On my "How to make your cock and nuts look like Abraham Lincoln" thread yesterday, I promised to blow the lid off an old myth... well, here it is!

I AM THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!

That's right... you heard it here first! Something that nobody has ever noted is that the Loch Ness Monster only shows up when I am on vacation at, you guessed it, Loch Ness.

Here's what I do...

I go skinny dipping in the murky waters and wait for fishermen, people walking by, etc., at which point I sink beneath the waves and thrust my cock through the surface. Due to my extraordinary cock control, I can make it simply crest the surface or form two humps that move across the surface.

Occasionally, I will let the head poke through and show them my enormous, winking eye. This really freaks them out and the usually run screaming from the shore.

There you have it, folks... I AM THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!

Lurking edit...
[This message was edited Thu Jan 23 10:06:26 PST 2003 by IceNine]

Um, not so deep!

I refuse 2 believe this confession until AzureStar confirms your alleged "extraordinary cock control" and the "enormous, winking eye"... well, Azure?

sag10 said:

Mmmm ... according to this

http://www.myspace.co.uk/...sight.html

... your cock was first sighted in 1871 and last seen in 1998.

June7 said:

'Tis true... key words: Enormous and Extraordinary.

Amazing cock control as well as an amazing refractory period. Shall I go on?

langebleu said:

Very true... I am immortal and eternal... people will be seeing my cock breaking the surface of Loch Ness for centuries to come... unless I get bored.

:lochnessmonster:

Okay, 2 quote the Monkees... "I'm A Believer"!!!

June7 said:

Good, because I didn't want to have to tell you any more about it.

Now, to bring this topic back to my being the Loch Ness Monster...

I think that I will wait for a large boat to float by next time I am in Loch Ness, at which point I will tip it over by merely grazing it with my highly-articulated cock.

I don't remember Nessie having hairy balls, but I wasn't there to view the actual emergence. Are they hiding something from us? Or are you really some dude from Texas telling us what we(I) want to hear?

I'm sending Lori, the npgmc email bot this question as we speak. She seems to know all, though months later after complaints are aired on the Org. (Ian ) I'll let you know what she says in March, 2005.

XNY said:

I keep the hairy bean bag beneath the waves... I don't know what people would think if they popped up to the surface like a couple of downed satellites.

Let me know what Lori says!

Let's hear it for His Cockness! Good show ole sport.

My cock has been mis-identified as a Plesiosaurus:



and it has also been mis-identified as an Elasmosaurus:

At least it wasn't mistaken for a needlefish. You should be proud.

TRON said:

True... very true...

I prefer it when people think that it is an Elasmosaurus, but Plesiosaurs were pretty damned big too.

:LOL:

Plesiosaurs rock! I love icthiosaurs as well.

TRON said:

The Ichthyosaurus was a fine aquatic reptile, but it just didn't have a long neck...

Ichthyosaurs were neato though!

You have to love the Liopleurodon... possibly the largest carnivore that ever existed, at 25 meters...

IceNine said:

Oops, I fucked my spelling. I'm getting rusty in my paleontology. Was Liopleurodon that giant black newt looking thing?

TRON said:

Liopleurodon was a giant, mean-looking thing!

IceNine said:

Oh, that's right. I have it mistaken for something else. I need to figure out what it is though.

Hey Icenine, are you a member of this Australian act called "Puppetry of the Penis"?

Heres a photo:



Here's the link to their site:

http://www.puppetryofthep.../main.html

These guys are fucking hilarious!!

I think it's called something like Alukasoolis. But I have no idea how to spell it. It looks like a huge-ass newt.

Answer the god damned question Ice!

bkw said:

Okay... okay... I am not one of those guys, they wouldn't have me, as my cock was just too goddamned big and they thought that I might frighten people... *little did they know that they had just seen the Loch Ness Monster!*

IceNine said:

Alrighty then...I now feel somewhat permanently small and inadequate.

IceNine said:

They actually do the "Loch Ness Monster" with their cocks!

bkw said:

Fucking excellent!!!

:LOL:

I love it!!!

Help me out Ice! What the fuck am I trying to think of? I've been spending the last half hour searching the web for this elusive ancient amphibian!

TRON said:

I know what you are talking about, but I cannot remember the name.

I will keep thinking about it...