I just got finished watching the movie Catfish. For those of you how don’t know, it’s a ‘documentary’ about a man who has fallen in love, over the Internet, with a woman who turns out not to be what he thought she was--you really just have to rent it to see it. But, it’s lead me to realize something something somewhat embarrassing, a tad bit pathetic, and certainly alarming to me:

I have an amazingly unhealthy relationship with the Internet. I do. I have two facebook accounts. On one account, old military drinking buddies, friends I've met online through various message boards, and random crazy friend-of-friends exist, while on the other work associates, former students, and family members exists. On one, we engage in vulgar and confusing banter consisting of mostly inside jokes designed to confound the world, and on the other, I post more subdued updates. But, on both, one thing remains true throughout--neither is very honest. I’ve put my best face forward, literally and personably.

Now, I can go on and on as I have in the past about how I don’t watch television, so those hours are spent online or reading books. I may also rationalize that posting online blogs and on message boards is a creative form of entertainment; but, this isn’t exactly a genuine slice of what is going on. I am an addict. Did you know I’ve met almost as many people online as I have in real life, and that I’ve developed close, meaningful relationships with people online? Every photograph, ever post, every expression is me selling the ‘best me’ possible. It’s disgusting.

I wouldn’t say that I’m “Catfishing” anyone, but I’m treating facebook like the wonderful world of Warcraft---and this is just not healthy. Worst of all, it’s unproductive.

The woman in the movie created a virtual universe of characters who were expressions of who she was, wanted to be, or knew she could never be. Goddamnit, my online self is all of that wrapped up into ‘me’, and that shit is not healthy.

Ergo, I’m not healthy. I’m sick! This crazy shit is sick! Soooooo, I guess I’m going to be spending a LOT less time online, and putting my best face forward in real life. I’m so glad I saw this movie, because I’ve come to the realization that there’s a very thin line between what I’m doing online with all of you wonderful, wonderful, easily lead, horrendously naive, Walmarty fucks, and what a Catfisher does

Instead of taking photographs at flattering angles, I should strive to make every angle flattering. Instead of posting ‘witty’ comments, I should learn to sit down with people again, and have funny banter without overpowering or getting ‘weird’ about it--I mean, you know....join the living? Instead of wanting everyone to think my life is oh-so-interesting (trust me, it IS NOT), perhaps I should MAKE it interesting. Instead of talking about my spiritual inspirations, maybe I should seek to actually pursue my spiritual aims.

I know you guys are rolling your eyes--but pay attention you nasty sick little monkeys---I’m sick. You’re sick...We NEED TO CLEANSE.