seriously, its making me feel VERY uneasy, kind of weak, lost, miserable and pathetic...

any suggestions?? I need to get back to my normal self: free, playful, cheeky, noncommitment

help and thanks in advance

Send her a link to this thread.

JoeTyler said:

seriously, its making me feel VERY uneasy, kind of weak, lost, miserable and pathetic...

any suggestions?? I need to get back to my normal self: free, playful, cheeky, noncommitment

help and thanks in advance

I'm into that now. Have been for the last 5 months. I find it as pleasurable as it is alienating. We work together and when I won't engage the convos myself she'll come and talk to me so I can't avoid her entirely but I regularly make sure we don't meet OUT OF work, when I need to get my head over the water. It usually works... until we get to spend some time together again I could be more disciplined, too, using meditation techniques to keep my thoughts on the move (let them go as they've come) instead of focusing on a single idea but I don't, I cope with it quite well also because, as said earlier, it does me some good to care for someone and I find crushes a very exciting thing. I'd say that to some extent it's what I need at the moment, so I don't fight it too much. I don't know how long it's gonna last but I'm afraid I'm gonna be stuck in that "no-situation" for quite some time

So to reply your original request there are many solutions to find in a daily practice of meditation if u feel like trying that (but it's a demanding practice), and the best way is of course to keep your distances as much as you can: unless u work together that oughta work, u don't HAVE to meet her, do you? In the past I've also found out that dating someone else is the easy way out, at least until you break-up with that someone else

The question is also whether the crush is reciprocate but cannot go anywhere because of other reasons (it's the case with what I'm going thru at the moment) or whether it's not, and if it's the first case whether there is a possibility for those "other reasons" to one day make way for a relationship?

RodeoSchro said:

Send her a link to this thread.

As much as it hurts..... you have to move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

JoeTyler said:

seriously, its making me feel VERY uneasy, kind of weak, lost, miserable and pathetic...

any suggestions?? I need to get back to my normal self: free, playful, cheeky, noncommitment

help and thanks in advance

Do you mean that you have a crush on someone and you want to shake the feeling, or that you want to get rid of someone who has a crush on you?

chocolate1 said:

JoeTyler said:

seriously, its making me feel VERY uneasy, kind of weak, lost, miserable and pathetic...

any suggestions?? I need to get back to my normal self: free, playful, cheeky, noncommitment

help and thanks in advance

Do you mean that you have a crush on someone and you want to shake the feeling, or that you want to get rid of someone who has a crush on you?

That's my question too.

missfee said:

chocolate1 said:

Do you mean that you have a crush on someone and you want to shake the feeling, or that you want to get rid of someone who has a crush on you?

That's my question too.

The first option

nevermind,

because...

I VE been feeling like MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD for the last couple of hours, reliving old memories (why has she come back to my life out of the blue!???!!! no, NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!, she may be even hotter now BUT I DONT WANNA FOLLOW THAT ROAD AGAIN! dead-end! DEAD-EEEEEND! heartbroken?? AGAAAINN?? NO THANKS!!)

I've been listening to cynical lyrics by mostly Prince and Bryan Ferry and I've allowed HATE & ANGER to clean my body of the crush YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! been doing push ups like mad and lift ups like mad until my tight white emporio t-shirt has sustained damage...

ready for the world again, thanks everyone for the replies

no no no not gonna kid myself, I'm not well right now, that said, I think I will have to date a professional who looks like her to COMPLETELY get rid of the crush

jesus, LOVE= STUPID THING!!!

JoeTyler said:

missfee said:

That's my question too.

The first option

nevermind,

because...

I VE been feeling like MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD for the last couple of hours, reliving old memories (why has she come back to my life out of the blue!???!!! no, NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!, she may be even hotter now BUT I DONT WANNA FOLLOW THAT ROAD AGAIN! dead-end! DEAD-EEEEEND! heartbroken?? AGAAAINN?? NO THANKS!!)

I've been listening to cynical lyrics by mostly Prince and Bryan Ferry and I've allowed HATE & ANGER to clean my body of the crush YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! been doing push ups like mad and lift ups like mad until my tight white emporio t-shirt has sustained damage...

ready for the world again, thanks everyone for the replies

no no no not gonna kid myself, I'm not well right now, that said, I think I will have to date a professional who looks like her to COMPLETELY get rid of the crush

jesus, LOVE= STUPID THING!!!

Been there. I completely understand.
I hope you're able to shake that feeling. It's hard.

JoeTyler said:

seriously, its making me feel VERY uneasy, kind of weak, lost, miserable and pathetic...

any suggestions?? I need to get back to my normal self: free, playful, cheeky, noncommitment

help and thanks in advance

okay pkay fine I will not bother you any more!

Push 'em off a cliff.





Figuratively, of course.





It works for both cases.

JoeTyler said:

been doing push ups like mad and lift ups like mad until my tight white emporio t-shirt has sustained damage...

pics please

I've only truly crushed twice in my life, and I found the experience is quite like a flu: It completely devastates you -- and at the most inopportune time, it seems -- but one day it just... leaves your system. Oddest thing in the world, and little you can do in the meantime but ride it out.

Hopefully you get there soon.

[Edited 12/10/14 10:47am]

Lammastide said:

I've only truly crushed twice in my life, and I found the experience is quite like a flu: It completely devastates you out -- and at the most inopportune time, it seems -- but one day it just... leaves your system. Oddest thing in the world, and little you can do in the meantime but ride it out.

Hopefully you get there soon.

sounds like good, first-hand advice

guess I'll just have to endure this

JoeTyler said:

missfee said:

That's my question too.

The first option

nevermind,

because...

I VE been feeling like MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD for the last couple of hours, reliving old memories (why has she come back to my life out of the blue!???!!! no, NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!, she may be even hotter now BUT I DONT WANNA FOLLOW THAT ROAD AGAIN! dead-end! DEAD-EEEEEND! heartbroken?? AGAAAINN?? NO THANKS!!)

I've been listening to cynical lyrics by mostly Prince and Bryan Ferry and I've allowed HATE & ANGER to clean my body of the crush YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! been doing push ups like mad and lift ups like mad until my tight white emporio t-shirt has sustained damage...

ready for the world again, thanks everyone for the replies

no no no not gonna kid myself, I'm not well right now, that said, I think I will have to date a professional who looks like her to COMPLETELY get rid of the crush

jesus, LOVE= STUPID THING!!!

Just keep busy. I know that avoidance would seem like the logical solution but in my experience, that just fueled my feelings even more. Continue to do you, the things you like to do and focus on something else. In time, the feelings will fade.

The truth of it is that you'll not get over her until you crush on/fall for someone else.

JustErin said:

The truth of it is that you'll not get over her until you crush on/fall for someone else.

JustErin said:

The truth of it is that you'll not get over her until you crush on/fall for someone else.

this might be disturbingly accurate since I more or less forgot her in 2009 but now that she has come back I just keep thinking about her at least twice every hour...

jesus, I'm doomed

thanks again for all the replies

omg, what a "great" way to end the year

JoeTyler said:

JustErin said:

The truth of it is that you'll not get over her until you crush on/fall for someone else.

this might be disturbingly accurate since I more or less forgot her in 2009 but now that she has come back I just keep thinking about her at least twice every hour...

jesus, I'm doomed

thanks again for all the replies

omg, what a "great" way to end the year

i know how you feel. don't want to revisit old ground again. thing is, time passes and people change. maybe you should try one more time? hang out with her for a while. and then, if you actually experience the thing that messed you up last time, you'll know it for what it is and know it's time to run. if it works this time, well groovy

Crush and Lust are two different things right?

small update: since I'm still feeling uneasy and overall BAD, I'm gonna try something: see if there's a possibility to make contact again, not exactly a "let's start all over again", but close...; I'm sayin this because I SOOOOOOOOOOO want her to say "no thanks, it didn't work before, move on"

but I have to be sure it's a dead-end

and I thought I was strong enough to be above these affairs/pains...

JoeTyler said:

small update: since I'm still feeling uneasy and overall BAD, I'm gonna try something: see if there's a possibility to make contact again, not exactly a "let's start all over again", but close...; I'm sayin this because I SOOOOOOOOOOO want her to say "no thanks, it didn't work before, move on"

but I have to be sure it's a dead-end

and I thought I was strong enough to be above these affairs/pains...

I did that once. A girl dumped me and I told her I needed time to move on because being friends just immediately woulda been too hard. After 3 years I got back in touch with her and we met again as friends and I realized I was still madly in love with her but for many reasons it would have been a dead end to start over, except she started to be overtly flirty with me so at some point I told her listen I've lost u once I ain't gonna lose u twice, I love ya madly but u know it wouldn't work on the long run. She was grumpy at first but eventually we became just friends and all's been fine ever since. And because I had made things clear I was at peace (as long as she wouldn't be tempting me I was cool). So yeah maybe u oughta do that, just kill any possible ambiguity. Girls r usually quite proud and u hardly ever have to shoot them down twice, they know how to take no for an answer

Generally I find the best way to get over a crush is by telling them and letting the chips fall where they may. Either you get what you want or you don't but either way you know, so there's no more "what if" hanging over your head.

CarrieMpls said:

Generally I find the best way to get over a crush is by telling them and letting the chips fall where they may. Either you get what you want or you don't but either way you know, so there's no more "what if" hanging over your head.

The problem is that it works only temporarly unless the person is totally rejecting u (obviously she's a ex of his so she possibly doesn't). I usually only crush on girls who crush back (it's not on purpose, it's that specific alchemy that attracts me to someone) but sometimes it ain't the right time, or they have another dude, etc. I've done that b4, declared or tryied a kiss, been shot down, it helped for some time but the electricity was still in the air and after some time it'd start over and eventually the girl would finally be the one coming back to me

So IDK, this can only work if you totally DISGUST the person u have a crush on

CarrieMpls said:

Generally I find the best way to get over a crush is by telling them and letting the chips fall where they may. Either you get what you want or you don't but either way you know, so there's no more "what if" hanging over your head.

yeah , that's what I'm gonna do; at this point I'd rather a take a devastating "NO " than this damn uncertainty...

as I've said, though, the funny/scary thing is that she may say "Yes, let's start all over", because I was hurt before, but thats the way love goes, ain't it?: you are willing to eventually suffer again for some moments of joy...

thanks (once) again for all the replies; I normally make joke/silly threads-posts but this one is serious; truly appreaciate all the feedback and advices...

[Edited 12/10/14 8:11am]

JoeTyler said:

CarrieMpls said:

Generally I find the best way to get over a crush is by telling them and letting the chips fall where they may. Either you get what you want or you don't but either way you know, so there's no more "what if" hanging over your head.

yeah , that's what I'm gonna do; at this point I'd rather a take a devastating "NO " than this damn uncertainty...

as I've said, though, the funny/scary thing is that she may say "Yes, let's start all over", because I was hurt before, but thats the way love goes, ain't it?: you are willing to eventually suffer again for some moments of joy...

thanks (once) again for all the replies; I normally make joke/silly threads-posts but this one is serious; truly appreaciate all the feedback and advices...

[Edited 12/10/14 8:11am]

I've been in this position as of recent and had to close that door once again (thank God). I used to think it's just love ripping my heart out, but now I'm questioning if it's even love at all and rather just self torture in giving myself false hope for something that will never work out. There's just people who have a certain hold over you in life I guess.

[Edited 12/10/14 11:29am]

FINAL update (I guess/I think/I feel)

ok, the story goes like this:

-yes, she's my ex (from mid 2007 to early 2009) or perhaps I AM her ex, the breakup was mutual but she's the one that first suggested it in late 2008...then, paradoxically, she tried to salvage the relationship, but I was the one who let it die (probably out of pride/confusion/insecurities)

-the fact is that I managed to completely forgot about her (as far as the mind allows) from mid-2009 until now (she's now working only ONE block away from my current job); the problem is that I've seen her like 8 times (in the subway, in a popular local restaurant, mostly) during the last 30 days, so the memories have reared their ugly head like a load of bricks coming down; so, the crush began...

-yes, we've exchanged words during these days, the typical "long time no see", "how are u" "omg you look good" etc bla bla bla predictable "superficial-going nowhere" stuff...to my surprise the crush then got BIGGER and PAINFUL...as Prince would say, it's mainly a physical thing...the same thing that made me fall for her in 2007 has returned in 2014: the face structure...she has the exact face structure that I feel attracted to (big eyes, meaty lips, slighty wide bone cheeks...), and it's true that redheads can turn a man insane...lol The funny (or should I say, SAD-REVELATORY) thing is that our characters were (are?) not even compatible: she was like always happy-playful...I have my moments of bitterness-weariness; she avoided "old" music like the plague...I only listen to pre-2000 music (mostly); she's very gregarious...I enjoy my moments of solitude, etc...So, yes, Prince, it's mainly a physical thing (thanks, MASTER)

-then I started this thread, looking for advice (thanks again)

Since I don't like to feel lost nor weak, yesterday I decided to email her (to my surprise, she still uses the same mail-why not, anyway?-) and told her about my feelings...FORTUNATELY, as I wanted, the response was kind of cold, and she has made clear that there's no way we can start all over again, since a) she's seeing someone else already (and I believe her) and most importantly b) she thinks it wouldn't work (she's probably right) ...

-I feel fortunate because, as I've said, I think this is (was) just a crush, perhaps I was desperately trying to get a hold of some part of the past, in this case 2007-09, maybe cuz I will hit the 30 yo mark in 2015 and I'm (uncounciosly?) trying to recapture memories and feelings of my 24-27 yo era... who knows?

fact is: right now I feel positively angry and rejected, and that's exactly what I wanted: when rejected, I get defensive and, perhaps ironically, my confidence bolsters (its been like that since I was a kid, not only in terms of love, but in every aspect of my life: school work, friendships, etc). In other words, the crush that made me feel weak, pathetic and nostalgic, has now turned into confidence and freedom to look into the future (yes, as luv4all said, plenty of fish in the barrel)

-make no mistake, today I'm STILL thinking about her, but not as much as the previous 10 days (not even close), and the romantic/tender/naive feelings are mostly gone already...perhaps only NOW she has truly become my "ex"...dead end, story finished, just a memory, move on man

I'M READY to leave my 22-28 yo love stories behind, ready to hit 30 and beyond; she has made me a HUGE favour, and I hope she truly finds happiness (I'm sure she will )

thanks again everybody , I normally don't make personal threads, but I swear I was feeling BAD, your advice has been unvaluable

[Edited 12/11/14 8:39am]

So now let's c how u feel 2morrow, then the day after 2morrow, then the next time u meet her, shall we?