends, and then I'm going to burn down your house!" No one shoots at him. As he rides out, he passes Morgan Freeman, whose body Little Bill had placed in a coffin and put up a sign that said "This is what happens to assassins in Big Whiskey!" Eastwood looks at it, turns to the town, and shouts, "You people better give Ned a proper burial or I'm going to come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches!"

And......scene!

The epilogue tells us that Eastwood apparently rode back home, collected his kids, buried his wife, and went to San Francisco where he prospered in the dry goods business.

Great movie! You should watch it! Since Eastwood mainly used a six-shooter, I rate "Unforgiven" as 5 bullets out of 6 bullets. Bang!

RodeoSchro said:

EmmaMcG said:

RodeoSchro said:

Last night, I got settled in bed and did my usual channel-flipping while my wife drifted off to Never-Never Land. What would it be? The usuals? "Big Bang Theory"? "Rules of Engagement"? "Curse Myself For Not Getting My DVR Fixed So I Could Watch Something I've Recorded"?

But wait! What was that? "Unforgiven"? The awesome Clint Eastwood cowboy movie? And it's just started?!? Heck to the YEAH!

So I watched "Unforgiven".

Clint Eastwood plays William Munney, a murderous cowboy. Or, as you will see, an assassin. Isn't that an interesting word for a cowboy movie? Now, I've read well over 100 Louis L'Amour western novels, probably 50 or 60 Louis L'LAmour western short stories, and at least 30 other western novels by people like Zane Grey, etc. Let's not forget that I've watched 100s and 100s of western movies and TV shows. Also, I am RODEO Schro. R-O-D-E-O, as in ""Yee haw, watch this!!!!" R-O-D-E-O. Well, OK - I myself am not a rodeo cowboy. But I do work for one, and I ride a horse, and I have own a lot of cowboy hats. So between all this cowboy experience, do you know how many other times I've heard the word "assassin" used in a western context?

Zero.

That's what makes this so great! We'll come back to the greatness of this word in a moment.

I tuned in about 10 minutes after "Unforgiven" started. The great Gene Hackman is Little Bill, the sheriff of Big Whiskey and he's got English Bob in his jail cell. He has beaten the absolute crap out of English Bob. Also in the jail cell is another English guy, but his name isn't Bob. It's Mr. Peepers, or something like that. Mr. Peepers is a biographer and has written a story about a great shoot-out that English Bob was involved in. Except, Mr. Peepers wasnt actually AT the shoot-out and has written down how English Bob says it went down. Which is fine, except...

Little Bill WAS at the shoot-out, and tells Mr. Peepers it didn't happen at all like English Bob said. It was basically two drunks that messed up, and one ended up dead. So Mr. Peepers is now enamored of Little Bill.

And he shouldn't be. You see, the proprietor of Big Whiskey's saloon/bordello is a real a-hole who is mean to his hookers. And he lets the cowboys mistreat them, including one time where a couple of cowboys lay into one of the girls with their knives and turn her into the female Joker. What does Little Bill do? Nothing.

So the hookers pool their money and send for Clint Eastwood to come and kill the two cowboys, as well as the saloon proprietor, who let these guys get away with it. I don't know why they didn't also hire Eastwood to kill Little Bill but they didn't. However, guess what happens?

Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, and The Kid ride into town. Freeman and The Kid go upstairs with the hookers, while Eastwood sits at a table. He's really sick, though. Little Bill and his deputies come in and ask Eastwood for his gun. Seems there's an ordinance that says all guns must be checked into the sheriff's custody while the cowboy is in town.

SIDE NOTE - This really IS how it was in The Old West. Gunplay got to be so bad that towns outlawed the possession of guns. You had to check your guns with the sheriff. So the next time some right-wing gun nut goes on about how he wishes 'Murica would go back to how it was in The Old West, or how Open Carry is going to make us all safer, direct him to this movie review.

Eastwood makes a mistake and says he doesn't have a gun. Of course he has a gun! He's Clint Freaking Eastwood! He was BORN with a gun! This infuriates Little Bill, who proceeds to kick the dogpoop out of the sick-and-near-death Eastwood. Bad move! Eastwood crawls out of the saloon, and he, Freeman and The Kid make it out of town.

The Kid is a little braggart, always yapping about how he's killed 5 men so far and can't wait to kill the two cowboys they've come to assassinate.

Assassinate! There's that word again!

Eastwood almost dies but doesn't; turns down "a free one" from the scarred hooker; sees ghosts; and decides he's sick and tired of The Kid's constant yapping. But now that he's recovered, it's time to earn his money.

They ambush one of the bad cowboys while he's riding the range with some buddies. Freeman shoots but hits the horse instead of the cowboy. The horse is laying on the cowboy, who is now defenseless. But Freeman just can't bring himself to finish it. The Kid starts yapping, so Eastwood takes Freeman's rifle and completes the assignment. However, they are only there to kill that one cowboy (the other cowboy isn't there at the time), so they don't shoot his buddies. This, of course, leaves those guys free to ride into town and tell Little Bill that assassins got Cowboy 1 and are coming for Cowboy 2.

Morgan Freeman quits and rides away.

Little Bill's deputies hole up Cowboy 2 in the ranch house. Although everyone in the world knows Eastwood and The Kid are going to stake out the ranch house, Little Bill places no deputies outside. They're all inside, playing cards and laughing and drinking. Now, playing cards and laughing are fine, but drinking? Well as we guys know, drinking leads to peeing and do you think the ranch house has indoor plumbing? No, it does not!

Eastwood and The Kid stake out the outhouse, knowing that sooner or later Cowboy 2 is going to have to empty his bladder. Which he does! Eastwood tells The Kid, "You can shoot him". The Kid kicks open the outhouse door and there's Cowboy 2 on the pot. Cowboy 2 puts up his hands, asks for mercy, and gets shot 3 times whilst pooping. The Kid now has his first notch on the old gun belt! (Sure, he was lying about killing 5 men. No one believed him anyway.)

This leads to my whole reason for watching "Unforgiven"!

The deputies in the house hear the gunshots. The big fat deputy bursts out the door (which, upon reflection, was pretty impressive considering his girth), sees Eastwood and The Kid hightailing it out of there, and says,

"Assassins!"

Man, I just love that. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've heard hired killers called everything you can think of except that. And make no mistake - it's an accurate term. But it's one that has just never, ever, to my knowledge, been used in any genre of western. Let's say it again!

"Assassins!"

Eastwood and The Kid get away and meet the scarred hooker outside their hideout. The hooker informs Eastwood that Morgan Freeman had been caught, tortured and killed by Little Bill. This makes Eastwood very, very mad. Mad enough to do exactly what you think he's going to do.

But The Kid declines to join the party. It seems that killing a man wasn't quite as much fun as he thought it would be. So he gives Eastwood his gun and says he's never going to own a gun again. Left unsaid is that now, The Kid will spend the rest of his life as a wanted man until the day he's caught and hung.

Eastwood rides back into town and enters the saloon. He's got a shotgun. He asks, "Who owns this place?" The sleazy proprietor says, "I do". Eastwood says, "You people next to him better move away". And then Mr. Sleazy Proprietor gets the first barrel of the shotgun.

Then Eastwood looks at Little Bill and tells all the people around Little Bill that they'd better move away. Little Bill tries to play tough but Eastwood pulls the trigger.

Click!

"Gun jam!" says Little Bill, smiling as he now sees his chance. Fool!

No one EVER has a chance against Clint Freaking Eastwood in a gun battle! Eastwood shoots Little Bill and everyone else that has the temerity to draw their gun. All those guys are dead except for Little Bill. He's still alive but Eastwood notices that and stands over him with a rifle.

"I don't deserve this," says Little Bill. "I'm building a house. I don't deserve to die this way". I'm thinking, what? You deserve to die falling off a ladder? Anyway, Eastwood delivers the second-best line in this great movie when he says:

"Deserves got nothing to do with it".

Blam! Goodbye, Little Bill.

Eastwood then tells everyone else alive that they can either leave, or get shot. Then he walks out of the bar to his horse and yells at the town, "Anyone that shoots at me, I'm going to kill you, your family, your friends, and then I'm going to burn down your house!" No one shoots at him. As he rides out, he passes Morgan Freeman, whose body Little Bill had placed in a coffin and put up a sign that said "This is what happens to assassins in Big Whiskey!" Eastwood looks at it, turns to the town, and shouts, "You people better give Ned a proper burial or I'm going to come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches!"

And......scene!

The epilogue tells us that Eastwood apparently rode back home, collected his kids, buried his wife, and went to San Francisco where he prospered in the dry goods business.

Great movie! You should watch it! Since Eastwood mainly used a six-shooter, I rate "Unforgiven" as 5 bullets out of 6 bullets. Bang!

It's a good thing I've seen this movie before because you don't half spoil the entire plot.

LOL at first I thought you'd said I left out half the plot.

EmmaMcG said:

No, you cover all relevant plot points I'd still advise people to see the movie. I know they don't have to if they read your review, but it's still worth seeing anyway. Its my 5th favourite western.

I kind of forgot about Mr. Peepers. His exchange with Eastwood after Eastwood blasted apart the bar was kind of cool.

What are Westerns 1 - 4?

when the bough breaks

it was a'ight

RodeoSchro said:

EmmaMcG said:

EmmaMcG said:

My top 5 Westerns 1. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Not just my favourite western, my favourite movie. 2. For a Few Dollars More By age 12, I could quote the entire script. Yes, I had an odd childhood... 3. Once Upon a Time In The West Possibly the best shot movie ever made. 4. Fistful of Dollars "my horse don't like it when you laugh. He thinks you're laughing at him". 5. Unforgiven The best Western not directed by Sergio Leone.

agreed. a beautiful movie....

as far as westerns, 'winchester '73' is a long time favorite of mine. you kind of can't go wrong with anthony mann and jimmy stewart; although their movies are definitely 'of an era'. a recent favorite is 'bone tomahawk'. somehow it ended up totally under the radar, but it is an excellent, moody film with (maybe?) a bit of a sci-fi twist? and speaking of kurt russell...no love for 'tombstone'? c'mon...it's a beauty, too.

peedub said:

EmmaMcG said:

peedub said:

agreed. a beautiful movie....

as far as westerns, 'winchester '73' is a long time favorite of mine. you kind of can't go wrong with anthony mann and jimmy stewart; although their movies are definitely 'of an era'. a recent favorite is 'bone tomahawk'. somehow it ended up totally under the radar, but it is an excellent, moody film with (maybe?) a bit of a sci-fi twist? and speaking of kurt russell...no love for 'tombstone'? c'mon...it's a beauty, too.

Tombstone is a favourite of mine too but unfortunately for it, it's not as good as the movies in my top 5. At least, not in my opinion. If I were to extend it to a top ten, it would make the cut along with The Searchers and The Outlaw Josey Wales. I never had a father growing up so in an effort to instill some sort of manly presence in my life, my mum would show my sister and I "manly" movies so Clint Eastwood was somewhat of a father figure for us, which explains why I've included so many of his movies.

I'm horrible at recognizing famous people. I mean really, really bad at it. But one time I was walking into an airport and Clint Eastwood walked out my door at the same time. I immediately recognized him!

Hubby and I watched The Departed again last night. We had seen it before, but not for a few years. What an awesome movie. So many good actors and a very good story line too. Jack is so great!! I miss seeing him in movies.

Adore (2013)

The Australian coast is beautiful. And that's the best thing I can say about this film starring 2 wonderful actresses who kept this from being 0 stars.

Empress said:

David Mamet's film Heist. Really great. A movie many missed. Gene Hackman and Delroy Lindo, what else do you need? I do love heist films. We all have fantasies about ripping off the rich.

Good scene here. "The great thing about money is it's money." ha.

RodeoSchro said:

Last night, I got settled in bed and did my usual channel-flipping while my wife drifted off to Never-Never Land. What would it be? The usuals? "Big Bang Theory"? "Rules of Engagement"? "Curse Myself For Not Getting My DVR Fixed So I Could Watch Something I've Recorded"?

But wait! What was that? "Unforgiven"? The awesome Clint Eastwood cowboy movie? And it's just started?!? Heck to the YEAH!

So I watched "Unforgiven".

Clint Eastwood plays William Munney, a murderous cowboy. Or, as you will see, an assassin. Isn't that an interesting word for a cowboy movie? Now, I've read well over 100 Louis L'Amour western novels, probably 50 or 60 Louis L'LAmour western short stories, and at least 30 other western novels by people like Zane Grey, etc. Let's not forget that I've watched 100s and 100s of western movies and TV shows. Also, I am RODEO Schro. R-O-D-E-O, as in ""Yee haw, watch this!!!!" R-O-D-E-O. Well, OK - I myself am not a rodeo cowboy. But I do work for one, and I ride a horse, and I have own a lot of cowboy hats. So between all this cowboy experience, do you know how many other times I've heard the word "assassin" used in a western context?

Zero.

That's what makes this so great! We'll come back to the greatness of this word in a moment.

I tuned in about 10 minutes after "Unforgiven" started. The great Gene Hackman is Little Bill, the sheriff of Big Whiskey and he's got English Bob in his jail cell. He has beaten the absolute crap out of English Bob. Also in the jail cell is another English guy, but his name isn't Bob. It's Mr. Peepers, or something like that. Mr. Peepers is a biographer and has written a story about a great shoot-out that English Bob was involved in. Except, Mr. Peepers wasnt actually AT the shoot-out and has written down how English Bob says it went down. Which is fine, except...

Little Bill WAS at the shoot-out, and tells Mr. Peepers it didn't happen at all like English Bob said. It was basically two drunks that messed up, and one ended up dead. So Mr. Peepers is now enamored of Little Bill.

And he shouldn't be. You see, the proprietor of Big Whiskey's saloon/bordello is a real a-hole who is mean to his hookers. And he lets the cowboys mistreat them, including one time where a couple of cowboys lay into one of the girls with their knives and turn her into the female Joker. What does Little Bill do? Nothing.

So the hookers pool their money and send for Clint Eastwood to come and kill the two cowboys, as well as the saloon proprietor, who let these guys get away with it. I don't know why they didn't also hire Eastwood to kill Little Bill but they didn't. However, guess what happens?

Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, and The Kid ride into town. Freeman and The Kid go upstairs with the hookers, while Eastwood sits at a table. He's really sick, though. Little Bill and his deputies come in and ask Eastwood for his gun. Seems there's an ordinance that says all guns must be checked into the sheriff's custody while the cowboy is in town.

SIDE NOTE - This really IS how it was in The Old West. Gunplay got to be so bad that towns outlawed the possession of guns. You had to check your guns with the sheriff. So the next time some right-wing gun nut goes on about how he wishes 'Murica would go back to how it was in The Old West, or how Open Carry is going to make us all safer, direct him to this movie review.

Eastwood makes a mistake and says he doesn't have a gun. Of course he has a gun! He's Clint Freaking Eastwood! He was BORN with a gun! This infuriates Little Bill, who proceeds to kick the dogpoop out of the sick-and-near-death Eastwood. Bad move! Eastwood crawls out of the saloon, and he, Freeman and The Kid make it out of town.

The Kid is a little braggart, always yapping about how he's killed 5 men so far and can't wait to kill the two cowboys they've come to assassinate.

Assassinate! There's that word again!

Eastwood almost dies but doesn't; turns down "a free one" from the scarred hooker; sees ghosts; and decides he's sick and tired of The Kid's constant yapping. But now that he's recovered, it's time to earn his money.

They ambush one of the bad cowboys while he's riding the range with some buddies. Freeman shoots but hits the horse instead of the cowboy. The horse is laying on the cowboy, who is now defenseless. But Freeman just can't bring himself to finish it. The Kid starts yapping, so Eastwood takes Freeman's rifle and completes the assignment. However, they are only there to kill that one cowboy (the other cowboy isn't there at the time), so they don't shoot his buddies. This, of course, leaves those guys free to ride into town and tell Little Bill that assassins got Cowboy 1 and are coming for Cowboy 2.

Morgan Freeman quits and rides away.

Little Bill's deputies hole up Cowboy 2 in the ranch house. Although everyone in the world knows Eastwood and The Kid are going to stake out the ranch house, Little Bill places no deputies outside. They're all inside, playing cards and laughing and drinking. Now, playing cards and laughing are fine, but drinking? Well as we guys know, drinking leads to peeing and do you think the ranch house has indoor plumbing? No, it does not!

Eastwood and The Kid stake out the outhouse, knowing that sooner or later Cowboy 2 is going to have to empty his bladder. Which he does! Eastwood tells The Kid, "You can shoot him". The Kid kicks open the outhouse door and there's Cowboy 2 on the pot. Cowboy 2 puts up his hands, asks for mercy, and gets shot 3 times whilst pooping. The Kid now has his first notch on the old gun belt! (Sure, he was lying about killing 5 men. No one believed him anyway.)

This leads to my whole reason for watching "Unforgiven"!

The deputies in the house hear the gunshots. The big fat deputy bursts out the door (which, upon reflection, was pretty impressive considering his girth), sees Eastwood and The Kid hightailing it out of there, and says,

"Assassins!"

Man, I just love that. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've heard hired killers called everything you can think of except that. And make no mistake - it's an accurate term. But it's one that has just never, ever, to my knowledge, been used in any genre of western. Let's say it again!

"Assassins!"

Eastwood and The Kid get away and meet the scarred hooker outside their hideout. The hooker informs Eastwood that Morgan Freeman had been caught, tortured and killed by Little Bill. This makes Eastwood very, very mad. Mad enough to do exactly what you think he's going to do.

But The Kid declines to join the party. It seems that killing a man wasn't quite as much fun as he thought it would be. So he gives Eastwood his gun and says he's never going to own a gun again. Left unsaid is that now, The Kid will spend the rest of his life as a wanted man until the day he's caught and hung.

Eastwood rides back into town and enters the saloon. He's got a shotgun. He asks, "Who owns this place?" The sleazy proprietor says, "I do". Eastwood says, "You people next to him better move away". And then Mr. Sleazy Proprietor gets the first barrel of the shotgun.

Then Eastwood looks at Little Bill and tells all the people around Little Bill that they'd better move away. Little Bill tries to play tough but Eastwood pulls the trigger.

Click!

"Gun jam!" says Little Bill, smiling as he now sees his chance. Fool!

No one EVER has a chance against Clint Freaking Eastwood in a gun battle! Eastwood shoots Little Bill and everyone else that has the temerity to draw their gun. All those guys are dead except for Little Bill. He's still alive but Eastwood notices that and stands over him with a rifle.

"I don't deserve this," says Little Bill. "I'm building a house. I don't deserve to die this way". I'm thinking, what? You deserve to die falling off a ladder? Anyway, Eastwood delivers the second-best line in this great movie when he says:

"Deserves got nothing to do with it".

Blam! Goodbye, Little Bill.

Eastwood then tells everyone else alive that they can either leave, or get shot. Then he walks out of the bar to his horse and yells at the town, "Anyone that shoots at me, I'm going to kill you, your family, your friends, and then I'm going to burn down your house!" No one shoots at him. As he rides out, he passes Morgan Freeman, whose body Little Bill had placed in a coffin and put up a sign that said "This is what happens to assassins in Big Whiskey!" Eastwood looks at it, turns to the town, and shouts, "You people better give Ned a proper burial or I'm going to come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches!"

And......scene!

The epilogue tells us that Eastwood apparently rode back home, collected his kids, buried his wife, and went to San Francisco where he prospered in the dry goods business.

Great movie! You should watch it! Since Eastwood mainly used a six-shooter, I rate "Unforgiven" as 5 bullets out of 6 bullets. Bang!

Saw this movie when it came out. Thought it was really good.

Knight of Cups....boring as hell ..but an exc message

Midnight Special......even more boring as hell

* * * * 4/4

"Yeah, dames are always pulling a switch on you." Mark McPherson ( Dana Andrews)

Had enough twist and turns to lead you several people could have killed Laura. With all due respect, the premise of the story is ridiculous, but the fine acting saves this movie. Aunt and niece screwing the same man? Directed by Otto Preminger music score by David Raskin.

*** 3/4

Captain America, Civil War was surprisingly entertaining. The movie was too long, a better job of editing would have helped.

1/2

I do understand that from the previews that the predictable storyline is one that we've seen over and over again, however, the movie wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and what kept it from being a total bust is that the acting was really good. The storyline and writing is what severely lacked.

[img:$uid]http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f331/larslimburg/20150604-makbet-post_zpsve1368dz.jpg[/img:$uid]

macbeth.

although i still think this film goes to absolute shit in the last 15 minutes or so,
i very much enjoy the rest of it, for the gloriousness that is fassbender in all his
rough rugged sexual fantasticness

oh lord.

the film (up until the last 15 horrible minutes) gets a 9 for cinematography

fassbender gets a 10. but you knew that

IstenSzek said:

,
i very much enjoy the rest of it, for the gloriousness that is fassbender in all his
rough rugged sexual fantasticness

oh lord.

I have never agreed with something so whole-heartedly on the org.

Don't Breathe

For all the good reviews this has gotten, I was expecting a lot more. It had a plenty of action (which I could pass on), but not nearly enough intrigue. The plot was light and the charaters were just anonymous people-shells to me. I'd give it a 2/5 . The "lights-out" scenes were filmed well.

thekidsgirl said:

IstenSzek said:

,
i very much enjoy the rest of it, for the gloriousness that is fassbender in all his
rough rugged sexual fantasticness

oh lord.

I have never agreed with something so whole-heartedly on the org.

wiener-dog, the new-ish todd solondz movie, is one of the most hilariously bitter & bleak films i've ever seen. i loved it. 4/5

The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years (2016) - A compilation of found footage featuring music, interviews, and stories of The Beatles' 250 concerts from 1963 to 1966.

I've read that there isn't much archival material here not already seen in the Anthology documentaries, but I haven't watched those so I'll give this one high marks on its own. It's definitely worth seeing all the concert footage on a big screen with the bonus partial concert from Shea Stadium shown after the credits. Beautiful. 4/5

damosuzuki said:

wiener-dog, the new-ish todd solondz movie, is one of the most hilariously bitter & bleak films i've ever seen. i loved it. 4/5

I find Gerwig very likeable, so maybe I'll check this out. Thanks, damo!

Ace said:

damosuzuki said:

wiener-dog, the new-ish todd solondz movie, is one of the most hilariously bitter & bleak films i've ever seen. i loved it. 4/5

I find Gerwig very likeable, so maybe I'll check this out. Thanks, damo!

hi ace. as always, great to see you.

it's very much a todd solondz movie, so keep that in mind going in. i love him, and i think this is potentially his best film since happiness - but he is definitely not universally loved.

if you haven't seen it already, i'd actually recommend watching 'welcome to the dollhouse' (a truly great film i believe) prior to watching this one, as it ties in to one of the stories in this movie - the one featuring gerwig, in fact. it's not necessary - the film will still make sense - but it will give the story a touch more context.

damosuzuki said:

Ace said:

I find Gerwig very likeable, so maybe I'll check this out. Thanks, damo!

hi ace. as always, great to see you.

it's very much a todd solondz movie, so keep that in mind going in. i love him, and i think this is potentially his best film since happiness - but he is definitely not universally loved.

if you haven't seen it already, i'd actually recommend watching 'welcome to the dollhouse' (a truly great film i believe) prior to watching this one, as it ties in to one of the stories in this movie - the one featuring gerwig, in fact. it's not necessary - the film will still make sense - but it will give the story a touch more context.

Great to see you!

I've never seen a Solondz movie. Maybe I've shied away from them because they looked too self-consciously quirky for me?

Wiener-Dog doesn't come to iTunes until Oct. 11, so maybe in the meantime I'll check out Welcome to the Dollhouse. I watched the WD trailer and at least one part made me laugh!

excision - incredibly odd, no doubt, and i should love that. i live for odd, swim in it even. but none of the punches landed for me. it's an interesting counterpoint to the solondz movies i mentioned above. when he makes one of his tasteless, transgressive jokes, it stings for me, and nothing in this movie had any bite. i'd still recommend it as a weird watch, but probably don't expect greatness. 3/5.

I have to be completely honest - this review is not easy to write. Why, you ask? (Go ahead, ask why.)

Because I live under the delusion that you actually read these things, and that you sometimes take my advice, but other times you do the opposite of what I ask. For instance, I'm positive that despite my warnings some of you watched "Nuke 'Em High". Admit it, you know you did - even after I told you it was the worst movie ever made.

Which brings me to "Deathgasm".

I'm tempted to end it right here and tell you DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. But I fear I've already let the demon out of the bag and that some of you are scouring Netflix at this very moment. Yikes, I just told you where to find it!

OK, since the demon is out of the bag, I might as well ruin the movie for you. Maybe it will convince you to close the Netflix tab that I know you have open!

This is a movie made in New Zealand, by New Zealanders, starring New Zealanders. Therefore, unless you live in New Zealand, or are possibly Sexton, you are not going to recognize any of the names in this movie. I know I didn't.

"Deathgasm" starts with our hero, whose name I've forgotten so let's call him Liam because even though that's only the fifth-most popular 2015 baby boy name in New Zealand, I like it better than the top four names of Oliver, Jack, James and Mason.

Anyway, Liam has been sent to live with his wildly conservative uncle and aunt because his mum has been sent to a mental institution on account of she tried to give oral sex to a shopping mall Santa Claus (you won't get that mug shot out of your head for DAYS). Uncle and aunt are bad enough but his cousin...let's call him Oliver, just because...well, Oliver is a REAL jerk. It doesn't help Liam's case that Liam is a "Satanist" although I think really he just likes Death Metal.

Liam is mocked at school but makes friends with....ummmm, one was named Dion and we'll call the other one Hudson (fun fact: The 56th- and 57th-most popular baby boy names in New Zealand last year were Michael and Jordan). They think playing Dungeons and Dragons is Extreme To The Max! And of course, there's the beautiful schoolgirl that Liam falls instantly in love with but who is dating none other than Oliver. There's only one place Liam can go in town where he feels comfortable and that's Alien Records, which specializes in Death Metal. It's here that Liam meets Zack. Or Zach, I forget. For artistic reasons, I will switch between "Zack" and "Zach".

Zack is big and menacing and smokes a lot and doesn't care about anyone or anything except blow-your-brains-out-Death-Metal. Liam develops a guy crush on Zack and they become friends, which in the Death Metal world means cutting your palms and becoming actual blood brothers. Then they decide to start a band. They enlist Dion and Hudson and meet for their first rehearsal. Zack proclaims they can't start playing unless they have a name. After many stupid suggestions that I really, really wish I could remember, they choose "Deathgasm".

Later, or maybe earlier, Zach takes Liam to a seemingly-abandoned house. Living in the basement, next to a giant stack of amplifiers, is a guy that's this movie's version of Ozzy Osbourne. He's a dude with a name I won't bother making up, who - wait! His name is Randy! Randy fronted some mythical Death Metal band, and allegedly owned one of the only copies of some mythical demonic album his band recorded, whose liner notes were written in his own blood.

It appears Randy is dead, but he IS holding a copy of said demonic album, which Liam and Zach pry from his cold, apparently dead hands. They pull the album out of the sleeve whereupon Zach says:

"Shit! It's a Rick Astley album!" OK, that was good! It gets a for all the right reasons.

Also inside the album sleeve are some Old Papers, which Liam sticks in his pocket - just as Dead Randy wakes up and brandishes a baseball bat at them. Zach and Liam whimper that they are just big fans but right at that moment, we hear a noise upstairs. Randy says, "They've finally found me, boys. Take the Old Papers and run for your lives!" They do, leaving just before New Zealand's version of Jason Statham shows up. Randy tells New Zealand Statham to F OFF, MAN, but in responses to that New Zealand Statham holds a knife to Dead Randy's neck. "So it's time, huh?" asks Dead Randy. "Well don't be a pu**y - just do it!" A Nike lawyer pops out of a coffin and sues for copyright infringement. Kidding!

New Zealand Statham does it, slitting Dead Randy's throat which makes him Really Dead Randy, and also is the first introduction to the copious amounts of Red Dye #2 that show up in this movie.

Zach and Liam make it back home and unravel the Old Papers. It contains stuff written in Latin, but it's also sheet music of some sort. Liam decodes the writing while at school, learning that it's The Song That Summons The Demons. That afternoon Deathgasm attempts to play The Song That Summons The Demons but they all foam at the mouth and pass out before they get to the end. After they wake up, Liam lets them know they have just played most of The Song That Summons The Demons.

Thanks for nothing, Liam!

It turns out they had played enough of The Song That Summons The Demons to, in fact, Summon The Demons. But The Demons do not appear immediately. They give Zach enough time to steal the hot schoolgirl from Liam by not telling Liam she wants to meet him. Oh, you hadn't guessed that the hot schoolgirl dumped Oliver because she had a crush on Liam? Sure you had!

Instead of telling Liam that hot schoolgirl wants to meet him at Boinking Park at midnight, Zach keeps that information to himself and shows up at Boinking Park, telling the schoolgirl Liam wasn't interested. This, of course, leads said schoolgirl to boink Zach. It's left up to the viewer to determine which of Zach's many transgressions are the worst: (1) siphoning diesel fuel from an ambulance; (2) stealing stuff from his dad's garage; (3) boinking his only blood brother's girl; or (4) smoking. Personally, I'm going with (4).

Thanks to Deathgasm playing enough of The Song That Summons The Demons, everyone in town that heard the song is turned into a zombie. This is EVERYONE IN TOWN except for Deathgasm, the hot schoolgirl, and an equally hot fortune teller who worked at Alien Records. And one other person, who shall be revealed right in the next paragraph.

The Deathgasm crew commences to dismembering zombies, including Liam's aunt and uncle who they dismembered with some dildos and anal beads. Yes, you read that right. Zach and Liam are celebrating their dismemberment via sex toys when Oliver walks in. Liam immediately lops off Oliver's head with a nearby chainsaw. "Pretty sure Oliver wasn't a zombie," says Zach. "Pretty sure he was," replies Liam. For once, Zach is right but no one liked Oliver so no one argues with Liam about Oliver's being beheaded even though he was one of the 6 people in the town who aren't zombies.

I forgot to tell you - New Zealand Statham reported back to his boss that while he'd extra-killed Dead Randy, the Old Papers had been confiscated. This makes his boss mad, and he orders his robed death avengers to behead New Zealand Statham. Right before they do this, up pops a woman's head from underneath the boss's desk. It gets pushed right back down again, and so we have the cinematic ecstasy of a guy watching a beheading while getting head. How did this not win an Oscar or ten?!?

The boss, his robed death avengers, and the head-giving chick arrive in town, intent on killing Deathgasm and retrieving the Old Papers, so that the boss can be transformed into Satan or, as Deathgasm spelled it in their video, "Satin". But just as the boss is about to get transmogrified, the head-giving chick runs him through with a saber. As he's on his knees dying the head-giving girl runs a knife down his throat and says, "Now I'm not the only one with a gag reflex!" Aren't you glad you read this paragraph? (I'm sure she had a name but who knows what it was? Probably Linda, if I had to guess)

But there's dissension in Deathgasm, as Liam learns that Zach had lied to the hot schoolgirl and engaged in a boinking that was meant for him. This infuriates Liam and he does the only thing he can - he gets his ass kicked by Zach. But this leads to Zach realizing that no one likes him, so he splits.

The remaining members of Deathgasm make it to the house in which Dead Randy was squatting, as it has the last working amplifiers and speakers in town. Deathgasm has figured out that they must play The Song That Summons The Demons backwards - or "ƨnomɘᗡ ƨnommuƧ ƚɒʜT ǫnoƧ ɘʜT"in order to reverse The Summoning Of The Demons, and also that everyone in town who is a zombie not currently beheaded must hear this so as to reverse their zombiefication.

As they are beginning to play "ƨnomɘᗡ ƨnommuƧ ƚɒʜT ǫnoƧ ɘʜT", who shows up but the head-giving girl and the robed death avengers - and, also, about two dozen zombies. The Deathgasm crew sets about beheading zombies while Liam tries to play "ƨnomɘᗡ ƨnommuƧ ƚɒʜT ǫnoƧ ɘʜT", but all does not go well. Dion and Hudson get killed. Dion's death is especially cool, though! A zombie grabs Dion's head and pulls it off his body, bringing out Dion's spinal cord as well. Talk about a real-life Spinal Tap! Dion went to 11! He was one louder!

All looks bad for the remaining Deathgasm crew - which is just Liam and the hot schoolgirl by this point, when who ELSE shows up bur our dear friend Zach! He is sorry for being a really bad guy and is hear to help in any way he can. He offers to do Liam's taxes but Liam says what he really needs is for Zach to keep off the zombies and the robed death avengers whilst he attempts again to play "ƨnomɘᗡ ƨnommuƧ ƚɒʜT ǫnoƧ ɘʜT" (I made up the part about doing Liam's taxes). Zach kills all zombies, but the head-giving girl is at this time being infused with all Satan's....excuse me, SATIN'S powers. Because, you see, Satin's powers are manifested automatically into the person with the darkest soul on the planet. Bummer!

But wait!

Just as the head-giving girl is about to go full Satin, SHE gets run through with a sabre - by Zach!

Now, you might be thinking, "Way to go, good guy Zach!" No you aren't. You're thinking, "Will this EVER END?!?!" It's about to! Because Zach didn't run the head-giving girl through on account of him being a good guy now. Nope! It turns out HE is the person with the darkest soul on the planet, and now he is Satin Himself! Yikes!

This inspires Liam to get off his duff and finish that damn "ƨnomɘᗡ ƨnommuƧ ƚɒʜT ǫnoƧ ɘʜT". Which he does, and this makes Zach turn back into Zach. Almost.

As Liam is comforting Zach, Zach begins to start turning back into Satin. "Finish me!" screams what's left of Zach. "Send me to Hell!" Liam is reluctant to do this but then remembers Zach wrongfully took a boinking from the hot schoolgirl that was meant for him, so Liam uses a razor blade he'd been wearing around his neck this whole time and slits Zach's throat.

Don't you just love happy endings!

Cut to: Two months later. Liam is living in his aunt and uncle's home (they're still apparently dead, as is the never-was-a-zombie Oliver) and he's living now with the hot schoolgirl. She has to go to work, or somewhere, (who are we kidding, Death Metal girls don't have jobs!), but she shows off her new tattoo, as designed by Liam. She also lets Liam light her Marlboro, as it appears smoking and tattoos are now her thing. She leaves in a cloud of smoke, and Liam lies back, listening to a thumping Death Metal song while contemplating life's many ironies.

Just then the lights flicker and the album on the record player displays a pentagon! "ZACH?!?" says Liam.

THE END. THANK. GOD.

Once again we see the proving of the RodeoSchro Inverse Therom Of Review Length Versus Movie Goodness. Gosh, what a lot of words about turds!

Since this movie is a turd, it will be rated as such. And since Liam had to play The Song That Summons The Demons backwards, the scale on which this movie is rated will be backwards.

"Deathgasm" gets 10 steaming piles of turds out of 10 possible steaming piles of turds. Enjoy!

.

[Edited 9/19/16 21:21pm]