Horsefeathers said:

Reality tv. Cosmo. I am womaning all wrong.

In another life Horsefeathers.....

In another life

Cracked me up!!!!!

JustErin said:

Connected said:

Broadly speaking…my mates are 4 types…

-

Those who are in good marriages

Those who are in loveless marriages but too frightened to walk away from the investment

Those who are dating

Those who are decent lads but lack courage (mainly because of past hurt)

-

I don’t pay much attention to new-media…no smartphone etc…

-

Got my basic shit together – liquid/business/decent motor/wardrobe/bit of gym (no six pack though! Love my food too much!)

-

I feel for my mates who are a bit trepid – they are so scared of women, because they might get hurt again

-

I tell them to be predatorial – because if they walk around trying to be all that a woman wants – then forget it

-

Nowadays…a woman wants a guy who is strong…fit…liquid…handsome…independent

But also a bit soft…sweet…watches whatever “reality” crap is on the telly, whilst being rugged…

-

Some of my mates are so lost in their identity because frankly…they listen too much to women who read cosmo

-

There is a certain amount of emasculation going on where some lads believe they have to be a walking cologne advert (wrongly imo)

-

A man has to know himself – otherwise a woman will run rings round him.

-

There is a marked difference though at being single at 20 and at 40

-

At 20…you are looking to establish something with a partner…at 40, if you have something to offer…you don’t necessarily want a whole new thing – you want companionship whilst maintaining independence

-

Something I find women say they are cool with…but really aren’t

Which part do you mean when you say women are not "cool with"? Being with someone that is independent?

Ok – I can only talk from my experience…
-
So, my Father and Mother split

-

My Father then discovered a new “traditional” relationship (she's gorgeous!)

-

My Mother then found another Man – who btw….is a tip-top chap (better than my Dad in many ways)

-

The new guy asked my Mother to marry him twice – both times she said no (tis a different interesting conversation)

-

So now….

-

They live together - but separately….they have different pads…it’s a maybe 4 nights a week deal (with keys)….and it’s cool…

-

She does her thing…he does his... "Independence"

-

Now………..

-

When I explain this to a girl I’m with……..

-

Looking for the same….without the keys…..

-

It starts cool….but then it gets a bit too blurred
-
At which point I get anxious and bail from the relationship... "Independence"
-
I remember talking to my best friend (who I introduced his now wife to)…about this

-

And his reply was….

-

“Mate – who are you pitching this arrangement to?

-

So you want a girl who you see – and don’t want to live with?

-

Good luck bro!”
-

That is where I'm at............

-

Hook-ups are...well........ tarty

-

I ain't no tart....

-

How do I I square this circle?

Connected said:

Hahahahahaha

I ain't no stalker......

Never checked you out....

Anyways ho-hum...

Never try me at the bum!

Connected said:

At 20…you are looking to establish something with a partner…at 40, if you have something to offer…you don’t necessarily want a whole new thing – you want companionship whilst maintaining independence

That's the best summary in this thread.

So, so very true.

Basically at 40 what they want is the best of both worlds ... the freedom of an unattached single person (which they've become accustomed to), and the common perks of a committed relationship (sex, going out and having fun as a couple, having someone accompany you to family and work functions).

I think once you get past 35 and you haven't been in a committed relationship for at least 5 years, you're pretty much destined to living out the rest of your life with any combination of FWB's, cats and dogs.

DaveT said:

JustErin said:

Yeah, exactly.

We've talked about this a billion times before on here. It's not that women don't want nice guys - we all do.

We don't like boring, never do anything crazy dudes.
We don't like men that never make a decision (her: what do you want to do? him: Doesn't matter baby, whatever you want to do).

We don't like men that act towards us the way that they think we want them to act (we know the difference between just going through the motions and being genuine)

I could go on and on...but these are typically some of the things that guys think makes them the "good guy". So, yes we say we want a good guy, but I don't think men and women's definition are the same.

Women like go-getters, guys that are confident, guys that, in a way, have a don't give a fuck attitude (within reason). Do assholes tend to have those traits? Many, yeah.

But thankfully some men have a good balance - those are the ones we want.

I get all of that, but I'm talking about women who choose to carry on dating a guy whose cheated on them, was abusive, etc. There's a couple of girls in our office that are like that, and I've got mates who are decent blokes who really struggle ... bizarre...!!

Well, maybe they're ugly.

Pokeno4Money said:

Connected said:

At 20…you are looking to establish something with a partner…at 40, if you have something to offer…you don’t necessarily want a whole new thing – you want companionship whilst maintaining independence

That's the best summary in this thread.

So, so very true.

Basically at 40 what they want is the best of both worlds ... the freedom of an unattached single person (which they've become accustomed to), and the common perks of a committed relationship (sex, going out and having fun as a couple, having someone accompany you to family and work functions).

I think once you get past 35 and you haven't been in a committed relationship for at least 5 years, you're pretty much destined to living out the rest of your life with any combination of FWB's, cats and dogs.

AnonymousFan said:

DaveT said:

I get all of that, but I'm talking about women who choose to carry on dating a guy whose cheated on them, was abusive, etc. There's a couple of girls in our office that are like that, and I've got mates who are decent blokes who really struggle ... bizarre...!!

Well, maybe they're ugly.

OK - I retracted my earlier statements towards you

Now I'm gonna cuss you

Ready?

Cos I'm willing to make you look foolish...

Bring it...and it better be fierce Anonymous PUSSY

Now run along and play traffic with some Pokemon - and let the adults talk...

Unfunny, uninsightful, uninspired keyboard trolling predictable Twat

The only thing here is yo UGLY ass...

Bravo sir...bravo!

[img:$uid]http://westernrifleshooters.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/really-fat-guy-on-computer_1295986041.jpg[/img:$uid]

[Edited 7/21/16 5:08am]

AnonymousFan said:

DaveT said:

I get all of that, but I'm talking about women who choose to carry on dating a guy whose cheated on them, was abusive, etc. There's a couple of girls in our office that are like that, and I've got mates who are decent blokes who really struggle ... bizarre...!!

Well, maybe they're ugly.

... not the sort of thing you can tell a friend really, even if it is true.

[Edited 7/21/16 2:00am]

Pokeno4Money said:

Connected said:

At 20…you are looking to establish something with a partner…at 40, if you have something to offer…you don’t necessarily want a whole new thing – you want companionship whilst maintaining independence

That's the best summary in this thread.

So, so very true.

Basically at 40 what they want is the best of both worlds ... the freedom of an unattached single person (which they've become accustomed to), and the common perks of a committed relationship (sex, going out and having fun as a couple, having someone accompany you to family and work functions).

I think once you get past 35 and you haven't been in a committed relationship for at least 5 years, you're pretty much destined to living out the rest of your life with any combination of FWB's, cats and dogs.

I loves my feline...although I like to think...

"Our Love its written in the sky above..our destiny is to fall in love..."

DaveT said:

AnonymousFan said:

DaveT said:

... not the sort of thing you can tell a friend really, even if it is true.

[Edited 7/21/16 2:00am]

But, then it's not so "bizarre" when they don't succeed.

Not really ... I didn't say all of them struggle in the looks deparment did I ... how do you explain the ones that are ok?

DaveT said:

AnonymousFan said:

DaveT said: But, then it's not so "bizarre" when they don't succeed.

Not really ... I didn't say all of them struggle in the looks deparment did I ... how do you explain the ones that are ok?

If they're truly ok looking, then they're probably presenting wrong. Either try-hard and ending up giving off over-confident cheater vibe or too nice and coming off as a doormat.

I feel sorry for the world today

Judgements on Tinder – BUT don’t judge me

Messed up identities

Not into FWB (if I understand this term correct)

Only looking for a committed relationship four times a week

Sounds like a strange relationship!

Connected said:

I feel sorry for the world today

Judgements on Tinder – BUT don’t judge me

Messed up identities

Not into FWB (if I understand this term correct)

Only looking for a committed relationship four times a week

Sounds like a strange relationship!

Says the guy who in reply #121 says he wants a four times a week relationship (without keys)!

maplenpg said:

Connected said:

I feel sorry for the world today

Judgements on Tinder – BUT don’t judge me

Messed up identities

Not into FWB (if I understand this term correct)

Only looking for a committed relationship four times a week

Sounds like a strange relationship!

Says the guy who in reply #121 says he wants a four times a week relationship (without keys)!

I know - so messed up right?!?!

I am in in dire pathways to the fat guy posted earlier... "cake and eat it!"

A toss-up between my mate "who are you pitching this relationship to?" and...

Prince - "Confusion!!!"

Committed without keys.... Thanks Maple....this observation of my own created paradox is insightful & cathartic!!!!

Top response!!!!!

I have this statue on my bookcase...

[img:$uid]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/56/The_Thinker,_Rodin.jpg[/img:$uid]

Connected said:

maplenpg said:

Says the guy who in reply #121 says he wants a four times a week relationship (without keys)!

I know - so messed up right?!?!

I am in in dire pathways to the fat guy posted earlier... "cake and eat it!"

A toss-up between my mate "who are you pitching this relationship to?" and...

Prince - "Confusion!!!"

Committed without keys.... Thanks Maple....this observation of my own created paradox is insightful & cathartic!!!!

Top response!!!!!

I have this statue on my bookcase...

[img:$uid]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/56/The_Thinker,_Rodin.jpg[/img:$uid]

You're welcome

You can have independence and be committed though. The two can go together - you just have to find ways of making it work. Maybe you're naturally wary of losing the empire that you've built?

I'd like to hook up with a guy a little later tonight.

JustErin said:

BobGeorge909 said:

JustErin said:

BobGeorge909 said:

JustErin said:

BobGeorge909 said:

Well don't deny yourself. It should be easy enough. Ure an attractive person, inside and out. And who needs a date...just go wrangle up some strange...attractive strange...but strange.

I just haven't found an attractive and single dude in these parts lately.

I'm not too worried, though. I'm off to my old stomping ground next week for a holiday. Its the land of plenty out there.

maplenpg said:

Connected said:

I know - so messed up right?!?!

I am in in dire pathways to the fat guy posted earlier... "cake and eat it!"

A toss-up between my mate "who are you pitching this relationship to?" and...

Prince - "Confusion!!!"

Committed without keys.... Thanks Maple....this observation of my own created paradox is insightful & cathartic!!!!

Top response!!!!!

I have this statue on my bookcase...

You're welcome

You can have independence and be committed though. The two can go together - you just have to find ways of making it work. Maybe you're naturally wary of losing the empire that you've built?

Maple – you are right and this conversation has given pause for thought…

-

My divorce of a few years ago has definitely made me more reserved from a financial aspect – eventhough we didn’t have kids…and I already had money – we settled on a fair amount of dosh…

-

Much more than she walked in with!

-

I am OK with that…because she is a decent girl and it just didn’t workout – ‘cos I didn’t see another 40yrs with her

-

But…she deserved to be done right – she is a great woman and hopefully will find the right guy for her.

-

Then after messing about back in London – fell hard for my last girlfriend who was way younger (40 – 25)

-

Alas she has now gone back to her country…partly because I couldn’t truly commit....which I understand now was unfair on her – different needs/wants (no keys!!!!)

-

On reflection it was the IDEA of her…a contrast to my ex-wife…and a bit of a fantasy/adventure.

-

I think it is time to leave the whole scene for a while and spend some time by myself – and not be “active”

-

Hopefully it will provide clarity and get my shit together!!!

-

The concern with abstinence though is sexual fulfilment and being around someone I like and not acting upon it….and boredom…IDK...

-

Erin – something tells me you will never have a challenge in finding someone…when you are ready and active

-

Seems to me you got plenty going for you!

-

Peace x

Connected said:

maplenpg said:

You're welcome

You can have independence and be committed though. The two can go together - you just have to find ways of making it work. Maybe you're naturally wary of losing the empire that you've built?

Maple – you are right and this conversation has given pause for thought…

-

My divorce of a few years ago has definitely made me more reserved from a financial aspect – eventhough we didn’t have kids…and I already had money – we settled on a fair amount of dosh…

-

Much more than she walked in with!

-

I am OK with that…because she is a decent girl and it just didn’t workout – ‘cos I didn’t see another 40yrs with her

-

But…she deserved to be done right – she is a great woman and hopefully will find the right guy for her.

-

Then after messing about back in London – fell hard for my last girlfriend who was way younger (40 – 25)

-

Alas she has now gone back to her country…partly because I couldn’t truly commit....which I understand now was unfair on her – different needs/wants (no keys!!!!)

-

On reflection it was the IDEA of her…a contrast to my ex-wife…and a bit of a fantasy/adventure.

-

I think it is time to leave the whole scene for a while and spend some time by myself – and not be “active”

-

Hopefully it will provide clarity and get my shit together!!!

-

The concern with abstinence though is sexual fulfilment and being around someone I like and not acting upon it….and boredom…IDK...

-

Erin – something tells me you will never have a challenge in finding someone…when you are ready and active

-

Seems to me you got plenty going for you!

-

Peace x

I know this was directed at Erin but I think you have plenty going for you too. You're intelligent, well-educated, respectful, complementary, romantic, loaded and come without baggage. You also have great taste in music

I think the whole idea of being on or off the dating scene is kind of warped though. Why can't you just be single until you meet someone without committing to abstinence or being active on the dating circuit? You might meet someone tomorrow or in a year, probably when you're least looking.

If you're around someone you like then why not act upon it? Why torture yourself? A date doesn't have to lead to commitment but in abstaining you might deny yourself your soul-mate.

My brother married to get his G/F into this country, as did my best friend. Neither had any idea if the relationships would work but they took the risk. Other friends who married for love, who I was convinced were soul-mates, are now divorced. No-one knows what makes each individual relationship work and what doesn't but thankfully we live in an age where we can walk away from unhappiness. I know someone with a 20+ year age gap who has been happily married to her much older husband for decades (he's not loaded either) and someone else who had a four night a week relationship (with keys) and recently married and moved in with each other after 25 years. Who knows whether living with each other seven nights will break them? It's a risk they felt was worth taking.

So be single, but if you meet someone you like then take the risk. What's the worst that can happen?

Maple & Nina

-

Both right – and I thank you....

-

Just don’t want to be the wrong Man again

-

I messed up too many strange relationships - commitment issues… Clearly!!!

-

Which Maple eloquently identified – I have a lot of respect for U... Lots.. (politics aside!)

-

Le Penseur – Let me think about your suggestion…

-

Fed up hurting folks & feeling hurt – because I haven’t got my emotional shit together

-

Shake it Steve!

-

Peace x

Connected said:

Maple & Nina

-

Both right – and I thank you....

-

Just don’t want to be the wrong Man again

-

I messed up too many strange relationships - commitment issues… Clearly!!!

-

Which Maple eloquently identified – I have a lot of respect for U... Lots.. (politics aside!)

-

Le Penseur – Let me think about your suggestion…

-

Fed up hurting folks & feeling hurt – because I haven’t got my emotional shit together

-

Shake it Steve!

-

Peace x

FWIW - I don't think you have commitment issues. You were with your wife for 15 years (I think?). That's not a short time. You'll meet a great girl one day I'm sure who you'll happily grow old with. Maybe try someone with kids? They are far more likely to be happy with the four nights without keys arrangement.

Good luck to you. Be sure to let us know how it goes.

maplenpg said:

Connected said:

Maple & Nina

-

Both right – and I thank you....

-

Just don’t want to be the wrong Man again

-

I messed up too many strange relationships - commitment issues… Clearly!!!

-

Which Maple eloquently identified – I have a lot of respect for U... Lots.. (politics aside!)

-

Le Penseur – Let me think about your suggestion…

-

Fed up hurting folks & feeling hurt – because I haven’t got my emotional shit together

-

Shake it Steve!

-

Peace x

FWIW - I don't think you have commitment issues. You were with your wife for 15 years (I think?). That's not a short time. You'll meet a great girl one day I'm sure who you'll happily grow old with. Maybe try someone with kids? They are far more likely to be happy with the four nights without keys arrangement.

Good luck to you. Be sure to let us know how it goes.

Again Maple – you talk a lot of sense

-

Correct – 15yrs

-

Kids – This is very messed up for me – ultimate commitment – where I am clearly failing

-

You are so right…..We see our reflection in the world

-

And this conversation has hilighted - crystalised - my commitment issuies (which I now recognise)

And for that _ thank you Maple, Nina, Wrin, DaveT, Schro and every invaluable else

Epic and insightful!!!!!!!!!!

His thread took a leftfield!

-

Hook-up with a girl……..simple…….confidence and don’t be a dirty fuckwit approaching a lady for a quick shag….

-

Men and Women are Human-beings

-

Peace Hx