sro100 said:

duccichucka said:

How so?

Because it sucked in almost every conceivable way.

Merely a fan-boy and a a machine (Disney) together to create a new generation Star Wars with none of the mythology and Skywalker family story.

I really, really can't go into all the ways it sucked, but let's start with the villiain...Kylo Ren...basically a fan boy imitating Darth Vader; he doesn't even need a mask but wears one as a tribute!!

A movie made for all those who have been raised to say that George Lucas sucks and we need a new vision. George Lucas's stories, ALL OF THEM INCLUDING THE PREQEL TRILOGY, were his vision; especially the prequel movies that were his vision completely; Empire and Jedi has writers helping out.

No vision in TFA, no mythology, no real continuing of the events after Jedi, no continuing of the family story, just a machine for all those "fans." The whole bullshit Kylo/Han story was simply a weak retelling of Empire.

Maybe the most disappointing movie ever; at least up there with "Superman 3" and "Rocky V."

[Edited 12/19/15 13:20pm]

You can't say "it sucked in almost every conceivable way" and then not "go into all the ways
it sucked." But to reduce Kylo Ren down to a "fan boy imitating Darth Vader" kinda suggests
that you missed out on why he's enamored with Vader. Also, the movie in and of itself was
not created to answer most of our questions; this will occur with the next two episodes. You
are on point with how The Force Awakens does have a lot of plot similarities with A New Hope.

Finally, I don't see how you can say that The Force Awakens has "none of the mythology and
Skywalker family story" and then complain about how it "was a weak retelling of Empire." This
is a contradiction.

Last night my daughter and I watched "Extraction". She and I arrived at our mountain house a few days before the rest of the family, as she's working as a snowboard instructor again. So I perused all the movies I wanted to see, figured which one was the one I would like the most and everyone else would like the least, and chose "Extraction" as that movie.

I was almost right!

"Extraction" can be applied to two things: getting someone out of a sticky situation, or pulling a tooth. If this movie had been about dentists, it would have been a LOT better. Unfortunately, there were no dentists in this movie.

INSERT GRATUITOUS "SEINFELD" ANTI-DENTITE REFERENCE HERE.

The premise is that Bruce Willis - and by the way, I chose this movie because it was listed as a "Bruce Willis" movie. But it's not. It's a Kellen Lutz movie. As far as my daughter was concerned, that was the movie's only saving grace.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Bruce Willis. He's a legendary CIA field agent who opens up the movie captured and tied to a chair by some bad guys who he naturally kills with ease. The reason for his capture has something to do with a hit man going to his house to kill his wife and the 12-year-old version of Kellen Lutz. So he grabs a phone and calls: (1) his brother Ken, who is also a CIA field agent, and tells Ken to go to his house pronto; and then (2) Young Kellen Lutz.

But just as Young Kellen Lutz answers the phone, mom is blown away. So Bruce calmly walks Young Lutz over the phone up to Bruce's room, tells him where the gun is, gets him in a safe position, and then tells Young Kellen Lutz to "Take the shot! Take the shot! Take the shot!"

Young Kellen Lutz does not take the shot. But luckily, Uncle Ken shows up and he DOES take the shot, saving Young Kellen Lutz.

Fast forward 10 years. Lutz is now in the Agency, training in Prague. He gets pretty good at all aspects of killing people, but is never accepted as a field agent. Four rejections. He's stuck as a desk jockey, where he thinks he's uncovered something called "Condor". But all he has is chatter about some dudes buying a "rare bird" and that's not enough for Uncle Ken (who now runs the Prague field office) to authorize an operation.

Then Bruce Willis gets captured again - this time by some ugly dude who resembles Kid Rock. ATTN KID ROCK: If you are reading this, that was not a slam at you. You're cool.

This bad dude's name is Drake.

YES, I SPENT THREE MINUTES SAYING "THE DRAKE? LOVE THE DRAKE! NO, HATE THE DRAKE!"

So the CIA tells Lutz his dad has been taken....wait, wrong movie. Willis has been captured in an operation involving the Condor, which DOES exist and HAS been activated and WILL go on-line in 24 hours. It turns out the Condor is some computer that allows its user to control all the telecommunications equipment in the world. That means Mr. Condor can launch any country's nuclear missiles anywhere they want.

Anyway, Lutz wants in on the extraction job but Uncle Ken says no, and dispatches four top-notch field officers to escort Lutz to his apartment and make sure he stays there. But naturally Lutz beats them all up while seat-belted in a van, and somehow makes his way from a lonely Czechoslovakian highway to beautiful New Jersey in less than six hours. This means, of course, that Lutz has now 18 hours to find his dad; take control of the Condor unit; and yada yada yada.

Somehow - don't ask me how, I forgot - Lutz's old romantic partner gets assigned to bring in Lutz. The head of the CIA wants to know, "How in the hell did some desk jockey disable four of my best agents and make it to the USA in six hours?" Uncle Ken explains thusly: "Lutz applied for the field but his dad pulled in every favor he could to squash his application. But make no mistake. Lutz is good".

How good? Pretty awesomely good, it turns out!

Lutz's first lead is a biker bar in beautiful New Jersey. Of course he sits at a bar, and the bikers hassle him. They want to know who he is. He won't tell them. He just gives the waitress a bunch of money for his shot of whiskey. She says, "This is way too much" to which Lutz replies, "It's for the bottle and the jukebox". "The bottle and the jukebox?" says the waitress, at exactly the same time Lutz breaks the bottle over the lead biker's head and pitches him into the jukebox. This would have been the PERFECT scene if, as the biker was sliding down the jukebox, it would have come to life and played something like "I Like Big Butts". And then Lutz could have looked at the other bikers, given them the thumbs-up, and said, "Aaayyyyyyyy!" Honestly, this would not have made this movie any campier.

All the bikers attack Lutz but as only happens in the movies, they come at him one at a time. He has no problem at all until the bikers finally get smart and gang up on him, and are about to beat his face in when the waitress fires off her shotgun, saving Lutz's life. Why, I have no idea, but she WAS hot.

But THEN, Lutz's former bed buddy (her name is Vicky so that's what I'm going to call her from now on, mainly because I can't think of any more PG-rated terms for a woman with whom the relationship was only physical. Which we know is true, because Uncle Ken said the CIA knew all about the relationship) shows up at that exact moment and tells the waitress to drop the shotgun. Never taking into account that the waitress just saved Lutz's life. Something tells me Vicky isn't the greatest CIA agent in the world.

Lutz collects himself and says he wants to know how to find The Drake. "The Drake?' says the lead biker. "We LOVE The Drake!" Nah, he didn't say that but again, it would have worked well in this movie. What the biker does say is that they never see The Drake. They only deal with The Drake's brother, who has a motorcycle repair shop that they give up to Lutz. Of course, they give up this information because Lutz has produced a grenade and has pulled the pin. After Lutz gets what he wants, he rolls the grenade at the bikers and of course the grenade is just a smoke grenade. Oh yeah, before he rolls the grenade, he makes one biker give him the keys to his Fatboy. Yes, Lutz asked specifically for a Fatboy.

Lutz and Vicky take off for the repair shop. Now, I know what you're thinking - the bikers from the bar called The Drake's brother to warn him. Of course they did! Or not.

The Lutz's (which is what I'm calling them now) show up at the repair shop where not only has The Drake's brother NOT been warned, but he is all alone. Lutz plays Russian Roulette with The Drake's brother but amazingly, this does not induce The Drake's brother to tell the Lutz's where they can find The Drake. It's not until Lutz rams a screwdriver through The Drake's brother's hand and does some imaginative twisting that The Drake's brother screams out the name of the club that The Drake frequents.

Vicky says, "Yeah, I know that club. It's a posh joint in upper where ever". Keep in mind that The Drake is an uglier version of Kid Rock. (Again, Kid Rock - no offense.) The Drake hangs out at a POSH club? I just can't see it.

But what the Lutz's can't see is getting into that posh club dressed the way they are. So they throw The Drake's brother into the trunk of a car (and that is the last we see of The Drake's brother. He's probably still in that trunk) and they head over to the apartment of a friend of Vicky's.

This chick is the most confusing character ever. Half the time they try to make you think she's a CIA operative, and half the time she's portrayed as a ditzy Valley Girl. It's movies like this that make me think screenwriting might not be the hardest job in the world.

So Ditzy Chick dresses up Vicky, and mousses up Lutz's hair. This is enough to get all three of them into Tha Club. It's really just a disco. I wouldn't call it posh in any way, shape or form but then again I am old.

The Drake has a private table at Tha Club, where he has women dripping all over him. Plus a few bodyguards. Vicky gets The Drake's eye from the dance floor, but must figure out a way to get invited into The Drake's private booth at Tha Club. So let's see - what cliché or boundary have we not crossed yet?

I know! said the way-over-paid screenwriters. Let's have Vicky and Ditzy Chick French kiss on the dance floor! You get the feeling this movie was written by 13-year-olds.

So Vicky and Ditzy chick tongue-wrestle for a bit, which produces the invitation to Tha Booth. Vicky then acts drunk enough to do ANYTHING but only somewhere private. So The Drake and Vicky leave Tha Booth (leaving behind potential threesome partner Ditzy Chick, in yet another mind-blowing plot hole), and go to Tha Private Room. The Drake clears Tha Private Room, and Vicky starts to pole dance. The Drake punches her out and says, "Did you really not think I knew who you are, Agent Vicky?" Points for The Drake knowing that Vicky was a CIA agent, but negative points for The Drake not knowing that the two people she came in with were also government agents. How did The Drake miss that? Stupid 13-year-old screenwriters.

Lutz figures out The Drake has kidnapped Vicky, so he asks Ditzy Chick if she has a car. Uhhhhh......how did y'all get to Tha Club in the first place? Ah, forget that. Ditzy Chick has a bad-ass red Mustang GT convertible. As Lutz and Ditzy Chick get in the car, I pointed out two things to my daughter: (1) why the heck did Lutz let Ditzy Chick drive; and (2) it would have been cooler if they'd put the top down. No reason to use a convertible if you're not going to drop the top.

I don't know who The Drake's driver is, but I hope he got fired. Because The Drake drove to some factory, taking a route through beautiful New Jersey that mostly included roads on which the only two cars were The Drake and Ditzy Chick. And yet, The Drake's crew never figured out they were being tailed. Mike Hammer would figure it out in less than two turns.

And now we have the climax. Lutz gets captured after beating up some dudes, and when he wakes up, he is tied to a chair. Guess who's in the chair next to him? Yep - Daddy!

But wait! Daddy isn't tied up. Not tied up? That means he's a Bad Guy! Why, Daddy?!? WHY???????

"This is payback for your mother's death" says Willis. It turns out the CIA had given up Willis's cover identity, which led to Willis getting captured in the beginning of the movie, which led to Willis's wife's murder (and would have led to Lutz's too, if not for Uncle Ken). So Bruce has turned, and is helping The Drake sell the Condor to some Russians. Lutz can't believe it and of course, neither should you.

The last 10 minutes get really, really complicated. I suspect those 13-year-old screenwriters could not adequately explain it to anyone. Their pitch must have been "We're ripping off bad spy movies, showing Kellen Lutz doing push-ups, and blowing up shit! Who cares how it ends or if it even makes sense? We have Kellen Lutz's abs and a lot of explosions! Also, a little Bruce Willis!"

The important things are: (1) Bruce Willis kills the Russian, who was the guy that put the hit out on his wife and son; (2) Uncle Ken shows up and is a bad guy, and tries to get Willis to go in with him and sell the Condor to someone for $150 million (Willis refuses); (3) there's a giant shoot-out but no one gets shot except the Russians and Bruce Willis; (4) Lutz chases down Uncle Ken and kills him by ramming his 2003 Tahoe (just like ours!) into Uncle Ken's car; (5) Lutz pulls the Condor out of Uncle Ken's cold, dead hands and then takes his machine gun and in a scene ripped straight out of "Office Space", empties the clip into the Condor; (6) however, we had been told earlier the only way the Condor can be disabled was by inserting the Patriarch Key into the Condor, so presumably all the destruction the Russians had programmed into the Condor still went off; (7) Ditzy Chick had been sitting in her Mustang outside the factory throughout the whole thing and slept through all of it. Seriously.

Bruce Willis dies from his wound. Lutz gets made a field officer (I forgot to mention - the CIA actually put a hit out on Lutz during all this, and Lutz had to subdue the CIA assassin by konging him over the head with a toilet lid - twice. The weird thing is that the hit wasn't put out by Uncle Ken. It was put out by Uncle Ken's boss, the CIA Director. And yet, Lutz STILL wants to work for these guys?). Vicky meets her CIA contact at a bench in beautiful New Jersey, where she is handed a packet that contains a cell phone.

It rings.

It's Lutz.

I forgot what he says they're going to do - knock boots, probably - but he says he has one thing to do first and that she needs to listen. And here comes the last scene in one really bad, but gratefully really short (like 85 minutes short) confused mess of a movie:

CUT TO: exterior blue-collar location in beautiful New Jersey.

WE SEE: The Drake, who somehow escaped all the bloodshed at the factory shootout, and wasn't apprehended even though he participated in a plot to basically blow up the world

THE DRAKE gets into this car - a mucous-green 2001 Jaguar E-Type. WTF? The Drake's Escalade was new and awesome. What is he doing driving this ugly, 15-year-old car?

THEN WE SEE: Lutz, on his phone

LUTZ turns his back to The Drake as The Drake gets into his car and closes the door

LUTZ begins slowly walking away from The Drake (who has never noticed Lutz)

LUTZ holds up his phone and presses a key

BLAM!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what I've noticed about my movie reviews? The worse the movie is, the longer my review. I guess I just like writing about stupid stuff. I haven't researched this, but I'm betting this is the longest review I've ever written.

That tells you what I thought about "Extraction". One star out of an infinite number of stars.

RodeoSchro said:

Last night my daughter and I watched "Extraction". She and I arrived at our mountain house a few days before the rest of the family, as she's working as a snowboard instructor again. So I perused all the movies I wanted to see, figured which one was the one I would like the most and everyone else would like the least, and chose "Extraction" as that movie.

I was almost right!

"Extraction" can be applied to two things: getting someone out of a sticky situation, or pulling a tooth. If this movie had been about dentists, it would have been a LOT better. Unfortunately, there were no dentists in this movie.

INSERT GRATUITOUS "SEINFELD" ANTI-DENTITE REFERENCE HERE.

The premise is that Bruce Willis - and by the way, I chose this movie because it was listed as a "Bruce Willis" movie. But it's not. It's a Kellen Lutz movie. As far as my daughter was concerned, that was the movie's only saving grace.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Bruce Willis. He's a legendary CIA field agent who opens up the movie captured and tied to a chair by some bad guys who he naturally kills with ease. The reason for his capture has something to do with a hit man going to his house to kill his wife and the 12-year-old version of Kellen Lutz. So he grabs a phone and calls: (1) his brother Ken, who is also a CIA field agent, and tells Ken to go to his house pronto; and then (2) Young Kellen Lutz.

But just as Young Kellen Lutz answers the phone, mom is blown away. So Bruce calmly walks Young Lutz over the phone up to Bruce's room, tells him where the gun is, gets him in a safe position, and then tells Young Kellen Lutz to "Take the shot! Take the shot! Take the shot!"

Young Kellen Lutz does not take the shot. But luckily, Uncle Ken shows up and he DOES take the shot, saving Young Kellen Lutz.

Fast forward 10 years. Lutz is now in the Agency, training in Prague. He gets pretty good at all aspects of killing people, but is never accepted as a field agent. Four rejections. He's stuck as a desk jockey, where he thinks he's uncovered something called "Condor". But all he has is chatter about some dudes buying a "rare bird" and that's not enough for Uncle Ken (who now runs the Prague field office) to authorize an operation.

Then Bruce Willis gets captured again - this time by some ugly dude who resembles Kid Rock. ATTN KID ROCK: If you are reading this, that was not a slam at you. You're cool.

This bad dude's name is Drake.

YES, I SPENT THREE MINUTES SAYING "THE DRAKE? LOVE THE DRAKE! NO, HATE THE DRAKE!"

So the CIA tells Lutz his dad has been taken....wait, wrong movie. Willis has been captured in an operation involving the Condor, which DOES exist and HAS been activated and WILL go on-line in 24 hours. It turns out the Condor is some computer that allows its user to control all the telecommunications equipment in the world. That means Mr. Condor can launch any country's nuclear missiles anywhere they want.

Anyway, Lutz wants in on the extraction job but Uncle Ken says no, and dispatches four top-notch field officers to escort Lutz to his apartment and make sure he stays there. But naturally Lutz beats them all up while seat-belted in a van, and somehow makes his way from a lonely Czechoslovakian highway to beautiful New Jersey in less than six hours. This means, of course, that Lutz has now 18 hours to find his dad; take control of the Condor unit; and yada yada yada.

Somehow - don't ask me how, I forgot - Lutz's old romantic partner gets assigned to bring in Lutz. The head of the CIA wants to know, "How in the hell did some desk jockey disable four of my best agents and make it to the USA in six hours?" Uncle Ken explains thusly: "Lutz applied for the field but his dad pulled in every favor he could to squash his application. But make no mistake. Lutz is good".

How good? Pretty awesomely good, it turns out!

Lutz's first lead is a biker bar in beautiful New Jersey. Of course he sits at a bar, and the bikers hassle him. They want to know who he is. He won't tell them. He just gives the waitress a bunch of money for his shot of whiskey. She says, "This is way too much" to which Lutz replies, "It's for the bottle and the jukebox". "The bottle and the jukebox?" says the waitress, at exactly the same time Lutz breaks the bottle over the lead biker's head and pitches him into the jukebox. This would have been the PERFECT scene if, as the biker was sliding down the jukebox, it would have come to life and played something like "I Like Big Butts". And then Lutz could have looked at the other bikers, given them the thumbs-up, and said, "Aaayyyyyyyy!" Honestly, this would not have made this movie any campier.

All the bikers attack Lutz but as only happens in the movies, they come at him one at a time. He has no problem at all until the bikers finally get smart and gang up on him, and are about to beat his face in when the waitress fires off her shotgun, saving Lutz's life. Why, I have no idea, but she WAS hot.

But THEN, Lutz's former bed buddy (her name is Vicky so that's what I'm going to call her from now on, mainly because I can't think of any more PG-rated terms for a woman with whom the relationship was only physical. Which we know is true, because Uncle Ken said the CIA knew all about the relationship) shows up at that exact moment and tells the waitress to drop the shotgun. Never taking into account that the waitress just saved Lutz's life. Something tells me Vicky isn't the greatest CIA agent in the world.

Lutz collects himself and says he wants to know how to find The Drake. "The Drake?' says the lead biker. "We LOVE The Drake!" Nah, he didn't say that but again, it would have worked well in this movie. What the biker does say is that they never see The Drake. They only deal with The Drake's brother, who has a motorcycle repair shop that they give up to Lutz. Of course, they give up this information because Lutz has produced a grenade and has pulled the pin. After Lutz gets what he wants, he rolls the grenade at the bikers and of course the grenade is just a smoke grenade. Oh yeah, before he rolls the grenade, he makes one biker give him the keys to his Fatboy. Yes, Lutz asked specifically for a Fatboy.

Lutz and Vicky take off for the repair shop. Now, I know what you're thinking - the bikers from the bar called The Drake's brother to warn him. Of course they did! Or not.

The Lutz's (which is what I'm calling them now) show up at the repair shop where not only has The Drake's brother NOT been warned, but he is all alone. Lutz plays Russian Roulette with The Drake's brother but amazingly, this does not induce The Drake's brother to tell the Lutz's where they can find The Drake. It's not until Lutz rams a screwdriver through The Drake's brother's hand and does some imaginative twisting that The Drake's brother screams out the name of the club that The Drake frequents.

Vicky says, "Yeah, I know that club. It's a posh joint in upper where ever". Keep in mind that The Drake is an uglier version of Kid Rock. (Again, Kid Rock - no offense.) The Drake hangs out at a POSH club? I just can't see it.

But what the Lutz's can't see is getting into that posh club dressed the way they are. So they throw The Drake's brother into the trunk of a car (and that is the last we see of The Drake's brother. He's probably still in that trunk) and they head over to the apartment of a friend of Vicky's.

This chick is the most confusing character ever. Half the time they try to make you think she's a CIA operative, and half the time she's portrayed as a ditzy Valley Girl. It's movies like this that make me think screenwriting might not be the hardest job in the world.

So Ditzy Chick dresses up Vicky, and mousses up Lutz's hair. This is enough to get all three of them into Tha Club. It's really just a disco. I wouldn't call it posh in any way, shape or form but then again I am old.

The Drake has a private table at Tha Club, where he has women dripping all over him. Plus a few bodyguards. Vicky gets The Drake's eye from the dance floor, but must figure out a way to get invited into The Drake's private booth at Tha Club. So let's see - what cliché or boundary have we not crossed yet?

I know! said the way-over-paid screenwriters. Let's have Vicky and Ditzy Chick French kiss on the dance floor! You get the feeling this movie was written by 13-year-olds.

So Vicky and Ditzy chick tongue-wrestle for a bit, which produces the invitation to Tha Booth. Vicky then acts drunk enough to do ANYTHING but only somewhere private. So The Drake and Vicky leave Tha Booth (leaving behind potential threesome partner Ditzy Chick, in yet another mind-blowing plot hole), and go to Tha Private Room. The Drake clears Tha Private Room, and Vicky starts to pole dance. The Drake punches her out and says, "Did you really not think I knew who you are, Agent Vicky?" Points for The Drake knowing that Vicky was a CIA agent, but negative points for The Drake not knowing that the two people she came in with were also government agents. How did The Drake miss that? Stupid 13-year-old screenwriters.

Lutz figures out The Drake has kidnapped Vicky, so he asks Ditzy Chick if she has a car. Uhhhhh......how did y'all get to Tha Club in the first place? Ah, forget that. Ditzy Chick has a bad-ass red Mustang GT convertible. As Lutz and Ditzy Chick get in the car, I pointed out two things to my daughter: (1) why the heck did Lutz let Ditzy Chick drive; and (2) it would have been cooler if they'd put the top down. No reason to use a convertible if you're not going to drop the top.

I don't know who The Drake's driver is, but I hope he got fired. Because The Drake drove to some factory, taking a route through beautiful New Jersey that mostly included roads on which the only two cars were The Drake and Ditzy Chick. And yet, The Drake's crew never figured out they were being tailed. Mike Hammer would figure it out in less than two turns.

And now we have the climax. Lutz gets captured after beating up some dudes, and when he wakes up, he is tied to a chair. Guess who's in the chair next to him? Yep - Daddy!

But wait! Daddy isn't tied up. Not tied up? That means he's a Bad Guy! Why, Daddy?!? WHY???????

"This is payback for your mother's death" says Willis. It turns out the CIA had given up Willis's cover identity, which led to Willis getting captured in the beginning of the movie, which led to Willis's wife's murder (and would have led to Lutz's too, if not for Uncle Ken). So Bruce has turned, and is helping The Drake sell the Condor to some Russians. Lutz can't believe it and of course, neither should you.

The last 10 minutes get really, really complicated. I suspect those 13-year-old screenwriters could not adequately explain it to anyone. Their pitch must have been "We're ripping off bad spy movies, showing Kellen Lutz doing push-ups, and blowing up shit! Who cares how it ends or if it even makes sense? We have Kellen Lutz's abs and a lot of explosions! Also, a little Bruce Willis!"

The important things are: (1) Bruce Willis kills the Russian, who was the guy that put the hit out on his wife and son; (2) Uncle Ken shows up and is a bad guy, and tries to get Willis to go in with him and sell the Condor to someone for $150 million (Willis refuses); (3) there's a giant shoot-out but no one gets shot except the Russians and Bruce Willis; (4) Lutz chases down Uncle Ken and kills him by ramming his 2003 Tahoe (just like ours!) into Uncle Ken's car; (5) Lutz pulls the Condor out of Uncle Ken's cold, dead hands and then takes his machine gun and in a scene ripped straight out of "Office Space", empties the clip into the Condor; (6) however, we had been told earlier the only way the Condor can be disabled was by inserting the Patriarch Key into the Condor, so presumably all the destruction the Russians had programmed into the Condor still went off; (7) Ditzy Chick had been sitting in her Mustang outside the factory throughout the whole thing and slept through all of it. Seriously.

Bruce Willis dies from his wound. Lutz gets made a field officer (I forgot to mention - the CIA actually put a hit out on Lutz during all this, and Lutz had to subdue the CIA assassin by konging him over the head with a toilet lid - twice. The weird thing is that the hit wasn't put out by Uncle Ken. It was put out by Uncle Ken's boss, the CIA Director. And yet, Lutz STILL wants to work for these guys?). Vicky meets her CIA contact at a bench in beautiful New Jersey, where she is handed a packet that contains a cell phone.

It rings.

It's Lutz.

I forgot what he says they're going to do - knock boots, probably - but he says he has one thing to do first and that she needs to listen. And here comes the last scene in one really bad, but gratefully really short (like 85 minutes short) confused mess of a movie:

CUT TO: exterior blue-collar location in beautiful New Jersey.

WE SEE: The Drake, who somehow escaped all the bloodshed at the factory shootout, and wasn't apprehended even though he participated in a plot to basically blow up the world

THE DRAKE gets into this car - a mucous-green 2001 Jaguar E-Type. WTF? The Drake's Escalade was new and awesome. What is he doing driving this ugly, 15-year-old car?

THEN WE SEE: Lutz, on his phone

LUTZ turns his back to The Drake as The Drake gets into his car and closes the door

LUTZ begins slowly walking away from The Drake (who has never noticed Lutz)

LUTZ holds up his phone and presses a key

BLAM!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what I've noticed about my movie reviews? The worse the movie is, the longer my review. I guess I just like writing about stupid stuff. I haven't researched this, but I'm betting this is the longest review I've ever written.

That tells you what I thought about "Extraction". One star out of an infinite number of stars.

Brooklyn (2015) - An Irish immigrant lands in 1950s Brooklyn, where she quickly falls into a new romance. When her past catches up with her, however, she must choose between two countries and the lives that exist within.

The story is nothing new, but it's beautifully executed. A real pleasure to watch. 4.5/5

Selma 5 stars out of 5

I cried twice when the people were getting clubbed. It was also disturbing to see Oprah getting roughed up. Was sad to know how it would end too. But it's a brilliant movie everyone should see.

A fun lil movie worth a few hours when it shows up on cable.

I just finished a double feature of "The Bourne Ultimatum" and "The Equalizer". And once again, the RodeoSchro Theorem of Inverse Proportional Film-Greatness-To-Film-Review-Length proves true. To wit:

I just finished 4 1/2 hours of cinematic greatness.

+

finally saw Spectre. 8/10.

I SO wanted this to be better than Skyfall, but I must admit it wasn't. I'm still not quite sure why it wasn't. They put the time and effort into it. I think the "big reveal" of Bond's backstory as a foster kid and his 'brother and dad' and foster sister too i guess didn't carry the HEFT i think they thought it would. Batista was a severely underdeveloped villian, more like a just a henchman. I needed more ummphf and this one left me wondering if there was some meaningful dialogue left out to fill in the gaps.

While still being a bit too Snoopycentric, the movie balances a nice job of early Schulz's work that back in the day was more subversive than in later years. Plus almost all the iconic images hits the marks.

THE GRINCH - rating: 5 stars

: http://variety.com/2000/t...200463344/

Based on a true story, "A House Divided" explores the legal battle over a black woman's inheritance of her white father's estate in mid-1800s Georgia. But to say that this original film is just a courtroom drama is like saying the Atlantic Ocean is just a body of water. Executive producers Jon Avnet and Jordan Kerner's complex story deftly explores the issues of race, family, love and politics, all of which intersect on the Dickson family plantation.

synopsis:

In the aftermath of the terrible Civil War which has devastated the South, Amanda America Dixon returns home to find she has become the sole heir to a vast cotton plantation. But the dreadful secret which has blighted her life threatens to deprive her of the birthright which her beloved father David had struggled for so long to create. Raised by her father and grandmother to be the perfect white Southern Belle, Amanda's true mother was a black slave Julia. Confronted with the forces of greed and bigotry, Amanda has to face not only the hatred of a racist world, but the complex truth of a family whose lives have been built on a lie.

very compelling story. worth a watch.

Star Wars The Force Awakens

It's enjoyable and has some great moments, but who's at war with each other is kinda head scratching.

Macbeth (2015) - Macbeth, the Thane of Glamis, receives a prophecy from a trio of witches that one day he will become King of Scotland. Consumed by ambition and spurred to action by his wife, Macbeth murders his king and takes the throne for himself.

Fantastic looking movie, especially the red hues of the final act and Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard certainly deliver in the roles of Macbeth and Lady Macbeth. Shakespearean dialogue however, is always a tough pill for me to swallow which limits the appeal films like this have for me. 3.5/5

It's A Wonderful Life (1946)

I saw it for the first time all the way through, on the big screen, last night. It's truly a cultural touchstone, and it was entertaining to match some of the scenes up to later film and pop culture references to it (i.e., Bert and Ernie, etc.).

Jimmy Stewart's performance was one of the very best film performances I have ever seen.

.5

The critics are chasing the dragon the way they are promoting this. It sucks.

just watched Reign on Me with Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle from around 2003 or so. About depression and loss post 9/11. Pretty good, easily Sandler's best work. 8.5/10

The Assassin (2015) - An assassin accepts a dangerous mission to kill a political leader in seventh-century China.

Once I got acclimated to the pacing, I enjoyed this film very much and can see myself liking it even more after repeated viewings. 4/5

Last night we watched “American Ultra”. And let me say, before anyone asks:

I DID NOT WRITE THIS MOVIE.

But I wish I had!

WOW, what a movie! Do you know what this movie is? It’s the Politics and Religion forum of Hollywood! I mean, it’s like someone read our wretched forum, culled out every ridiculous conspiracy theory they could find, and squeezed them all into 2 hours of non-stop stoner action!

You want MK Ultra? Got it!

You want mind control? Got it!

You want modified attack baboons? Got it!

You want a FEMA death camp? Got it!

You want chemtrails? Got it! (Sort of)

You want a shadow government? Got it!

You want marijuana as the hero? Got it!

I can just picture Max Landis, the writer of this blockbuster, logging on to the Org every day, hoping to see another whacko conspiracy thread so he can get some more ideas. I’m only slightly disappointed he didn’t work in Beanie Babies Full of Spider Eggs or George H. W. Bush Admits UFOs Are Real. But man oh man – I still tip my hat to this guy. I don’t think anyone could have captured the lunacy of one wing of P&R any better!

Max Landis, I know you’re reading this. Great job!

The movie starts by showing us how much Jesse Eisenberg loves Kristin Stewart, and also pot. He’s just a laid-back stoner bud, trying to propose to his stoner girlfriend but he gets overcome by anxiety whenever he leaves the small West Virginia town where they live. So life goes on, one joint or one bowl or one bong at a time.

Then Topher Grace, who plays a really smart-aleck CIA turd who’s developed his own killing squad called the Tough Guys, tells this woman that he’s going to kill the last remaining asset of her Ultra program – which unbeknownst to Eisenberg, is him. The lady says “Hey, leave the stoner alone. He’s not hurting anyone and has no idea who he is. Let him toke in peace!” But Grace is a real a-hole and says “My Tough Guys are better than your Ultra. I outrank you; therefore, he DIES! A-hahahahahaha!”

So the lady does the only sensible thing – she (apparently) teleports herself to West Virginia to help. She quickly realizes she needs some firepower, so she has Buster from “Arrested Development’ drone over some machine guns.

Eisenberg goes out to his car to get some dope and sees two dudes messing with his car. He tells them to stop, but they advance on him with guns and knives. He easily kills them, much to his surprise and horror.

So Grace sends more Tough Guys but even though they blow up the entire police station, they are unsuccessful. One dies, and one – named Laugher because he laughs a lot – survives.

Eisenberg and Stewart make their way to John Leguizamo’s house, as Leguizamo is a drug dealer and “he has guns”. Side note – is Leguizamo really that tatted up, or can they now duplicate intricate tattoos in the make-up department?

Legs has a cool doper house with a black-light basement, but the Tough Guys somehow know Eisenberg is there, so they gas the joint and also shoot the place up and kill everyone but Eisenberg and Stewart. E and S make it out after killing the three Tough Guys (score: Ultra 5; Tough Guys 0 so far) but Eisenberg inhales some gas. It turns out Stewart knows all about this gas and how to counteract it, and Eisenberg wants to know how that is.

“Because I’m not just your stoner girlfriend,” she says. “I’m also your CIA handler. You see, you got arrested for being a doper and we offered you the choice of either prison, or volunteer for our Ultra program. You volunteered and we erased your memory. But I love you. No, really!”

This pisses off Eisenberg so he leaves Stewart. A whole bunch more people get killed and then there’s a final battle in a hardware store. As you can imagine, a hardware store is basically a munitions dump for an Ultra (as well as for an Equalizer!), and Eisenberg kills everyone except Laugher, who it turns out is just like him – controlled by others. And also mentally deranged.
Eisenberg feels sorry for Laugher and lets him go.

Eisenberg and Stewart reunite in the hardware store and subdue all bad guys. During this time, Grace’s FEMA death camp is vacated and no one likes Grace because he wants to kill everyone for no good reason. So now Grace has a FEMA death camp all to himself.

E and S stagger out of the hardware store where they are confronted by 7,402 State Troopers. Somehow the 7,402 State Troopers are not concerned with a FEMA death camp next door (even if it has been vacated by all the FEMA Death Merchants), but they are REAL concerned with 2 bloodied stoners.

What can Eisenberg do except drop to one knee and propose to Stewart? That’s what he does! She agrees to marry him, and Eisenberg stands up and turns to the 7,402 State Troopers and says, “She said yes!"

Whereupon the 7,402 State Troopers Taser him and Stewart.

Bill Pullman shows up. Apparently he is the head of either the CIA, the Illuminati, the Shadow Government, the Goat People, the Rothschilds, the Bildebergers, the NFL, or the Half-Reptilian Shape Shifters (trying to work in all our favorite P&R moments here!).

He marches Grace and that lady who was helping Eisenberg out to the woods and makes them kneel, Good Fellas style. Grace gets real smarmy and so Pullman blows him away. Pullman then asks the lady why he shouldn’t kill her too. She says, “Because my Ultra worked! He killed all the Tough Guys! He’s a $400 million asset! Yay me!” Pullman agrees, and they live happily ever after (I suppose).

Then we see a bloodied Eisenberg handcuffed to a table in a jail. “Hey!” I said to my family. “I’ve seen this dude handcuffed like this before, and he got out of it with ease!” SHUT UP, DAD. WE KNOW YOU LOVE “NOW YOU SEE ME” they replied.

Finally, Dr. Bill Deagle shows up and turns Eisenberg into a guy that loves to kill people for the CIA. Well, Dr. Bill Deagle didn’t really show up but I wanted to mention Dr. Bill Deagle somehow, because I can’t imagine someone as certifiably batshit insane as Dr. Bill Deagle wasn’t in this movie. I guess he and Erin Green Rothschild were a craziness too nutty for even this movie. Hey - I know who should be in the sequel!!!!!

But anyway, Eisenberg and Stewart get cleaned up and sent to China, where they turn into cartoons and kill a ton of Chinese bad guys. I’m not kidding.

This movie isn’t all that funny, and the action is good but not great. However, IT’S THE DADGUMMED PERFECT ENCAPSULATION OF THE WHACKINESS OF A CERTAIN SEGMENT OF THE POLITICS AND RELIGION FORUM!


Therefore, I have to give “American Ultra” 4 ½ Hand Signals That Can Control You From Far Away out of a possible 5 Hand Signals That Can Control You From Far Away. Enjoy!


Oh, and if you want to see what Max Landis looks like – and I am certain he’s on the Org, he has to be! – here’s a video interview with him about this movie:

.

[Edited 12/24/15 8:23am]

RodeoSchro said:

Last night we watched “American Ultra”. And let me say, before anyone asks:

I DID NOT WRITE THIS MOVIE.

But I wish I had!

WOW, what a movie! Do you know what this movie is? It’s the Politics and Religion forum of Hollywood! I mean, it’s like someone read our wretched forum, culled out every ridiculous conspiracy theory they could find, and squeezed them all into 2 hours of non-stop stoner action!

You want MK Ultra? Got it!

You want mind control? Got it!

You want modified attack baboons? Got it!

You want a FEMA death camp? Got it!

You want chemtrails? Got it! (Sort of)

You want a shadow government? Got it!

You want marijuana as the hero? Got it!

I can just picture Max Landis, the writer of this blockbuster, logging on to the Org every day, hoping to see another whacko conspiracy thread so he can get some more ideas. I’m only slightly disappointed he didn’t work in Beanie Babies Full of Spider Eggs or George H. W. Bush Admits UFOs Are Real. But man oh man – I still tip my hat to this guy. I don’t think anyone could have captured the lunacy of one wing of P&R any better!

Max Landis, I know you’re reading this. Great job!

The movie starts by showing us how much Jesse Eisenberg loves Kristin Stewart, and also pot. He’s just a laid-back stoner bud, trying to propose to his stoner girlfriend but he gets overcome by anxiety whenever he leaves the small West Virginia town where they live. So life goes on, one joint or one bowl or one bong at a time.

Then Topher Grace, who plays a really smart-aleck CIA turd who’s developed his own killing squad called the Tough Guys, tells this woman that he’s going to kill the last remaining asset of her Ultra program – which unbeknownst to Eisenberg, is him. The lady says “Hey, leave the stoner alone. He’s not hurting anyone and has no idea who he is. Let him toke in peace!” But Grace is a real a-hole and says “My Tough Guys are better than your Ultra. I outrank you; therefore, he DIES! A-hahahahahaha!”

So the lady does the only sensible thing – she (apparently) teleports herself to West Virginia to help. She quickly realizes she needs some firepower, so she has Buster from “Arrested Development’ drone over some machine guns.

Eisenberg goes out to his car to get some dope and sees two dudes messing with his car. He tells them to stop, but they advance on him with guns and knives. He easily kills them, much to his surprise and horror.

So Grace sends more Tough Guys but even though they blow up the entire police station, they are unsuccessful. One dies, and one – named Laugher because he laughs a lot – survives.

Eisenberg and Stewart make their way to John Leguizamo’s house, as Leguizamo is a drug dealer and “he has guns”. Side note – is Leguizamo really that tatted up, or can they now duplicate intricate tattoos in the make-up department?

Legs has a cool doper house with a black-light basement, but the Tough Guys somehow know Eisenberg is there, so they gas the joint and also shoot the place up and kill everyone but Eisenberg and Stewart. E and S make it out after killing the three Tough Guys (score: Ultra 5; Tough Guys 0 so far) but Eisenberg inhales some gas. It turns out Stewart knows all about this gas and how to counteract it, and Eisenberg wants to know how that is.

“Because I’m not just your stoner girlfriend,” she says. “I’m also your CIA handler. You see, you got arrested for being a doper and we offered you the choice of either prison, or volunteer for our Ultra program. You volunteered and we erased your memory. But I love you. No, really!”

This pisses off Eisenberg so he leaves Stewart. A whole bunch more people get killed and then there’s a final battle in a hardware store. As you can imagine, a hardware store is basically a munitions dump for an Ultra (as well as for an Equalizer!), and Eisenberg kills everyone except Laugher, who it turns out is just like him – controlled by others. And also mentally deranged.
Eisenberg feels sorry for Laugher and lets him go.

Eisenberg and Stewart reunite in the hardware store and subdue all bad guys. During this time, Grace’s FEMA death camp is vacated and no one likes Grace because he wants to kill everyone for no good reason. So now Grace has a FEMA death camp all to himself.

E and S stagger out of the hardware store where they are confronted by 7,402 State Troopers. Somehow the 7,402 State Troopers are not concerned with a FEMA death camp next door (even if it has been vacated by all the FEMA Death Merchants), but they are REAL concerned with 2 bloodied stoners.

What can Eisenberg do except drop to one knee and propose to Stewart? That’s what he does! She agrees to marry him, and Eisenberg stands up and turns to the 7,402 State Troopers and says, “She said yes!"

Whereupon the 7,402 State Troopers Taser him and Stewart.

Bill Pullman shows up. Apparently he is the head of either the CIA, the Illuminati, the Shadow Government, the Goat People, the Rothschilds, the Bildebergers, the NFL, or the Half-Reptilian Shape Shifters (trying to work in all our favorite P&R moments here!).

He marches Grace and that lady who was helping Eisenberg out to the woods and makes them kneel, Good Fellas style. Grace gets real smarmy and so Pullman blows him away. Pullman then asks the lady why he shouldn’t kill her too. She says, “Because my Ultra worked! He killed all the Tough Guys! He’s a $400 million asset! Yay me!” Pullman agrees, and they live happily ever after (I suppose).

Then we see a bloodied Eisenberg handcuffed to a table in a jail. “Hey!” I said to my family. “I’ve seen this dude handcuffed like this before, and he got out of it with ease!” SHUT UP, DAD. WE KNOW YOU LOVE “NOW YOU SEE ME” they replied.

Finally, Dr. Bill Deagle shows up and turns Eisenberg into a guy that loves to kill people for the CIA. Well, Dr. Bill Deagle didn’t really show up but I wanted to mention Dr. Bill Deagle somehow, because I can’t imagine someone as certifiably batshit insane as Dr. Bill Deagle wasn’t in this movie. I guess he and Erin Green Rothschild were a craziness too nutty for even this movie. Hey - I know who should be in the sequel!!!!!

But anyway, Eisenberg and Stewart get cleaned up and sent to China, where they turn into cartoons and kill a ton of Chinese bad guys. I’m not kidding.

This movie isn’t all that funny, and the action is good but not great. However, IT’S THE DADGUMMED PERFECT ENCAPSULATION OF THE WHACKINESS OF A CERTAIN SEGMENT OF THE POLITICS AND RELIGION FORUM!


Therefore, I have to give “American Ultra” 4 ½ Hand Signals That Can Control You From Far Away out of a possible 5 Hand Signals That Can Control You From Far Away. Enjoy!


Oh, and if you want to see what Max Landis looks like – and I am certain he’s on the Org, he has to be! – here’s a video interview with him about this movie:

.

[Edited 12/24/15 8:23am]

Un conte de Noël / A Christmas Tale (2008) - The troubled Vuillard family is no stranger to illness, grief, and banishment, but when their matriarch requires a bone-marrow transplant, the estranged clan reunites just in time for Christmas.

I considered skipping this movie this season since I watch it almost every year, but for me, it's just not Christmas without it--my favorite holiday movie ever. 5/5

6 out of 10 stars. Tarantino's eighth film is a tale of vying motives and shaky allegiances as a mismatched group of bounty hunters and outlaws hunker down in a stagecoach stopover to survive a blizzard in Reconstruction-era Wyoming. Like Tarantino's underrated Death Proof, this narrative hangs on long stretches of dialogue peppered with brief bursts of violent payoff. Those payoffs feel considerably less impactful here, however, owing to a Reservoir Dogs-style cloud of uncivility that looms throughout the film, affecting an eventual numbness. The characters who'd most resonate with audiences are fleeting here, their screentime traded for that of the titular eight main characters, only about half of whom command any real interest. Surprisingly pedestrian showings by the usually impressive Michael Madsen and Tim Roth. Great work by Sam Jackson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Channing Tatum and Walton Goggins, however.

[Edited 12/26/15 6:16am]

214 said:

Amelie 2000

Good movie, a lovely modern fairytale, you get to love the main character, a shy young woman with and her particular way of see things; always longing for love and healping others to find their hapiness, until the day comes. Lovely film, but once again, overrated. 3.5/5

Love this flick. Both Audrey Tautou and Mathieu Kassovitz are cute as a button.

Trainwreck (2015)

Funny movie. Schumer and Hader are good, but I loved Tilda Swinton's and LeBron James' performances.

Fanny and Alexander (1982) - Two young Swedish children experience the many comedies and tragedies of their family, the Ekdahls.

This is my favorite Ingmar Bergman film. The five-hour version is wonderfully rich. 5/5