Your real son has been kidnapped by aliens and will returned to earth at approximately age 19 or 20. What you are dealing with now is a mere facisimile of your son. This is what the nurse at my daughter's school told me, we laughed but sometimes I wonder if it really is true. But basically what I have come to understand is that its the hormones. My grandma used to say, that girl smellin herself! Now I completely understand the logic of this statement. Hormones change human beings same as they do animals. Testosterone influxes that transform a boy into a man will make him aggressive and combative. Estrogen that transform a girl into a woman will make her "independent". Don't take it personally. Even if you were seeing him everyday the hormones are going to change your son into a person you do not know. He is in a transition period. Continue to make every attempt to see him and communicate with him. When he gets older and stops growing physically around the age of 21 or so he will look back at these days and be grateful that you had the werewithall to withstand his silliness. To be a father, to be THE MAN. Consider this time as an investment in your relationship with him...like putting money in the 401K now but not reaping the benefits until a later date. And remember you are not alone in this. Parents all over the world have had to deal with teenage rebellion. Reach out to friends, family, coworkers, orgers or whoever to help you overcome your hurt feelings, but don't let your feelings get in the way of what you need to do as a man and father.

blackbob said:

thanks for the replys..yes..i have thought it is down to the teenage rebellion stage...but he has been soo indifferent ...soo nasty to me over the past year that i struggle with it...i was a teenager and i would certainly never have dreamed of doing this to my dad....i know parents breaking up is hard on the kids but at no point have i not been there for him...yet i see and hear about dads leaving their kids and having nothing to do with them...no money..nothing...yet here i am...next to no relationship with my son despite wanting it...when i saw him last month after 9 months...i barely recognised him....just bought home to me that i dont know him anymore...

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i guess i just have to accept that its a teenage thing and he will come back to me eventually....but..of course...you never get the time you have lost back...he is changing into a young man and i feel i have lost the boy i once knew..

[Edited 8/1/13 9:54am]

I think it's probably already been touched on (I haven't read the entire thread but wanted to reply to this before reading further). At the age that he is, he is very impressionable. If his mom has issues with you and speaks in front of him about those issues, he may be blaming you for the divorce and if they are struggling, for that as well. He's at that age where he's not quite a man yet, but he's no longer a child, and he needs a strong male figure in his life to turn to, to look up to, to guide him in developing his own identity, but if his mother has denigrated you in any way in front of him, then he may feel his own identity is in question and may blame you for not being the role model he needs (even though you are most definitely willing to be that role model). Keep in mind at this age, there is a lot of angst and depression. Everything has an impact in some way, and most of the time it's in very negative ways.

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My advice would be to find what he is into, whether it be musically, some kind of sport, or whatever it might be, and try to find some way to bond with him over his interests. Get tickets to a concert of a band he really likes, buy tickets to a ball game with his favorite team.