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Why Do So Many Married People Claim To Be Sexually Deprived? :
What's up with that??? 
I mean, seriously. Why do you think this happens? Not every couple suddenly becomes too busy for it, but somehow those marriage papers get signed and the sex goes down the drain. I think this is the cause of most affairs outside the marriage, and the person holding off sex from their partner is left wondering why... 
Any theories? | |
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Guess they got married too soon and realised the sex wasn't so great after all. | |
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LaVisHh said: :
I think this is the cause of most affairs outside the marriage, and the person holding off sex from their partner is left wondering why...
Any theories? That's why I make sure my husband gets everything he wants. And I don't mind doing that for him. It's fun for me as well!  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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  Mr. Ellis Dee-licious, the Official NPGigolo 
Candy Dulfer is my boo...  | |
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EllisDee said: What's the evil face for? "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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Cloudbuster said: Guess they got married too soon and realised the sex wasn't so great after all.
Very possible! | |
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minneapolisgenius said: LaVisHh said: :
I think this is the cause of most affairs outside the marriage, and the person holding off sex from their partner is left wondering why...
Any theories? That's why I make sure my husband gets everything he wants. And I don't mind doing that for him. It's fun for me as well! I don't know if you realize just how important this is. Smart woman.  | |
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minneapolisgenius said: EllisDee said: What's the evil face for? Probably because he knows he spawned this thread a couple of minutes ago...  | |
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the mind is complex
throw the mechanics sex into the muddle then add a tad bit of sexual dysfunction and WHAM... you have not tonight i have a head ache | |
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minneapolisgenius said: EllisDee said: What's the evil face for? no reason...  ... Mr. Ellis Dee-licious, the Official NPGigolo
Candy Dulfer is my boo... | |
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DORA said: the mind is complex
throw the mechanics sex into the muddle then add a tad bit of sexual dysfunction and WHAM... you have not tonight i have a head ache Exactly... and it repeats itself indefinately, until someone goes elsewhere to satisfy themselves.  And are made to feel guilty over it. | |
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LaVisHh said: minneapolisgenius said: LaVisHh said: :
I think this is the cause of most affairs outside the marriage, and the person holding off sex from their partner is left wondering why...
Any theories? That's why I make sure my husband gets everything he wants. And I don't mind doing that for him. It's fun for me as well! I don't know if you realize just how important this is. Smart woman. It's weird, but I was just thinking about this very thing yesterday. I was watching a show about infidelity, and they were saying something like the main reason men stray is because of the fact that they weren't getting interesting sex at home (well one of the reasons). And I thought if my husband had an affair because of something like that, he's got to be nuts. I don't know what else I could do for him, unless he was secretly into men, or pee and poop sex, or some weird shit like that. I can't help him there. "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: I was watching a show about infidelity, and they were saying something like the main reason men stray is because of the fact that they weren't getting interesting sex at home (well one of the reasons). And I thought if my husband had an affair because of something like that, he's got to be nuts.
I don't really buy this. The brain is definitely the most important sex organ of all, and maybe people stray because they don't get interesting conversation, or feel cared for, or some other emotional need, but I doubt it's usually "lack of interesting sex" that does it. Besides, what the fuck is that anyway? I mean there's OK sex and good sex and great sex and jesusfingchristiloveyou sex, but if you still care for the person you're with, and the sex was good at some point, I don't see how you could have boring sex. (If you don't care for them, you cheat for that reason -- and thus my point.) But then again, I'm a guy, and we're simple. ben -- "the prince.org guy" |
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ben said: minneapolisgenius said: I was watching a show about infidelity, and they were saying something like the main reason men stray is because of the fact that they weren't getting interesting sex at home (well one of the reasons). And I thought if my husband had an affair because of something like that, he's got to be nuts.
I don't really buy this. The brain is definitely the most important sex organ of all, and maybe people stray because they don't get interesting conversation, or feel cared for, or some other emotional need, but I doubt it's usually "lack of interesting sex" that does it. Besides, what the fuck is that anyway? I mean there's OK sex and good sex and great sex and jesusfingchristiloveyou sex, but if you still care for the person you're with, and the sex was good at some point, I don't see how you could have boring sex. (If you don't care for them, you cheat for that reason -- and thus my point.) But then again, I'm a guy, and we're simple. I liked that! | |
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minneapolisgenius said: It's weird, but I was just thinking about this very thing yesterday. I was watching a show about infidelity, and they were saying something like the main reason men stray is because of the fact that they weren't getting interesting sex at home (well one of the reasons). And I thought if my husband had an affair because of something like that, he's got to be nuts. I don't know what else I could do for him, unless he was secretly into men, or pee and poop sex, or some weird shit like that. I can't help him there.
Keep your awareness at this level, he will not stray. You can't prevent him from leaving, but doing your best to listen to his needs are as important as him listening and tending to yours.
Interestingly enough, most of these people love their spouses, and do NOT want to go outside their marriage. They beat themselves up over the guilt of feeling unsatisfied by the one that they love. The oddest part of all this, is the person who eventually has the affair (nothing is 100%) has repeatedly made their partner fully aware of the problems in the relationship, and they chose to passively let it slide. Not a good idea. | |
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LaVisHh said: :
What's up with that???
I mean, seriously. Why do you think this happens? Not every couple suddenly becomes too busy for it, but somehow those marriage papers get signed and the sex goes down the drain. I think this is the cause of most affairs outside the marriage, and the person holding off sex from their partner is left wondering why...
Any theories? in my scenerio, there is no one person holding out from the other... it's just a case of work schedules and everything else not matching up... i generally work from 6:30Am-5pm 5 days a week... this does not include the times that i have to come back in the evening to make sure that nothing has been destroyed or burned down... when i come home, i'm exhausted and ususally have more work waiting on me... i do most of the bill writing, checkbook balancing, cooking, etc... then i have a ton of grad school application shit that i have to wade through each day... she teaches 5 days a week and spends all of her evening time grading papers or making lesson plans... she also spends a good portion of her time sick from all of the illnesses that are passed around from those snotty nosed middle school kids... furthermore, the times that we most want it seem to be off... i'm all about it at night and (if i have the day off), first thing in the morning... i hate middle of the day sex... middle of the day sex is her favorite, but (if she has the day off) she can go for some first thing in the morning action... but she hates it last thing at night... which means, that we generally only go at it as much as our days off will allow... so, if we both have the day off (and don't have a ton of other shit to do) we'll go at it like wild animals... but that doesn't happen all too often... this didn't become a problem with marriage... we got married in june and it had been a problem for about a year so before that... in the beginning when we were both in school, we would just go at it all the time, because we had the spare time to do it... that time just doesn't exist much anymore... there's no animosity on either side... we both get frustrated at times (me moreso than her, because my sex drive is a lot higher), but we understand that there's not a lot that either of us can do about it... that's just the way shit is sometimes...  frustrated edit....[This message was edited Thu Mar 13 6:33:51 PST 2003 by EllisDee] Mr. Ellis Dee-licious, the Official NPGigolo
Candy Dulfer is my boo... | |
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ben said: I don't really buy this. The brain is definitely the most important sex organ of all, and maybe people stray because they don't get interesting conversation, or feel cared for, or some other emotional need, but I doubt it's usually "lack of interesting sex" that does it. Besides, what the fuck is that anyway? I mean there's OK sex and good sex and great sex and jesusfingchristiloveyou sex, but if you still care for the person you're with, and the sex was good at some point, I don't see how you could have boring sex. (If you don't care for them, you cheat for that reason -- and thus my point.)
But then again, I'm a guy, and we're simple. Thank you. I totally agree. Guess I'm just a simple woman then... | |
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LaVisHh said: minneapolisgenius said: EllisDee said: What's the evil face for? Probably because he knows he spawned this thread a couple of minutes ago... HEE HEE YOU SAY SPAWN ON SEX THREAD P o o |/, P o o |\ | |
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Not asking for what we want is another common problem. Fear is the mind-killer. | |
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EllisDee said: in my scenerio, there is no one person holding out from the other...
it's just a case of work schedules and everything else not matching up...[..] I don't see this as a problem... my question related to those who stop putting out. | |
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teller said: Not asking for what we want is another common problem.
Very true. I have enough married couples who share intimate details with me at work, to see that. They will openly share their wants and needs with me, but not their partners. I think it may have to do with not wanting to be judged harshly for being open. | |
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LaVisHh said: EllisDee said: in my scenerio, there is no one person holding out from the other...
it's just a case of work schedules and everything else not matching up...[..] I don't see this as a problem... my question related to those who stop putting out. i know... i just felt as though the appropriate thing for me to do at that time was to get defensive... Mr. Ellis Dee-licious, the Official NPGigolo
Candy Dulfer is my boo... | |
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LaVisHh said: teller said: Not asking for what we want is another common problem.
Very true. I have enough married couples who share intimate details with me at work, to see that. They will openly share their wants and needs with me, but not their partners. I think it may have to do with not wanting to be judged harshly for being open. Assertiveness is a key pillar of self-esteem and healthy living. Unfortunately, most of us were taught as children to be ashamed of sexual things...and god forbid you should like it and want it... Fear is the mind-killer. | |
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ben said: I don't really buy this. The brain is definitely the most important sex organ of all, and maybe people stray because they don't get interesting conversation, or feel cared for, or some other emotional need, but I doubt it's usually "lack of interesting sex" that does it. Besides, what the fuck is that anyway? I mean there's OK sex and good sex and great sex and jesusfingchristiloveyou sex, but if you still care for the person you're with, and the sex was good at some point, I don't see how you could have boring sex. (If you don't care for them, you cheat for that reason -- and thus my point.)
But then again, I'm a guy, and we're simple. I agree, Ben. But what if you only got sex, and it was just that? Everytime you want your spouse, they made up an excuse? This goes on and on... you've talked about your sexual needs as their partner, and they say things are going to change, but never do? It's the spouses who only allow sex once a month or less... when they used to put out far more often prior marriage. Their spouse literally tells them over the course of years what they need, and they aren't looking for anything more than making love. Then what?  | |
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ben said: minneapolisgenius said: I was watching a show about infidelity, and they were saying something like the main reason men stray is because of the fact that they weren't getting interesting sex at home (well one of the reasons). And I thought if my husband had an affair because of something like that, he's got to be nuts.
I don't really buy this. The brain is definitely the most important sex organ of all, and maybe people stray because they don't get interesting conversation, or feel cared for, or some other emotional need, but I doubt it's usually "lack of interesting sex" that does it. Besides, what the fuck is that anyway? I mean there's OK sex and good sex and great sex and jesusfingchristiloveyou sex, but if you still care for the person you're with, and the sex was good at some point, I don't see how you could have boring sex. (If you don't care for them, you cheat for that reason -- and thus my point.) But then again, I'm a guy, and we're simple. I just meant that if my husband gave a reason for cheating (hypothetically) and the reason was "boring sex" or whatever, that would be bullshit. It would have to involve something deeper than that. If we were unable to communicate, and our relationship as a whole became boring, then I think it would be possible for either of us be drawn in by someone who gave us that attention that we needed. But I hope that we would be able to work on things, before it ever got to that point. "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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Apart from agreeing with what Ben had to say, I'm confused as to exactly what we are debating (remember - male, simple etc)?
LaVisHh - you ask: "Why Do So Many Married People Claim To Be Sexually Deprived?" Do they? When? Where? How many? ALT+PLS+RTN: Pure as a pane of ice. It's a gift. |
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EllisDee said: LaVisHh said: :
What's up with that???
I mean, seriously. Why do you think this happens? Not every couple suddenly becomes too busy for it, but somehow those marriage papers get signed and the sex goes down the drain. I think this is the cause of most affairs outside the marriage, and the person holding off sex from their partner is left wondering why...
Any theories? in my scenerio, there is no one person holding out from the other... it's just a case of work schedules and everything else not matching up... i generally work from 6:30Am-5pm 5 days a week... this does not include the times that i have to come back in the evening to make sure that nothing has been destroyed or burned down... when i come home, i'm exhausted and ususally have more work waiting on me... i do most of the bill writing, checkbook balancing, cooking, etc... then i have a ton of grad school application shit that i have to wade through each day... she teaches 5 days a week and spends all of her evening time grading papers or making lesson plans... she also spends a good portion of her time sick from all of the illnesses that are passed around from those snotty nosed middle school kids... furthermore, the times that we most want it seem to be off... i'm all about it at night and (if i have the day off), first thing in the morning... i hate middle of the day sex... middle of the day sex is her favorite, but (if she has the day off) she can go for some first thing in the morning action... but she hates it last thing at night... which means, that we generally only go at it as much as our days off will allow... so, if we both have the day off (and don't have a ton of other shit to do) we'll go at it like wild animals... but that doesn't happen all too often... this didn't become a problem with marriage... we got married in june and it had been a problem for about a year so before that... in the beginning when we were both in school, we would just go at it all the time, because we had the spare time to do it... that time just doesn't exist much anymore... there's no animosity on either side... we both get frustrated at times (me moreso than her, because my sex drive is a lot higher), but we understand that there's not a lot that either of us can do about it... that's just the way shit is sometimes... frustrated edit...
[This message was edited Thu Mar 13 6:33:51 PST 2003 by EllisDee] hehehe Now I know what the angry face is for."I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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LaVisHh said: I have enough married couples who share intimate details with me at work, to see that. They will openly share their wants and needs with me, but not their partners. ROFL - that's a bit cheeky expecting them to share their partners too. (I know that's not what you meant).ALT+PLS+RTN: Pure as a pane of ice. It's a gift. |
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langebleu said: Apart from agreeing with what Ben had to say, I'm confused as to exactly what we are debating (remember - male, simple etc)?
LaVisHh - you ask: "Why Do So Many Married People Claim To Be Sexually Deprived?" Do they? When? Where? How many? I'm relating my question to the many clients I have had over the years... never kept count. Discussions over the years that others have had with me outside of work. Shows on infidelity... It's just a question based on what I've observed, I've got no stats, that's why I said, "Claim" to be. | |
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