Hey Orgers...I was wondering if those of you who survived child abuse could weigh in on something. A few months ago, a child in my family confided in me that they were being abused and told me about a particular incident that happened. I was furious and didn't know what to do. I wasn't really surprised that this person was abusing this child either because they have a history of abusing at least one other person in the family as well. This alleged abuser is a total LIAR when confronted about ANYTHING so a direct confrontation would have meant trouble and them possibly retaliating against the child for telling anyone that it happened. What the chlid told me disturbed me so much that I called the authorities. I don't know what happened as a result but the last time I reached out to the child they told me to have no contact with them again. What choice did I have? If I would have ignored it and not said anything the abuse and neglect would continue. If I would have confronted the child's parent (they don't have both parents in the household) then they would have denied it then possibly would have retaliated against the child. So, I felt like I had no choice but to report to the authorities because if nothing else that would at least put SOME fear into that parent and make them think twice about abusing the kid again. I don't know if I will see this kid the rest of my life but I hope they understand that I had the best intentions. So, for those of you who have survived abuse, did you ever have a relative try to stand up for you, only for them to get cut off by the abuser? What goes through the mind of a child who is frequently abused when someone else tries to stick up for them? Thanks guys, I am really heartbroken over this whole situation.

I've suffered psychological abuse and neglect a lot.

One of the things that I find difficult is that nobody stepped up and intervened. They knew things were wrong, but did not do anything.



Recently I broke up with somebody. Again. He has two children and I really love them. He is an alcoholic and I did not want to be part of that.

He made it clear that he did not want to stop drinking. Which is fine, but he also drank when he had the care of his children (4.5 days a week, rest of the week they lived with their mom).

As every alcoholic, he downplayed the effect alcohol has on him and he convinced himself he did not harm his kids.

So, I wrote a letter with a lot of examples when the children did suffer and send it to both the police and child care. Child care called me back and will talk with both parents and tell them an official concern about the safety of their children has been reported. I agreed that she could tell them it was from me, because in that way they can act legally.

So, he will hate my ass, and the kids probably too at the moment. But, I would not be able to live with myself, knowing that he drinks whilst taking care of the children.


I now know that the authorities will intervene and if necessary, take the children out of his care. Very harsh, but from experience I know that there are no second changes or retakes.

So, if you think a child suffers at home, the only thing you can do is to report that officially.


A child can't protect him/herself, depends on parents and will be loyal till the end.

[Edited 1/18/16 5:27am]

SeventeenDayze said:

Hey Orgers...I was wondering if those of you who survived child abuse could weigh in on something. A few months ago, a child in my family confided in me that they were being abused and told me about a particular incident that happened. I was furious and didn't know what to do. I wasn't really surprised that this person was abusing this child either because they have a history of abusing at least one other person in the family as well. This alleged abuser is a total LIAR when confronted about ANYTHING so a direct confrontation would have meant trouble and them possibly retaliating against the child for telling anyone that it happened. What the chlid told me disturbed me so much that I called the authorities. I don't know what happened as a result but the last time I reached out to the child they told me to have no contact with them again. What choice did I have? If I would have ignored it and not said anything the abuse and neglect would continue. If I would have confronted the child's parent (they don't have both parents in the household) then they would have denied it then possibly would have retaliated against the child. So, I felt like I had no choice but to report to the authorities because if nothing else that would at least put SOME fear into that parent and make them think twice about abusing the kid again. I don't know if I will see this kid the rest of my life but I hope they understand that I had the best intentions. So, for those of you who have survived abuse, did you ever have a relative try to stand up for you, only for them to get cut off by the abuser? What goes through the mind of a child who is frequently abused when someone else tries to stick up for them? Thanks guys, I am really heartbroken over this whole situation.

.

the situation sounds very complicated. if i were you i'd follow up with the authorities and reach out to the child again somehow. let the kid know you are still there and can offer help or sanctuary. good for you for helping!!!!!!!

.

dJJ said:

I've suffered psychological abuse and neglect a lot.

One of the things that I find difficult is that nobody stepped up and intervened. They knew things were wrong, but did not do anything.



Recently I broke up with somebody. Again. He has two children and I really love them. He is an alcoholic and I did not want to be part of that.

He made it clear that he did not want to stop drinking. Which is fine, but he also drank when he had the care of his children (4.5 days a week, rest of the week they lived with their mom).

As every alcoholic, he downplayed the effect alcohol has on him and he convinced himself he did not harm his kids.

So, I wrote a letter with a lot of examples when the children did suffer and send it to both the police and child care. Child care called me back and will talk with both parents and tell them an official concern about the safety of their children has been reported. I agreed that she could tell them it was from me, because in that way they can act legally.

So, he will hate my ass, and the kids probably too at the moment. But, I would not be able to live with myself, knowing that he drinks whilst taking care of the children.


I now know that the authorities will intervene and if necessary, take the children out of his care. Very harsh, but from experience I know that there are no second changes or retakes.

So, if you think a child suffers at home, the only thing you can do is to report that officially.


A child can't protect him/herself, depends on parents and will be loyal till the end.

[Edited 1/18/16 5:27am]

Thanks for sharing this. You said "depends on parents and will be loyal till the end". Did you mean that the child who is being abused will be loyal to the abuser to the end? There was another family member who (due to a very long story) heard me tell the police about the abuse and she didn't flinch and she lied and told me and the police she didn't have the child's father's phone number. But, it's a lie because she's called him before and I know for a fact they talked a few months prior to this incident that was the final straw. What you did was very brave and I'm sure one day those kids will remember that and be grateful that you did. You never know how the universe will reward you for advocating for them instead of just running away and acting like it wasn't your problem. Thanks for your comments.

XxAxX said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Hey Orgers...I was wondering if those of you who survived child abuse could weigh in on something. A few months ago, a child in my family confided in me that they were being abused and told me about a particular incident that happened. I was furious and didn't know what to do. I wasn't really surprised that this person was abusing this child either because they have a history of abusing at least one other person in the family as well. This alleged abuser is a total LIAR when confronted about ANYTHING so a direct confrontation would have meant trouble and them possibly retaliating against the child for telling anyone that it happened. What the chlid told me disturbed me so much that I called the authorities. I don't know what happened as a result but the last time I reached out to the child they told me to have no contact with them again. What choice did I have? If I would have ignored it and not said anything the abuse and neglect would continue. If I would have confronted the child's parent (they don't have both parents in the household) then they would have denied it then possibly would have retaliated against the child. So, I felt like I had no choice but to report to the authorities because if nothing else that would at least put SOME fear into that parent and make them think twice about abusing the kid again. I don't know if I will see this kid the rest of my life but I hope they understand that I had the best intentions. So, for those of you who have survived abuse, did you ever have a relative try to stand up for you, only for them to get cut off by the abuser? What goes through the mind of a child who is frequently abused when someone else tries to stick up for them? Thanks guys, I am really heartbroken over this whole situation.

.

the situation sounds very complicated. if i were you i'd follow up with the authorities and reach out to the child again somehow. let the kid know you are still there and can offer help or sanctuary. good for you for helping!!!!!!!

.

Yes maybe in a few more months I will reach out to the child again. I remember when it was the child's birthday I called from a different phone (because kids don't recognize voices as much as a they rely on caller ID to identify a caller) and said "Happy Birthday" and then they asked who it was I just hung up because I didn't know if their parent was going to be around or not. I just wanted to hear the sound of their voice and know that at least in THAT moment they were okay.

my grandmother raise me and my middle brother (of couse i was the youngest)

she had raised six of her own AND it was before there was such a thing as child

abuse that wasn't work related...we got beat several times a day.

i was a documented paranoid at four years old...

i have never been violent towards children in my adolescent/adult years...

it is the emotionally abused who suffer the most, the neglected and those who

are in homes where they really ain't wanted (families where they had kids

because it was an upwardly mobile move to make at the time...

...

[Edited 1/18/16 18:48pm]

prittypriss said:

I was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused for years. No one ever stepped in and when I finally told, I wasn't believed because there were multiple perpetrators. One aunt in my family finally told me she had to believe me, because she had called one perpetrator, or tried to, and left a message with his bosses wife, telling her to have him call her if it wasn't true. She had confirmed he received the message but he never contacted her and seemed to disappear for awhile. The second perp disappeared completely, moved out of state. But the third perp, her son, 8 years older than myself, she said, "I thought that was child's play."

.

I wanted someone to step in. I really had to build up the courage to finally tell when I was 14 and ran away from home, to get away from the abuse. (I was living with my aunt and uncle at this time and their son was abusing me.)

.

I wanted someone to step in. I wanted someone to rescue me. However, when it came to my dad, I had conflicted emotions. I loved him, he was my dad. I didn't want anything bad to happen to him, though I wanted the abuse to end. It would have been difficult for me when I was younger (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 years of ages) to have had someone tell on my dad because I did love him, I just hated what he was doing. I also blamed myself for the abuse, felt there was something wrong with me that it kept happening. Therefore, if something had happened to my dad, I would have blamed myself for that, too.

.

It's difficult, very difficult, especially for a child. That self-blame, that guilt, the weight they carry is enormous. The perpetrator finds ways to make the child believe they are at fault, they "asked for this", or "they want this". The child then believes they are at fault for everything bad that happens. The child you are speaking of is blaming themselves for opening up to you, feeling betrayed because the child told you something in confidence, while wanting to be rescued (which is why they opened up and told you) - they also feel conflicted and guilty and are blaming themselves for whatever has happened to the perpetrator. It's possible the child lied and said the perp didn't do anything to those investigating the allegations, and was believed, and so the perp is still involved - but is making life much more difficult for the child. When I was 10 and originally told on my cousin for what he was doing, my aunt confronted him in front of me, he didn't say anything - didn't deny it, didn't admit it, just walked away. My aunt yelled, "I don't ever want to hear of this happening again!" I thought she was mad at me, that she was blaming me. After that, my cousin would beat me up on top of everything else he was doing. He threw me down on the floor face first and grabbed my hair, banging my face in the floor. My best friend was there and pushed him off me and made me go to her house. Another time, he dragged me through the house by my hair. Telling made things worse for me for awhile, not better, until I ran away when I was 14.

.

So it's difficult to know what that child is going through right now. Eventually, as the child gets older, they will appreciate the fact that you tried to stand up for them, but right now, trust is non-existent for that child and they are blaming themselves for telling you, for whatever happened to the perp. Give the child some time. Respect the child's wishes at this time. The child's feelings, safety, and emotional well-being have to come first, not your feelings of being slighted by the child because you just wanted to help.

Thank you. I'm so sorry you experienced all of that. Yes, once the child told me all of these things I was shell shocked at first and didn't say or do anything for a bit but then once I saw some examples of neglect myself that's when I decided enough was enough. I wrestled with the idea of saying anything because as I said above, not saying anything means it continues, saying something means there could be retaliation so that's why I decided to go ahead and contact the authorities because hopefully the abuser would be fearfully or at least be investigated so maybe that will keep things at bay. I hope the day you speak of will come sooner than later and he will appreciate this one day.

NinaB said:

Contact the authority's for a follow up to what happened/is happening. Any chance you could put yourself forward to take him/her in at some point? At least let them know you'd be willing if the possibly arises...that's if you're able to..one way or another the child has to be gotten away from that home/people. The children's homes/Foster homes are NOT a good idea tho...

Okay, I'll do that. The police when I followed up told me there was nothing they could do, despite the fact that they had initially told me to explain to them what was happening. They were just like, "You can call CPS" So I will never understand why they had me divulge all that info knowing that they knew CPS was the ones to call. Based on my interactions with the police where I live, they are woefully incompetent and lazy. Due to my situation right now I can't take the child in but one thing that CPS told me is that they consider other people the child could live with before putting them in foster care.

SeventeenDayze said:

Keep in touch with them, you did the right thing calling up the authorities, perhaps in this moment they won't realize what you have done so far for them, but in the future they will be very grateful with you, for standing up for them. I do not know, i was "abused" by a cousin when i was 8 yo and he was 9 yo; but he was a kid too so it's different, nobody knows in my family and they won't; but for me it was just something that happened, never affected me in any way.

214 said:

Keep in touch with them, you did the right thing calling up the authorities, perhaps in this moment they won't realize what you have done so far for them, but in the future they will be very grateful with you, for standing up for them. I do not know, i was "abused" by a cousin when i was 8 yo and he was 9 yo; but he was a kid too so it's different, nobody knows in my family and they won't; but for me it was just something that happened, never affected me in any way.

Thanks for sharing. I was previously told that due to laws you can't follow up and check the status of an investigation since it's considered to be confidential. I hope that the child understands when they are older. That's the worse thing to hear about a child being abused and them not having anyone stand up for them.

SeventeenDayze said:

214 said:

Keep in touch with them, you did the right thing calling up the authorities, perhaps in this moment they won't realize what you have done so far for them, but in the future they will be very grateful with you, for standing up for them. I do not know, i was "abused" by a cousin when i was 8 yo and he was 9 yo; but he was a kid too so it's different, nobody knows in my family and they won't; but for me it was just something that happened, never affected me in any way.

Thanks for sharing. I was previously told that due to laws you can't follow up and check the status of an investigation since it's considered to be confidential. I hope that the child understands when they are older. That's the worse thing to hear about a child being abused and them not having anyone stand up for them.

That must be a hell, living hell, being a child and having to live and deal withthe pain,angry and all that on your own.

[Edited 1/18/16 16:21pm]

214 said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Thanks for sharing. I was previously told that due to laws you can't follow up and check the status of an investigation since it's considered to be confidential. I hope that the child understands when they are older. That's the worse thing to hear about a child being abused and them not having anyone stand up for them.

That must be a hell, living hell, being a child and having to live and deal withthe pain,angry and all that on your own.

[Edited 1/18/16 16:21pm]

Yes it is....believe me it is. In public they are always "doting" about their child but at home, it's another story. I dunno, I don't understand abusive parents who swear they love their child but then abuse them...

EmmaMcG said:

You definitely did the right thing and I'm sure the child in question will see it was for the best. Personally, I don't know how I'd react if my daughter (who's 3) told me she was abused. And that scares me. I know the right thing to do would be to do what you did but I have a horrible feeling I'd do something drastic. Because I was, I'm not sure if I'd use the word abused, but let's say I wasn't shown much love from my mother, who drank herself into an early grave a couple of years ago and could go months without speaking to me when I was growing up. I was raised by my older sister, who's only 2 years older than me so it wasn't easy for her. I used to think it was my fault that my mother ignored me and I would hate for my little girl to feel like that so if some bastard did anything to make her think that way, I'd lose it.

Hey there. I'm sorry you experienced that Yes, I was devastated when I found out. I've had some sour experiences myself (don't want to get into it here because there are some evil trolls on this site sometimes) and hearing this was highly upsetting. Most people in my situation wouldn't have been able to keep their composure. I think this kid will see one day that I just wanted the abuse to stop. I'm also certain that if the child would have been abused by anyone else, this same "parent" would have started a fist fight, or worse...that's the irony in this situation. They are "free" to abuse but then when they get called out on it they punish the whistleblower (in this case me) by cutting the child off from contact. BUT if this parent would have heard about anyone else abusing the child...all hell would have broken loose and she would have been a mama bear. I think THAT fact alone pisses me off more than anything.

Sorry, but are we talkin physical or sexual abuse? i mean both are physical i know but, i get lost.

214 said:

Sorry, but are we talkin physical or sexual abuse? i mean both are physical i know but, i get lost.

I really don't want to get into specifics on that. Thanks anyway.

SeventeenDayze said:

214 said:

Sorry, but are we talkin physical or sexual abuse? i mean both are physical i know but, i get lost.

I really don't want to get into specifics on that. Thanks anyway.

Ok sorry.

[Edited 1/18/16 17:45pm]

214 said:

SeventeenDayze said:

I really don't want to get into specifics on that. Thanks anyway.

Ok sorry.

[Edited 1/18/16 17:45pm]

No worries, it's not you....just that there are a handful of trolls on this site who enjoy saying hateful and mean things six months later when you're posting about a totally different subject.

SeventeenDayze said:

XxAxX said:

.

the situation sounds very complicated. if i were you i'd follow up with the authorities and reach out to the child again somehow. let the kid know you are still there and can offer help or sanctuary. good for you for helping!!!!!!!

.

Yes maybe in a few more months I will reach out to the child again. I remember when it was the child's birthday I called from a different phone (because kids don't recognize voices as much as a they rely on caller ID to identify a caller) and said "Happy Birthday" and then they asked who it was I just hung up because I didn't know if their parent was going to be around or not. I just wanted to hear the sound of their voice and know that at least in THAT moment they were okay.

.

the child will benefit just from knowing you are a number to call, or a home to run to if necessary.

XxAxX said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yes maybe in a few more months I will reach out to the child again. I remember when it was the child's birthday I called from a different phone (because kids don't recognize voices as much as a they rely on caller ID to identify a caller) and said "Happy Birthday" and then they asked who it was I just hung up because I didn't know if their parent was going to be around or not. I just wanted to hear the sound of their voice and know that at least in THAT moment they were okay.

.

the child will benefit just from knowing you are a number to call, or a home to run to if necessary.

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words of support.

XxAxX said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yes maybe in a few more months I will reach out to the child again. I remember when it was the child's birthday I called from a different phone (because kids don't recognize voices as much as a they rely on caller ID to identify a caller) and said "Happy Birthday" and then they asked who it was I just hung up because I didn't know if their parent was going to be around or not. I just wanted to hear the sound of their voice and know that at least in THAT moment they were okay.

.

the child will benefit just from knowing you are a number to call, or a home to run to if necessary.

Exactly.

Tough spot but I believe you did the right thing.

SeventeenDayze said:

XxAxX said:

.

the child will benefit just from knowing you are a number to call, or a home to run to if necessary.

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words of support.

.

you could be in for a world of legal trouble though. be very careful. always make contact officially, or with witnesses.

.

beware the violent, insane abuser. people who do that are dangerous. good luck and godbless

SeventeenDayze said:

XxAxX said:

.

the child will benefit just from knowing you are a number to call, or a home to run to if necessary.

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words of support.

In all honestly.......i hope this never happens to anyone that I know.

If it does............dude might just get ghosted.

Graycap23 said:

Tough spot but I believe you did the right thing.

Thank you Graycap. It was tough. I was furious. Things have been very different since this all went down. I didn't call anyone nor did anyone call me for the holidays. I spent Christmas alone but I have spent holidays alone before so I guess it was like any other holiday. I hope the kid understands one day and hopefully he will remember the words of wisdom and support that I shared prior to all this stuff going down.

XxAxX said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words of support.

.

you could be in for a world of legal trouble though. be very careful. always make contact officially, or with witnesses.

.

beware the violent, insane abuser. people who do that are dangerous. good luck and godbless

What legal trouble? I actually made one anonymous call and the other time I talked to the police face to face when they arrived because a family dispute was in progress and that's when I finally just let everything out and told the cops everything. They said they would try to get in touch with the father. That never happened and I have no idea why the stupid and incompetent cops even blew smoke and had me waste my time and have hope that the situation could be resolved.

Graycap23 said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words of support.

In all honestly.......i hope this never happens to anyone that I know.

If it does............dude might just get ghosted.

I told the cops that there are many stories in the news of people who have resorted to violence, including murder when it comes to finding out that a child has been abused.