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Rock hard in a funky place... Back in the day when I was just a wee little mate. Well not that wee...but much younger than 35. Back when Britney was young and childless...u know...pre haircut and pre Kevin.
I was hanging out with this chick who's pants I was trying to get in. Cute girl, nice body...but whatever...she was babysitting her cousins who were like 7 or 9 or some be like that...we were 16-18...summin like that. In wasn't babysitting...she was. I was just hanging out(and trying to get in her pants). Well we were mostly talking so the kids were running the TV. My efforts weren't getting her pants anywhere near off...not even a loose button and shengoesnto make kraft© cheese a& macaroni. These damn kids tho...decided to put it on Nickelodeon. Here's Lil' miss Britney struttin' around in this stage. These kids r just jammin..singing along. Me, however...I'm noticing what the cold does to a woman. Lil' Miss B had a couple glass cutters.. She was twitchin' her little booty around...and singing. Now j don't know what she was actually singing, but I was alarmed cuz all it translated to for me was, fuck me, I want your dick, bend me over, give it to me." Now all this is going on and ...well..nature took its course and I've got these two little kids I don't know very well sitting on the floor singing along to the actual words...not the words adolescence translated them into... And I'm mortified. I don't know what to do. I'm panicked... Deer in the headlights. I dare not stand up...I'm stuck. Just then Kraft's© cook time is done and cute girl comes back...see the TV...sees my panicked state...sees me maneuvering the throw blankets... Makes the fair assessment and CRACKS THE FUCK UP. I was rock hard in a funky place. This all did end up leading to summin. Nuthinn' splendiferous...but very nice later on when those damn chirren weren't around. Anybody else got some embarrassing "rock hard in a funky place" moments [Edited 4/26/14 5:56am] | |
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Rock hard in a funk place
now, that would be a cool name for a REAL funk/dance/rock club
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i didn't have a wet dream til i was thirty-seven BUT WHEN I HAD IT it was crazy. i was havin this dream, dick harder than the chinese alphabet to a dislexic american. some-one was konockin on my door, so half awake, i go to the door, open it, and BUST!!! it was the woman from round the way at the door all i had on were my boxers, and jiz was just lettin off. i came alla way woke and seen the look at her face at the same time and nothin i could do 'cept grab my dick say 'scuse me' run to the bathroom and finnish nuttin in my shorts. she actually liked the show. three oclock in the am, the bitch was makin a booty call anyway...
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT... STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
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By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory! | |
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! The burden of wood!!!! mailto:www.iDon'tThinkSo.com.Uranus | |
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ThisOne said: !
The burden of wood!!!! The pleasures amd benefits brought on by its existence are WELL worth any burdens it brings your way. [Edited 4/29/14 19:40pm] | |
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XxAxX said:
As sensitive as cocks can be, its strange how u can pretty much put them through the ringer and have it not bother you. Moosh, smash, squeeze, twist, tie(if ones that fortunate), pull, yank...its pretty much of no consequence. There's a testicle parody of sorts of the vagina monologues. These to fools do pretty much all of the above in comedic attempts to create things, shapes, etc... Zippers r an entirely different story though. [Edited 4/29/14 19:50pm] | |
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okay, good to know yes. i should definitely get out more | |
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the zipper is a bane to a dick. a pussy will never know that fear...
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT... STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
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Here's my spin:
One night at work, I notice 2 females waiting for the bus. I lean out the window of my trolley & ask them were they waiting for the Route 65 & they replied Yes!
I said "this is it, I'll be around in 8 minutes". One responded by saying " the 65 isn't a trolley, it's a bus" to which I reponded "it is now".
When I pull out my next scheduled trip they both got on & the one I really wanted paid her fare & sat down. The other paid & started a conversation with me. Now they got off maybe 7 blocks later, but in that time we exchanged numbers. She asked "what time do you get off" I replied "in 45 minutes".
She then says "before you go home call me". I said "Ok" & that was that. When I got off I went home. About 45 minutes later my cell phone rangs from an unknown & it's her. "Why didn't you call me, I told you I wanted to come home with you".
I then go pick her up & we head to a local spot for drinks & food. We have a god time talking & laughing & during this time it is discussed that we are going to bed later. It goes down quite well that evening with the final score being her 4, & me 2 orgasm wise.
When we wake, I take her to her parents house & come to find they both workfor the same employer as me, even though neither is home at the time. For the next few days she calls fequently & I must admit she was pretty cool.
On the 3rd day she calls with some real explicit talk, she is with the young lady that was with her that evening when I met her. Her cousin gets on the phone & we conversate at tad. I asked her cousin "why didn't you say anything when you got on my trollley the other day" to which she replied " I thought you were cute, but you were sitting so low I didn't think you were tall as you were".
I am then told "that's my other line, i'll have her call you back". About 10 minutes later the phone rangs & my new jumpoff has a proposal for me "would you like to fuck me & my cousin together". I'm like "uhh yes!!"
The plan is now set in motion & I began to prep the apartment for my 1st threesome. About 3 hours later I fix dinner for them both & I call her to which she replies "my cousin can't make it" she can't find a babysitter.
Oh well I'm not pissed at all. Are you still coming to get me at least. I pick her up & it's the pants dance again. This is turning into some of the best sex I've ever experienced, but I must keep in mind thtat she slept with me 4 hours after we met, so I must tread lightly.
4 days have past since our last rendezvous, & I'm in need of an oil-change & so is she. I pick her up from a friends house & when she comes out she looks amazingly good, all the while as she approaches the car I'm thinking "it's going down tonight", I'm gonna need an IV to replace all the fluids I'm about to lose on her.
By the time we get to the end off the block, her titties are out & I'm being blown into oblivion. We are on the expressway & she is still face first in my lap. I gotta stop her cause i'm gonna crash if I don't. We're 10 minutes away from my apartment & she can't wait til we get there. "Pull over I want you now".
I say "let's wait, we're almost there" but she can't. I pull over & about 2 minutes in I began to smell the worst odor I could imagine. I try to "F" through it, but it's building & i'm about to vomit.
I stop & we drive too my apartment & she wants to pick up right where we left off but I simply can't & won't do it. I knew at that point we were done But if I smelled it, I know she did too.
We part ways the next day & I pretty much know that this is a done deal. It turns out to be true. One time for that is one too many for me. I slowly but surely fade off into the future while she continues too call, sometimes letting the phone rang for 3-4 minutes at a time.
TALK ABOUT ''ROCK HARD IN A FUNKY PLACE" [Edited 5/2/14 23:53pm] [Edited 5/2/14 23:53pm] [Edited 5/2/14 23:55pm] | |
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