Hope these help in some way

http://www.helpguide.org/...ivorce.htm

http://www.todaysparent.c...age-guide/


http://divorcedmoms.com/a...-reconcile

http://www.empoweringpare...arents.php

Dating after divorce:

http://mom.me/parenting/5...in-dating/

http://life.familyeducati...29599.html

http://www.yourtango.com/...ed-parents

http://www.divorcehelpfor...vorce.html

Beat them with a stick.

(sorry. couldn't resist)

You definitely need to be cautious.

talk to them. it will take time for them to understand why you divorced their father. explain the reasons why and help them see you as a person, not just as 'mom'

PurpleJedi said:

Beat them with a stick.

(sorry. couldn't resist)

You definitely need to be cautious.

Never date with your kids. NEVER.

You like a guy? Keep that mess to yourself!

NOW.... once he wants to MARRY you and you guys are headed straight down to being a new family, you can then tell the kids and they can get to know him and all that stuff can happen. But not before then because kids are just not that resilient when it comes to break-ups. It gets ugly when you get kids involved in your pain and they can feel responsible for a break-up. So best to play it safe until he is SERIOUS about you and then you two can work together on intergrating him into the family and see if he is a good fit with all of you at that point.

Do not rush things. Love isn't a race.

If your kids are older they tend to be more resilient about break-ups and can understand the dating thing better (if they are young adults)... this is the exception. Again, not if kids are young and/or tweens, no, do not risk the drama. Keep your dating life seperate and just tell a guy you have X amount of kids and that's it. No need to have him hanging around the babies. My honest opinion.

[Edited 4/8/15 21:01pm]

NinaB said:

I agree with Paintedlady, I was basically gonna say the same thing, although my advice is to give it at least a year before introducing him to the kids...at LEAST a year! Check him out, meet his people, observe.

but how do you explain your activities, when they involve hanging out with some dude?

paintedlady said:

Never date with your kids. NEVER.

You like a guy? Keep that mess to yourself!

NOW.... once he wants to MARRY you and you guys are headed straight down to being a new family, you can then tell the kids and they can get to know him and all that stuff can happen. But not before then because kids are just not that resilient when it comes to break-ups. It gets ugly when you get kids involved in your pain and they can feel responsible for a break-up. So best to play it safe until he is SERIOUS about you and then you two can work together on intergrating him into the family and see if he is a good fit with all of you at that point.

Do not rush things. Love isn't a race.

If your kids are older they tend to be more resilient about break-ups and can understand the dating thing better (if they are young adults)... this is the exception. Again, not if kids are young and/or tweens, no, do not risk the drama. Keep your dating life seperate and just tell a guy you have X amount of kids and that's it. No need to have him hanging around the babies. My honest opinion.

[Edited 4/8/15 21:01pm]

I would say that Paintedlady is the "official" org relationship guru

XxAxX said:

luv4u said:

paintedlady said:

Never date with your kids. NEVER.

You like a guy? Keep that mess to yourself!

NOW.... once he wants to MARRY you and you guys are headed straight down to being a new family, you can then tell the kids and they can get to know him and all that stuff can happen. But not before then because kids are just not that resilient when it comes to break-ups. It gets ugly when you get kids involved in your pain and they can feel responsible for a break-up. So best to play it safe until he is SERIOUS about you and then you two can work together on intergrating him into the family and see if he is a good fit with all of you at that point.

Do not rush things. Love isn't a race.

If your kids are older they tend to be more resilient about break-ups and can understand the dating thing better (if they are young adults)... this is the exception. Again, not if kids are young and/or tweens, no, do not risk the drama. Keep your dating life seperate and just tell a guy you have X amount of kids and that's it. No need to have him hanging around the babies. My honest opinion.

[Edited 4/8/15 21:01pm]

I would say that Paintedlady is the "official" org relationship guru

We should have a Paintedlady Forum.

alphastreet said:

PurpleJedi said:

XxAxX said:

paintedlady said:

NinaB said:

PurpleJedi said:

ThisOne said:

I have been living a double life but now I think It's time to tell them because I hate lying and sneaking around

Yeah, that's not cool and your kids will be upset that you were hiding and lying to them, on top of the reasons you mentioned.

Whether you tell them now or when/if you're serious enough to get married (if that's what you even want...you may never want to do that) they are still going to be resentful and angry.

I do not know what age your children are but if kids are older teenagers I do not think that keeping relationships from them is beneficial in any way.

As for making them understand, you might not be able to fully but stressing that you also need to be happy in your life is a fair desire. One would hope that your kids, after seeing you really happy, would make them come around...because we all just want to be happy, don't we?

ThisOne said:

paintedlady said:

Never date with your kids. NEVER.

You like a guy? Keep that mess to yourself!

NOW.... once he wants to MARRY you and you guys are headed straight down to being a new family, you can then tell the kids and they can get to know him and all that stuff can happen. But not before then because kids are just not that resilient when it comes to break-ups. It gets ugly when you get kids involved in your pain and they can feel responsible for a break-up. So best to play it safe until he is SERIOUS about you and then you two can work together on intergrating him into the family and see if he is a good fit with all of you at that point.

Do not rush things. Love isn't a race.

If your kids are older they tend to be more resilient about break-ups and can understand the dating thing better (if they are young adults)... this is the exception. Again, not if kids are young and/or tweens, no, do not risk the drama. Keep your dating life seperate and just tell a guy you have X amount of kids and that's it. No need to have him hanging around the babies. My honest opinion.

[Edited 4/8/15 21:01pm]

I have been living a double life but now I think It's time to tell them because I hate lying and sneaking around

Naw girl! Lie, sneak, beg, borrow ...steal if you have to!!

Don't give ANY man "Husband" privileges until he makes a solid commitment. He can come by and say hi and bye... that should be it. That mofo has not earned the right to be up in your space like that yet. The children are the "final" frontier" for any person wanting to date a single parent.


TRUST me, you will be glad if things do not work out... and if they do (I hope they do! )

He will appreciate YOU and the relationship more because men need that "chase" factor and he will not take getting to know your kids lightly and appreciate them more also.

<3

NinaB said:

I agree with Paintedlady, I was basically gonna say the same thing, although my advice is to give it at least a year before introducing him to the kids...at LEAST a year! Check him out, meet his people, observe.

THIS!! NinaB is on point! Because you have come too far to not get the wonderful relationship you deserve. Any guy that wants to call you his own, must be vetted fully, you deserve nothing less.

NinaB said:

XxAxX said:

but how do you explain your activities, when they involve hanging out with some dude?

Explain?!!! what big people do out of the sight of the little people ain't none of their business!

EXACTLY!!!

Hi and bye... OK mommy's off to be with her friend to hang out....

what mommy does ain't none of theirs! Grown folks stuff.

Ain't no making out on the "love couch" either... mofo better have his own place away from the kidies were freaks can be freaks... in front of the kids, he is Ol' Friendly the asexual monk.

PurpleJedi said:

luv4u said:

I would say that Paintedlady is the "official" org relationship guru

We should have a Paintedlady Forum.

You guys are so sweet.... all my adivice is a testament to how badly I screwed up in my own relationships to tell of all my cautionary tales. I am the queen of dating fuck-ups.

ThisOne said:

Their dad is an arsehole - he is going to cause problems - I don't get why it has to b such a drama with him.... Why can't some ppl just let go , And teenagers are so over dramatic - they were easier to deal with when they were little

Yoor kids are teens so they can be introduced to dude after you are sure he is serious... the fact that their father is on his possesive-"it's MY pussy" mode with you means that you MUST take it slow in the introduction with the kids.

Why?

Because nothing shuts a fucker up fatser than the "Yeah, but we have been together for long time and I am a different person. I don't even remember you anymore, nor do I care to."

Someone who thinks too much of themself will never see just how expendable they really are so you'll have to school him on that.

BTW Are you divorced?? Yes? Well shit... why the hell do you feel like you are lying or sneaking around? Why do women take on the burden of guilt when it comes to taking control of their life and being happy?

YOU ARE DATING! You are not lying, sneaking, cheating, or doing anything bad. You are doing what any normal person who want to have love in their life do.

To seek love is a great thing, it helps you to look within and fix any flaws and to being a better you and being a great partner for that special someone. You never need to feel bad about wanting to be loved!! As long as you do not neglect your kids in the process and keep them 1st until they are independent enough to take care of themselves then you do YOU.

NEVER feel guilty... besides teenagers will always give you shit because they are trying to figure their own lives out. They are dicovering themselves and learning to communicate on a different level, so their attitudes may be from a different situations they are going through... so do not internalize any stuff they dish out if they had a hard day. Just allow that to roll and talk/hug it out later.

I am sure your kids want you to be happy... and its OK to tell them you are dating, just not OK to have dude in their faces or in their home before he makes a real commitment.

paintedlady said:

paintedlady said:

NinaB said:

paintedlady said:

EXACTLY!!!

Hi and bye... OK mommy's off to be with her friend to hang out....

what mommy does ain't none of theirs! Grown folks stuff.

Ain't no making out on the "love couch" either... mofo better have his own place away from the kidies were freaks can be freaks... in front of the kids, he is Ol' Friendly the asexual monk.

"Ol' Friendly the asexual monk"

If I ever create an alter account, it's gonna be OlFriendlyAsexualMonk