In a monumental bout of laziness, I have decided that the best move a man can make is to wear Depends® brand undergarments at all times. I have also taken the extra step of shoving my cock into a balloon in a sort of makeshift urine bag. Now I can sit on my boring ass all day and I never have to get up to go to the bathroom. This is especially comforting on cold days... when you get kinda cold, you can just rev up and shit yourself or urinate all over the joint... all that internal warmth spills out into your shorts in a bath of stinky goodness.

Try it, folks... you won't be disappointed!





*special note, IceNine has just purchased stock in the company that makes Depends® brand undergarments and is trying to rally sales to increase the profit per share. Although IceNine does not actually wear Depends® brand undergarments, you will find that they are quite pleasing to you. Check with local law-enforcement to verify legality in your state. IceNine is not responsible for any legal issue arising from misuse of Depends® brand undergarments, nor is he responsible for loss of wages or family members due to foul odors eminating from your muddy undershorts. No warranty is expressed or implied.*

It's a great ejaculation catcher!

INSATIABLE said:

You would not have to worry about that if you were wearing Depends® brand undergarments!

I suggest that you clean that stinking load out of your drawers and then run to the store and buy a fresh pack of Depends® brand undergarments... your friends and family will thank you.

IceNine said:

...but they're embarrassing to buy, like condoms!

LaVisHh said:

Depends® brand undergarments are a good, all-purpose fluid and solid catcher.

INSATIABLE said:

Beat me to it!

Muse2noPharaoh said:

looks like you are using them right now



-

It's probably a good idea to carry a magazine or something with you around the house then.

INSATIABLE said:

"...i just did!"

minneapolisgenius said:

haha, how'd it go again? ..."because I'm wearing them... and I just DID!"
!

INSATIABLE said:

Walk up, place them on the counter and proudly say "I have poor sphincter control and I am taking control of my life!"

Don't be afraid anymore!

What about the dangers of second-hand shit smell?

teller said:

I heard that second-hand shit is worse for you than if you do it yourself!

Wear them in conjunction with thermal underwear
and crap yourself to warmth on those cold mornings.
One sizable dump in the morning can keep you cozy
and warm for the rest of the day!

teller said:

I suggest keeping a box of Arm-and-Hammer® brand baking soda between your butt cheeks. It will help.

shouldn't your subject line reflect your new found beliefs and say
"I wear Depends brand undergarments and I am proud of it, by dog!!" ???

question:

after defacting into one of these undergarments

does your ass get covered in shit

cos

as inviting and liberating as it sounds being able to take a dump anywhere and everywhere.

i sure as hell don't want my balls bouncing up and down

in my poo.

-

BorisFishpaw said:

We just used the word "conjunction" at the same time. (mine in another thread) This has been happening a lot today. Everyone's reading my mind!

BorisFishpaw said:

This brilliant idea was mentioned in the initial proposal!

"...when you get kinda cold, you can just rev up and shit yourself or urinate all over the joint... all that internal warmth spills out into your shorts in a bath of stinky goodness."

Great minds, or so they say...

Don't worry IceNine. Plenty of individuals have this problem and no one thinks any less of them.

blissful said:

Sure, you take one for the team... but think of all the convenience!

Shit 'em up, Sparky!

blissful said:

defacting?

I don't have balls, but I CAN say that you will learn to love it!
[This message was edited Mon Mar 17 8:58:11 PST 2003 by INSATIABLE]

minneapolisgenius said:

I can see it now...congess will outlaw Depends® brand undergarments in public places just as they start becoming popular...

minneapolisgenius said:

Conjunction is the official 'word of the day'
Tomorrow's word is 'plinth'

Shorty said:

Good point... very good point, indeed.

IceNine said:

-

BorisFishpaw said:

"plinth" Hmmm, I better start working on that one now.

By 'Snorkles' you're right!