Another thought:

Sometimes in order to love yourself you have to be selfish?!

You have no idea what love is. Love isn't about what you get from another. It's about what you give out towards others. Love never yearns for something in return - it gives without thought of self. That process is key to what love could achieve. Since, if everyone understood what real love was, no one would be 'malnurished'. When you truely love someone you have no thoughts of what they can do for you - only what you can share of yourself with them.

Dig?

Now try and practice that and you'll understand just how selfish and far from God's perfection human beings really are.

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[This message was edited Tue Mar 25 15:15:54 PST 2003 by Jestyr]

Before you can say "I love you," you must first pronounce the word "I."

teller said:

Yep...that settles it, doesn't it?

teller said:

That's why from now on when I'm with a guy, I'm gonna say I lust you, instead of I love you

teller said:

Ah, screw pronouncing the "I"... if you pronounce the "I" it gets into your heart.

Seriously though... I'm all for love, as long as I'm not in it.

Conditional or Unconditional. Most Love is conditional, so yes i would say it is selfish. And before you say your love isn't conditional, i am pretty sure we have one thing we wouldn't let another do no matter how much we say we loved them. Even God's love is conditional. You must do certain things to go to heaven.

SuperC said:

So even if the person you loved did something you didn't want them to do, you're saying the love would just be gone?

I'm thinking love to me is something other than what most are talking about on here. I could be so damned mad and hurt, annoyed, frustrated and pissed the hell off and still have that love for the person... even if I never spoke to them again.

AzureStar said:

co-sign!

I love beer unconditionally!

AzureStar said:

No i don't think it would disappear right away(but it could). I don't think most humans are capapble of loving unconditionally. We all need some type of stimuli from the thing we love. But then i guess we have to define LOVE. I still think you can have a loving relationship, it just won't be uncondidtional.

bkw said:

If it didn't taste good or was flat and warm. You would pour it down the sink so fast. And you like beer because of the feeling it gives

SuperC said:

That's where I was off... I was going by still having love for another whether or not we are with them. I think if you truly have love for another you will always love them, regardless of whether or not you are with them.

The same for family, if you truly love a family member, you may not like who they are, but you have that love there and will always have that love for them, even if you never speak to or see them again.

I don't know about love disappearing... to me, if that happens, you never really truly loved the person. You had feelings of love for them, but you never really loved them. But, I don't know a hell of a lot about this... so, I could be very off here.

SuperC said:

Ok then. I love beer that is not flat, that is cold and tastes good unconditionally.

luv4thepurple1 said:

Don't worry, you're not alone.

AzureStar said:

A love of a family member(not chosen) is different than the love of someone you choose. One of the reasons i want you comes across more powerful than i need you. You make the choice to be with the person instead of having no choice and loving them out of instinct. If you have went through a nasty divorce you will get a better understanding of the love i am talking about. You married that person and really loved them in your heart. Then you go to court(war) and end up hating each other. You may learn to love them again but it is rare. If you leave on decent terms(conditions) you will still have love for them. If they kick your ass, or take all your money, etc, you may lose your love for them(unconditional).

SuperC said:

There you have it... I cannot understand because perhaps I've never been there. So, it is not possible to despise someone, yet have love for them?

AzureStar said:

I am no expert. I am only giving my opinion. I would say it is possible, though highly unlikely. Like i sad i don't think most humans can love unconditionally. One of the reasons for a high divorce rate(me included).

i would just like to point out amidst all the speculation that the only thing that is limitless is tyme, and that is how this world and our lives keep turning...IN TYME...

what u were fond of
those whom were friends
diets and cocaine
booze and sex
blood tests and paternity suits
vicious gossips and clandestine meetings
interludes and decadence
etc etc

it all is a matter of tyme...

despite what any of you say, i will ALWAYS say that pure love is absolutely not selfish.

rdhull said:

hi, rdhull.
please don't take this the wrong way, but...
i am not sure having read my written piece really constitutes knowing my story, but i do appreciate the respect. the monologue was written to not be preachy, and under constraints of performance time, so it really does not delve very deeply into the intricacies of the relationship.

before i met derek (who made me positive) there was anthony. i was living in midland, texas, and he and i had been seeing one another exclusively for almost a year. he got a job offer in austin, and asked me if i would move with him. i said yes, and then started making plans to move. he hit that panic button that guys have, where it says "break glass in case of relationship", and disapeered on me. i was so frusterated, because things had been perfect, and then he just panicked. so here i was half packed to move, and suddenly single. so i said "youknowwhat? i am fucking going with or without him"
and i did.
and then, because i moved to austin, and was hurting from losing anthony, i met derek. and fell in love again. and since we had both recently tested negative for hiv, me a week before we met, and ahim a month before, when we became monagamous, we threw away the condoms. and now i am paying the price for it. se la vie.

so, yes, the best two relationships of my life brought me the most pain. pain i will suffer for the rest of my life. the only two men i loved, and now it's my death sentence. fuck love.

Penis said:

I detect from this that any selfish component would tarnish love somehow, that the self is bad or something. There's no reason to think this.

In order to love someone, there must be someone doing the loving, and not picking the loved one at random, but according to the lover's own values.

cborgman said:

:hUG: