So I am an adult in her mid-40's and my mom is about t be 70.

She is the matriarch of our family... I have a sister who is a year older and her daughter just had a baby boy.... he is gorgeous.

My sister has another daughter who had a bay a year ago, and she went down south with our mom to meet that baby, my mom asked to "give the baby a blessing" ... my niece said OK... and while my niece, her husband, my sister, some inlaws and my other niece stood around in my mom and lifted the newborn over her head, with stretched out arms and began a chant, like she was Mufasa and the baby was Simba... straight from the Lion King Disney playbook.

My mom is no ordained minister, and now she says she is going to "bless" this new baby, says "it's a tradition" which it is NOT and she's full of it.... what to do? Baby dediactions are done in our family but IN CHURCHES with REAL pastors.... not crazy mom's who pratice Santaria.

My niece does not want her grandma chanting over her baby in a room full of people, what say you my good people?

oh no no no. imo your mom does not get the last word on this. your neice should do what she wants with her baby. mom will get over it!

My niece is scared to tell he grandma "NO" ... should I do it? I am just an aunty... should I have my sister tell our mom to back off?

My mom... I tell ya, I love her .... but...

Somebody should let mom know how the niece feels. Matriachs do love their authority though.

morningsong said:

Somebody should let mom know how the niece feels. Matriachs do love their authority though.

Oh my goodness.... yes she does. Don't want to leave her feeling torn down either, but....

Is your niece religious?

If so, then I can see her getting upset at this (Santeria is wicked to certain Christians, right?).

Otherwise, I say no harm & no foul. Your mom is trying to be loving. Maybe can she do it in private? (Am I right in assuming that this hasn't happened yet?)

PurpleJedi said:

Is your niece religious?

If so, then I can see her getting upset at this (Santeria is wicked to certain Christians, right?).

Otherwise, I say no harm & no foul. Your mom is trying to be loving. Maybe can she do it in private? (Am I right in assuming that this hasn't happened yet?)

My niece is a Christian and raised in a non-denominational church. My mom is Catholic-ish and doesn't respect my niece's religious beliefs, I think my mom thinks my niece does not believe in God. My niece and her mother are offened and dislike anything Santaria... yes, they think it is wicked indeed.

And also.... like many in her generation, she flip flops from "Catholic" to "Santera" which is weird and confusing.

paintedlady said:

PurpleJedi said:

Is your niece religious?

If so, then I can see her getting upset at this (Santeria is wicked to certain Christians, right?).

Otherwise, I say no harm & no foul. Your mom is trying to be loving. Maybe can she do it in private? (Am I right in assuming that this hasn't happened yet?)

My niece is a Christian and raised in a non-denominational church. My mom is Catholic-ish and doesn't respect my niece's religious beliefs, I think my mom thinks my niece does not believe in God. My niece and her mother are offened and dislike anything Santaria... yes, they think it is wicked indeed.

Then you need to let mom know - in a nice way - that her blessing is not welcome in your niece's church/religion. If she's Puerto Rican enough, tell her that "it'll look bad" to the other family. That always works, no?

...pero mami, esa jente va a hablar pamplina si tu haces éso, ellos no saben lo que es bueno...

hmmm santeria and catholicism are in some ways kind of similar by virtue of the worship and invocation of saints, for one thing. similar... but not really.

.

if i were your niece i'd arrange the blessing ceremony formally with the church of my choice. send out mailed invitations and let mom get the news in the Mail.

.

make it clear the thing is already a done deal and mom is welcome to attend. deep down, mom knows she does not have the right to force herself on your niece's baby boy. if necessary, firmly remind her of this.

.

if she gets cranky say something like, "thanks for your offer to do the blessing but we really couldn't trouble you."

.

it sounds complicated and difficult. my sincere wishes for good luck to everyone!!!!

[Edited 3/25/16 10:56am]

PurpleJedi said:

paintedlady said:

My niece is a Christian and raised in a non-denominational church. My mom is Catholic-ish and doesn't respect my niece's religious beliefs, I think my mom thinks my niece does not believe in God. My niece and her mother are offened and dislike anything Santaria... yes, they think it is wicked indeed.

Then you need to let mom know - in a nice way - that her blessing is not welcome in your niece's church/religion. If she's Puerto Rican enough, tell her that "it'll look bad" to the other family. That always works, no?

...pero mami, esa jente va a hablar pamplina si tu haces éso, ellos no saben lo que es bueno...

It'll turn into a tug-o-war of who's family tradition should stand or she will say "we can do both!" because she makes it up as she goes along.... ugh.

Why is my family so crazy?

XxAxX said:

hmmm santeria and catholicism are in some ways kind of similar by virtue of the worship and invocation of saints, for one thing. similar... but not really.

.

if i were your niece i'd arrange the blessing ceremony formally with the church of my choice. send out mailed invitations and let mom get the news in the Mail.

.

make it clear the thing is already a done deal and mom is welcome to attend. deep down, mom knows she does not have the right to force herself on your niece's baby boy. if necessary, firmly remind her of this.

.

if she gets cranky say something like, "thanks for your offer to do the blessing but we really couldn't trouble you."

.

it sounds complicated and difficult. my sincere wishes for good luck to everyone!!!!

[Edited 3/25/16 10:56am]

Wish she chose ONE because other Ricans have told her she's crazy and my aunts would have a fit if they knew what their sister was up to. But a good idea to say "thanks but no thanks" hope it works XxaxX.

I have a bunch of Cuban friends so I have seen a little of this dilemma before. Santeras actually scare some people.

I think that it is your sister's place to step in and tell mom that even though they love her and respect her beliefs it is not appropriate for her to preside over the blessing if the parents don't want that. She needs to explain that the parents beliefs take precedence in this case.

Good luck....

babynoz said:

I have a bunch of Cuban friends so I have seen a little of this dilemma before. Santeras actually scare some people.

I think that it is your sister's place to step in and tell mom that even though they love her and respect her beliefs it is not appropriate for her to preside over the blessing if the parents don't want that. She needs to explain that the parents beliefs take precedence in this case.

Good luck....

I JUST spoke to my sister... yeah, she doesn't want to have that convo with our mom LMAO!

I told my niece she better man up and tell her nana that she's crazy.... and duck for cover.

paintedlady said:

babynoz said:

I have a bunch of Cuban friends so I have seen a little of this dilemma before. Santeras actually scare some people.

I think that it is your sister's place to step in and tell mom that even though they love her and respect her beliefs it is not appropriate for her to preside over the blessing if the parents don't want that. She needs to explain that the parents beliefs take precedence in this case.

Good luck....

I JUST spoke to my sister... yeah, she doesn't want to have that convo with our mom LMAO!

I told my niece she better man up and tell her nana that she's crazy.... and duck for cover.

LOL! When I was a teen I decided to do the catechism with my best friend and become Anglican. My Baptist grandmother was not amused.

My mother was the one who stepped in and straightened her out. Your sister gonna have to put on her big girl pannies and stand by her daughter.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

[Edited 3/25/16 14:42pm]

babynoz said:

paintedlady said:

I JUST spoke to my sister... yeah, she doesn't want to have that convo with our mom LMAO!

I told my niece she better man up and tell her nana that she's crazy.... and duck for cover.

LOL! When I was a teen I decided to do the catechism with my best friend and become Anglican. My Baptist grandmother was not amused.

My mother was the one who stepped in and straightened her out. Your sister gonna have to put on her big girl pannies and stand by her daughter.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

[Edited 3/25/16 14:42pm]

Chile that convo is going to be a DANGER zone.... Imma be across town!

and OMG your Baptist nana would have had your head if it wasn't for your mom! See my sister's going to have to stand up to my mom... big girl panties pulled up to her boobs!

At the end of the day, your niece or her mother will have to put the hard foot down with Mom, and tell her that only the child's parents can be responsible for that child's spirituality. BTW my good friend who passed away last year was a Santeria priestess and, although I don't practice that form of spirituality myself, there is nothing scary about it. I know several people in that faith and other forms besides Christianity. It is all about respect and acceptance of other people's forms of faith and culture. But, when it comes to a child, the actual parents need to get tough and put the brakes on other relatives taking over, even Gramma.

paintedlady said:

babynoz said:

LOL! When I was a teen I decided to do the catechism with my best friend and become Anglican. My Baptist grandmother was not amused.

My mother was the one who stepped in and straightened her out. Your sister gonna have to put on her big girl pannies and stand by her daughter.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

[Edited 3/25/16 14:42pm]

Chile that convo is going to be a DANGER zone.... Imma be across town!

and OMG your Baptist nana would have had your head if it wasn't for your mom! See my sister's going to have to stand up to my mom... big girl panties pulled up to her boobs!

I was thinking yes tell her that the parents have decided to be done in church......... she has to be told even though it may hurt her feelings. But maybe just maybe is there any other way such as her making a meal to celebrate the new baby?

paintedlady said:

babynoz said:

LOL! When I was a teen I decided to do the catechism with my best friend and become Anglican. My Baptist grandmother was not amused.

My mother was the one who stepped in and straightened her out. Your sister gonna have to put on her big girl pannies and stand by her daughter.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

[Edited 3/25/16 14:42pm]

Chile that convo is going to be a DANGER zone.... Imma be across town!

and OMG your Baptist nana would have had your head if it wasn't for your mom! See my sister's going to have to stand up to my mom... big girl panties pulled up to her boobs!

Oh dear, good luck with that one.

So...you know I have to ask...

Any cucumbers in tin foil inside yo' momma's freezer?