...in western countries

I just don't get it, I can't understand it, I just can't, young folks who get married when they're 20-28 years old

can anyone help me understand, or something??

discuss

I was married at 19... What do you want to know... I dont understand what you cant comprehend?

They probably think they "found the one". It happens to anyone.

Tina: How long have you been married?

Oh, that's right... 27 years.

Two kids, two grandkids...

chocolate1 said:

Tina: How long have you been married?

Oh, that's right... 27 years.

Two kids, two grandkids...

JoeTyler said:

...in western countries

I just don't get it, I can't understand it, I just can't, young folks who get married when they're 20-28 years old

can anyone help me understand, or something??

discuss

It works for people who are more mature about life. Doesn't work for most, but for some.

my question, folks, is: did you have the feeling you were still kinda IMMATURE/not a fully developed woman/men (mentally, I mean) when you got married?

I say this because hell, I'm 28, and I sure as hell don't think I'm a mentally developed MAN

I just can't understand why someone between the ages of 18-30 could think he's/she's ready for the RIGOURS/TRIALS of marriage and the complete attachment it represents...

and kids? OMG

It all depends on the people involved. Both people need to be mature going into marriage. Not just one. I think that's crucial. Heck, you can be 50 years old and be immature.

*

I would say yes, I was ready to marry at 23 (just not to the person I married). He was extremely immature (still is). I saw him briefly in 2000 (ran into him at the airport) & he hadn't grown an inch since we were married back in the 80s. It was scary actually. I don't think he'll ever grow up. I won't go into the reasons I married him but it was a HUGE mistake. Today, it seems like I never married him. I never even think about him unless exes come into a discussion or people ask me about him. Other than that, it's like he's a total stranger to me.

*

I remarried at 27 and have been married for 22 years.

*

Out of necessity, I had to mature quickly when I was growing up. I think some people who go though extremely difficult childhoods are either forced to mature too quickly or can go the other route & never seem to be able to grow up. On the other hand, there are some people who grew up in functional homes with "normal" childhoods and never grow up.

*

IMO, it all boils down to each individual and the personal choices they make in life. Many people mature quickly & others mature late (or sometimes never).

*

Heck, back in the ole days, people got married REALLY young. I think expectations were different for them growing up as well. They were expected to mature early on and took on more responsibilities than many young people do today. Also, life expectancy wasn't as old as it is today so people needed to get busy and start working on families early in life. That's just the way it was.

*

[Edited 11/28/13 8:00am]

My husband and I were married at 25. We've been married for 25 years now and we're both 50.

Yes, we were a bit naive and immature, but we grew together and made a good life with each other. We both lived at home until we were married and saved some money then we bought a condo just before we were married and we still live there today (mortgage free now - Yay).

We had some hard times financially and other difficult things to work through during our 25 years of marriage, but we have a great marriage and we're very good friends and have a lot of respect for each other.

Having said that, I do see Joe's point about not getting married too young. I wouldn't recommend it today to be honest. I think the way "things" are today, people should wait until they're more mature and prepared for what's to come in life. People seem more selfish and self-centred today too IMO. Marriage can be hard even in the best of times. It takes work every day and you have to remember to treat each other well and show love and support.

Another thing I always recommend to couples of any age is to not get in over your head with buying a house that you really can't afford. Sure, we all want the gorgeous home and 2 cars and all of that, but if you stay within your means and don't end up house-poor, you might be able to upgrade after a few years. Start modest and take it from there. Being broke and fightin over money (or lack thereof) is the downfall of many couples.

My husband and I were married at 25. We've been married for 25 years now and we're both 50.

Yes, we were a bit naive and immature, but we grew together and made a good life with each other. We both lived at home until we were married and saved some money then we bought a condo just before we were married and we still live there today (mortgage free now - Yay).

We had some hard times financially and other difficult things to work through during our 25 years of marriage, but we have a great marriage and we're very good friends and have a lot of respect for each other.

Having said that, I do see Joe's point about not getting married too young. I wouldn't recommend it today to be honest. I think the way "things" are today, people should wait until they're more mature and prepared for what's to come in life. People seem more selfish and self-centred today too IMO. Marriage can be hard even in the best of times. It takes work every day and you have to remember to treat each other well and show love and support.

Another thing I always recommend to couples of any age is to not get in over your head with buying a house that you really can't afford. Sure, we all want the gorgeous home and 2 cars and all of that, but if you stay within your means and don't end up house-poor, you might be able to upgrade after a few years. Start modest and take it from there. Being broke and fightin over money (or lack thereof) is the downfall of many couples.

Sorry for the double post. Not sure how that happened.

Empress said:

Sorry for the double post. Not sure how that happened.

maybe because it's such a worthy post the org auto-copied it

great post, I mean it

My sister-in-law's niece got married about a year ago at the age of 18. That's definitely too damn young, but I agree, it depends on the people involved. Personally, I was still way too immature to marry at that age. Shoot, I wasn't even thinking of marriage at that age. I wanted to go out with my friends, have fun, and be young.

A girl I used to be friends with many years ago got pregnant at 17. She was married and had a kid by the time she was 18. She had to grow up really damn fast, practically overnight, once she found out she was pregnant. As far as I know, she and the guy she married are still together, and they had two more kids together.

It CAN work if both people involved are willing to work at it and to compromise when necessary to give the other person what they need.

psychodelicide said:

My sister-in-law's niece got married about a year ago at the age of 18. That's definitely too damn young, but I agree, it depends on the people involved. Personally, I was still way too immature to marry at that age. Shoot, I wasn't even thinking of marriage at that age. I wanted to go out with my friends, have fun, and be young.

A girl I used to be friends with many years ago got pregnant at 17. She was married and had a kid by the time she was 18. She had to grow up really damn fast, practically overnight, once she found out she was pregnant. As far as I know, she and the guy she married are still together, and they had two more kids together.

It CAN work if both people involved are willing to work at it and to compromise when necessary to give the other person what they need.

My sister was married at 17. She divorced 4 years later and has since remarried and has been married to her 2nd husband for 30 years, but I can tell you that she doesn't have a clue what it means to be a teenager. She doesn't understand young people who's main priority is to hang with their friends and have fun and experiment with things. She's very critical of young people who don't put their family first and all of that. I try to tell her that it's normal for young people to not want to hang out with their family, be a bit irresponsible and their friends usually come first. She doesn't understand that at all and I tell her it's because she had no teen years and was married and playing house way too young. Marrying at 17 was a huge mistake for her and just about anyone IMO.

JoeTyler said:

Empress said:

Sorry for the double post. Not sure how that happened.

maybe because it's such a worthy post the org auto-copied it

great post, I mean it

Thanks Joe

There are success stories with people like Tina & Empress

But a lot of my friends who got married young are divorced now. I'm 22 and am no way readyf or marriage hell no

I had a friend who got married when she was 17... and her and the husband fought nearly every-time i saw them on ctop it was annoying

Another friend who was 19 got married last year... she split with her guy and has another bf now. And she has a kid witht he first man.

A lot of people who marry young that i know don't last long.

Situations vary:

• My grandparents were 17 & 18. They were married until my grandfather's death 52 years later.
• My cousin started dating Brian when we were juniors in high school (1984). They got married while we were in college. They are still together, doing well with two sons in college.
• Another friend, however, got married and had twin girls at 18. They had a son a year later, then another girl when we were 40. When the little one was about 3, her husband left her for a girl the twins' age.

Congratulations, Tinaz and Empress

[Edited 11/28/13 9:50am]

JoeTyler said:

...in western countries

I just don't get it, I can't understand it, I just can't, young folks who get married when they're 20-28 years old

can anyone help me understand, or something??

discuss

you should watch that reality tv show called 'my big fat american gypsy wedding'. it's a riot! those girls get married at age fifteen, sixteen or so. really early. and in these sparkly, shiny, poofy dresses, too.

JoeTyler said:

chocolate1 said:

Situations vary:

• My grandparents were 17 & 18. They were married until my grandfather's death 52 years later.
• My cousin started dating Brian when we were juniors in high school (1984). They got married while we were in college. They are still together, doing well with two sons in college.
• Another friend, however, got married and had twin girls at 18. They had a son a year later, then another girl when we were 40. When the little one was about 3, her husband left her for a girl the twins' age.

Congratulations, Tinaz and Empress

[Edited 11/28/13 9:50am]

My parents were 16 & 18 when they married in 1951. They were married 60 years and my mother passed away 2 weeks after their 60th anniversary. Sure, things weren't always peachy, but I know they loved and respected each other and I don't think either one ever did the other wrong. They had tough times, but they made it through and I never saw them treat each other badly.

XxAxX said:

JoeTyler said:

...in western countries

I just don't get it, I can't understand it, I just can't, young folks who get married when they're 20-28 years old

can anyone help me understand, or something??

discuss

you should watch that reality tv show called 'my big fat american gypsy wedding'. it's a riot! those girls get married at age fifteen, sixteen or so. really early. and in these sparkly, shiny, poofy dresses, too.

sounds garrulous

ZombieKitten said:

I married at 27, I felt soooooo mature.

I met my ex at 22, married three years later, had my first kid at 27 and by 30 signed my name on a mortgage.

Did I think that I was immature? Absolutely not. In fact quite the OPPOSITE. I was always "old" for my age. Didn't party, didn't drink or do drugs. Worked hard. Mowed the lawn every fucking weekend. Took the kids to every amusement park suitable for small children in the Eastern seaboard.

Maturity was not the problem. For me at least.

However...lack of fullfilment seemed to do us in just nicely.

I posted this once before. You have to know who you are and what you want in life - be happy with YOURSELF - before thinking about marriage.

Once upon a time, people at 16 or 17 were ready to settle down. Life was different. Made people harder at a younger age.

Nowadays life is more complex - and by default people are more complicated.

Whatever your age is - 22, 32 or 42...know who you are, what you want, & where you are going before making that commitment.

I understand that marriage before 24-25 (although in the former Soviet Union is still the most 25-year-olds are already married) - it's a bit early, you first need to get an education, find a stable job, and enjoy freedom, to be a little selfish.
but 25 and older - a great age for this, IMHO.

most of my friends who got married early (17-22), were pregnant, so the fate has left them no choice.
get married and try to start a family - much more mature and serious than just to have an abortion or be a single mother.

I married at 25 but only took as long as that for logistical reasons really. We were married in our minds when I was around 21 and she 23. We lived together and already knew at that point we were settling down together and getting married. It wasn't essential to be married, but it made sense. We obviously were immature back then in some ways, no doubt, but time shows we were smart enough to know how to make a good choice in this case. We've been together over 12 years, so I think we got it right.

chocolate1 said:

Situations vary:

• My grandparents were 17 & 18. They were married until my grandfather's death 52 years later.
• My cousin started dating Brian when we were juniors in high school (1984). They got married while we were in college. They are still together, doing well with two sons in college.
• Another friend, however, got married and had twin girls at 18. They had a son a year later, then another girl when we were 40. When the little one was about 3, her husband left her for a girl the twins' age.

Congratulations, Tinaz and Empress

[Edited 11/28/13 9:50am]

Thank you!