And the other way around too? Everyone I was friends with, though they are still there, it seems to be a shell of what it used to be and I feel so emotionally distant now, and mentally find fault with everyone (yes I am insecure too) . Also, if I meet people with similar interests now, be it through hobbies or career related, I no longer want to get close to them though I miss trusting people enough to do so, and just feel jaded though I know it's unfair to myself and others and I'm missing out.

I've cut off so many university friends, and I'm meeting several this week, and now I'm close to one I didn't hang out with as much, but the ones I hung out with the most, I had a huge falling out with one, and the other two are still there, but we are so awkward around each other now and I find that their people skills really suck, and so do mine but I feel I have to be the one to carry the conversation, and I've had people who met them say they felt awkward around them, though I think I myself come off that way too though I know I've lived a little more than they have and done more daring things before that I think would scare them off forever if I shared cause they are way more sheltered than I was, though it's not a big deal :p They don't even go out to date (it's not a religion thing either, we are the same background) or even want to go out at night which I prefer, they have to do everything in the daytime and it's pathetic for their age, I'm sorry but it is. Nothing against them as people, but we have nothing in common anymore and distance is best now I think if I can't be myself or sound judgmental talking like this.

Oh and I don't want to pop any babies or settle down! Just want inner peace and to give back.

[Edited 3/28/13 12:27pm]

[Edited 3/28/13 12:29pm]

alphastreet said:

And the other way around too? Everyone I was friends with, though they are still there, it seems to be a shell of what it used to be and I feel so emotionally distant now, and mentally find fault with everyone (yes I am insecure too) . Also, if I meet people with similar interests now, be it through hobbies or career related, I no longer want to get close to them though I miss trusting people enough to do so, and just feel jaded though I know it's unfair to myself and others and I'm missing out.

I've cut off so many university friends, and I'm meeting several this week, and now I'm close to one I didn't hang out with as much, but the ones I hung out with the most, I had a huge falling out with one, and the other two are still there, but we are so awkward around each other now and I find that their people skills really suck, and so do mine but I feel I have to be the one to carry the conversation, and I've had people who met them say they felt awkward around them, though I think I myself come off that way too though I know I've lived a little more than they have and done more daring things before that I think would scare them off forever if I shared cause they are way more sheltered than I was, though it's not a big deal :p They don't even go out to date (it's not a religion thing either, we are the same background) or even want to go out at night which I prefer, they have to do everything in the daytime and it's pathetic for their age, I'm sorry but it is. Nothing against them as people, but we have nothing in common anymore and distance is best now I think if I can't be myself or sound judgmental talking like this.

Oh and I don't want to pop any babies or settle down! Just want inner peace and to give back.

[Edited 3/28/13 12:27pm]

[Edited 3/28/13 12:29pm]

I don't seem to have much interest in talking to or hanging out with a lot of my old friends anymore. I've changed. They've changed. It's nothing personal. I recently met up with an old friend that I met in the 5th grade. We had not seen, or spoken to each other in over 10 years. We met for a drink and after shooting the breeze with a bunch of 'remember so and so's' we realized we had nothing to talk about. The meet up lasted, maybe, an hout. It was a bit sad. I don't know. I love and think of my old friends but I really don't feel the need to talk to or hang out or whatever, anymore. I've never been on Facebook or Twitter and all that social media stuff. I don't know. That meet-up with that friend was when I realized I just don't care anymore. Is that assholish?

If you're assholish, what does that make me ? No but seriously, it's better you're honest with yourself. I do feel better after venting. Also, before I would go out at the drop of a hat all the time and blow gas and money without disciplining myself, I'm not interested anymore. I feel like I'm over it for the most part unless I'm with the few close people.

.

[Edited 3/29/13 0:42am]

I look at it this way; each person you meet and comes into your life, whether they are friends, lovers, colleagues, even family is either there to lean from or for them to learn from you.

I've had very intense friendships and relationships with people I'm still very much good friends with. There are also others who I no longer see, for whatever reason. And I'm fine with it. I still care for every single one of them. Regardless of how our connection ended.

And I'm always excited about meeting new people.

I left the town I grew up in when I was 18. I don't have any of my childhood friends, or high school friends. I don't even keep in contact with my college friends. I kind of just have the same friends as the SOB.

Yes. I mean, don't plan to outgrow them but when it happens don't feel bad. Life is too short to spend time with people that bore you or that you have nothing in common with. It seems like some people do that all the time and then they post it on facebook to make the world think they are happy. When, in reality - they really are not.

Like Genesia said, it’s not that it’s “supposed” to, it just happens. As you grow into and out of different things in your life and as those people do too it’s only natural. This happens throughout your life too, not just in your 30’s. At least it has in mine.

Sometimes there are good reasons (like someone’s a jerk), sometimes there aren’t (you just allow yourselves to drift away). I certainly miss some close friends that I’ve lost touch with over the years, but I’ve got new friends that I probably wouldn’t have time for if I kept all of the old ones.

MacDaddy said:

I look at it this way; each person you meet and comes into your life, whether they are friends, lovers, colleagues, even family is either there to lean from or for them to learn from you.

I've had very intense friendships and relationships with people I'm still very much good friends with. There are also others who I no longer see, for whatever reason. And I'm fine with it. I still care for every single one of them. Regardless of how our connection ended.

And I'm always excited about meeting new people.

Very cool.

MacDaddy said:

I look at it this way; each person you meet and comes into your life, whether they are friends, lovers, colleagues, even family is either there to lean from or for them to learn from you.

I've had very intense friendships and relationships with people I'm still very much good friends with. There are also others who I no longer see, for whatever reason. And I'm fine with it. I still care for every single one of them. Regardless of how our connection ended.

And I'm always excited about meeting new people.

Totally agree, people change, its not a bad thing it just happens.

I don't know if you're supposed to, but when I compare myself to my friends when I first turned 30 to when I turned 39,
I outgrew 'em all by average of three feet.
And I'm not bragging or anything, but, by scientific standards, that's kind of alot.

Life has taught me that family really is important and in my case, helped me to survive.

I've been betrayed and intentionally hurt by people formerly known as friends. But I organised a garage sale and sold my old friends.

I also have been impressed by a few people that proved to be absolutely wonderful friends, offering me not only their love, but also practical means to survive during very harsh times.

And some people I just don't see anymore because they are occupied with their career, family and marriage. Just not much in common and when I get older, I value time better. (Allthough one wouldn't guess that, witnessing my presence over here).

I just can't be bothered to spend time with people who I don't really feel comfortable with. I only spend time with people who I know are great people and best friends.

I do like face book a lot. It allows to have some contact with people, eventhough I don't meet up with them often.

MacDaddy said:

I look at it this way; each person you meet and comes into your life, whether they are friends, lovers, colleagues, even family is either there to lean from or for them to learn from you.

I've had very intense friendships and relationships with people I'm still very much good friends with. There are also others who I no longer see, for whatever reason. And I'm fine with it. I still care for every single one of them. Regardless of how our connection ended.

And I'm always excited about meeting new people.

I have the exact same filosophy! I'm thankfull for even the negative experiences that some people gave me. I learned so much from them.

lazycrockett said:

MacDaddy said:

I look at it this way; each person you meet and comes into your life, whether they are friends, lovers, colleagues, even family is either there to lean from or for them to learn from you.

I've had very intense friendships and relationships with people I'm still very much good friends with. There are also others who I no longer see, for whatever reason. And I'm fine with it. I still care for every single one of them. Regardless of how our connection ended.

And I'm always excited about meeting new people.

Totally agree, people change, its not a bad thing it just happens.

Very well said. Especially the learning from each other part.

I agree that time with people who care about you, even if you fight sometimes is more worth your time. I've dealt with enough betrayal and trust issues as well and I'm tired of it. I've been cleaning house myself and getting rid of things and people I don't need.

[Edited 3/29/13 15:16pm]

alphastreet said:

I agree that time with people who care about you, even if you fight sometimes is more worth your time. I've dealt with enough betrayal and trust issues as well and I'm tired of it. I've been cleaning house myself and getting rid of things and people I don't need.

[Edited 3/29/13 15:16pm]

Yes, my aim is to declutter and simplefy my life.

Declutter my house, friends, unhealthy habits, my neuroses.

CarrieMpls said:

Like Genesia said, it’s not that it’s “supposed” to, it just happens. As you grow into and out of different things in your life and as those people do too it’s only natural. This happens throughout your life too, not just in your 30’s. At least it has in mine.

Sometimes there are good reasons (like someone’s a jerk), sometimes there aren’t (you just allow yourselves to drift away). I certainly miss some close friends that I’ve lost touch with over the years, but I’ve got new friends that I probably wouldn’t have time for if I kept all of the old ones.

*****

I talked to a friend about this, who we let the business of our lives (or pretended business) cause us to let long stretches of time bring distance between friends As Well As Family

I told my cousin, with whom I grew up with like a sister, that if we put together the time we say we are busy or supposed to be busy, a lot of times it amounts to hardly anything.

We looked at how we managed to grow up so close, always being together and still had our own activities, school, other family & friends. And when we got older we say we are too busy. How did our parents manage to always be together and we be a part of that, but now that we are adults we hardly can get together

Same thing with my parents and their friends, always doing stuff, taking trips, extracurricular activities, holidays & events. But my generation we seem so busy...

Yeah, even going for prayer, religious gatherings and other commitments like that. People my age do it too, but I find it so hard to make time for any of it with my demanding work hours.

I have a cousin like that too and tell her something similar though we had a very rough patch almost 15 years ago, but I keep delaying coming over every time I say I will, cause of work or something else and I feel a little bad about it, but the universe is just not letting me connect with people in my age group I grew up with every time I make plans now cause work or family commitments come up and I feel better about them.

The easy answer to the question is NO

"Are you supposed to outgrow siblings in your 30's"

NO

Acceptance of the individual is key, that's why there are people who have friends in their 60's 70's and 80's that they have known since they were teenagers.

of course what some people call friend, is really just an aquaintence or social associate

A lot of people seem to have the wrong understanding of what a friend is.

I have coworkers that I've only worked with for 2 or 3 years who will refere to us as friends.

And I correct them and say, no the relationship is Co-worker, just because we may get lunch and talk and laugh about stuff doesn't make us friends. If I left this job or changed career paths, most likely I would never see or talk to you again. The relationship (co-worker) is over. I do have 1 or 2 others with whom a friendship has developed, we spend time outside of work, holidays together, talk about intimate details of life etc that is someone I will continue to know if I leave this place of employment. So even though life direction has brought a change between us, their is something more that has created a bond or connection.

As I get older i realize the more important it is to work on frienships. Because it doesn't get easier to make friends as we get older.

i don't overthink this stuff

if i'm finding a friend a drag, i just have a break from them for a while... could be a few years

then often when i revisit them, i remember what it was i liked about them to begin with... if not, i move on

OldFriends4Sale said:

CarrieMpls said:

Like Genesia said, it’s not that it’s “supposed” to, it just happens. As you grow into and out of different things in your life and as those people do too it’s only natural. This happens throughout your life too, not just in your 30’s. At least it has in mine.

Sometimes there are good reasons (like someone’s a jerk), sometimes there aren’t (you just allow yourselves to drift away). I certainly miss some close friends that I’ve lost touch with over the years, but I’ve got new friends that I probably wouldn’t have time for if I kept all of the old ones.

*****

I talked to a friend about this, who we let the business of our lives (or pretended business) cause us to let long stretches of time bring distance between friends As Well As Family

I told my cousin, with whom I grew up with like a sister, that if we put together the time we say we are busy or supposed to be busy, a lot of times it amounts to hardly anything.

We looked at how we managed to grow up so close, always being together and still had our own activities, school, other family & friends. And when we got older we say we are too busy. How did our parents manage to always be together and we be a part of that, but now that we are adults we hardly can get together

Same thing with my parents and their friends, always doing stuff, taking trips, extracurricular activities, holidays & events. But my generation we seem so busy...

Well, you make time for the people that are important to you. Sometimes you legitimately are busy and sometimes you say you're busy when you just don't feel like it.

I have 2 close friends who I have known for years, one since I was 2, another since I was 18. I see and talk to them only a few times a year these days, but I still consider them close firends and I know they consider me the same. They have small children and babies and one has moved a state away. Their lives are different now. I don't begrudge them that, but I know we both appreciate when we cacn make the effort to see each other again.

Then there are folks I have drifted away from that we don't even make an effort anymore. I've probably forgotten some even. It's not that they're bad people, we just don't prioritize each other. And that's OK too.

CarrieMpls said:

OldFriends4Sale said:

*****

I talked to a friend about this, who we let the business of our lives (or pretended business) cause us to let long stretches of time bring distance between friends As Well As Family

I told my cousin, with whom I grew up with like a sister, that if we put together the time we say we are busy or supposed to be busy, a lot of times it amounts to hardly anything.

We looked at how we managed to grow up so close, always being together and still had our own activities, school, other family & friends. And when we got older we say we are too busy. How did our parents manage to always be together and we be a part of that, but now that we are adults we hardly can get together

Same thing with my parents and their friends, always doing stuff, taking trips, extracurricular activities, holidays & events. But my generation we seem so busy...

Well, you make time for the people that are important to you. Sometimes you legitimately are busy and sometimes you say you're busy when you just don't feel like it.

I have 2 close friends who I have known for years, one since I was 2, another since I was 18. I see and talk to them only a few times a year these days, but I still consider them close firends and I know they consider me the same. They have small children and babies and one has moved a state away. Their lives are different now. I don't begrudge them that, but I know we both appreciate when we cacn make the effort to see each other again.

Then there are folks I have drifted away from that we don't even make an effort anymore. I've probably forgotten some even. It's not that they're bad people, we just don't prioritize each other. And that's OK too.

Yes, that's what I think is the difference between 'friends' and 'associates' or 'social aquaintences' or something

a lot of people I and others call friends were never really friends in the true sense, good people just not friends.

I think, like your example of the 2 that have certain kinds of distance, but you all know there is something there, that makes you friends. It means something. Almost like how siblings really just have blood between them that keeps them connected. Friends have something else. That's just as important.

I think I started feeling much less emotionally needy when I got into my 40's. I embraced my inner introvert (no pun intended ) and discovered that I was much happier being a homebody. I still communicate with my friends pretty regularly (in fact, I went out with one on Saturday night - I know: Shudder the thought! ).

I've also just reconnected with some friends I hadn't been in touch with in a long time (including one I hadn't spoken to in over 20 years!). I've been in a nostalgic mood lately. It comes and goes in waves. Most of the time, I'm super-happy to spend my non-work time in the peace and quiet of my place - reading, writing, surfing the 'Net and/or watching TV.

As my sig says, "I love to while away the hours while other people do their meanwhiles."

If you're still growing in your 30's, you must be awfully tall!

I quit growing when I was about 18 or 19.

Genesia said:

I don't think it's a matter of "supposed to," I think it just is. I have many people I've "unfriended" over the years, for no other reason that we have nothing in common. I still see them occasionally, but it's usually with other friends we have in common, so I'm never stuck with them one on one. Conversely, there are other people I've reconnected with. Usually, they're friends who got married and had kids right after college, so our lives just took us in different directions. Their kids are grown now and, in some cases, they've gotten divorced, so they have more time (and greater inclination) to get together. It's just the ebb and flow of life.

This.

RodeoSchro said:

If you're still growing in your 30's, you must be awfully tall!

I quit growing when I was about 18 or 19.

I believe it’s quite normal to outgrow your “friends”. I believe people are sent into our lives for a reason. There are messages to be delivered and lessons to be learned that the Universe sends through these people. And in many cases, it could take years for them to accomplish what they were sent in your life to do.

Our job is to be open and aware enough to hear the message and to get the lesson. Sometimes we become so enthralled with these people or spend too much time trying to impress them we fail to understand why they are really in our lives. We may even love them and can’t imagine life without them. Once their job has been accomplished, many times, they have to move on. We may not necessarily dig the way that they move on. It could be very hurtful. Or you may be the one who decides to move on once you have gotten the lesson. Our job is to hear the message, learn the lesson, thank the Universe and move on. It took me years to learn this! It makes life a lot easier if you understand this.

There are definitely a few people who are meant to be in our lives forever. But, most are only meant for a season.