Relationships that start because you're on the rebound from another relationship. Do they ever really work out?

In case anyone wonders, this has nothing to do with me... lol. I have been thinking about it because of a girl at work who claims to continually do this and she thinks it is okay to use another man to replace the one that she is no longer with... sort of to take up her time while she's getting over the last relationship. I don't think it's healthy, but I know it does happen to fill the void.

I guess my question is why is that need there to constantly have someone in our lives in that manner? This girl doesn't even wait a week before she snags someone new!

generally speaking... i don't think it's a good idea

when i'm single, i'm quite happy to be by myself... it makes me sad to see the shit ppl put up with because they're too afraid to be alone

MrBliss said:

Tru dat

I think it is a TERRIBLE thing to do.

It doesn't work.

It can leave a dark shadow over the previous relationship, especially if you decide to get back together with that person.

In my case, that happened. My gf and I broke up, she went with another guy on the rebound then realised she really loved me and I knew I loved her and we got back together. It was VERY hard to get over the fact that she had been with another guy in the meantime. It had the same emotional effect as if she had cheated on me. Thankfully time sorts things out in the end.

But really, rebound relationships are BAD NEWS. There should definitely be a decent cooling off period.

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[This message was edited Wed Mar 12 22:21:26 PST 2003 by mrdespues]

MrBliss said:

I don't think it's a good idea either, but your last comment really hit home and perhaps I'm guilty of this in a sense and didn't even realize it.

I'm afraid to be alone... and I will admit to "using" men in the past to fill that void of loneliness, but they were all long term relationships (and I've been in very few relationships) until I grew bored and moved on to the next. I never considered what I was doing as a rebound thing, as I was never in love with them and I was never the one hurt in the relationship. (That sounds horrible and it really is).

I will also admit to staying in my marriage for nearly ten years (ten years on your birthday, ducky!) partially because of that fear of being alone, but also because I was too afraid to leave.

I'm not happy being by myself and this time around I am not going to jump into anything to relieve my loneliness. I'm gonna face it if it kills me!

mrdespues said:

This is EXACTLY what this girl is doing... NO cooling off period what-so-ever! She breaks up with man "A", goes to man "B" and then goes back to man "A"... they break up because of the stress of her being with man "B", so she moves on to man "C" and back to man "A" again... over and over and over.

It is horrible!

I'm glad that time sorted everything out with you and your girlfriend.



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[This message was edited Wed Mar 12 22:32:32 PST 2003 by AzureStar]

AzureStar said:

woah...

AzureStar said:

Thanks, Azure... yeah it was the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me, to find out she'd been with another guy...but we truly love each other to bits and we know we have to be together.

She wishes she hadn't done it that way, but it was indeed a very complex time for both of us during the breakup and all the talks we had once we got back together about this and that...it's nasty.

But true love seems to prevail is one thing it taught us both. Sappy, but true!

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[This message was edited Wed Mar 12 22:36:09 PST 2003 by mrdespues]

mrdespues said:

I'm a sucker for a good love story! I think that is wonderful that you two know that you both want and love one another and were able to work through that difficult time.

I've been in love once and I'm trying to remain positive that I have it in me to be in love once again. It certainly is a wonderful feeling and I'm basically trying to work on myself a little... to allow myself to feel that. Loving someone doesn't come easy for me.

I wonder, in the case of those like this girl at work... if they ever are really in love? To go from guy to guy and back to the original one, only to go to another guy... maybe it's a case of her and the orignial guy know they don't belong together but neither one of them can face it, so they break away only to come back to one another so they can break away again. I don't know... it's all too confusing and I'm way too chatty this morning.



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[This message was edited Wed Mar 12 22:44:51 PST 2003 by AzureStar]

AzureStar said:

good for you! ...
i think it's a very common thing to be fearful of being alone...
before i got into my current relationship, i was determined to stay single... it took a very special girl to break that down
when i hear comments like "i need you" .. i shudder... as i don't think that's what love is about... i'm hoping to spend the rest of my life with the girl i'm with now... but the fact is.. if she left me..i know i'd survive... it would hurt me deeply... but i'd get through it...i also think it's extremely important for people to have things that they are passionate about outside the relationship

MrBliss said:

to all that!

MrBliss said:

Have you proposed to her yet? The way you speak of her, when you do, I can almost see the look in your eyes that you must have when you look at her. My grandpa dearly loved my grandma and when that man would look at her... GOD, I would melt. That look said it all.

I think it is extremely important, too, to have outside interests when in a relationship.


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[This message was edited Wed Mar 12 23:05:45 PST 2003 by AzureStar]

AzureStar said:

Thanks again, AzureStar! We have an amazingly wonderful relationship. It gets better every day! Especially now that we're finally in the same country for a year!

mrdespues said:

You're welcome... I wish you both nothing but the best!

AzureStar said:

That's so true. I felt like my wife didn't have anything outside of our relationship. I was worried for a while that my wife was with me partly because she was scared to be alone and I was soomebody safe for her to feel protected with. And I was worried for a while that I was with her because I wanted to help her and felt sorry for her.

Took some time and I realised that we do 'need' each other but it's just one aspect of our relationship.

I looked at it and thought about how we're attracted to each other physically, absolutely have a ball when we're together, we're like best friends and can talk about anything with each other, and we care so much about how the other is feeling.

Sounds like love to me. So now I don't worry about that.


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[This message was edited Thu Mar 13 2:46:46 PST 2003 by sawatdiikhrap]

It's just a terrible thing to do... we have talked about that girl before and I must say that rebound relationships are just not the move. In fact, you should NEVER get into a relationship just because you were dumped or dumped someone. If you get into a relationship simply because you are on the "rebound," your next one is doomed too.

Silliness.

One more "rebound" note:

The "rebound" might not be as bad if you were in a shitty relationship with someone that you really didn't want to be in a relationship with and you got into a relationship with someone that you already liked and had gotten to know before the break-up. That scenario is somewhat better.

Let's say that you had been wanting to be with the other person for a long time but you couldn't, due to your relationship... you might have done the right thing by dumping the other person and moving over to the other one.

MrBliss said:

... and the head of the nail is HIT...

sawatdiikhrap said:

You're another one that I can picture with my "grandpa" look in his eyes when you look at her. You always speak so kindly and highly of her.

Your last paragraph... that is what I am going to find.




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[This message was edited Thu Mar 13 5:25:19 PST 2003 by AzureStar]

IceNine said:

I could see this situation a little better. I guess it all depends on the persons intentions and reasons for wanting to be with the other person.

I completely agree with your first post and yes, we've talked about her before.

AzureStar said:

Right-o.

is this the Ophra fuckin channel...???

DORA said:

wtf is Ophra?

OPRAH



i spelled it wrong


go figure

DORA said:

Who is fucking "Ophra" on this thread???

Where are the pictures???

IceNine said:

ROFLMAO What a schmuck!

The rebound thing just makes me crazy. What can you possibly give to another relationship, so soon after the other ended..

Unless you heal, you carry the baggage from one to the other, and so on, and so on. The cycle will never end.

sag10 said:

We all die alone