Today, I am in such a reflective state. I could literally write a novel (today) with all I feel. (((beautiful smile)))

A couple of years ago... I pursued a nursing career, although stopped upon completing my CNA. Teaching is calling me. I taught for 9 yrs. (previous) in a private Montessori school (kindergarten). Although after so many years... I wanted to venture out a bit, so I tried Nursing, leading to school full-time once again and obtaining a part-time job in the hospital. I applied for several position (just to get my foot in the door) and was hired as a Nutrition Representative nearly three years ago. I continued school within this time and within it... I began to really enjoy/appreciate the Nutritional aspects within the hospital. I am a Vegetarian myself and I truly believe "we are what we eat", for the most part. Anyways, during the last of my interns with Nursing (CNA), I knew I had a choice... I could obtain a CNA position or remain within the Nutrition Dept., I chose Nutrition. I also decided to complete my Elementary Education Degree as I am doing right at this moment, I graduate in December. Anyways... my days consist of assisting the modifications of the food options patient select, helping them choose items that comply to their diet and medical conditions. It is extremely interesting and highly rewarding all on it's own for many reasons. I work full-time now, while attending school full-time... as well as intern. Although what I have discovered is...

beautiful people appreciate their choices, specifically the one's diagnosed with cancer. Everyday, I give/gain a smile as I enter their room (private rooms, it is a private hopital... with around a 400 patient capacity), my two main floors that I assist are the oncology and respiratory floors, which on most days I have 50-60 on average to see... for breakfast/lunch and dinner (throughout the day). I could write much about how much I am touched with the human spirit... literally an uncountable amount each day. (((deep sigh, smile))) But one thing is definite, these beautiful souls day after day, may not have much control about what is happening within themselves, what nurses do and what prognosis the doctors have... but their beautiful choice as I walk in the door...literally means the world. (((deepest of sigh))) I know/realize and enhance daily this awareness I have... I see many come in, first diagnosed... I see them come back for Chemotherapy... and again... and again... through days, weeks, months... and I see them stay... for the same amount of time. I see them deplete in appetite, body appearance and spirit... as I try my best to comfort them with items that may only help settle (at least) some pain. The signs are so apparent, that one can only hope that the belief in "miracles" and prayer are truly some of the last resorts one can rely on. I cry often... I can barely walk another step when I have encountered the moment of passing, I loose my breath (literally)... but I find yet more strength in knowing I always gave them my love/compassion, an ear to listen...a hand to touch and yes... many times a beautiful lasting moment of a hug. I never fail to smile and I know these people will take that with them... forever.

Anyways... I just wanted to share. (((warm smile)))

Remember, life is not always as bad as it seems... and within certain moments we must give thanks for the life we have and that everything has reason, no matter how unreasonable it seems. Life is a continuous learning process and we do have the "power of choice" to gain proper attitude and beliefs we have within our own lives.

Beautiful day... and remember to "smile", it does wonders.

Love,
Julie

Ps-I was inspired to post these thoughts after sharing with Soulsista, thank you soulsista... I am touched, as I am with many beautiful souls here.

You're going to make me cry ya know...

But it was a beautiful story to share, thank you.

You truly are beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that with everyone. Life is definitely a gift not to be wasted. And you're doing something so wonderful with yours!

It is truly remarkable to feel compassion for others so deeply...stay beautiful, Freespirit

Julie,

Your post is very powerful, and something I REALLY needed to read and be reminded of today. I am sitting here literally with tears in my eyes.

THANK YOU for sharing what you did.

And bless you for the work you do, and for the love and compassion you share with those brave people battling for their lives.


Much and to you.

Thankyou for sharing Freespirt. You are a warm wonderful soul and sharing your time and your smile in such a compassionate way is truly admirable.

I am such a cry baby today , I even cried watching Montel's talk show... and I rarely watch TV. The question on the show today was...

Would you be able to identify a Brother or Sister you have never met?

These episode's tear my heart to no ends... , I can connect 100% with the emotional reunion of a child/children with their biological parents after being given up for adoption or taken away legally (etc). I am one.

Another story...

Again, being thankful for life... as it is with no regrets... is key to a healthy life and future. Living each day the best we can within our own power is the best we can do, I do.

I'm so emotional , but happy and you all are so beautiful and a to life. We all have beautiful power to give unconditionally with the utmost love... if we choose.

I better end for now..., I have to try and regroup... at least enough to write a paper due for tonight's class.

Julie...

My bed is calling my name, as you know, but thank you so much for sharing that, inspiring, as always... you're beautiful, in the purest sense of the word.

Overwhelmingly so.

All the best with that paper, and with the rest of your day.
.
Goodnight edit
[This message was edited Tue Apr 1 11:10:39 PST 2003 by Diva]

Freespirit said:

PMS???

I'm just asking cuz that's how I get, I'll cry during hallmark commercials if I'm pms'ing. I'm patetic!

In life one should not only save a smile for a sick person, but give a smile to all humanity.. It can make a difference..

Look how I have changed CarrieLee...

Thanks Freespirit. People like you, and AnotherLover help to make lives better.

Diva go to bed.

CarrieLee said:

Honey, what are you trying to show? I can only see a red x.

Freespirit said:

i cry watching dr. phil. and don't get me started on that verizon commercial that plays "i'll always love you"


you have such an amazing spirit. thank you, free. you truely are free.

My love...

I've heard/"witnessed" what Freespirit describes often with her...I've heard the bright pleasure in her voice as she describes to me a warm, loving encounter with a patient where there's just a sincere appreciation being shared between two people...I've heard her describe how touched she's been from an encounter with a patient, so much so that she goes out and buys them gifts simply to brighten their surroundings--a poster, a book, whatever--something to give them a warmer and more intimate feel to the hospital room they're confined to...

I can tell she gives respect to each patient she deals with, how she can see passed the sometimes rude or impatient behavior they exhibit, telling me (and herself) that it must be extremely difficult to feel as if you have no control over any aspect of your life...to be bedridden, nervous, scared, unsure of what your future holds...unsure if you even have a future...and that to them, the seemingly simple service she provides is anything but simple...it gives them more than a choice of diet...it gives them control over a part of their lives at a time when they feel themselves losing control over almost everything else...as well as she gives them a warm smile and a truly sympathetic ear as she enters their room, and their life...and sometimes, it's the only attention they'll recieve in their last moments......

And I've unfortunately listened as she tells me of their passing, often only a few weeks after describing to me how touched she was by the patients she helps......

My heart goes out to her daily, and I try to give her the time and care that she spends her day giving others...and my heart goes out to anyone who's occupation requires so much patience, understanding and compassion for people in their worst of situations...

Freespirit said:


Remember, life is not always as bad as it seems... and within certain moments we must give thanks for the life we have and that everything has reason, no matter how unreasonable it seems. Life is a continuous learning process and we do have the "power of choice" to gain proper attitude and beliefs we have within our own lives.


Freespirit:

you are a person of depth, & I do appreciate your "reflective state of mind"..

it has a "calming" effect on me, in this often "chaotic" place known as the org.. & your posts often help me to..
"refocus" on what I contribute here..

thank you for being you

&
PLEASE

continue to do JUST THAT.


respect & admiration to you.

WOW, these realisations are an amazing gift. You have a strong & beautiful spirit, I'm glad you share it w/ them & w/ us

Freespirit

Freespirit

What God has done with you is amazing, FreeSpirit.

Julie!! You know I love you!
I returned your letter last night only to screw up and somehow delete the content I will redo it this weekend when time allows!

Freespirit said:

Isnt it wonderful to be able to help ppl that are in need? I had a CNA too & loved my work with patients. so many brave cancer patients i also came in contact with who were more worried about others than THEMSELVES! they taught me so much! i'm considering going onto being a RN or LPN this yr. Are U an RN? seeing one die is a very emotional experience indeed. i was takng care of an elderly gentleman in a hospital, who only wanted me to care 4 him. i fed him, bathed him, we talked, etc. & when his family came to visit they were always trying to give me money for all the care i gave him. it was hard to explain 2 them it wasnt neccessary OR allowed. they told me how much he liked me & they were so thankful 4 the extra care i bestowed on him. well, as expected he passed away one nite when i was on duty. ppl seem to die more at night. i was on the floor, but he passed while i was caring 4 others so i wasnt with him. however, just I and 2 others were on that shift. i was told by the nurse in charge to help the other nurse get him wrapped up, and labeled & taken to the hospital morgue. i never disobeyed an order at work till that nite. i couldnt do it. we were too close. it didnt go over well, but i wasnt fired. since then, i realized they werent joking when we were taught NOT to get "overly" involved with any one patient. that is a hard rule to adhere to, bcuz we r there to comfort these ill ppl. u cant just give "patient care" as if they were devoid of being a human being. i finally felt i needed to come to grips with the reality that we ALL die, especially the very ill in my care, rather than avoid somewhat of a friendship with certain special patients. it really helped. when one is very ill or dying, thats when they need contact the most & sometimes we r the only ones they have left. good luck 2 u freespirit on ur continuing to care 4 ppl through your nursing profession. i'm sure its very rewarding & nurses are desperately needed. thanks 4 sharing ur story!