BS! that's what it was! a bunch of BS...

same old shit, same old , same old FAKE friendly conversation just to suddenly start criticizing my job, the way I "handle" my personal/romantic life, my jokes (if I make jokes I'm an attention whore, if I don't make jokes I'm boring/too casual and bla bla, oh and sometimes my jokes are too gross??? WHATEVER, I forgot you are the princess of the mormons...), oh and you think I eat way too much, really? curious that nobody complained, JUST YOU= LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Jesus...

I feel MENTALLY drained, and it was supposed to be just a casual/friendly wednesday dinner...

fuck, NOT AGAIN, at least not until April...or May!

sorry for the rant, I needed it...I needed to rant, gunsandhalen style

what about you, anyway? do you have a (or several) CLOSE family members (in my case one of my big sisters) who can make ANY family reunion HELL?

discuss...

I guess I'm fortunate in that I have a relatively small circle of family.

Just me, my kids, my parents, my brother, his two girls...and that's the core fam.

The exes (mine & my brother's) are pretty much out of the picture.

I have 2 cousins who visit with their spouses & kids exactly twice a year (Thanksgiving & Christmas). That's about right.

my family doesn't get together, geographically speaking it's now almost impossible to co-ordinate.

Thanks to a family rift as well.

I make do with the in-laws, and the best thing about that is they speak spanish so it's totally OK for me to zone out. Except that from 20 years of that, I actually understand most of what they are saying LOL

ZombieKitten said:

my family doesn't get together, geographically speaking it's now almost impossible to co-ordinate.

Thanks to a family rift as well.

I make do with the in-laws, and the best thing about that is they speak spanish so it's totally OK for me to zone out. Except that from 20 years of that, I actually understand most of what they are saying LOL

Wow! So I guess is safe to assume your husband is of hispanic or latin origin? What about your children, do they speak Spanish?

DysregulatedToxicity said:

ZombieKitten said:

my family doesn't get together, geographically speaking it's now almost impossible to co-ordinate.

Thanks to a family rift as well.

I make do with the in-laws, and the best thing about that is they speak spanish so it's totally OK for me to zone out. Except that from 20 years of that, I actually understand most of what they are saying LOL

Wow! So I guess is safe to assume your husband is of hispanic or latin origin? What about your children, do they speak Spanish?

He's Argentinian and I'm Swedish and the kids are pretty Aussie - they didn't pick up more than a few phrases here and there

The are learning Japanese though!

ZombieKitten said:

DysregulatedToxicity said:

Wow! So I guess is safe to assume your husband is of hispanic or latin origin? What about your children, do they speak Spanish?

He's Argentinian and I'm Swedish and the kids are pretty Aussie - they didn't pick up more than a few phrases here and there

The are learning Japanese though!

My kids don't speak any Spanish other than a few phrases here & there.

No real interest in learning.

My oldest took 2 years of Italian, and he LOVED it!

I NEVER go to family gatherings...fucking ever!!

At the last wedding I missed, my side of the family started a fist fight...with each other and the
other sides family. The bride got socked in the face and went down the isle with the front of
her white dress stained from the bloody nose she received.

The only people I visit are my youngest brother (3-4 times a year) and my aunts (1-2 times a
year.)

I have seen my other brother a few times in the last few years. Each time, he has attacked me
in some way. He tried to stab me at dinner about 2 1/2 years ago

LadyCasanova said:

I NEVER go to family gatherings...fucking ever!!

At the last wedding I missed, my side of the family started a fist fight...with each other and the
other sides family. The bride got socked in the face and went down the isle with the front of
her white dress stained from the bloody nose she received.

The only people I visit are my youngest brother (3-4 times a year) and my aunts (1-2 times a
year.)

I have seen my other brother a few times in the last few years. Each time, he has attacked me
in some way. He tried to stab me at dinner about 2 1/2 years ago

excuse me?

LadyCasanova said:

I NEVER go to family gatherings...fucking ever!!

At the last wedding I missed, my side of the family started a fist fight...with each other and the
other sides family. The bride got socked in the face and went down the isle with the front of
her white dress stained from the bloody nose she received.

The only people I visit are my youngest brother (3-4 times a year) and my aunts (1-2 times a
year.)

I have seen my other brother a few times in the last few years. Each time, he has attacked me
in some way. He tried to stab me at dinner about 2 1/2 years ago

Geesh.

JoeTyler said:

LadyCasanova said:

I NEVER go to family gatherings...fucking ever!!

At the last wedding I missed, my side of the family started a fist fight...with each other and the
other sides family. The bride got socked in the face and went down the isle with the front of
her white dress stained from the bloody nose she received.

The only people I visit are my youngest brother (3-4 times a year) and my aunts (1-2 times a
year.)

I have seen my other brother a few times in the last few years. Each time, he has attacked me
in some way. He tried to stab me at dinner about 2 1/2 years ago

excuse me?

My brother tends to have very violent feelings towards me. When he drinks, the feelings turn
into actions. When we were teens I slept with my door locked and a bat next to my bed. I never
knew when he would try to get "even" with me for something I had done to him...or didn't do for
him...

JoeTyler said:

BS! that's what it was! a bunch of BS...

same old shit, same old , same old FAKE friendly conversation just to suddenly start criticizing my job, the way I "handle" my personal/romantic life, my jokes (if I make jokes I'm an attention whore, if I don't make jokes I'm boring/too casual and bla bla, oh and sometimes my jokes are too gross??? WHATEVER, I forgot you are the princess of the mormons...), oh and you think I eat way too much, really? curious that nobody complained, JUST YOU= LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Jesus...

I feel MENTALLY drained, and it was supposed to be just a casual/friendly wednesday dinner...

fuck, NOT AGAIN, at least not until April...or May!

sorry for the rant, I needed it...I needed to rant, gunsandhalen style

what about you, anyway? do you have a (or several) CLOSE family members (in my case one of my big sisters) who can make ANY family reunion HELL?

discuss...

I'm sorry to hear your family does not have healthy boundaries.


My dad used to be negative and critical about me too. It was more of a habit to him. I told him calm and collected that his comments were not helping me and that he could be supportive or not say anything.

It took a bit of practice, with an occasional spitefull phone conversation by me.

But, he got it. And the rest of the family too.

No more negativity or judgemental remarks.

The bond between my dad and me has never been better. He comes to Amsterdam and we go out in the city. He has helped me with some chores this winter, when I was down again. IN stead of critisizing me, he helps me nowadays. And he feels great about that. And me too.

I wish for you to curb the remarks of your family likewise.


They are very, very disrespectful to you, by making judgeing you in stead of just asking you about your life.

JoeTyler said:

BS! that's what it was! a bunch of BS...

same old shit, same old , same old FAKE friendly conversation just to suddenly start criticizing my job,

Next time, take a deep breath and calm your initial emotional response. Than tell her politely that you are glad that you have a job and that you don't want anybody to disrespect you by criticizing your job.


the way I "handle" my personal/romantic life,

Again, breath in deeply and don't let your emotions take over control. Calmly tell her that your romantic life is your choice and nobody elses. Tell her that everybody makes mistakes and that you might make them too, but that it is up to you to live and learn.
(surely you are a pervert and you violate the privacy of others and should get your ass kicked for that, but that is not the point)


my jokes (if I make jokes I'm an attention whore,

Breath in and breath out and control your emotion. If somebody uses that word, politely state that you don't want to be labeled like that. And that if you are socially incompetent, that somebody can tell you that in a private conversation and explain how I am hurting that person. Make clear that calling you an 'attention whore' in public is not acceptable for you.

if I don't make jokes I'm boring/too casual and bla bla, oh

Again, tell her/him/them that you don't want to be judged or labeled like that.

and sometimes my jokes are too gross???

Yeah, there is a reason why you'r an orger. Try to remember that there are different social codes during a family diner, and it is not like hanging out on the org.


WHATEVER, I forgot you are the princess of the mormons...),

If you want to be treated with respect, you have to act according the standards you want to be treated. So, don't become nasty, judgemental or negative if you don't want others to treat you like that. Be gracious and respectfull. Ask in stead of judge.

oh and you think I eat way too much, really?

Breath in deep, don't allow your emotions to take over. Tell her that everybody has different standards and ideas about food. And that her opinion does not reflect some moral standard that is universal. Ask politely if she can stop with judging your eating habits in the future. Her standards might be very different than yours, and there is no reason for her to assume that her standard is superior than yours. Warning, this might trigger a discussion. Be carefull.

If you don't want that, just ask her to not remark about how you eat in the future. And if she does do it again, remind her that you had requested her to not make any remarks about your eating.




curious that nobody complained, JUST YOU= LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Jesus...

I feel MENTALLY drained, and it was supposed to be just a casual/friendly wednesday dinner...

Find a coach or read a book on how to set boundaries for yourself. I've said it before, my favorite is this program. It's really good.

http://www.1shoppingcart....af=1539470

fuck, NOT AGAIN, at least not until April...or May!

The only thing you can change is yourself. So, work on how to handle it and make sure you set your boundaries. Don't allow anybody to treat you with disrespect.

And treat other people the way you want to be treated!

sorry for the rant, I needed it...I needed to rant, gunsandhalen style

what about you, anyway? do you have a (or several) CLOSE family members (in my case one of my big sisters) who can make ANY family reunion HELL?

discuss...

JoeTyler said:

BS! that's what it was! a bunch of BS...

same old shit, same old , same old FAKE friendly conversation just to suddenly start criticizing my job, the way I "handle" my personal/romantic life, my jokes (if I make jokes I'm an attention whore, if I don't make jokes I'm boring/too casual and bla bla, oh and sometimes my jokes are too gross??? WHATEVER, I forgot you are the princess of the mormons...), oh and you think I eat way too much, really? curious that nobody complained, JUST YOU= LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Jesus...

I feel MENTALLY drained, and it was supposed to be just a casual/friendly wednesday dinner...

fuck, NOT AGAIN, at least not until April...or May!

sorry for the rant, I needed it...I needed to rant, gunsandhalen style

what about you, anyway? do you have a (or several) CLOSE family members (in my case one of my big sisters) who can make ANY family reunion HELL?

discuss...

well, my family is pretty close knit. we get along well, aside from occasional challenges. but i know what you mean about feeling drained after being with someone; i know people who leave me feeling that way when i spend time with them. which is why i try to avoid that mess, but that's another story.

tell you what: at easter dinner with your family be sure to wear your tinfoil hat and tell everyone it's there to block the alien rays. i bet they will not hound you about your job or your romantic life. good luck.

thanks for the answers

reading it now, three days after, it DOES seem like a "drama" thread; now I can laugh but three days ago it hurt...I just need to learn to block myself from certain persons, mentally I mean...cuz some people are just experts in triggering discussions, bs and drama= ignore ignore ignore...

thanks again...

XxAxX said:

JoeTyler said:

BS! that's what it was! a bunch of BS...

same old shit, same old , same old FAKE friendly conversation just to suddenly start criticizing my job, the way I "handle" my personal/romantic life, my jokes (if I make jokes I'm an attention whore, if I don't make jokes I'm boring/too casual and bla bla, oh and sometimes my jokes are too gross??? WHATEVER, I forgot you are the princess of the mormons...), oh and you think I eat way too much, really? curious that nobody complained, JUST YOU= LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Jesus...

I feel MENTALLY drained, and it was supposed to be just a casual/friendly wednesday dinner...

fuck, NOT AGAIN, at least not until April...or May!

sorry for the rant, I needed it...I needed to rant, gunsandhalen style

what about you, anyway? do you have a (or several) CLOSE family members (in my case one of my big sisters) who can make ANY family reunion HELL?

discuss...

well, my family is pretty close knit. we get along well, aside from occasional challenges. but i know what you mean about feeling drained after being with someone; i know people who leave me feeling that way when i spend time with them. which is why i try to avoid that mess, but that's another story.

tell you what: at easter dinner with your family be sure to wear your tinfoil hat and tell everyone it's there to block the alien rays. i bet they will not hound you about your job or your romantic life. good luck.

Excellent advice!