Mandingo said:

ThisOne said:

Mandingo said:

Good advice. Tosser? Me? Strange how I am already the villain in all this. A sign of things to come perhaps?

I called u a tosser because it seems that you only care about your own needs and are ignoring what's most important - your child!!! It's valentines day coming up..... Take your child out somewhere nice and tell him/her that you love them more than the air u breath.... That moment you share with your child will make a big difference in the near future!!! All u do is say how much u love your new lady but who is more important to u? Really who ??? I told u from the start no matter what u do or say your child must always come first - emotional needs of your child must be met or that child will hate you for a very long time!!! Also remember this - kids often blame themselves when their parents split..., In all my posts I have mentioned how important your child is in all this - but you ignored me and have only mentioned your child as something u want to keep - which leads me to believe that you suck as a dad! And would then be a tosser!!! I gave you a very good response not judging you and you ignored it!!! Why??? Because I said put your child first!!!!

I wan't going to pot again but i feel compelled to answer you.

The reason i do not post about my love for my child on here is because of my paternal instinct to protect my child. Notice I never once even revealed if it is a boy or a girl or their agae or anything. I would kill or die for my child without hesitation. I would give up my new qoman without consideration for that kid. I was there when they were born and have been there everyday of their life ever since both physically, mentally and emotionally.

You gave great advice and at some point i was going to PRIVATELY ORGNOTE EVERYONE who responded individually to thank them, I have orgnoted 3 ppl already..I would have got around to you. I am not offended by your insults, they are a YOU issue. I am a great dad. My child is very happy and cosistently popular and top of the class.

In future I advise that just because someone doesn't talk about something doesn't mean it isn't the most important thing in the world to them. I would liken it to the Jews not uttering the sacred name of God..that is how sacred to me and protective of I am to my child.

But if I didn't say it personally before I say it piblically now. Thank you THisOne (from She loves me 4 me right? I love that song) Bless.

warning2all said:

I never post here anymore- but I need to respond to this: Everyone keeps saying your kid is #1. No- at the moment you are. If you don't make yourself happy and break free of a dead relationship you cannot be the best dad you can be. You will show your kid a broken man & a man that lacks self respect. Move on and get happy- be with someone who wants to build a life with you & build your self worth-- and you will be the best dad you can be. Right now you cannot because you are miserable. You will never get over your wife's cheating- nor should you.She will cheat again. And your relationship with her will never get past this- life with her....its just a matter of how bad it will get. Nobody at the end of the day will look out for you except you. And if things do not work out with this new lady-- there will be others- its not like no lady will ever look your way again. But you need to get the cheater out of your life. Getting a new house took courage- and you obiviously want to move on. Once trust is broken--thats it. Again- it sounds big and "right" to say the child comes first- but unless you do what you have to to be happy, you are teaching your kid the wrong lesson about being treated right in life and self respect.

Hewllo waRNING2ALL.

tHANK YOU.

My sentiments exactly. It was very hard when I found out last year to even get out of bed. Subsequently my kid suffered and I will never be cool with that.

But yes, in order to take care of those we love we have to 1st be able to take care of ourselves. Yes.

Putting my child 1st is the whole reason I didn't walk out from day one. Now it is time to do what is right for all...move on.

Thank you and bless you.

Mandingo said:

warning2all said:

Mandingo said:

dJJ said:

Try to stay away from your old pattern of playing the innocent victim.

It will not help you one iota, let alone anybody else involved.

Start owning up to your own situation and man up.

Stop lying to everybody around you and yourself is a good start.

I admit to lying to those around me. But have not lied to myself. 1. I do want to go 2. I do want my new woman 3. I didn't until I started this thread see anything wrong with what I have been doing. I do now admit to going about this the wrong way and not seeing that I am being as bad as she was being. Thank you all for that. Even the negative comments helped. They woke me up.

Again not trying to sound like the victim here but let me tell you a little about what happened.

So we married quite young. She had not got the clubbing and flirting out of her system. So throughout our biggest argument was her excessive partying and inappropriate dealings with male friends i.e strip clubs, staying at their house with her girls, coming home 5am (and later) with a dozen roses and bottles of Moet, Dom P vintage & Ace of Spades, found rubbers in her underwear drawer, purse etc and generally acting very single. Not as a wife, not as a mother, not even as a friend, just single. Would not be uncommon to not see or hear from her when she left work then for her to come home at 3am. If I ask where she was she's say "out". If I demand to know she'd say "I don't have to tell you". If I try and reason she just goes silent. If I get aggressive she plays the victim and calls the police (I have been arrested at least four times for nothing more than raising my voice) and if I am softly softly she actually calls me a loser and I quote "a pussy"

So after 12 years of this and spending countless nights at home looking at the clock at 4am wondering where my wife is, why she hasn't phoned, why her phone always goes to voicemail.

12 years of 3-5 days a week watching her putting on make-up in the bathroom and short tight dresses and heels, making excuses why I couldn't come to or why she didn't want me to take her out.

12 years of finding social network messages, love letters, texts, condoms (we never use them), gifts for men (that I never receive), overhearing her talking to men as soon as I leave the house.

10 years of being the only parent to collect my child from school, tuck them in at bedtime and make their breakfast as she stumbles in sometimes at 7am.

10 years of being the only parent at parent's evening when my kid needs to be congratulated on great school work, at school sports days, trips to cinema, family events (she was always sleeping off the night before), only one to take my kid to birthday parties, museums or even in the beginning as the only parent bothered enough to make the child's milk.

I have been married but lived as a single man, had a wife but been left lying in a an empty bed, my child has a mother but it feels like a one parent family.

Now I admit that I am not blameless. Quite frankly I can be a cunt sometimes. I am narcissistic, competitive, vain, not always empathetic, have tendencies to not be patient and have issues with my dad who was and still is the world's biggest playa. He broke my Mom's heart when I was inside her.

But, I do have qualities. I am resposible, fun, generous, reliable, very very romantic, thoughtful, respectful to the best of my ability, sexy (You should see this tall hunk of man you've been typing to), openmided, interesting, faithful and most of all WAS genuinely and unconditionally in love with my wife.

Now after being Mr doormat, Mr cuckold, Mr haha he doesn't know, Mr I'll be home late hubby, I will be out with the girls, Mr why do you want to know why I am out you are not my dad

Now that God almighty, the universe, karma, fate or whatever other deity or force you pray to has deemed it appropriate that I can now be happy. Maybe one chance, perhaps my last chance.

Now after so many years I have the opportunity to find real love, a real home and a real sense of bliss. People say I am a bastard for leaving? What?

Wish you had seen me a few months ago, taking high doses of citalopram just to stop the constant obsessive thoughts of my wife with other men, The lying in bed with a pillow over my head until 2 in the afternoon, the crying in the bathroom and telling my kid that daddy is cutting his nails or some other excuse, the not shaving or washing or cutting my hair or eating or exercising or even the over eating and bottle after bottle of any alcohol I could lay my hands on including alcohol rub. The allowing people to yell at me, touch me, laugh at me and ridicule me because i felt NO self worth and frankly at one point wanted to die. And I don't mean that as a euphemism. I wanted to end my sorry, useless, cheated on, lower than every other man on earth, ugly, loser, worthless life. Ireally did. I spent hours thinking about it and sometimes minutes trying to pluck up the courage to do it.

I didn't though.

I started eating properly again, went back to work, went out with friends and took 100% interest in parenting again. I found myself again.

Then one day I wasn't ebven looking and she was there. we spoke, it felt so real, so flawless and effortless. I felt this thing in my chest and at first didn't recognise it because it had been so long since I felt it.

It was happiness.

I don't expect sympathy or for anyone to understand but i will not leave my woman and i will not go back to my cheating wife.

I will go forward and be happy. Now it is time for my child and me to take priority in my life. Someday I pray my new woman will be a part of that family.

It's pure, it's beautiful, it's all I ever wanted.

I won't post again on this thread. It's dead. But it has given me life.

Thank you, bless you all. It's funny, we can see inspiration and direction in the most unexpected places..Prince.org..wow, who would ever have thought it would have the answers X

What you are describing is an aweful marriage.

And I don't blame you for her behavior. I can only comment on you, and it seems that you have been letting her treat you bad for many, many years.

It's sad that the two of you stayed together for so long.

Clearly, you wanted different things out of life. You both waited for the other to become a different person in order to make the marriage work?

I'm happy to hear that you are not acting like a doormat anymore.

Now, make sure to end this marriage gracefully and try to do the best you can for your kid.

And please, make sure this new relationship is built on shared values and life-style. It's easy to fool yourself if you want something bad enough.

dJJ said:

Mandingo said:

I admit to lying to those around me. But have not lied to myself. 1. I do want to go 2. I do want my new woman 3. I didn't until I started this thread see anything wrong with what I have been doing. I do now admit to going about this the wrong way and not seeing that I am being as bad as she was being. Thank you all for that. Even the negative comments helped. They woke me up.

Again not trying to sound like the victim here but let me tell you a little about what happened.

So we married quite young. She had not got the clubbing and flirting out of her system. So throughout our biggest argument was her excessive partying and inappropriate dealings with male friends i.e strip clubs, staying at their house with her girls, coming home 5am (and later) with a dozen roses and bottles of Moet, Dom P vintage & Ace of Spades, found rubbers in her underwear drawer, purse etc and generally acting very single. Not as a wife, not as a mother, not even as a friend, just single. Would not be uncommon to not see or hear from her when she left work then for her to come home at 3am. If I ask where she was she's say "out". If I demand to know she'd say "I don't have to tell you". If I try and reason she just goes silent. If I get aggressive she plays the victim and calls the police (I have been arrested at least four times for nothing more than raising my voice) and if I am softly softly she actually calls me a loser and I quote "a pussy"

So after 12 years of this and spending countless nights at home looking at the clock at 4am wondering where my wife is, why she hasn't phoned, why her phone always goes to voicemail.

12 years of 3-5 days a week watching her putting on make-up in the bathroom and short tight dresses and heels, making excuses why I couldn't come to or why she didn't want me to take her out.

12 years of finding social network messages, love letters, texts, condoms (we never use them), gifts for men (that I never receive), overhearing her talking to men as soon as I leave the house.

10 years of being the only parent to collect my child from school, tuck them in at bedtime and make their breakfast as she stumbles in sometimes at 7am.

10 years of being the only parent at parent's evening when my kid needs to be congratulated on great school work, at school sports days, trips to cinema, family events (she was always sleeping off the night before), only one to take my kid to birthday parties, museums or even in the beginning as the only parent bothered enough to make the child's milk.

I have been married but lived as a single man, had a wife but been left lying in a an empty bed, my child has a mother but it feels like a one parent family.

Now I admit that I am not blameless. Quite frankly I can be a cunt sometimes. I am narcissistic, competitive, vain, not always empathetic, have tendencies to not be patient and have issues with my dad who was and still is the world's biggest playa. He broke my Mom's heart when I was inside her.

But, I do have qualities. I am resposible, fun, generous, reliable, very very romantic, thoughtful, respectful to the best of my ability, sexy (You should see this tall hunk of man you've been typing to), openmided, interesting, faithful and most of all WAS genuinely and unconditionally in love with my wife.

Now after being Mr doormat, Mr cuckold, Mr haha he doesn't know, Mr I'll be home late hubby, I will be out with the girls, Mr why do you want to know why I am out you are not my dad

Now that God almighty, the universe, karma, fate or whatever other deity or force you pray to has deemed it appropriate that I can now be happy. Maybe one chance, perhaps my last chance.

Now after so many years I have the opportunity to find real love, a real home and a real sense of bliss. People say I am a bastard for leaving? What?

Wish you had seen me a few months ago, taking high doses of citalopram just to stop the constant obsessive thoughts of my wife with other men, The lying in bed with a pillow over my head until 2 in the afternoon, the crying in the bathroom and telling my kid that daddy is cutting his nails or some other excuse, the not shaving or washing or cutting my hair or eating or exercising or even the over eating and bottle after bottle of any alcohol I could lay my hands on including alcohol rub. The allowing people to yell at me, touch me, laugh at me and ridicule me because i felt NO self worth and frankly at one point wanted to die. And I don't mean that as a euphemism. I wanted to end my sorry, useless, cheated on, lower than every other man on earth, ugly, loser, worthless life. Ireally did. I spent hours thinking about it and sometimes minutes trying to pluck up the courage to do it.

I didn't though.

I started eating properly again, went back to work, went out with friends and took 100% interest in parenting again. I found myself again.

Then one day I wasn't ebven looking and she was there. we spoke, it felt so real, so flawless and effortless. I felt this thing in my chest and at first didn't recognise it because it had been so long since I felt it.

It was happiness.

I don't expect sympathy or for anyone to understand but i will not leave my woman and i will not go back to my cheating wife.

I will go forward and be happy. Now it is time for my child and me to take priority in my life. Someday I pray my new woman will be a part of that family.

It's pure, it's beautiful, it's all I ever wanted.

I won't post again on this thread. It's dead. But it has given me life.

Thank you, bless you all. It's funny, we can see inspiration and direction in the most unexpected places..Prince.org..wow, who would ever have thought it would have the answers X

What you are describing is an aweful marriage.

And I don't blame you for her behavior. I can only comment on you, and it seems that you have been letting her treat you bad for many, many years.

It's sad that the two of you stayed together for so long.

Clearly, you wanted different things out of life. You both waited for the other to become a different person in order to make the marriage work?

I'm happy to hear that you are not acting like a doormat anymore.

Now, make sure to end this marriage gracefully and try to do the best you can for your kid.

And please, make sure this new relationship is built on shared values and life-style. It's easy to fool yourself if you want something bad enough.

Trolling?

I don't have time to read all that. What's the gist of it?

You been had

2x

We don't need multiple threads on the same topic. Just stick to one thread.

Please use http://prince.org/msg/100/404302