SeventeenDayze said:

NinaB said:

KingBAD said: I like this. Especially the part about not forgetting about it so much it happens again & not remembering it enuf 2 dwell on it.

That's good advice, I hope that there are more Orgers here who can share how they managed to forgive in difficult situations.

I'm not the forgiving type. You burn me, I cut you out of my life for good. You become "dead" to me.

SeventeenDayze said:

duccichucka said:

Yep.

So how long do we wait until we re-examine the situation and decide if we're either holding a grudge or doing what's the best for our emotional wellbeing?

That's between you and God, playa.

uPtoWnNY said:

SeventeenDayze said:

That's good advice, I hope that there are more Orgers here who can share how they managed to forgive in difficult situations.

I'm not the forgiving type. You burn me, I cut you out of my life for good. You become "dead" to me.

How's that working out for you?

forgiveness is a GIFT you give to yourself.

OnlyNDaUsa said:

forgiveness is a GIFT you give to yourself.

Exactly.

There is no contradiction in forgiving someone, and then removing them from your life. We are not all going to get along, and it's OK to stop associating with people that are not good for you. Do not feel bad for doing that. You are doing the right thing.

duccichucka said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm not the forgiving type. You burn me, I cut you out of my life for good. You become "dead" to me.

How's that working out for you?

Great. Like Rodeo said, cutting out the negative mfers in my life has put me in a better place.

NinaB said:

Oh lawd, the old my suffering is worse than your suffering game. My best friend & I have had quite a few conversations over a few decades about that shit.

can i throw my sixty year of pain and sufferin i put people through???

i can turn this thread into a "SHOTS FIRED" type of thang...

bein a ruler brings with it all sorts od duplicity and power struggles, real and perceived.

in order to stay a king one may make a few hasty demands that are not readilt accepted,

but immediately enforced... (when it turns from "please don't step on the grass" to "this

is a secure area violators will be shot")

duccichucka said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm not the forgiving type. You burn me, I cut you out of my life for good. You become "dead" to me.

How's that working out for you?

SHOTS FIRED... MAN DOWN MAN DOWN

OnlyNDaUsa said:

forgiveness is a GIFT you give to yourself.

DAMN...

that is quite profound...

now i don't know why i see yo name

and think ill of you...

gotta be somebody else.

such unnastandin is rarely given by assholes...

so i must be thinkin of another...

GOOD JOB...

cause forgivinness is a gift of freedom

for the forgiver...

uPtoWnNY said:

SeventeenDayze said:

That's good advice, I hope that there are more Orgers here who can share how they managed to forgive in difficult situations.

I'm not the forgiving type. You burn me, I cut you out of my life for good. You become "dead" to me.

There's always something interesting that you contribute to these threads I just love your "no nonsense" New Yorker perspective on things, LOL

NinaB said:

I really can't be dealing with that type of thinking. It's like Bob Marley sang "In every life some rain must fall" I've known people who've been thru horrific experiences who have better attitudes & are more grateful & better company than some folks who've haven't been thru one tenth of the shit.

Exactly to this post and the one you wrote before it. There are plenty of people who experience pure hell but they are the nicest and most genuine people you would meet. The other people just use their pain as justification to hurt others into perpetuity. It's a sign of weakness and bitterness under it all.

as for them that get to the point where i think of them no more...

you have to actually put in work to get there with me.

and for those who i may be 'dead' to....

i'm sho they spend more time rememberin i'm "dead to them"

than i do...

once someone is removed (excuses themselves) i know longer

think on it.... i forget them....

i have really close friends and fam i don't talk to for months at a time.

they are not forgotten, they are loved....

and lastly... if i have forgotten folks, they got a better chance of redemption.

as i said... if you forget, you open yoself to repeat performances...

uPtoWnNY said:

duccichucka said:

How's that working out for you?

Great. Like Rodeo said, cutting out the negative mfers in my life has put me in a better place.

Although I personally find that philosophy detestable (being unforgiving, and making people
"dead" to you), if it ain't broke, then don't fix it.

I just hope you don't hurt somebody you love in your life and they hold the same outloook.

KingBAD said:

as for them that get to the point where i think of them no more...

you have to actually put in work to get there with me.

and for those who i may be 'dead' to....

i'm sho they spend more time rememberin i'm "dead to them"

than i do...

once someone is removed (excuses themselves) i know longer

think on it.... i forget them....

i have really close friends and fam i don't talk to for months at a time.

they are not forgotten, they are loved....

and lastly... if i have forgotten folks, they got a better chance of redemption.

as i said... if you forget, you open yoself to repeat performances...

That's true about the fact that if you forget you leave yourself open to repeat performances.

KingBAD said:

KingBAD said:

KingBAD said:

KingBAD said:

OnlyNDaUsa said:

forgiveness is a GIFT you give to yourself.

DAMN...

that is quite profound...

now i don't know why i see yo name

and think ill of you...

gotta be somebody else.

such unnastandin is rarely given by assholes...

so i must be thinkin of another...

GOOD JOB...

cause forgivinness is a gift of freedom

for the forgiver...

well I forgive you for calling me an asshole...

SeventeenDayze said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm not the forgiving type. You burn me, I cut you out of my life for good. You become "dead" to me.

There's always something interesting that you contribute to these threads I just love your "no nonsense" New Yorker perspective on things, LOL

Life is too short to have to deal with other people's bullshit. NO DRAMA.

SeventeenDayze said:

Hey everyone, I've had some major drama happen with some people close to me. I think forgiveness is important but how do you know when you've truly forgiven someone? Is it okay to forgive someone but then never talk to them again? I don't want to hold a grudge but I also don't want to set myself up for disappointment in the future if/when they hurt me again. How do you know when you've forgiven someone completely and can let go?

i think forgiveness has happened when you truly believe that that person can heal to become a totally perfect person whom you would love to be around. And your daily prayers of love, as much love as you want god to love you, help them to acheive that change . but until they change, it's wise to protect yourself. you can do all the transformative work behind the scenes without having to confront them. i think it helps to imagine that you are actually looking out at the world from behind the unforgiven person's face, that you have become them. sounds weird but feels liberating, actually exhilirating. so you can just enjoy yourself and one day they will come to you as a renewed person. we're all woven together, so it's totally up to you to plug in to god and radiate healing into your neighbors. i just ask god to take the situation off my hands and work it out outside of time, so i can be liberated to do fun stuff with my time.

PURplEMaPLeSyrup said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Hey everyone, I've had some major drama happen with some people close to me. I think forgiveness is important but how do you know when you've truly forgiven someone? Is it okay to forgive someone but then never talk to them again? I don't want to hold a grudge but I also don't want to set myself up for disappointment in the future if/when they hurt me again. How do you know when you've forgiven someone completely and can let go?

i think forgiveness has happened when you truly believe that that person can heal to become a totally perfect person whom you would love to be around. And your daily prayers of love, as much love as you want god to love you, help them to acheive that change . but until they change, it's wise to protect yourself. you can do all the transformative work behind the scenes without having to confront them. i think it helps to imagine that you are actually looking out at the world from behind the unforgiven person's face, that you have become them. sounds weird but feels liberating, actually exhilirating. so you can just enjoy yourself and one day they will come to you as a renewed person. we're all woven together, so it's totally up to you to plug in to god and radiate healing into your neighbors. i just ask god to take the situation off my hands and work it out outside of time, so i can be liberated to do fun stuff with my time.

Thank you. I wish more people thought the same way you did. You seem to have a multi-faceted view of the world but I'm dealing with other folks who do not. They are emotionally stunted and hold grudges and perceive everything to be the other person's fault regardless of how badly they treat you. I wish it was that simple...

uPtoWnNY said:

SeventeenDayze said:

There's always something interesting that you contribute to these threads I just love your "no nonsense" New Yorker perspective on things, LOL

Life is too short to have to deal with other people's bullshit. NO DRAMA.

Ha, your comment is just the opposite of the one below yours LOL. I guess it just depends on who you ask what the best thing to do is.

OnlyNDaUsa said:

KingBAD said:

DAMN...

that is quite profound...

now i don't know why i see yo name

and think ill of you...

gotta be somebody else.

such unnastandin is rarely given by assholes...

so i must be thinkin of another...

GOOD JOB...

cause forgivinness is a gift of freedom

for the forgiver...

well I forgive you for calling me an asshole...

did i spell it wrong???

KingBAD said:

OnlyNDaUsa said:

well I forgive you for calling me an asshole...

did i spell it wrong???

no "it" is spelled I T so you spelled IT correctly

SeventeenDayze said:

Hamad said:

When the sight of that person no longer upsets me.

It may sound cynical, but I keep my expectations low. Not that I expect the worst from people by default, but to avoid any potential disappointments.

Most importantly though, is the ability to forgive yourself, because after you get hurt you might go through a cycle of self criticism and self doubt. Both things never generate any good results at all.

Thanks for your comments. I think what you said makes a lot of sense. We can move forward and not expect much from the other person. I'm dealing with liars and fake ass personalities so in order to keep sane I have to get away and stay away from them.

Sometimes life forces you to deal with fake ass personalities, hence my low expectations logic.

RodeoSchro said:

There is no contradiction in forgiving someone, and then removing them from your life. We are not all going to get along, and it's OK to stop associating with people that are not good for you. Do not feel bad for doing that. You are doing the right thing.

Good way of putting it

Hamad said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Hamad said: Thanks for your comments. I think what you said makes a lot of sense. We can move forward and not expect much from the other person. I'm dealing with liars and fake ass personalities so in order to keep sane I have to get away and stay away from them.

Sometimes life forces you to deal with fake ass personalities, hence my low expectations logic.

Point taken Thanks!!

duccichucka said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Hey everyone, I've had some major drama happen with some people close to me. I think forgiveness is important but how do you know when you've truly forgiven someone? Is it okay to forgive someone but then never talk to them again? I don't want to hold a grudge but I also don't want to set myself up for disappointment in the future if/when they hurt me again. How do you know when you've forgiven someone completely and can let go?

Forgiveness occurs when you no longer desire to justifiably punish those who have punished
you. I use PBS' This Emotional Life's section on forgiveness when I'm conducting my group
therapy sessions. I find it very helpful.

I disagree. Forgiveness is when you no longer are impacted by the other person's actions that hurt you.

As long as you continue to feel the pain from what the person did to hurt you, they can't be truly forgiven ... because you will always associate that pain with them.