There is this person (sibling) who curses me out and my parents. I'm ignoring her because I know I'm better than that but inside I want to choke her out , what can I do? Because it's really getting annoying

I would stop contact with anyone who treated me like that. Period.

Find out what it is you or your parents are doing that is making this sibling act this way. People just don't cuss other out for no reason, unless they're mentally ill.

Once you find out what it is, then I believe it will stop.

CarrieMpls said:

I would stop contact with anyone who treated me like that. Period.

Tell them, then cut them off. You don't need that in your life. If other people believe what they are saying, you don't need them either.

This lesson I have learned the hard way myself.

SimpleSoul said:

There is this person (sibling) who curses me out and my parents. I'm ignoring her because I know I'm better than that but inside I want to choke her out , what can I do? Because it's really getting annoying

generally i don't waste time on folk like that. walk away. fights only lead to legal trouble.

but if it's a sibling, that's harder to ignore. maybe make a lunch date and talk about things amicably, while you are not feeling too annoyed. good luck!

CarrieMpls said:

I would stop contact with anyone who treated me like that. Period.

Exactly. Family or not.

SimpleSoul said:

There is this person (sibling) who curses me out and my parents. I'm ignoring her because I know I'm better than that but inside I want to choke her out , what can I do? Because it's really getting annoying

In my Celie voice.. "Beat Her"

Excuse me all for saying this, but most of you are advising the op to just walk away. Is that really solving the problem? If you tried to resolve it, and nothing changes, then I can see you all walking away from this person.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Excuse me all for saying this, but most of you are advising the op to just walk away. Is that really solving the problem? If you tried to resolve it, and nothing changes, then I can see you all walking away from this person.

Yes if it's happened on more than one occasion. Cursing someone out is an extreme lack of disrespect and there isn't any excuse for it. I understand that folks are human and shit happens...but the key here is that its been happening more than once.

How old is this sibling? If they are under 18, why would the parents allow it? If they are over 18, I'd just cut off all contact with them. Don't ever let anyone disrespect you like that. I don't care who they are.

missfee said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Excuse me all for saying this, but most of you are advising the op to just walk away. Is that really solving the problem? If you tried to resolve it, and nothing changes, then I can see you all walking away from this person.

Yes if it's happened on more than one occasion. Cursing someone out is an extreme lack of disrespect and there isn't any excuse for it. I understand that folks are human and shit happens...but the key here is that its been happening more than once.

I read and understand that this happened more than once, but the op hasn't mentioned anything about the family trying to resolve what was going on, just that the sibling has been fussing and cussing at them for a long time. I do not condone disrespect at all, but obviously to me something is going on.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Excuse me all for saying this, but most of you are advising the op to just walk away. Is that really solving the problem? If you tried to resolve it, and nothing changes, then I can see you all walking away from this person.

It's advice that comes from experience.

It's no use trying to change a person.

Ttying to change another person will just get you frustrated, because you will fail.

If it wasn't family, I would just cut that person out of my life.

Nobody treats me like that.

I have a standard.

I don't treat other people like that and don't accept other people treating me disrespectful.

In case of family:

You still can't change somebody else.

And I don't want to cut out family.

(only if it would be really harmfull for me)

But you can be very clear about your standard of how family should treat you.

Don't get into a discussion, but just say:

"I don't want you to call me any names."

"If you want to talk about something, we can sit down and discuss."

"We can listen to eachother and try to meet in the middle"

"But I refuse to talk if you disrespect me"

And if she/he continues cursing at you, just repeat these sentences.

Don't get involved in her/his game.

Just politely repeat these sentences, until she/he can discuss what is frustrating her.

Tip: LISTEN. And think about what she/he says.

Sounds like this person is frustrated and feels she needs heavy artillery in order to get heard in the house.

I have found that you cannot control or change the actions of another person. The only things you can control are your actions.

Without knowing the entire story, a couple of reasons this person acts this way are they are getting something out of it and the behavior is tolerated by others.

One thing they are getting out of it is control. This person is acting out by cursing you and your parents out. The behavior is ignored and understandably so, no one wants a fight, but the one doing the cursing is using this to take the upperhand and have control of whatever the situation is.

The feedback on this is totally correct. The behavior is disrespectful and does not have to be tolerated no matter how old the person is.

Even when someone is mentally ill the following approach can be used. When a situation begins to escalate and the curse out begins, say something to the effect of, "The way you are talking to me is hurtful and disrespectful. I would like to talk to about this. I care about you, so I will come back when you are able to talk to me without cursing at me."

Then walk away, hang up, stop texting, chatting whatever. GET AWAY. Leave that person without someone to curse at. Give them time to cool down and try again, ending the interaction if it starts to deteriorate.

It will work better if done consistently and done by you and your parents. If this person is mentally ill, get them professional help if they will allow you.

Hang in there.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

missfee said:

Yes if it's happened on more than one occasion. Cursing someone out is an extreme lack of disrespect and there isn't any excuse for it. I understand that folks are human and shit happens...but the key here is that its been happening more than once.

I read and understand that this happened more than once, but the op hasn't mentioned anything about the family trying to resolve what was going on, just that the sibling has been fussing and cussing at them for a long time. I do not condone disrespect at all, but obviously to me something is going on.

When things don't go her way she curses under her breath , my parents told her that their tired but the only one to do something is my mom because she doesn't let her run over her.It's mostly my dad who gets ran over

Arguing with an ashole....

well, here is my technique:

I STICK to the point of the argument only. I only speak in a calm voice. If I am sayinh what I know is true then I don't have to yell and start cussing because people who do that do so because they are angry and if you are telling the truth, it shouldn't get you angry. You get angry when you want to manipulate someone and get frustrated when you can not. A controlling individual will yell, and cuss in order to try to gain control.

I know that now, so it keeps me calm because when I do need to stand my ground, its because I believe what I am talking about and never attack anyone with that truth. I simply make a statement. Articulate my stance as best I can, and stick to that. I will apologize if I am proved wrong. If I am not I stand my ground. I always ignore the name calling and watch her/his hands.

I have an older sibling who is a bully (well, she used to be... and I was a doormat) she used to manipulate me and cuss me out all the time. She is bossy, and gets VERY loud. She does this to my mom also... bitch on wheels.

I now stay calm, never let her see me get upset. I even laugh at her baffoonery. Its all tactics you see. So I never cuss, just tell the truth and stay on point. That's all... if she touches me, I will beat the shit out of her... til she's fucking dead.

She knows this now... she sees the crazy in my eye. I stay calm though, I never cuss or yell... and step closer to her the louder she gets. She never hits me... she turns and walks away. Cussing and yelling, but now I always stand my ground, and she eventually shuts the fuck up.

She is no longer my bully. She now doesn't get in my face like she used to because it doesn't work. I am not scared of her like I was when we were children.

I also choose my battles wisely and never argue over petty shit. I don'y have time for drama. The last argument was over our mother's retirement. I won. I never had to yell, she had to not yell and when she couldn't win, she started an argument with my mom and made her cry.

I can't help my mom, she's gotta learn to stand up to her own brat.

[Edited 4/11/13 17:16pm]

I like the choking out part.

Ignore.

CarrieMpls said:

I would stop contact with anyone who treated me like that. Period.

Yeah, my dad did that when we were kids, and after movig out I did not initiate contact with him for ten years, probably.

Fortunately, he continued to want contact with me, and after 20 years of him not yelling (at me) I am comfortable in his company again. But I would not willingly be around that kind of shit ever again.

paintedlady said:

Arguing with an ashole....

well, here is my technique:

I STICK to the point of the argument only. I only speak in a calm voice. If I am sayinh what I know is true then I don't have to yell and start cussing because people who do that do so because they are angry and if you are telling the truth, it shouldn't get you angry. You get angry when you want to manipulate someone and get frustrated when you can not. A controlling individual will yell, and cuss in order to try to gain control.

I know that now, so it keeps me calm because when I do need to stand my ground, its because I believe what I am talking about and never attack anyone with that truth. I simply make a statement. Articulate my stance as best I can, and stick to that. I will apologize if I am proved wrong. If I am not I stand my ground. I always ignore the name calling and watch her/his hands.

I have an older sibling who is a bully (well, she used to be... and I was a doormat) she used to manipulate me and cuss me out all the time. She is bossy, and gets VERY loud. She does this to my mom also... bitch on wheels.

I now stay calm, never let her see me get upset. I even laugh at her baffoonery. Its all tactics you see. So I never cuss, just tell the truth and stay on point. That's all... if she touches me, I will beat the shit out of her... til she's fucking dead.

She knows this now... she sees the crazy in my eye. I stay calm though, I never cuss or yell... and step closer to her the louder she gets. She never hits me... she turns and walks away. Cussing and yelling, but now I always stand my ground, and she eventually shuts the fuck up.

She is no longer my bully. She now doesn't get in my face like she used to because it doesn't work. I am not scared of her like I was when we were children.

I also choose my battles wisely and never argue over petty shit. I don'y have time for drama. The last argument was over our mother's retirement. I won. I never had to yell, she had to not yell and when she couldn't win, she started an argument with my mom and made her cry.

I can't help my mom, she's gotta learn to stand up to her own brat.

[Edited 4/11/13 17:16pm]

Good stuff

sugar honey girl fly fly away
I been a lady up to now don't know how much more I can take
Queens shouldn't swing if you know what I mean
But I'm bout to take my earrings off get me some Vaseline
(You better go on get out my face girl you better chill)
Chill and I mean it
(You better back down before you get smacked down you better chill)
You better relax yourself

paintedlady said:

Arguing with an ashole....

well, here is my technique:

I STICK to the point of the argument only. I only speak in a calm voice. If I am sayinh what I know is true then I don't have to yell and start cussing because people who do that do so because they are angry and if you are telling the truth, it shouldn't get you angry. You get angry when you want to manipulate someone and get frustrated when you can not. A controlling individual will yell, and cuss in order to try to gain control.

I know that now, so it keeps me calm because when I do need to stand my ground, its because I believe what I am talking about and never attack anyone with that truth. I simply make a statement. Articulate my stance as best I can, and stick to that. I will apologize if I am proved wrong. If I am not I stand my ground. I always ignore the name calling and watch her/his hands.

I have an older sibling who is a bully (well, she used to be... and I was a doormat) she used to manipulate me and cuss me out all the time. She is bossy, and gets VERY loud. She does this to my mom also... bitch on wheels.

I now stay calm, never let her see me get upset. I even laugh at her baffoonery. Its all tactics you see. So I never cuss, just tell the truth and stay on point. That's all... if she touches me, I will beat the shit out of her... til she's fucking dead.

She knows this now... she sees the crazy in my eye. I stay calm though, I never cuss or yell... and step closer to her the louder she gets. She never hits me... she turns and walks away. Cussing and yelling, but now I always stand my ground, and she eventually shuts the fuck up.

She is no longer my bully. She now doesn't get in my face like she used to because it doesn't work. I am not scared of her like I was when we were children.

I also choose my battles wisely and never argue over petty shit. I don'y have time for drama. The last argument was over our mother's retirement. I won. I never had to yell, she had to not yell and when she couldn't win, she started an argument with my mom and made her cry.

I can't help my mom, she's gotta learn to stand up to her own brat.

[Edited 4/11/13 17:16pm]

Advice taken

SimpleSoul said:

Advice taken

I am sorry you have to deal with such foolishness, but sometimes family members can be that way.

Just remember never to stoop down to a level that will bring you to a negative place, its better to force a person elevate themself to a higher standard to achieve a positive outcome.

That change will happen gradually... depending on how stubborn that person is.

Just focus on being fair and learn the fine art of knowing how to listen. Teach them to listen too. In time it will pay off, if not then you can always redefine your family lines and cut negative people out of your life.

But only cut folks off as a last resort... until then be patient and never lie. Focus on your character and being the best person you can be. This way, when you are honest and kind, you will never find youself in a position of having to apologize, or be full of regrets later. You tried your best and did the right thing.

That is the best anyone can do. My best wishes to you moving forward.

paintedlady said:

SimpleSoul said:

Advice taken

I am sorry you have to deal with such foolishness, but sometimes family members can be that way.

Just remember never to stoop down to a level that will bring you to a negative place, its better to force a person elevate themself to a higher standard to achieve a positive outcome.

That change will happen gradually... depending on how stubborn that person is.

Just focus on being fair and learn the fine art of knowing how to listen. Teach them to listen too. In time it will pay off, if not then you can always redefine your family lines and cut negative people out of your life.

But only cut folks off as a last resort... until then be patient and never lie. Focus on your character and being the best person you can be. This way, when you are honest and kind, you will never find youself in a position of having to apologize, or be full of regrets later. You tried your best and did the right thing.

That is the best anyone can do. My best wishes to you moving forward.

Thank you for your words paintedlady, Seriously.

For the past few years I've basically cut all ties with a lot of my family members but your words got me thinking that i need to start forgiving and start working to repair thoes relationships.

JoeyC said:

paintedlady said:

I am sorry you have to deal with such foolishness, but sometimes family members can be that way.

Just remember never to stoop down to a level that will bring you to a negative place, its better to force a person elevate themself to a higher standard to achieve a positive outcome.

That change will happen gradually... depending on how stubborn that person is.

Just focus on being fair and learn the fine art of knowing how to listen. Teach them to listen too. In time it will pay off, if not then you can always redefine your family lines and cut negative people out of your life.

But only cut folks off as a last resort... until then be patient and never lie. Focus on your character and being the best person you can be. This way, when you are honest and kind, you will never find youself in a position of having to apologize, or be full of regrets later. You tried your best and did the right thing.

That is the best anyone can do. My best wishes to you moving forward.

Thank you for your words paintedlady, Seriously.

For the past few years I've basically cut all ties with a lot of my family members but your words got me thinking that i need to start forgiving and start working to repair thoes relationships.

I am touched. I get encouraged others like you and it helps me to keep focused as well. It is a journey, I am glad you are at a place where you are healing and growing from the past. It is a wonderful place to be in.

If someone curses me out, I just give it right back to them and twice as bad.

uPtoWnNY said:

If someone curses me out, I just give it right back to them and twice as bad.

I'll take paintedlady's advice. I practice not giving in ; she'll do her best to get back in my skin but sooner or later you'll run up on someone crazier.

CarrieMpls said:

I would stop contact with anyone who treated me like that. Period.

This.

all I'm sayin' is that the choke out sounds hot

if you're keeping it simple and all, don't fight the urge. primal choke-out is best