ThisOne said:

Put the new woman on hold - if it's going to work out with her it will after you sort out your life remember with this woman that to gain a happy life something needs to give! Then take note..... 1 your child comes first and needs to be living in a happy loving environment and I guarantee you that she isn't right now 2 tell your wife you are leaving her because of the affairs as you cant get over the hurt and your relationship with her is not fixing itself up - the trust and respect and love is gone 3 be kind to your wife and make sure your child does not resent her or hate her 4 you are leaving your wife not your child - so seek shared custody 5 you have to pay money - it's to support the needs of your child - don't be a selfish pig and get upset about paying money - that is pathetic and disgusting - I sometimes don't have enough money for food because my ex refuses to pay for half of the things he should - why do you want to put your wife and child through that???! Only Selfish pig arseholes do that!!!! 5 seperste and stay on your own - do not see anyone until your child is comfortable and happy and settled 6 be amicable during the split of belongings and do not take what's not yours and do not take things that make your wife happy no matter how much the value 7 do not worry about losing friends over the divorce - you can make new friends and if the split is as nice as possible and u and your wife stay friends the likelihood of keeping your friends is high - friends often side with what's right as they would have noticed things that u were not aware of The process can take over 2 years after that contact this woman or go meet some other 14/10 - but honestly that should be the least of your worries Be prepared for a storm of emotion and heartache - it gets really hard before it becomes even a bit ok Lastly and most importantly make sure your child gets counselling throughout the whole process

My two cents is....

You only get one shot at life and too many couples stay together for thier kids and lead miserable lives because of it. And did that makes the kids happy anyway? Sure they get both parents at home but the loveless relationship they see everyday will likely be thier point of reference later in life.

Yes, your kid comes first, absoultely and your kid will be devasated but WILL get over it and adjust a lot quicker than you think. My parents split when I was 5 and I remember bad times at first but have turned out fine, have great relationships with both of them as they do with eachother.

Don't consign your entire life to a loveless misery just to protect you kid from a few months of upheavel.

How bad it affects your kid also depends on how you two deal with eachother. If you can avoid the anger and hatred and come across with respect for eachother it will smooth the way.

Maybe the new life doesn't work out either but you gotta take the chance.

I don't see the big deal in someone sleeping with someone who is officially married. There's a reason why they want to sleep with someone else, hence their marriage isn't working out, hence it doesn't make sense to pretend it is.

If, like the op said, he and his wife don't even sleep in the same room together, the relationship can hardly be classified as romantic still. Those two people clearly live together just because of their child and because it is the easiest way for now, not because they want each other so much. So, the op doesn't risk anything anymore by getting to know a new woman and sleeping with her. His wife risked (and ruined) the relationhip by having sex with other people, while her husband clearly had other expectations about their love. Now, both seem to know that the romance behind their relationship is lost. So why pretend it's still there?

Many of you are overly harsh on the op, in my opinion.



Still, op, this is none of our business. You need to know what's best for all of you and how to go through with it!

Dave1992 said:

daingermouz2020 said:

See an attorney to make sure the house you are buying your wife has no legal interest in.

Exit gracefully, don't "right-fight", my affair wasn't an affair 'cause you cheated first -- it doesn't work and it doesn't matter.

For the love of God please don't move the new chippie into the new house, your child needs time to adjust.

Don't force feed the new chippie to your child he/she needs time to digest, adjust and accept the divorce. Just 'cause you love her doesn't mean he/she will like her given the circumstances. Be SENSITIVE AND EMPATHETIC TO YOU KIDS POINT OF VIEW!!

Seek therapy for you & your child together he/she will need a neutral voice of reason.

[Edited 1/10/14 17:50pm]

I don't know any other way but to be blunt.

You appear to be shallow and self-serving. Get off the pot and make a decision either way. Deciding to end a marriage is never easy or painless. Being a pussy about whether you should leave your wife or stay has the potential for creating lasting and bitter consequences for all involved.

Really the "other woman" shouldn't have anything to do with your decision. Either your marriage isn't savable and or it is. Using your wife as the backup plan because you fear being alone... purchase a pet. Just a personal observation: Very seldom have I seen a man stay with the woman they were fucking around with when they divorced. Just a guess, hooking up for rendezvous with the lovely understanding other woman is a little different then living with someone 24/7. Relationships that start out as affairs usually don't last, "when the honeymoon phase ends, the relationship begins.

==============================================

[Edited 1/11/14 18:23pm]

So what if your wife is hot and your mistress even hotter? Looks shouldn't matter so much that you mention it like you do. Sounds almost as if this new girl is so great just because she is super hot and nice, which is understandably a great thing when you're going through rough times. But not the essential qualities for a functioning and good relationship (well nice is obviously good, but it sounds here as if she's nice because she doesn't argue with you). Think about what you really want and if that's a divorce then so be it.

.

To stay in a bad marriage only because of your kids is not a good thing, imo, because the kids will sooner or later notice and become stressed out. A healthy divorce where you can deal with your problems and your separation in a mature manner is better.

Mandingo said:

Not sure how but know I have to & soon.

I have met someone new but I decided to go a long time ago when last May I discovered my wife had cheated on me numerous times throughout our 12 year relationship

I am now in the final stages of buying a house but still haven't told her I am going. Not told my kid either. My kid is 9.

My new woman is so understanding, never gets angry or shitty with me. she's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and the best lover I ever had.

Thing is it's such a bummer to leave home like this..

Cosiderations:

1. I leave and it doesn't work out with my new woman. I am all alone.

2. I leave and my kid sees me as the bad guy. I never cheated.

3. How much money is my soon to be ex wife going to want?

4. How will my kid be not seeing me every morning/night

5. Will I lose mutual friends who will choose sides?

Right now my life is the happiest & most confusing it's EVER been.

Last year I suffered from serious depression on discovering the affairs. My wife even had an abortion for one guy. I was off work for ages and lost my self esteem, lust for life and really spent alot of money on things to distract me. alot.

It was like there was no hope, no tomorrow, no joy left and that the past joys were all an illusion born from lies.

Now every day feels new, beautiful and hopeful. I look forward to a life with my new woman but despite what she has done I do not want to hurt my wife and definitely not my kid, or my family or her's.

"Everybody said, everybody said we should never part..I guess they thought we looked kinda cute 2gether"

One last consideration:

6. My wife is very beautiful. She is a 10 definitely... but..My woman now is off the scale, she is probably a 14/10. My wife suffers from insecurity issues, hence the affair (partly).

So I know my wife will HATE my new woman when she sees just how beautiful she is..

I also don't want this to turn into my wife saying we broke up because of my new woman. NO WE DIDN'T! I didn't even know her when I found out about the affair. My new woamn is not the cause of me wanting to leave. My wife sucking other men's dicks and opening her legs so they can cum inside her is the reason I am going.

Plus I don't want my kid to resent my new woman.

As far as my wife knows we are trying again. But we don't have sex or even sleep in the same room.

How do I leave a 12 year relationship. Rhett Butler's exit in Gone with the wind just won't cut it

[Edited 1/10/14 3:46am]

hook me up with your wife and ill try to make her forget u...or have fun trying

How do you leave your wife? Like this. . . .

Didn't read this entire post, so if it's been mentioned already, disregard....but I sure wouldn't buy a new house until AFTER your divorce is finalized. If your wife wants to take a portion of your property, the new property could and probably would be included.

Dave1992 said:

lust said:

daingermouz2020 said:

Tempest said:

How do you leave your wife? Like this. . . .

LOL!!!

Mandingo said:

Mandingo said:

naffi said:

Why would you leave your child with her, wouldn't it be better to keep the child with you, rather than with what will probably be a very bitter ex? Also since you are still married, surely the new house would also legally be considered your wife's too? [Edited 1/10/14 5:16am]

She is actually a good Mum. My child needs their Mum.

It wouldn't be her house. She is not on the deed.

In a community propoerty state, not being on the deed may not be enough.

[Edited 1/12/14 11:47am]

Mandingo said:

daingermouz2020 said:

If you want to leave your wife for her messing around thats one thing but leaving her for a mistress beware. Ive always believe any woman who cheats with me will cheat on me. I assume she knows you are married. If you hook up with her she knows what you are capable of.

Just to clarify. I started buying the new house and planning to leave months b4 I met my new love. Also my new woman believes I live at home but am separated. Which is fhe truth. Why should a paper in a registry office dictate my life n future?

Because you signed it.

Mandingo said:

Mandingo said:

daingermouz2020 said: Just to clarify. I started buying the new house and planning to leave months b4 I met my new love. Also my new woman believes I live at home but am separated. Which is fhe truth. Why should a paper in a registry office dictate my life n future?

And that is why you need to seek legal advice about the new home-- 'cause "why should" has nothing to do with the laws in your area. Don't go into this legally ignorant, it could create a legal and financial mess for you...

Man

If I were you I'd fuck many girls including the 14/10 chick, just get everything out of my heart, and then when I feel that I'm equal with my wife, I'd confront her with her cheating, and I'd say that I will get over that because of our child, not speak to her for like 40 days and then go on in this life like it never happened, and If you don't like your wife's personality that's your fault cuz you married someone you never made sure you'd suffer problems with. Divorce will just fuck everything up, like I said, fuck some good pussy, fuck it real hard, and then go back to your wife... Equality is happiness my friend

stop blaming your wife, you're worse than she is running out on your family like a sneaky rat!