AnonymousFan said:

I don't trust this "Connected" guy.

[Edited 7/18/16 19:22pm]

What?

AnonymousFan said:

What?

I think I might owe you an huge apology...

Clearly I took you post the wrong way - you were being a "wiseguy"... get it!!!

Apologise profusely again

I kinda feel like this now... a massive herbert...

[Edited 7/18/16 19:12pm]

JustErin said:

domainator2010 said:

....Out of the 101 things that are now being discussed on this thread, no one ever mentioned....... Romance..... which is what my original post was about!

Erin (or anyone else) - do you like a guy with a good heart?

No, I love guys with evil hearts.

Well, you never *said* anything....... come now, don't hide behind a wisecrack now...

domainator2010 said:

JustErin said:

No, I love guys with evil hearts.

Well, you never *said* anything....... come now, don't hide behind a wisecrack now...

Because I'm pretty sure it's a given that no one actually wants someone with an evil heart.

As for romance, it's so subjective. What's romantic to me is not necessarily romantic to someone else.

As for your original post citing TMBGITW - I'm assuming you're saying it's romantic or that Prince was a romantic...well, to me there is nothing romantic about a dude that is laying all his cheesy romance cards to like 5 chicks at once.

Ooooh I don't know about that!

I've been out with some pretty dark folks - who are seriously into "hate"

And then I was off!

It is a fair point about subjective romance - for example.. I used to have huge rows with my ex about "Valentines"

I just couldn't (still don't) get my head round the whole convoluted...cliche of roses and dinner...just because your supposed to...

BUT...I do understand why it was important to her... back in the office on the 15th...and being able to play "top trumps" with colleagues about what her guy did - and that would make her feel good

For me - it was bullshit

Romance to me, was taking the day off when she went for an interview...and holding her hand on the tube...rehearsing the points she wanted to get across...waiting outside....and then taking her to do a thing we had neither done before...

To occupy her...and alleviate her post-interview anxiety

A drawing class at the RA...

BUT...that's just me...and wouldn't probably count with some...

Guess I'm just a bit

Connected said:

I like you Erin...you are clearly tough and a bit guarded...with good reason...

Although your flame is bubbling!

I wish U love...I wish U heaven

X

JustErin said:

domainator2010 said:

Well, you never *said* anything....... come now, don't hide behind a wisecrack now...

Because I'm pretty sure it's a given that no one actually wants someone with an evil heart.

As for romance, it's so subjective. What's romantic to me is not necessarily romantic to someone else.

As for your original post citing TMBGITW - I'm assuming you're saying it's romantic or that Prince was a romantic...well, to me there is nothing romantic about a dude that is laying all his cheesy romance cards to like 5 chicks at once.

Not evil per se, but there's definitely something with some women I've met who are attrached to absolute a-holes ... and then usually moan there are no 'good guys' out there I'll never understand that.

Horsefeathers said:

That's because a guy often thinks he's the nice guy and not the asshole.

Yeah, exactly.

We've talked about this a billion times before on here. It's not that women don't want nice guys - we all do.

We don't like boring, never do anything crazy dudes.
We don't like men that never make a decision (her: what do you want to do? him: Doesn't matter baby, whatever you want to do).

We don't like men that act towards us the way that they think we want them to act (we know the difference between just going through the motions and being genuine)

I could go on and on...but these are typically some of the things that guys think makes them the "good guy". So, yes we say we want a good guy, but I don't think men and women's definition are the same.

Women like go-getters, guys that are confident, guys that, in a way, have a don't give a fuck attitude (within reason). Do assholes tend to have those traits? Many, yeah.

But thankfully some men have a good balance - those are the ones we want.

JustErin said:

JustErin said:

Horsefeathers said:

That's because a guy often thinks he's the nice guy and not the asshole.

Yeah, exactly.

We've talked about this a billion times before on here. It's not that women don't want nice guys - we all do.

We don't like boring, never do anything crazy dudes.
We don't like men that never make a decision (her: what do you want to do? him: Doesn't matter baby, whatever you want to do).

We don't like men that act towards us the way that they think we want them to act (we know the difference between just going through the motions and being genuine)

I could go on and on...but these are typically some of the things that guys think makes them the "good guy". So, yes we say we want a good guy, but I don't think men and women's definition are the same.

Women like go-getters, guys that are confident, guys that, in a way, have a don't give a fuck attitude (within reason). Do assholes tend to have those traits? Many, yeah.

But thankfully some men have a good balance - those are the ones we want.

I get all of that, but I'm talking about women who choose to carry on dating a guy whose cheated on them, was abusive, etc. There's a couple of girls in our office that are like that, and I've got mates who are decent blokes who really struggle ... bizarre...!!

Horsefeathers said:

I guess it's kind of like the perception that all those nice guys are holding out for model types. With a sense of humor, a brain, can cook, her own bank, into your favorite sports team, and a mean bj game. So much, "I'm a nice guy. I should have a woman like that." I never trust the self-professed nice guys. I agree with Erin that it quickly becomes apparent when it's genuine vs. going through the motions. At least IME. For sure, when he starts advertising his nice guy status, I'm out. Just because other guys are worse doesn't make you a nice guy.

Oh, trust me ... couple of my mates would settle for anything with a pulse right now!

I'm UK based so may be its a little different over here. I've been told the dating game is quite different in the States.

Horsefeathers said:

NinaB said:

Horsefeathers said:

DaveT said:

JustErin said:

Yeah, exactly.

We've talked about this a billion times before on here. It's not that women don't want nice guys - we all do.

We don't like boring, never do anything crazy dudes.
We don't like men that never make a decision (her: what do you want to do? him: Doesn't matter baby, whatever you want to do).

We don't like men that act towards us the way that they think we want them to act (we know the difference between just going through the motions and being genuine)

I could go on and on...but these are typically some of the things that guys think makes them the "good guy". So, yes we say we want a good guy, but I don't think men and women's definition are the same.

Women like go-getters, guys that are confident, guys that, in a way, have a don't give a fuck attitude (within reason). Do assholes tend to have those traits? Many, yeah.

But thankfully some men have a good balance - those are the ones we want.

I get all of that, but I'm talking about women who choose to carry on dating a guy whose cheated on them, was abusive, etc. There's a couple of girls in our office that are like that, and I've got mates who are decent blokes who really struggle ... bizarre...!!

Oh, that's the whole, "I'm the one that will make him change to a better person". Yeah, many women do that. It's not that they like being with the abusive asshole - they are obsessed with being with the person they wish he was and think one day he will be.

Classic female flaw.

NinaB said:

Horsefeathers said:

I guess it's kind of like the perception that all those nice guys are holding out for model types. With a sense of humor, a brain, can cook, her own bank, into your favorite sports team, and a mean bj game. So much, "I'm a nice guy. I should have a woman like that." I never trust the self-professed nice guys. I agree with Erin that it quickly becomes apparent when it's genuine vs. going through the motions. At least IME. For sure, when he starts advertising his nice guy status, I'm out. Just because other guys are worse doesn't make you a nice guy.

"I've never hit a woman, I look after my kids, I work hard, I look after my elderly parents..." (What? Do u want a medal 4 doing shit you're supposed 2 do?!!!) But you're a sneaky fuck who deals in gaslighting, mental/emotional abuse etc etc. A fraud, hypocrite & coward. Snakes in the grass.

Haha!

Horsefeathers said:

NinaB said:

"I've never hit a woman, I look after my kids, I work hard, I look after my elderly parents..." (What? Do u want a medal 4 doing shit you're supposed 2 do?!!!) But you're a sneaky fuck who deals in gaslighting, mental/emotional abuse etc etc. A fraud, hypocrite & coward. Snakes in the grass.

And my absolute favorite, "I have a sister/daughter/mother/whatever important female figure in my life, and I would want someone to treat her right." Run! RUNNNNNN! I will burn tires leaving that guy behind. It has never led to anything good. I swear that's the opening line in Introduction To A Narcissist With Psychopathic Tendencies.

JustErin said:

DaveT said:

I get all of that, but I'm talking about women who choose to carry on dating a guy whose cheated on them, was abusive, etc. There's a couple of girls in our office that are like that, and I've got mates who are decent blokes who really struggle ... bizarre...!!

Oh, that's the whole, "I'm the one that will make him change to a better person". Yeah, many women do that. It's not that they like being with the abusive asshole - they are obsessed with being with the person they wish he was and think one day he will be.

Classic female flaw.

I guess that clarifies it ... never looked at it that way before, but if that's their internal logic it explains alot. Life's too short; I'd just move on to someone who was less of a 'project'...!!

DaveT said:

Connected said:

Ooooh I don't know about that!

I've been out with some pretty dark folks - who are seriously into "hate"

And then I was off!

It is a fair point about subjective romance - for example.. I used to have huge rows with my ex about "Valentines"

I just couldn't (still don't) get my head round the whole convoluted...cliche of roses and dinner...just because your supposed to...

BUT...I do understand why it was important to her... back in the office on the 15th...and being able to play "top trumps" with colleagues about what her guy did - and that would make her feel good

For me - it was bullshit

Romance to me, was taking the day off when she went for an interview...and holding her hand on the tube...rehearsing the points she wanted to get across...waiting outside....and then taking her to do a thing we had neither done before...

To occupy her...and alleviate her post-interview anxiety

A drawing class at the RA...

BUT...that's just me...and wouldn't probably count with some...

Guess I'm just a bit

LOL - I'm sorry but I literally had to laugh at this. Having just been through a couple of intense job interviews the last thing I'd have wanted was to go drawing afterwards. A lovely idea and maybe for your G/F perfect but not for me thanks. I guess I'm cheap - a meal or takeaway afterwards so I don't have to cook and a nice bath run for me later would do me just fine post-stressful interview

I'm with you about Valentines day though. Bloody rip-off. I've been with my husband 17 years and we've never celebrated it - actually it's his birthday so we never go out on his birthday either as everything is twice the price. It's the little things that matter - so much nicer to get a random bunch of flowers at work with the note 'Just to make you smile' (or similar) than to feel that you have only got the flowers because it happens to be Feb 14th. Impresses the work-mates more as well

^

Hahahaahahaha!

I get it was an odd choice

In fairness...a bit of context, she loves to draw as a hobby...so taking her to the RA was a bit of a bullseye for me!

I think I came out with this imaginative doozer afterwards!

[img:$uid]http://www.richardgregory.org/papers/recovery_blind/rec_blind_fig_12_own_house_drawing_sm.gif[/img:$uid]

NinaB said:

DaveT said:

Horsefeathers said:

I guess it's kind of like the perception that all those nice guys are holding out for model types. With a sense of humor, a brain, can cook, her own bank, into your favorite sports team, and a mean bj game. So much, "I'm a nice guy. I should have a woman like that." I never trust the self-professed nice guys. I agree with Erin that it quickly becomes apparent when it's genuine vs. going through the motions. At least IME. For sure, when he starts advertising his nice guy status, I'm out. Just because other guys are worse doesn't make you a nice guy.

Oh, trust me ... couple of my mates would settle for anything with a pulse right now!

I'm UK based so may be its a little different over here. I've been told the dating game is quite different in the States.

Broadly speaking…my mates are 4 types…

-

Those who are in good marriages

Those who are in loveless marriages but too frightened to walk away from the investment

Those who are dating

Those who are decent lads but lack courage (mainly because of past hurt)

-

I don’t pay much attention to new-media…no smartphone etc…

-

Got my basic shit together – liquid/business/decent motor/wardrobe/bit of gym (no six pack though! Love my food too much!)

-

I feel for my mates who are a bit trepid – they are so scared of women, because they might get hurt again

-

I tell them to be predatorial – because if they walk around trying to be all that a woman wants – then forget it

-

Nowadays…a woman wants a guy who is strong…fit…liquid…handsome…independent

But also a bit soft…sweet…watches whatever “reality” crap is on the telly, whilst being rugged…

-

Some of my mates are so lost in their identity because frankly…they listen too much to women who read cosmo

-

There is a certain amount of emasculation going on where some lads believe they have to be a walking cologne advert (wrongly imo)

-

A man has to know himself – otherwise a woman will run rings round him.

-

There is a marked difference though at being single at 20 and at 40

-

At 20…you are looking to establish something with a partner…at 40, if you have something to offer…you don’t necessarily want a whole new thing – you want companionship whilst maintaining independence

-

Something I find women say they are cool with…but really aren’t

Connected said:

DaveT said:

Oh, trust me ... couple of my mates would settle for anything with a pulse right now!

I'm UK based so may be its a little different over here. I've been told the dating game is quite different in the States.

Broadly speaking…my mates are 4 types…

-

Those who are in good marriages

Those who are in loveless marriages but too frightened to walk away from the investment

Those who are dating

Those who are decent lads but lack courage (mainly because of past hurt)

-

I don’t pay much attention to new-media…no smartphone etc…

-

Got my basic shit together – liquid/business/decent motor/wardrobe/bit of gym (no six pack though! Love my food too much!)

-

I feel for my mates who are a bit trepid – they are so scared of women, because they might get hurt again

-

I tell them to be predatorial – because if they walk around trying to be all that a woman wants – then forget it

-

Nowadays…a woman wants a guy who is strong…fit…liquid…handsome…independent

But also a bit soft…sweet…watches whatever “reality” crap is on the telly, whilst being rugged…

-

Some of my mates are so lost in their identity because frankly…they listen too much to women who read cosmo

-

There is a certain amount of emasculation going on where some lads believe they have to be a walking cologne advert (wrongly imo)

-

A man has to know himself – otherwise a woman will run rings round him.

-

There is a marked difference though at being single at 20 and at 40

-

At 20…you are looking to establish something with a partner…at 40, if you have something to offer…you don’t necessarily want a whole new thing – you want companionship whilst maintaining independence

-

Something I find women say they are cool with…but really aren’t

Which part do you mean when you say women are not "cool with"? Being with someone that is independent?

Horsefeathers said: