Not sure where I gleamed this from, (pretty certain it wasn't the Org), so for anyone trying to "move on", this one is a good read....

8 REASONS TO LET GO OF YOUR EX

To Grieve

Sadness, anger and regret are natural components of the grieving process, but it's hard to get past those feelings if you're fixated on your ex. "The main benefit of breaking up with an ex is to get rid of the emotional hold they may have on us," says YourTango Expert Mick Lolekonda. "Avoiding staying in touch during the healing phase is the best way to move on."

To Be You

Once your ex is completely out of your life, you'll find that he/she will start receding from the forefront of your mind. Lolokenda says that keeping in touch "can slow down the healing process, which includes reacquainting oneself with our deepest relationship need, as well as becoming more centered and healthy for the next relationship."

To Keep It Real

Not only do we tend to idealize an ex, but we also overemphasize the importance of the relationship. "If you hold onto the past, you might put your ex on a pedestal that they don't deserve to be on," says YourTango Expert Julie Spira. "As a result, you're not completely open to a healthy new relationship when you haven't completely closed the door on the past."

To Avoid Ex Sex

Sex with an ex is familiar and easy, but in the same way that new relationships have a honeymoon stage, many reinvigorated relationships begin on a doomed high. "The relationship has a heightened sense of energy and sexuality, says Your Tango Expert Mary Jo Rapini. “The excitement you feel will soon fade as old issues begin to surface again."

To Be Friends

It's tempting to want to "just be friends," but doing so right away will keep you attached to your ex and will make it harder to heal. "I always recommend having some time immediately after a breakup with no communication at all," says YourTango Expert Amy Johnson. "You can always establish a friendship later if that's something you both want."

To Be Positive

If you make every effort to stop including your ex in your daily life, "all of the negativity and complaints about your ex will not be a part of your daily vocabulary," Spira says. "Letting go of a bad relationship means you can start to think more positively about yourself."

To Find Love

If you find yourself getting caught up in "he's the One" syndrome, keep in mind that "the One" would not break your heart so badly that it would ruin the relationship. "By staying in touch with your ex, you have one foot in and one foot out. It's not fair to the new person you might start dating when your excess baggage comes along on a date," says Spira.

To Grow

Although you might start new hobbies to get over your ex, you may find that, in letting go of your ex, you've acquired a new passion. "Every union is an opportunity to experience love, grow as a person and learn,” says Johnson. “Keeping in touch after a breakup has nothing at all to do with any of those things."

my own 8....

2 feel safe

2 b an individual again

2 b free

2 not ever hear his voice

2 enjoy sex

2 never have 2 wash his shitty pants again

2 not worry if he likes the food i make

2 b as noisy as i want

2 wear what i like

2 sleep in when i feel like it

2 b strong

yes there's heaps more but u only said 8.....

anyway i luv not having that arsehole in my life and no matter what happens i will never go back to the saddest most depressing marriage that i had with him!

I guess this makes sense when the break up was really ugly.

I'm best friends with my 'last' ex and I am also very good friends with his boyfriend.

We are considering buying a plot of land in Cape Town in a few years time and live together (in separate houses of course)

I'm also on good terms with all my other exes.

i had an image of me holding on to my ex as they dangled over the edge of a cliff...and then the though to let go... but i only dated one person that i can not stand (totally off the chain crazy...not just weird but i think actually diagnosed with some condition)

But yeah once it is over you got to move on. The more you may still care or love or hate them the more important it is that you let go.

MacDaddy said:

NDRU said:

MacDaddy said:

I guess this makes sense when the break up was really ugly.

I'm best friends with my 'last' ex and I am also very good friends with his boyfriend.

We are considering buying a plot of land in Cape Town in a few years time and live together (in separate houses of course)

I'm also on good terms with all my other exes.

I tend to be on good terms with my exes too. Why should I hate someone who I loved? But did you find you needed some time apart, or were you able to be friends right away? I think I always need time apart befor I can be friends

Oh we definitely needed time apart, in all instances. But there was never any ill will. I consider myself very lucky to have met such great guys. And I care deeply for all of them.

In my opinion, it depends on the nature of the reasons why people break up.

If I break up with you because you hurt me...

-not a mutual, we don't fit together and grew apart sorta thing, but a "you cheated, used me, and tore my spirit down with abusive language that left baggage sorta thing" because of that I needed to leave you sort of break up-

....then I can not consider you a "friend" on those facts. I can not call someone a friend who I thought could hurt me if given the chance, its a once bitten twice shy thing with me... you hurt me once, I leave you alone. Will not give you a chance to hold a position in my life to hurt me again.

So with an ex who hurt me, I will not ever consider them a friend for their past iniquities against me but I would be nice and greet them and have polite "how are you" type conversation for a few minutes, and wish them well moving forward.

Otherwise, I can be a friend to an ex who I grew apart from and we both respect one another... I have very few friends who fit that example.

Either way, it is always to good to give yourself the room to let go and move on and grow from the experience in a positive way.

[Edited 5/5/13 11:16am]

1. to realease the anger that I still feel when I wake up.

2. To be free of his influence on my day to day emotions.

3. To not be so defensive when I like a man.

4. To enjoy sex again.

5. Proove him to be wrong, I am capable.

If there really wasn't any love there in the first place or a strong connection, then the not keeping in touch immediately after the breakup isn't necessary, however, if the relationship was for multiple years and feelings were hurt, then yes, I agree, time is needed without any contact with the ex in order to heal emotionally. Re-establishing a friendship with them, if possible, can come later.

You forgot the 9th reason.

Because they are precariously dangling over a crocodile infested swamp.

I only need one reason.

1. Because she's my ex.

MacDaddy said:

I guess this makes sense when the break up was really ugly.

I'm best friends with my 'last' ex and I am also very good friends with his boyfriend.

We are considering buying a plot of land in Cape Town in a few years time and live together (in separate houses of course)

I'm also on good terms with all my other exes.

Very cool

As for me, I am just a hopeless case

PurpleJedi said:

Not sure where I gleamed this from, (pretty certain it wasn't the Org), so for anyone trying to "move on", this one is a good read....

8 REASONS TO LET GO OF YOUR EX

To Grieve

Sadness, anger and regret are natural components of the grieving process, but it's hard to get past those feelings if you're fixated on your ex. "The main benefit of breaking up with an ex is to get rid of the emotional hold they may have on us," says YourTango Expert Mick Lolekonda. "Avoiding staying in touch during the healing phase is the best way to move on."

To Be You

Once your ex is completely out of your life, you'll find that he/she will start receding from the forefront of your mind. Lolokenda says that keeping in touch "can slow down the healing process, which includes reacquainting oneself with our deepest relationship need, as well as becoming more centered and healthy for the next relationship."

To Keep It Real

Not only do we tend to idealize an ex, but we also overemphasize the importance of the relationship. "If you hold onto the past, you might put your ex on a pedestal that they don't deserve to be on," says YourTango Expert Julie Spira. "As a result, you're not completely open to a healthy new relationship when you haven't completely closed the door on the past."

To Avoid Ex Sex

Sex with an ex is familiar and easy, but in the same way that new relationships have a honeymoon stage, many reinvigorated relationships begin on a doomed high. "The relationship has a heightened sense of energy and sexuality, says Your Tango Expert Mary Jo Rapini. “The excitement you feel will soon fade as old issues begin to surface again."

To Be Friends

It's tempting to want to "just be friends," but doing so right away will keep you attached to your ex and will make it harder to heal. "I always recommend having some time immediately after a breakup with no communication at all," says YourTango Expert Amy Johnson. "You can always establish a friendship later if that's something you both want."

To Be Positive

If you make every effort to stop including your ex in your daily life, "all of the negativity and complaints about your ex will not be a part of your daily vocabulary," Spira says. "Letting go of a bad relationship means you can start to think more positively about yourself."

To Find Love

If you find yourself getting caught up in "he's the One" syndrome, keep in mind that "the One" would not break your heart so badly that it would ruin the relationship. "By staying in touch with your ex, you have one foot in and one foot out. It's not fair to the new person you might start dating when your excess baggage comes along on a date," says Spira.

To Grow

Although you might start new hobbies to get over your ex, you may find that, in letting go of your ex, you've acquired a new passion. "Every union is an opportunity to experience love, grow as a person and learn,” says Johnson. “Keeping in touch after a breakup has nothing at all to do with any of those things."

ThisOne said:

my own 8....

2 feel safe

2 b an individual again

2 b free

2 not ever hear his voice

2 enjoy sex

2 never have 2 wash his shitty pants again

2 not worry if he likes the food i make

2 b as noisy as i want

2 wear what i like

2 sleep in when i feel like it

2 b strong

yes there's heaps more but u only said 8.....

anyway i luv not having that arsehole in my life and no matter what happens i will never go back to the saddest most depressing marriage that i had with him!

MacDaddy said:

I guess this makes sense when the break up was really ugly.

I'm best friends with my 'last' ex and I am also very good friends with his boyfriend.

We are considering buying a plot of land in Cape Town in a few years time and live together (in separate houses of course)

I'm also on good terms with all my other exes.

That's right...you did mention in that old thread that you are good friends with your ex.

We pretty much all agree that you're psycho.

j/k - Yes...since the majority of breakups - especially divorces - tend to be nasty, then this list makes sense.

OnlyNDaUsa said:

i had an image of me holding on to my ex as they dangled over the edge of a cliff...and then the though to let go... but i only dated one person that i can not stand (totally off the chain crazy...not just weird but i think actually diagnosed with some condition)

But yeah once it is over you got to move on. The more you may still care or love or hate them the more important it is that you let go.

Yes to both.

MacDaddy said:

NDRU said:

MacDaddy said: I tend to be on good terms with my exes too. Why should I hate someone who I loved? But did you find you needed some time apart, or were you able to be friends right away? I think I always need time apart befor I can be friends

Oh we definitely needed time apart, in all instances. But there was never any ill will. I consider myself very lucky to have met such great guys. And I care deeply for all of them.

Good or bad breakup...time APART is definitely healthy.