Why do you think it's tough for some people to apologize after they have done wrong? Do any of you ever do "indirect apologies" or do you just come out and tell the person that you're sorry when things go wrong?

One word: Pride.

I don't mind apologizing when I feel I'm in the wrong, but if I don't feel I'm wrong, then you don't get an apology. Simple as that.

It actually isn't hard for me when I know I'm wrong.


Sometimes, I'll do it to manipulate people into respecting me more.

imago said:

It actually isn't hard for me when I know I'm wrong.


Sometimes, I'll do it to manipulate people into respecting me more.

Ha thanks for being honest about being a manipulator, LOL

It’s not hard for me at all. If I see I’m wrong I really want to apologize.

I suppose it wasn’t always so easy and when it wasn’t it was pride or vanity getting in the way. Once you get over all that it’s pretty simple. Empathy goes a long way, you know?

because MANY people just DON'T WANT to forgive when they hear an honest "I'm sorry"

I never understood that. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.. Might take me a minute to accept it, but I don't want anyone mad at me over something I did.. if I can help it

I don't have a problem apologizing if I am in the wrong. And I give a REAL apology. None of this, "I'm sorry if you..." That is not an apology - you're just turning it back on the person you hurt in the first place.

Apology:

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Not an apology:

I'm sorry if you think I hurt your feelings.

it's not hard to do at all

Genesia said:

I don't have a problem apologizing if I am in the wrong. And I give a REAL apology. None of this, "I'm sorry if you..." That is not an apology - you're just turning it back on the person you hurt in the first place.

Apology:

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Not an apology:

I'm sorry if you think I hurt your feelings.

Agree 100%. I can't stand when people do that ignorant mess. "I'm sorry if you think...." definitely is just really saying "I'm just going to go ahead and apologize since that is what you want but I don't feel like I'm wrong".

Ego. Some folk just won't do it because it entails admitting they fucked up. If I'm wrong, I acknowledge it and apologize sincerely, no half-stepping or making excuses. Wrong is wrong and should be acknowledged as such. People who do wrong and know it either don't give a crap or are just downright mean.

Years ago I did something to a coworker that offended her. She came to me and told me how she felt. She braced for what she though was going to be my angry retort, but I immediately apologized to her, admitting what I did was wrong and that I would not do it again. She was genuinely surprised and said, "I appreciate that. It takes a big person to admit when they are wrong."

CarrieMpls said:

It’s not hard for me at all. If I see I’m wrong I really want to apologize.

I suppose it wasn’t always so easy and when it wasn’t it was pride or vanity getting in the way. Once you get over all that it’s pretty simple. Empathy goes a long way, you know?

EGO

Shyra said:

Ego. Some folk just won't do it because it entails admitting they fucked up. If I'm wrong, I acknowledge it and apologize sincerely, no half-stepping or making excuses. Wrong is wrong and should be acknowledged as such. People who do wrong and know it either don't give a crap or are just downright mean.

Years ago I did something to a coworker that offended her. She came to me and told me how she felt. She braced for what she though was going to be my angry retort, but I immediately apologized to her, admitting what I did was wrong and that I would not do it again. She was genuinely surprised and said, "I appreciate that. It takes a big person to admit when they are wrong."

That was nice of you to do that and yes she's right. It does take a big person to admit when they are wrong. It's hard dealing with people who never apologize...

missfee said:

Genesia said:

I don't have a problem apologizing if I am in the wrong. And I give a REAL apology. None of this, "I'm sorry if you..." That is not an apology - you're just turning it back on the person you hurt in the first place.

Apology:

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Not an apology:

I'm sorry if you think I hurt your feelings.

Agree 100%. I can't stand when people do that ignorant mess. "I'm sorry if you think...." definitely is just really saying "I'm just going to go ahead and apologize since that is what you want but I don't feel like I'm wrong".

And something just as bad is when people apologize only if they think you are going to retaliate. I've had someone do that on the job before when they thought I was going to the manager about something they were doing that was against policy. When I asked him about it, he was very angry and rude. When I told him we would speak to the manager regarding the matter, he proceeded to send me an email with an insincere apology.

[Edited 5/17/13 8:11am]

Try dealing with a parent who still acts like that when they're in the wrong and can't admit it and your own grown ass knows it and can see things for what they are.

I have no problem apologising, or saying sorry @ all. I learned a while ago not to let pride take over my life. Pride often makes situations way harder that could have been fixed, if one would have just said "I'm sorry". I don't have to be right all of the time [I rarely am anyways ].

A person who has control issues and likes to manipulate people for that control will never say sorry... they rather believe their lies. Sometimes they lie so much they don't even remember the truth. I guess to sleep at night the liar must believe in their lies.

I have 2 people in my family that NEVER say sorry. Ever.

Forget em'.

They do not have to say sorry to me, I just won't give them a chance to hurt me like that again. Those people do not deserve my trust.

paintedlady said:

A person who has control issues and likes to manipulate people for that control will never say sorry... they rather believe their lies. Sometimes they lie so much they don't even remember the truth. I guess to sleep at night the liar must believe in their lies.

I have 2 people in my family that NEVER say sorry. Ever.

Forget em'.

They do not have to say sorry to me, I just won't give them a chance to hurt me like that again. Those people do not deserve my trust.

i have family members like this too, it's very hurtful. i can really relate to what you said here.

uniden said:

paintedlady said:

A person who has control issues and likes to manipulate people for that control will never say sorry... they rather believe their lies. Sometimes they lie so much they don't even remember the truth. I guess to sleep at night the liar must believe in their lies.

I have 2 people in my family that NEVER say sorry. Ever.

Forget em'.

They do not have to say sorry to me, I just won't give them a chance to hurt me like that again. Those people do not deserve my trust.

i have family members like this too, it's very hurtful. i can really relate to what you said here.

missfee said:

One word: Pride.

I don't mind apologizing when I feel I'm in the wrong, but if I don't feel I'm wrong, then you don't get an apology. Simple as that.

Wow.....Pride? You really think that's why some people can't say they are sorry when they were in the wrong? I say they don't have the Guts or the Nutts to say I'm sorry....Pride ain't no where in that.

Chancellor said:

missfee said:

One word: Pride.

I don't mind apologizing when I feel I'm in the wrong, but if I don't feel I'm wrong, then you don't get an apology. Simple as that.

Wow.....Pride? You really think that's why some people can't say they are sorry when they were in the wrong? I say they don't have the Guts or the Nutts to say I'm sorry....Pride ain't no where in that.

But it seems like pride is more or less what gets in the way of people being able to say if they are sorry or not. It could be a big problem in having real relationships that go beyond the superficial....