I noticed that when folks get married, they leave their single friends behind. It's just not the same anymore. Once married, your life changes and you have new priorities in your life. You just end up either not seeing your married friend as you used to or they don't bother with you anymore.

luv4u said:

paisleypark4 said:

Seems like everyone around me is getting married, having kids

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

paisleypark4 said:

luv4u said:

I noticed that when folks get married, they leave their single friends behind. It's just not the same anymore. Once married, your life changes and you have new priorities in your life. You just end up either not seeing your married friend as you used to or they don't bother with you anymore.

You can say that again. I did leave a partner after six years so maybe just feeling the blues but im with a good guy for a year so far. It has just been constant weddings for the last three years and at least several bachelor parties...happy for them but feel like..whats wrong with me. These engagements make me feel jealous and envious

ur not missing anything

I feel you, I used to feel this way a lot as I approached 30, but now I'm just glad that I'm single and happy rather than 31, married and miserable. And no I'm not saying that all married folks are miserable, my point is to be happy with your life as it is now because it could be much worse. Just because everyone around you is getting engaged, getting married, having kids, buying houses, etc. doesn't mean that those things came easy by them. You have to be happy as you are and in time, your dreams will happen for you.

[Edited 6/5/14 4:39am]

Ace said:

paisleypark4 said:

Seems like everyone around me is getting married, having kids

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

Can we say prenup.

Ace said:

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

Thanks Ace, I needed that.

paisleypark4 said:

luv4u said:

I noticed that when folks get married, they leave their single friends behind. It's just not the same anymore. Once married, your life changes and you have new priorities in your life. You just end up either not seeing your married friend as you used to or they don't bother with you anymore.

You can say that again. I did leave a partner after six years so maybe just feeling the blues but im with a good guy for a year so far. It has just been constant weddings for the last three years and at least several bachelor parties...happy for them but feel like..whats wrong with me. These engagements make me feel jealous and envious

Nothing is wrong with you. One day someone special will come along and you will know they are the one.

kewlschool said:

Ace said:

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

Can we say prenup.

Prenup is for those with a lot of financial stuff like folks with tons of financial worth that they want protected in case a break down in the relationship occurs.

If one has to have a prenup.... my opinion is that they don't trust you and they are only looking out for themselves.

paisleypark4 said:

Seems like everyone around me is getting married, having kids, buying houses and condos, and getting better jobs while im just stagnant.... Its hard not to compare my life to others...pretty busy with school, gym, work myself but after being at four weddings last year, two more to come and several housewarmings...feel out the liop. Andy of ubever felt this way...argg

Man, Izzy, I am so feeling this post right now. I'm starting to feel the same shit lol

Is this what happens in your 30's? I'll be 31 on June 21st. My brother is 24 and getting married this August, my sister has a 4 year old daughter. I don't have any of that shit. I enjoy my fucking freedom too much! I'm FINALLY moving back to LA in July. I thought it was me, but it's mostly atmosphere...

....and I'm starting to get tired of being single...yuck.

marriage??? Ugh!!! :puke

Ace said:

paisleypark4 said:

Seems like everyone around me is getting married, having kids

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

agree! not to mention, if one just waits ten years or so, most of those newly-wed friends will be single again

missfee said:

I used to feel this way a lot as I approached 30, but now I'm just glad that I'm single and happy rather than 31, married and miserable. And no I'm not saying that all married folks are miserable, my point is to be happy with your life as it is now because it could be much worse.

kewlschool said:

Ace said:

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

Can we say prenup.

Those don't always hold up.

luv4u said:

kewlschool said:

Can we say prenup.

Prenup is for those with a lot of financial stuff like folks with tons of financial worth that they want protected in case a break down in the relationship occurs.

Actually, to paraphrase Chris Rock, a prenup is even more important for someone of limited financial means.

If one has to have a prenup.... my opinion is that they don't trust you and they are only looking out for themselves.

It's a matter of being realistic. Most marriages will fail. And shouldn't you be looking out for yourself?

ScarletScandal said:

I enjoy my fucking freedom too much!

Me, too! I could never go back to a life where I couldn't do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

XxAxX said:

Ace said:

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

agree! not to mention, if one just waits ten years or so, most of those newly-wed friends will be single again

Exactly.

paisleypark4 said:

Seems like everyone around me is getting married, having kids, buying houses and condos, and getting better jobs while im just stagnant.... Its hard not to compare my life to others...pretty busy with school, gym, work myself but after being at four weddings last year, two more to come and several housewarmings...feel out the liop. Andy of ubever felt this way...argg

Don't feel bad, there are a ton of people who have the same feelings of anxiety. It sometimes feels like you're going to be 50 years old and still stuck in the same gear, so to speak. Hang in there.

NinaB said:

Different strokes. No point in comparing. Some folks ain't cut from that cloth. Many single people can & have added to society in numerous ways. Some folks who had kids really shouldn't have as their not cut out to be parents & have seriously f****d their kids up. Don't have to be married to be in a loving partnership. Give thanks you've got your health.

NinaB said:

Thanks Ace, I appreciate it. Once again my paragraphs have disappeared Must be because I'm using a cell

There was something on Nightline last night that discussed the difficulties that women have in the dating world. They had a group of women fly from NYC to San Fran to be set up with dates over a few nights. Some of them just had one nighters while the others didn't seem to meet anyone that was worthwhile. I think because there are a lot of women out there who kind of put everything out there and leave no mystery, it has lowered the standards of dating. Guys are getting used to "something for nothing".....

i still think marriages should be customized for those brave enough to venture there: four years long, pre-nup built in from the start, and renewable by mutual agreement.

SeventeenDayze said:

NinaB said:

SeventeenDayze said:

There was something on Nightline last night that discussed the difficulties that women have in the dating world. They had a group of women fly from NYC to San Fran to be set up with dates over a few nights. Some of them just had one nighters while the others didn't seem to meet anyone that was worthwhile. I think because there are a lot of women out there who kind of put everything out there and leave no mystery, it has lowered the standards of dating. Guys are getting used to "something for nothing".....

Yeah I hear you, I think there's such a heavy influence from the media too, men & women are constantly being told that every woman is insecure about her looks etc. we are all supposed to be so desperate & needy & all we are supposed to care about is superficial surface crap. IMO the most revolutionary thing women can do at this time is have self love, self worth, stop competing with other women, support each other, & Work on our minds, hearts & souls & not just our body's. A little knowledge of women's history wouldn't go a miss either! ....don't get me started! I could go on a rant about this very easily! Me personally I'd rather be alone than with the wrong mf [Edited 6/6/14 15:46pm]

That ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Need to figure something else to do in the meantime as an individual.

NinaB said:

Well what others do is their choice, but that's exactly what me & mine are doing in the mean time as individuals. What else do u figure we should be doing in the mean time?

Be an individual.

NinaB said:

that's exactly what we are doing, Maybe it's my fault because I'm a voracious reader & competent in the oral tradition but suck when it comes to putting my words in writing, so I may not have communicated well what I mean. Also I drastically edited down a much larger subject as I don't really want to derail the OP's thread.

To claify. I took your original statement to mean women as a group should be, which is what I was originally commenting on. As a group those things will be a long time coming down the road.