CynicKill said:

JustErin said:

You can go on about friend-zone theories all you want but the reality is that a guy that is in the friend zone is someone that the woman is not attracted to....period.

I think the big difference between men and women is that women genuinely can like a guy as a friend with no intention of anything more but men either are attracted to a woman and try to be her friend with the real intention of making it sexual at some point or they aren't attracted and do not even want a friendship with her.

Genuine friendships between men and women that are strictly platonic with no other motive but friendship is not common...and that's because many men think women are simply not friend worthy people.

>

Yasss!

You did that!

Took all the mumbo-jumbo out of obvious psychoanalysis.

Nah, she just generalized.

namepeace said:

CynicKill said:

>

Yasss!

You did that!

Took all the mumbo-jumbo out of obvious psychoanalysis.

Nah, she just generalized.

Nah.

I think poeple with even minimum brain capacity understand that there are always exceptions, but the few does not take anything away from the many.

That was a funny video!

Many true points for sure.

And YES...men and women can't truly be "friends" if there is any sort of sexual attraction, and it can be on either side of the fence.

One thing that I'd like to point out is that speaking in BROAD TERMS, when one looks at a steroptypical "nice guy" (as portrayed in the video) and the stereotypical "bad boy"...there are character flaws, emotional issues, and personality traits that separate them from the general "normal guy" population. A "normal guy" has the positive traits that make him nice (honesty, caring, compassion, etc.) in conjunction with traits from the "bad-boy" side of the fence (assertiveness, strength of character, leadership, etc.). Normal guys get normal girls and live Happily Ever After (for the most part).

I think of it as polar opposites ("nice guy" & "bad boy" as North & South poles), ...and most of us want to be somewhere closer to the Equator.

You also have to acknowledge the general rules of Attraction; you attract that which you put out into the universe. If you portray weakness and insecurity, you will attract the same. If you portray wildness and debauchery, that is what you will attract. Therein lies the conundrum; the typical "nice guy" who is entrenched in low esteem and insecurity pining for the girl seeking strength and vitality. NEVER gonna happen.

Case In Point: I have a buddy that went through his divorce about the same time as me. He admitted that in his younger days, he was the typical "bad boy" and treated his girlfriendS pretty bad. I purposely emphasized the plural of that word, as he never had less than 3 girls at any given time, and they KNEW it. Then he "falls in love" and marries and becomes the "nice guy" husband...work 9-to-5, gardening on the weekends, 2 kids, picket fence, dog...the whole nine yards. No more partying, no more flings, and no more debauchery. His (now ex) was living comfortably as a suburban Long Island housewife.
Guess what? She left him for a bad boy. An old flame, with tattoos and a drug problem (according to a common friend).
Makes no sense, unless you really THINK about it. She was attracted to that which she was. The 50's housewife lifestyle was just a veneer. At heart she is a "bad girl".
That is what he attracted 20 years ago, and that is what he got.
Funny thing is that now that he's over the heartbreak and even went through his angry "never-gonna-be-a-nice-guy-ever-again" phase, (not to mention some therapy) he has settled somewhere in the middle...just enough parts nice guy and just enough bad boy...that he has landed an incredibly NORMAL girlfriend who treats him right, and has him coming to the office with a grin from ear-to-ear for the past 3 months.

But back to the OP: in the grand scheme of things, the stereotypical "nice guy" character DOES lose out to the stereotypical "bad boy"...but unlike the video states it's less about the "nice guy" being whiny & douchey, and more about the stereotypical "bad boy" being so utterly full of the Confidence, Strength of Character and Assertiveness that most women find appealing.

The problem with your bad boy turned nice guy story is you only have one side - his. Would be interesting to see what her story was too.

JustErin said:

The problem with your bad boy turned nice guy story is you only have one side - his. Would be interesting to see what her story was too.

True, very true.

Can't take everything at face value...but we all knew him as a dedicated husband/father/provider, I was there during the whole "why does she want to go out and party until 2AM every weekend?" phase, I witnessed how he suffered emotionally from her rejection, and am to this day appalled at the subsequent HELL that she put him through even though she was the one to want the divorce (I credit him for loving his kids enough to NOT give up and disappear...because that's how bad it got)...I am comfortable with the basic facts.

But still & all, it validates my therapist's "laws of attraction" theory to see him meet this amazing woman (I'm almost jealous...actually alot jealous) AFTER he crawled out of his chaotic mindset, and settled into a level state of being "in the middle"...not one extreme or the other...not too nice, not too mean, not too complacent, not too aggressive.

It's what I aspire towards. To find that center. It's been a few years now since I stopped my own whinning and complaining. My problems today are more pedestrian (the stress of raising these 3 teenagers alone keeps me in therapy & of course money & job issues), but I see how my buddies have evolved and found peace, and strives towards that myself. I didn't mention my other friend (the one who inspired a thread many, many years ago when HE was cheating on his wife) who has also found a certain balance in his life...got rid of the toxic young/hot girl that was driving him crazy, focused on his daughter & his job...and he stumbled across a wonderful lady that he's been serious with for almost 6 months now. Balance leads to normality which leads to a healthy relationship. That's what I get out of it.

When I can project less chaos and disorder, and find that normality that I previously described...that's when I can get serious about finding someone.

I hope you find happiness.

JustErin said:

I hope you find happiness.

Thank you.