At last. The digitally re-mastered version of one of my personal favourite threads. Now including clearer writing, a picture, an exclusive interview with Haystack AND a rare out-take from the Emergency procedures should it actually start Raining Men... thread

_____


The Weather Girls may have had a huge hit with 'It's Raining Men', but have you ever given serious consideration to the reality of that situation?
For starters, after falling all that distance, the men would be dead. Not a sexy or appealing thought for anybody (unless you're a necrophiliac - maybe The Weather Girls were).
Secondly, your houses and workplaces would have their roofs destroyed within seconds as these men landed, landing you with huge maintenance bills. Suddenly, raining men doesn't sound so appealing.
Then, of course, once the shower was over there would be the big clean-up operation. Your gardens, streets and parks would be strewn with thousands of men and unlike proper rain, the sun wouldn't make them evaporate into the atmosphere.
So, what should you do if one day the weather forecasters announce that the following morning it will 'rain men'?

1 ) Rush to your local hardware store and buy as many brooms, brushes and cleaning up equipment as possible for the aftermath of the shower.
2 ) Make your way down to the cellar or workplace basement in order to avoid having men landing on you. If you haven't got a cellar/basement, then the advice is to find a strong table and hide under that.
3 ) If you're female or a gay male, try to avoid looking outside to see if any of the men are to your liking - there's nothing worse than seeing the hunk of your dreams falling into an ever increasing puddle of other men and dying instantly from the collision. Certainly, try to avoid getting yourself absolutely soaking weeet!
(It's probable that most of the men will be drips anyway)
4 ) Try to ensure that your guttering and drains aren't blocked in any way. Hopefully, any men landing on your roof (assuming they don't crash into it) will roll away, into the drainpipe and down into the sewers.
5 ) Make sure that all your household pets are indoors and with you either in the cellar or under the table.
6 ) Stay calm at all times during the shower.
7 ) After the shower, make your way outside in a calm manner and begin the clean-up operation, ensuring that you help less able neighbours to clean up their gardens and properties.
8 ) Large tanks will be placed in many areas, where you will be able to take the men for disposal. Phone 1-800-NewFunk to find out where your local Man Disposal Tank will be.

Remember when it rains men, it's not Hallelujah!

(Next week: What to do should it actually Rain Purple)




Okay, so I was bored...
_____

EXTRAS

Haystack talks about the controversial 'Emergency procedures should it actually start Raining Men...' thread;

"It was raining outside whilst I was on the computer and at the same time, 'It's Raining Men' (The shit Geri Haliwell version) came on the radio. I was immediately inspired to write this thread. It was a bit of a sleeper thread initially, but was rescued when I released the 3 ) If you're female or a gay male, try to avoid looking outside to see if any of the men are to your liking - there's nothing worse than seeing the hunk of your dreams falling into an ever increasing puddle of other men and dying instantly from the collision. Certainly, try to avoid getting yourself absolutely soaking weeet! paragraph as a single. The rest is, of course, history"

_____

And now, the rare showing of an out-take from this thread. Initially intended to be procedure 4), it was replaced with the now legendary 4 ) Try to ensure that your guttering and drains aren't blocked in any way. Hopefully, any men landing on your roof (assuming they don't crash into it) will roll away, into the drainpipe and down into the sewers.
Haystack explains why the procedure point was changed;

"It was a difficult decision, but the original fourth procedure spoilt the flow of the thread a little and I really needed something to hold attention in the middle of the thread, so I went with the 4) Try to ensure that your guttering... and I still stand by the decision to use that procedure point instead of the original. Also, the original was a little coarse and I thought that it may offend some people"

Here, for the first time is the rare, original procedure 4);

4) Don't rush out and try to have sex with any of the men whilst they're still warm - another man may fall on you at any point without warning and cause a real mess.

_____
[This message was edited Mon Mar 31 14:36:59 PST 2003 by Haystack]

omg, you must have been bored !!! This fucking hilarious though !!!
i wish it would rain men in my town.

this post...love it.
Did you know that "It's Raining Men" is Homer Simpson's favorite song?

See, you missed the most important line of
the song:

Rip off the roof and stay in bed

Gotta do something to break that fall!

Here's a little trivia about that song,which was a hit for The Weather Girls in 1983...

The song was offered to Diana Ross,who turned it down.It was also offered to Donna Summer,who also turned it down.

I guess they thought it was either too silly,or too suggestive.

RoseOfSharon said:

Yes, but if you ripped off the roof and then it turned out that the weather forecasters were wrong, then you'd have ripped off the roof for no reason. At least you may have an insurance claim if it was damaged by raining men. And also, if you were to stay in bed, the downpour of men will land on you, killing you instantly.

DavidEye said:

Probably had something to do with the description
of the men. Put all the guys in line with those
characteristics, and it probably wouldn't be a
drizzle. :p

Haystack said:

Well, if ya gotta go...
And somebody came up with the idea for a
sunroof/skylight from somewhere. Pop the
top and let 'em drop!

Thanks Haystack. That was hilarious.

And now you can enjoy this thread all over again, thanks to the wonders of modern technology.

bkw will know what to do.

Haystack, I love and really enjoy your imagination and wit!!



___

My digital re-mastering includes thoughts as posting...

'Can I say how I feel after reading this, without people stuffing two fingers down their throats, or accusing me of being corny?! Fuck it, I'll say it anyway...'

Therapy said:

Group hug, everyone:

Oh well, just me for the group hug, then.