babynoz said:

Can we get an update?

Of course, thanks for asking

All the replies here have been great and extremely helpful. Since my original post, I realized it was time to 1) calm down and be rational and 2) have a long talk with my parents. Since a lot of the paranoia seems to come from my mom, I talked to my dad about it. It's a wonder what just 1 sincere conversation can do. I convinced him to extend my curfew and to convince my mom not to text me every five minutes demanding a location. I have no problem with her asking where I am, but I made him see that it's irrational to message me so freqeuntly to the point where going out becomes unappealing. Since then, in the past week, it's been a helluva lot better and more free for me. At the end of the day, I'd rather be out all night but after calming down a little (I was freshly mad when I started the thread LOL) I realized that a late curfew is cool for now and that my parents are really just looking out for me. There'll be plenty of opportunities to go out and party hard in my 20s, so I'm cool with respecting my parents' wishes while I live here. And i'm sure the curfew will continue to extend as I enter college, and then I'll be out and with my own rules.

[Edited 3/26/16 20:20pm]

luv4u said:

Sit down and talk with your parents and address theirs and your concerns.

You do live under their roof-their home so they can make the rules. You have to compromise and come to rules that all can live with. Still a teenager at 18. You may need to convince them you are a responsible teenager and that they can trust you.

Do you have a full-time job? Do you pay room and board to your parents? Are you attending school or plans to attend college/university?

If all else fails ........... you may have to look at other options such as moving out and sharing an apartment with some friends.

If you want your parents to treat you like an adult then act like an adult.

Good luck.

This is another thing I've realized. One of the things we talked about was me getting a job and they agreed, so I'm getting there

NinaB said:

I'm 42, live in London. At 18 I didn't know anyone who's curfew was 9pm, I don't know/know of any 18yr olds now who's curfew's 9pm. A lot of what you describe is a bit over the top to me & my experience. I agree with what prittypriss & luv4u have said. To me the way your parents are handling this stage in your (/their) life is not all that healthy for you or them. Have that talk with them, continue to respect, compromise & be grateful, but push yourself to assert your individuality & freedom, maybe tackle it bit by bit over time.

I'm definitely taking that approach. It's unrealistic to think I can convince my parents in just a few days to let me go out whenever and wherever, but the fact they extended my curfew and calmed down about my whereabouts is enough for me right now. I'm gonna maybe hint to more freedom over time

babynoz said:

Bless your heart....you sound like a good young man.

Here's the thing. It sounds like your parents are used to the way you used to be and haven't quite adjusted to the new you. The cigarette thing probably scared them too. I agree that the curfew may be too strict for someone your age. When mine were 18 they could stay out till 11 on weekdays and 12 on weekends.

Of course a lot depends on the area you live in, where you go and the friends you hang out with. There's no need to rebel or fight with them. If they have a pretty good idea of what you do when you are out. they will probably relax a bit.

I'm old as rocks and I always let somebody know where I will be and who I'm with. I understand that younglings think that's restrictive but it is really just a common sense precaution because you never know.

Priss is right. You should sit them down and have an adult discussion with them. Let them know that you love and respect them and it is time for them to trust the values that they instilled in you and allow you some room to grow into adulthood.

Remember that they still want to be a part of your life because they love you. Remind them that as an adult you may not run to them with every little detail of your life anymore but you will surely seek them out when you need to. Another thing that was reassuring for me was meeting some of my kid's friends and knowing they were keeping company with decent people.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Thanks for this post

I see myself also reacting like them if I were in their situation, mostly because they used to trust me when I first started going out. Back then around 11:30 was the max, and I was OK with that. I think they liked my newfound independence and outgoing nature, and were at peace with it. But the cigarette incident really changed their minds, and for a while I think they thought I was taking advantage of their trust, especially my mom who was heartbroken, being a really simple and sweet person. It doesn't help that I'm also involved in a tightknit social circle of religious people in my city, all of whom love to fearmonger about "the youth". I've also fixed it by taking the advice to let them know where I'm going before I go. I try to give my mom (since she worries more) a clear account of my plans, so she's less inclined to spam my phone with calls. At the end of the day, even if I'm more lenient about life than my parents are, I'm still gonna wait on them slowly instead of rushing in with an angry 'stop babying me' offense.

EmmaMcG said:

I wish I had parents like yours... I never knew my dad and in my house it was my mum who would be out half the night. My sister moved out when she was 17, so that left me (I was 15) and my brother, who was 10. I didn't have time for a proper social life and aside from my bf, I didn't have any real friends. So, whereas you might feel smothered, remember that it could be worse. You have two parents who care for you and yeah, from the sound of it, they're a little overprotective, but because of how my childhood was, I tend to be very overprotective of my daughter too. She's only a toddler so thankfully boyfriends and all that is something I won't have to think about for a long time, but I would rather her feel smothered by me than think I don't care about her. If I could give you some advice, it would be to sit down with your parents and tell them outright that while you appreciate that they have your best interests at heart, you are not a child anymore and you'd like to be treated as the grown up you are. Extending that curfew to 11 pm would be a good start.

Thanks for that reminder. I really tend to forget it. Sorry to hear about your childhood

prittypriss said:

Btw, my oldest son has always talked with me openly about what was going on in his life. He came to me when he was 15 and had used marijuana. He came to me when he was 19, scared, because a condem broke and the girl wanted to use the morning after pill, which he disagreed with and wanted my advice. He talked with me when he got a DUI at 21 years of age. He knew in those situations that I might be disappointed in his choices, but as he said, "I knew I could talk with you because you wouldn't judge me as a person, even if you were disappointed in what I did, and I knew you would listen." I'm not the perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination, but my son feels comfortable enough and safe enough with me that he's able to talk about even the poor choices he's made and knows that I still love him and respect him as an individual, and I can't ask for more than that from him. He knows I'll be there, even during the worst of times. I didn't have someone who had my back as a child, teen, adult; my mother died when I was 7 and my father put my sister and I into foster care. He died when I was 18. So, I've had to learn how to be a parent without any guidance of what a parent should be.

coolest mom ever.

NorthC said:

214 said:

Talk to them, throw your cards on the table; you're not longer that quiet boy you once was. If that doesn't work, kick their old asses.

You know, this might actually be the best reply. Sometimes you just need to be a rebel! That's what teenagers do and Charisma's problem is that his parents aren't used to that because he used to be a good kid. So it's going to be a little tougher than usual, but yeah, you gotta let your folks know that, hey, I'm 18, I'm old enough to drive, I'm old enough to vote, I'm not a little boy anymore!

Yep, exactly. That's why I'm starting to take other aspects of life serious (getting a job and scoring A's this semester). In a way, their overprotectiveness of me led me to realize a lot of it had to do with how CHILDISH I really was, in terms of life experience and goals.

Thanks for all the great replies

CharismaDove said:

babynoz said:

Can we get an update?

Of course, thanks for asking

All the replies here have been great and extremely helpful. Since my original post, I realized it was time to 1) calm down and be rational and 2) have a long talk with my parents. Since a lot of the paranoia seems to come from my mom, I talked to my dad about it. It's a wonder what just 1 sincere conversation can do. I convinced him to extend my curfew and to convince my mom not to text me every five minutes demanding a location. I have no problem with her asking where I am, but I made him see that it's irrational to message me so freqeuntly to the point where going out becomes unappealing. Since then, in the past week, it's been a helluva lot better and more free for me. At the end of the day, I'd rather be out all night but after calming down a little (I was freshly mad when I started the thread LOL) I realized that a late curfew is cool for now and that my parents are really just looking out for me. There'll be plenty of opportunities to go out and party hard in my 20s, so I'm cool with respecting my parents' wishes while I live here. And i'm sure the curfew will continue to extend as I enter college, and then I'll be out and with my own rules.

[Edited 3/26/16 20:20pm]

Great news, I felt confident that you could work things out.

CharismaDove said:

babynoz said:

Bless your heart....you sound like a good young man.

Here's the thing. It sounds like your parents are used to the way you used to be and haven't quite adjusted to the new you. The cigarette thing probably scared them too. I agree that the curfew may be too strict for someone your age. When mine were 18 they could stay out till 11 on weekdays and 12 on weekends.

Of course a lot depends on the area you live in, where you go and the friends you hang out with. There's no need to rebel or fight with them. If they have a pretty good idea of what you do when you are out. they will probably relax a bit.

I'm old as rocks and I always let somebody know where I will be and who I'm with. I understand that younglings think that's restrictive but it is really just a common sense precaution because you never know.

Priss is right. You should sit them down and have an adult discussion with them. Let them know that you love and respect them and it is time for them to trust the values that they instilled in you and allow you some room to grow into adulthood.

Remember that they still want to be a part of your life because they love you. Remind them that as an adult you may not run to them with every little detail of your life anymore but you will surely seek them out when you need to. Another thing that was reassuring for me was meeting some of my kid's friends and knowing they were keeping company with decent people.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Thanks for this post

I see myself also reacting like them if I were in their situation, mostly because they used to trust me when I first started going out. Back then around 11:30 was the max, and I was OK with that. I think they liked my newfound independence and outgoing nature, and were at peace with it. But the cigarette incident really changed their minds, and for a while I think they thought I was taking advantage of their trust, especially my mom who was heartbroken, being a really simple and sweet person. It doesn't help that I'm also involved in a tightknit social circle of religious people in my city, all of whom love to fearmonger about "the youth". I've also fixed it by taking the advice to let them know where I'm going before I go. I try to give my mom (since she worries more) a clear account of my plans, so she's less inclined to spam my phone with calls. At the end of the day, even if I'm more lenient about life than my parents are, I'm still gonna wait on them slowly instead of rushing in with an angry 'stop babying me' offense.

Now when you go out your parents will be talking to their friends about how mature you are. We parents love doing that!

[Edited 3/27/16 9:27am]

CharismaDove said:

Great for you, things are gettin better.