glad you let that out. there is nothing laughable in what you write. i sometimes feel the emotions you describe.

.

i know you didn't ask for advice but here's some anyway, this is stuff i've learned from times in my life when it seems like a big fat wtf: church is a good place to meet nice folk. volunteering at charitable organizations and animal care facilities is always energizing.

.

also right now the big new age 'thing' is going on a vision quest to sample ayahuasca with a shaman in south america. learn to see life differently. i find traveling breaks up my rut every time.

.

i hope you regain your joy. remember: this too, shall pass

[Edited 11/2/15 5:46am]

nonames said:

I'm finding this very difficult to write, so much so that I have created a new profile just for this. But I really need to talk to someone and I don't really have anyone I can talk to. So please feel free to ignore this message altogether or to laugh at me, it's ok, I can take it, but I need it to be out there. I've basically reached a point that I can't stand my life anymore. Not that I'm planning to end it, I'm not even brave enough to do that. I have a family who I adore, friends who care for me, a job I'm good at, I'm comfortable financially... And yet, there is no joy at all. I am alone most of the time, and I seek to be alone, as it is bad to feel lonely when you are on your own, but it's even worse to feel lonely when you are surrounded by people. I have tried everything. I am naturally shy, but I try to meet new people. But they are not interested in me or I'm not interested in them at all. I try to find new hobbies, things to do, places to go, but I can't seem to make anything stick. After a few weeks, I always go back to the emptiness of my living room. I have tried everything. I have taken risks and I have played it safe. And yet, I always go back to being alone. The tipping point has been tonight. I recently met a guy that I really got quite excited about: he's handsome, nice, intelligent and the best company. Too good for me, I thought. And I thought so much about it that I have obviously, once again, ruined it. After a very bad date and an even worse sexual experience, that's it, I assume I'll never see him again. And it's shit, because it felt, for once, that I was going to have some luck. But no. I know I'm not clinically depressed: I can get up in the mornings, I can go to work and have a perfectly functional life. I don't feel suicidal either. And it's not a midlife crisis, as I have felt like this for a long, long time. My family and friends would be very surprised to read this, as I try to keep a happy facade in front of them. But I'm not happy, I'm really not. Anyway, I expect this post to be largely ignored and disappear pretty soon. I don't even know if it makes sense, and I am not fishing for sympathy either, I don't expect any orgers to come up with a solution to my issues. I just needed to write this down, since I don't feel I have anyone to tal to about it. I need it to be out there. I just need that.

I'm sorry to read that you have these sorrows. I know you'r not fishing for sympathy, but I do wish you more fullfilment than how you feel now.

You say you keep your true feelings and thoughts to yourself, and I wonder why? Do you think that if somebody gets to know you, he/she will be dissapointed and not like you anymore?

It seems that you worry a lot and you get stuck in your own run of thoughts. Why not go to a psychologist and figure out how your thoughts influence your life and what you can do to search for fullfilment in your life?

You don't need to be clinical depressed to benefit from counseling or therapy. You have tried many things, without a satisfying result. So, maybe you can try the support of a psychologist and see if that helps?

A book that I think is absolutely a good read, is the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns.

I can go to that same dark place for no reason or for reasons I don't understand. Laugh? No, it's real and I feel for you. It's a darkness that the word "lonely" doesn't describe well enough. Here's a few things that work for me get thru these.

.

Sometimes just embracing the dark feelings and letting them wash over you with some music helps me. Cry, let it out.

.

Surrounding yourself with positive people who want to make positive changes happen in their life. Not the same ones you do but ANY positive change.

.

Little things like thoughts, words and making an effort to change something small all add up to putting yourself into a place you want to be. Be careful, with a motivated mind, you get what you are looking for every time.

.

Finally, don't beat yourself up too much. Experiences come and go. We're only on this planet a short amount of time, keep perspective with that in mind. Make choices on who you spend time with accordingly.

.

:hugs:

Embrace the emptiness that you feel. All those other things you discussed, friends, hobbies, interests, work, family are just a distraction from our essential state of emptiness. When you face that emptiness head on and move through it then life takes on a different meaning.

So you are not a social butterfly, but it sounds like you do not give yourself enough credit. You seem to beat yourself up... why? You seem brave to me pouring your heart out like that on here.

Bad case of the white folks blues... I've seen it before... shit's gotta be perfect before you can be happy. Well... life doesn't work that way as you already know. Be happy regardless of what's going on and then you will have joy! Stop worrying what people may think or what they say... fukkem. They do not matter. Normal is overrated. Having balance is key. Work on having balance. I like to be alone too from time to time... as long as you love those and help others when you can. Reach out... so what if people don't like you!?! No one likes everybody! You care too much. Free yourself by releasing yourself from overthinking stuff. Ok... see a therapist, so you can come to your own conclusion that you are OK. The healing is in the journey anyways, so it is worth it. And laugh! Geesh, without laughter you are royally fucked. Gotta have joy, and joy comes in the perception of how you see things. Changing how you see things becomes simple when you have a change of heart about what is important to you.

Hitting rock bottom... shit I thought you were gonna say you were in jail on death row! Found out you have stage 4 cancer... homeless... pregnant and he has 34 kids already and you guys are scheduled to be on Maury because 4 other guys may be the father...

OK I hope you had a good giggle... which is what I hope (hug) I said most of that in jest, I take depression seriously to know you must find your own way to joy. Life is not always blissful, but finding the giggles in our everyday drab is what makes life worth it. Now go find your happiness dear... I think you are more than brave enough and you will see I was right.

Well, that means there is only one way to go - up!

I know that implies that you will get off rock bottom. I hope and pray that you will. Having been there myself, I think I know what you're going through. It's really a crisis of confidence. You need confidence in yourself as a human being - confidence that you are good, that you have things to contribute, that your presence on Earth is justified.

The best thing I've ever found for restoring confidence is church. Find a local church that empowers and encourages its members. If you live in the United States, here is a good list that I recommend:

https://www.joelosteen.co...hurch.aspx

Even if you are not religious, you will be welcomed with open arms. I hope you explore this. It's the best remedy I've found. Good luck and keep us posted. If you want me to expound more on this, let me know either here, or through an orgnote. I will keep you in my prayers!

I relate to every word you typed, its downright creepy and somewhat comforting at the same. I was this way and it took me two years to bring my life back. Its still somewhat chaotic but I've learned to accept some of the ground rules.

The bad news, its gonna take awhile, like everything else its a work in progress. The good news, I can tell you it has an expiry date, even if you felt that way for ages.

I don't have answers or solutions to your situation, but it is imperative to be kind to yourself actively. Always remind yourself of your own attributes and the good things in your life no matter how insignificant or trivial you think they are, because from a bigger picture perspective, they're not. Do that constantly, that way you're gonna be a little less self critical gradually. Its peculiar how kind the average human being is to everybody else while neglecting one self.

Life is ever evolving and changing, you don't know what surprises the universe have in store for you in the future, which is something you definitely don't need to think about at all - or even the past - because you simply can't control them. Over-thinking? I can't name one instant where it served benefiting.

I know my post might read like what a collective of bumper stickers might puke, but they are my reality and also self-reminders. I truly hope you find contentment & joy sooner than later. Cut yourself some slack a little bit in the meantime

morningsong said:

And speak with a medical doctor. It'll be a shame if you're struggling with this based on a fixable deficiency.

Great point! I didn't think of that, but yes, this tends to be the culprit.

Hope all is well with you

nonames said:

How is your spiritual life?

nonames said:

I'm finding this very difficult to write, so much so that I have created a new profile just for this. But I really need to talk to someone and I don't really have anyone I can talk to. So please feel free to ignore this message altogether or to laugh at me, it's ok, I can take it, but I need it to be out there. I've basically reached a point that I can't stand my life anymore. Not that I'm planning to end it, I'm not even brave enough to do that. I have a family who I adore, friends who care for me, a job I'm good at, I'm comfortable financially... And yet, there is no joy at all. I am alone most of the time, and I seek to be alone, as it is bad to feel lonely when you are on your own, but it's even worse to feel lonely when you are surrounded by people. I have tried everything. I am naturally shy, but I try to meet new people. But they are not interested in me or I'm not interested in them at all. I try to find new hobbies, things to do, places to go, but I can't seem to make anything stick. After a few weeks, I always go back to the emptiness of my living room. I have tried everything. I have taken risks and I have played it safe. And yet, I always go back to being alone. The tipping point has been tonight. I recently met a guy that I really got quite excited about: he's handsome, nice, intelligent and the best company. Too good for me, I thought. And I thought so much about it that I have obviously, once again, ruined it. After a very bad date and an even worse sexual experience, that's it, I assume I'll never see him again. And it's shit, because it felt, for once, that I was going to have some luck. But no. I know I'm not clinically depressed: I can get up in the mornings, I can go to work and have a perfectly functional life. I don't feel suicidal either. And it's not a midlife crisis, as I have felt like this for a long, long time. My family and friends would be very surprised to read this, as I try to keep a happy facade in front of them. But I'm not happy, I'm really not. Anyway, I expect this post to be largely ignored and disappear pretty soon. I don't even know if it makes sense, and I am not fishing for sympathy either, I don't expect any orgers to come up with a solution to my issues. I just needed to write this down, since I don't feel I have anyone to tal to about it. I need it to be out there. I just need that.

Please check your orgNotes.

NorthC said:

I can totally support the idea of doing an ayahuasca ceremony with an Peruvian shaman- I can even recommend one. It is the kind of stuff that "fixes Ur life up".

Robin Quivers did an Ayahuasca ceremony with a Peruvian shaman. It "(fixed her) life up" in the following ways:

- She vomited and shit her pants at the same time.

- She developed cancer.

Ayahuasca is a hallucinogen that has potentially long-lasting negative psychological effects. Also:

"The ayahuasca community has a collection of well-known horror stories: the German woman who returned from Peru with a report of being sexually assaulted by her 'shaman'. The two French citizens who died during their trip — one from a heart attack, the other from a likely interaction with his prescription medications. The worst, though...is the story of an 18-year-old Californian named Kyle Nolan.

"Nolan set out for the Shimbre Shamanic Center, a Peruvian ayahuasca lodge run by a shaman calling himself Mancoluto, in August 2012. When Nolan didn't show up for his flight home, his worried parents went to Peru to find him. At first, Mancoluto said that Nolan had taken off in the middle of the night, but his body later was found in a grave on the center's property, and the shaman confessed to having buried him."

dJJ said:

Why not go to a psychologist and figure out how your thoughts influence your life and what you can do to search for fullfilment in your life?

Personally, I always recommend a psychiatrist over a psychologist.

paintedlady said:

Be happy regardless of what's going on and then you will have joy! Stop worrying what people may think or what they say... fukkem. They do not matter. Normal is overrated.

...

And laugh! Geesh, without laughter you are royally fucked. Gotta have joy, and joy comes in the perception of how you see things. Changing how you see things becomes simple when you have a change of heart about what is important to you.

Lot of good advice from paintedlady here!

Hamad said:

be kind to yourself actively. Always remind yourself of your own attributes and the good things in your life no matter how insignificant or trivial you think they are, because from a bigger picture perspective, they're not. Do that constantly, that way you're gonna be a little less self critical gradually. Its peculiar how kind the average human being is to everybody else while neglecting one self.

Life is ever evolving and changing, you don't know what surprises the universe have in store for you in the future, which is something you definitely don't need to think about at all - or even the past - because you simply can't control them. Over-thinking? I can't name one instant where it served benefiting.

Very good advice, Hamad!

daingermouz2020 said:

It angers me when I hear people say how fortunate/lucky/blessed I am.

It used to anger me, too. Now I know that they were right.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like this.

Have you ever tried psychiatry?

try to think of little things that bring a tiny bit of joy, such as walking in a park or on the beach, and do those whenever u feel the lowest.

this may sound corny, but oftentimes doing something that benefits someone else "just because" really helps one get out of a rut. That could mean helping out at a community garden, buying a few scarves and handing them out near a homeless shelter, or helping teach a kid how to read. Try to think of one thing that kind of resonates with you along those lines and do it. it doesn't have to be anything major, but you'll start feeling that joy again soon.

also practice gratitude. Think about what you are grateful for and really feel it. write things down. this also helps get rid of those dark corners of the mind.

(envisioning the best for you)

I know you said you are not clinically depressed as you can get up in the morning, but there is a condition called Dysthmic Disorder which could be impacting you from your description.

.

Dysthmic Disorder presents as depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated either by subjective account or observation by others for at least 2 years.

.

Presence, while depressed, of two (or more of the following):

. Poor appetite

. Insomnia or hypersomnia

. low energy or fatigue

. low self-esteem

. poor concentration or difficulty making decisions

. feelings of hopelessness

.

During the 2 year period of the disturbance, the person has never been without the symptoms above for more than 2 months at a time.

.

No Major Depressive Episode has been present during the first 2 years of the disturbance

.

There has never been a Manic Episode.

.

The disturbance does not occur exclusively during the course of a psychotic disorder.

.

The symptoms are not due to the physiological effects of a substance or general medical condition

.

The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning (such as intimate relationships).

.

The above was taken from the DSM-IV-TR.

.

The difference between Major Depression and Dysthymic Disorder is that the Dysthymic Disorder is characterized by chronic, less severe depression that has been present for many years. When it's of many years duration, the mood disturbance may not be easily distinguished from the person's usual functioning.

.

Usually if a person says, "I don't ever remember being happy" or "I can't remember the last time I felt content and happy with life", more than likely its Dysthymic Disorder. It is treatable (usually same treatment as for Major Depression) with anti-depressants. Also, talking about it does help because it allows you to see that you aren't alone in feeling this way, and once one talks about a problem, then they no longer have to handle it alone.

.

Also, journaling about your feelings helps, too. You could start a blog about your feelings, share with others, because your path to finding happiness and contentment in life could be inspirational to others, and when others are inspired by your progress and work, they in turn inspire you.

.

But honestly, I don't know who can truly look around at our world today and not feel some depression. Relationships have become more difficult to start and maintain, because relationships have become disposable. "Unhappy in your relationship? Meh, end it and start another one. There's always more fish in the sea." And if you are a sensitive soul to what is going on around the world, it's bound to have an impact on your mood and your ability to find contentment.

.

Just know that you aren't alone. We've got your back.

deepabove said:

try to think of little things that bring a tiny bit of joy, such as walking in a park or on the beach, and do those whenever u feel the lowest.

this may sound corny, but oftentimes doing something that benefits someone else "just because" really helps one get out of a rut. That could mean helping out at a community garden, buying a few scarves and handing them out near a homeless shelter, or helping teach a kid how to read. Try to think of one thing that kind of resonates with you along those lines and do it. it doesn't have to be anything major, but you'll start feeling that joy again soon.

also practice gratitude. Think about what you are grateful for and really feel it. write things down. this also helps get rid of those dark corners of the mind.

(envisioning the best for you)

Excellent advice, deepabove!

prittypriss said:

Also, talking about it does help because it allows you to see that you aren't alone in feeling this way, and once one talks about a problem, then they no longer have to handle it alone.

.

Also, journaling about your feelings helps, too. You could start a blog about your feelings, share with others, because your path to finding happiness and contentment in life could be inspirational to others, and when others are inspired by your progress and work, they in turn inspire you.

.

But honestly, I don't know who can truly look around at our world today and not feel some depression. Relationships have become more difficult to start and maintain, because relationships have become disposable. "Unhappy in your relationship? Meh, end it and start another one. There's always more fish in the sea." And if you are a sensitive soul to what is going on around the world, it's bound to have an impact on your mood and your ability to find contentment.

.

Just know that you aren't alone. We've got your back.

Ace said:

NorthC said:

I can totally support the idea of doing an ayahuasca ceremony with an Peruvian shaman- I can even recommend one. It is the kind of stuff that "fixes Ur life up".

Robin Quivers did an Ayahuasca ceremony with a Peruvian shaman. It "(fixed her) life up" in the following ways:

- She vomited and shit her pants at the same time.

- She developed cancer.

Ayahuasca is a hallucinogen that has potentially long-lasting negative psychological effects. Also:

"The ayahuasca community has a collection of well-known horror stories: the German woman who returned from Peru with a report of being sexually assaulted by her 'shaman'. The two French citizens who died during their trip — one from a heart attack, the other from a likely interaction with his prescription medications. The worst, though...is the story of an 18-year-old Californian named Kyle Nolan.

"Nolan set out for the Shimbre Shamanic Center, a Peruvian ayahuasca lodge run by a shaman calling himself Mancoluto, in August 2012. When Nolan didn't show up for his flight home, his worried parents went to Peru to find him. At first, Mancoluto said that Nolan had taken off in the middle of the night, but his body later was found in a grave on the center's property, and the shaman confessed to having buried him."

.

with all due respect, no one was advising nonames to take chances on traveling to a remote location to participate ritually in a dangerously unsafe vomit stained tent in south america. if you've studied the topic, you will know that journey quests are a very real thing, not to be mocked or mistaken for cheap tourist attractions.

.

you recommended psychiatry while trashing ayahuasca. however, many unhelpful anti-depression drugs that are equally deserving of criticism are routinely prescribed for the masses, with long-term negative effects on brain chemistry. just because the profit-driven pharmas say we should take that, doesn't mean it's good. thanks for listening

prittypriss said:

I know you said you are not clinically depressed as you can get up in the morning, but there is a condition called Dysthmic Disorder which could be impacting you from your description.

.

Dysthmic Disorder presents as depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated either by subjective account or observation by others for at least 2 years.

.

Presence, while depressed, of two (or more of the following):

. Poor appetite

. Insomnia or hypersomnia

. low energy or fatigue

. low self-esteem

. poor concentration or difficulty making decisions

. feelings of hopelessness

.

During the 2 year period of the disturbance, the person has never been without the symptoms above for more than 2 months at a time.

.

No Major Depressive Episode has been present during the first 2 years of the disturbance

.

There has never been a Manic Episode.

.

The disturbance does not occur exclusively during the course of a psychotic disorder.

.

The symptoms are not due to the physiological effects of a substance or general medical condition

.

The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning (such as intimate relationships).

.

The above was taken from the DSM-IV-TR.

.

The difference between Major Depression and Dysthymic Disorder is that the Dysthymic Disorder is characterized by chronic, less severe depression that has been present for many years. When it's of many years duration, the mood disturbance may not be easily distinguished from the person's usual functioning.

.

Usually if a person says, "I don't ever remember being happy" or "I can't remember the last time I felt content and happy with life", more than likely its Dysthymic Disorder. It is treatable (usually same treatment as for Major Depression) with anti-depressants. Also, talking about it does help because it allows you to see that you aren't alone in feeling this way, and once one talks about a problem, then they no longer have to handle it alone.

.

Also, journaling about your feelings helps, too. You could start a blog about your feelings, share with others, because your path to finding happiness and contentment in life could be inspirational to others, and when others are inspired by your progress and work, they in turn inspire you.

.

But honestly, I don't know who can truly look around at our world today and not feel some depression. Relationships have become more difficult to start and maintain, because relationships have become disposable. "Unhappy in your relationship? Meh, end it and start another one. There's always more fish in the sea." And if you are a sensitive soul to what is going on around the world, it's bound to have an impact on your mood and your ability to find contentment.

.

Just know that you aren't alone. We've got your back.

Great post!

dJJ said:

nonames said:

I'm finding this very difficult to write, so much so that I have created a new profile just for this. But I really need to talk to someone and I don't really have anyone I can talk to. So please feel free to ignore this message altogether or to laugh at me, it's ok, I can take it, but I need it to be out there. I've basically reached a point that I can't stand my life anymore. Not that I'm planning to end it, I'm not even brave enough to do that. I have a family who I adore, friends who care for me, a job I'm good at, I'm comfortable financially... And yet, there is no joy at all. I am alone most of the time, and I seek to be alone, as it is bad to feel lonely when you are on your own, but it's even worse to feel lonely when you are surrounded by people. I have tried everything. I am naturally shy, but I try to meet new people. But they are not interested in me or I'm not interested in them at all. I try to find new hobbies, things to do, places to go, but I can't seem to make anything stick. After a few weeks, I always go back to the emptiness of my living room. I have tried everything. I have taken risks and I have played it safe. And yet, I always go back to being alone. The tipping point has been tonight. I recently met a guy that I really got quite excited about: he's handsome, nice, intelligent and the best company. Too good for me, I thought. And I thought so much about it that I have obviously, once again, ruined it. After a very bad date and an even worse sexual experience, that's it, I assume I'll never see him again. And it's shit, because it felt, for once, that I was going to have some luck. But no. I know I'm not clinically depressed: I can get up in the mornings, I can go to work and have a perfectly functional life. I don't feel suicidal either. And it's not a midlife crisis, as I have felt like this for a long, long time. My family and friends would be very surprised to read this, as I try to keep a happy facade in front of them. But I'm not happy, I'm really not. Anyway, I expect this post to be largely ignored and disappear pretty soon. I don't even know if it makes sense, and I am not fishing for sympathy either, I don't expect any orgers to come up with a solution to my issues. I just needed to write this down, since I don't feel I have anyone to tal to about it. I need it to be out there. I just need that.

I'm sorry to read that you have these sorrows. I know you'r not fishing for sympathy, but I do wish you more fullfilment than how you feel now.

You say you keep your true feelings and thoughts to yourself, and I wonder why? Do you think that if somebody gets to know you, he/she will be dissapointed and not like you anymore?

It seems that you worry a lot and you get stuck in your own run of thoughts. Why not go to a psychologist and figure out how your thoughts influence your life and what you can do to search for fullfilment in your life?

You don't need to be clinical depressed to benefit from counseling or therapy. You have tried many things, without a satisfying result. So, maybe you can try the support of a psychologist and see if that helps?

A book that I think is absolutely a good read, is the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns.

Great advice.

.

Ace said:

dJJ said:

Why not go to a psychologist and figure out how your thoughts influence your life and what you can do to search for fullfilment in your life?

Personally, I always recommend a psychiatrist over a psychologist.

Why do you prefer a psychiatrist?

Is it because of the medication they can prescribe?

Are you doing better? I hope so. Please let us know. Thanks!