Ottensen said:

SeventeenDayze said:

See previous post that I just wrote. That should clear things up.

Dude was talking shit about me, I was hearing it, tried to confront him on it, he ran away/used avoidance. Got frustrated hearing folks telling me I shouldn't be his whore. He didn't address the concerns that I had and was being a jerk, so the lawsuit was filed. The coverup from the denomination is because they are not dealing with the questions about accountability for their leaders. That's the short story, if it's still too confusing, orgnote me or just sleep on it lol

But what did he say exactly and to whom?

How can you prove what was said without it simply being heresay?

You confronted him by saying/doing what?

At the time of said confrontation, what what his verbal response/reaction to you?

What was your verbal response to his?

He didn't respond when I was telling him that those rumors were flying around and judging by his behavior and other things, HE was the root cause of it.

Doesn't matter now because what's done is done. I left the church, he probably hates me but I know that he trolls my facebook page from time to time still. I dunno, even after I filed the lawsuit he was still trolling my page and whatnot. So, maybe he's a bit of a drama king himself. I think he's too proud/arrogant to admit what he did was wrong and that's where a lot of this starts. His ego is rather healthy but oddly enough his self-esteem is quite low.

I've been told by others that the female assistant pastor (who was already his shadow to begin with) is on him like white on rice. I was told everytime you look up you seem him with her but I remember once (before I left) he was talking to her and he kept starting at me while talking to her, it was a bit awkward. I don't understand how this dude's wife puts up with a female pastor being on his jock like that. If that were MY husband, truth be told, I would cut a bitch!

That assistant pastor has hated me from the beginning and now I can kinda see why. Her attitude was really awful and she just seemed to not like me for no reason. Now that some time has passed, it makes a bit more sense now.

SeventeenDayze said:

Ottensen said:

But what did he say exactly and to whom?

How can you prove what was said without it simply being heresay?

You confronted him by saying/doing what?

At the time of said confrontation, what what his verbal response/reaction to you?

What was your verbal response to his?

He didn't respond when I was telling him that those rumors were flying around and judging by his behavior and other things, HE was the root cause of it.

Doesn't matter now because what's done is done. I left the church, he probably hates me but I know that he trolls my facebook page from time to time still. I dunno, even after I filed the lawsuit he was still trolling my page and whatnot. So, maybe he's a bit of a drama king himself. I think he's too proud/arrogant to admit what he did was wrong and that's where a lot of this starts. His ego is rather healthy but oddly enough his self-esteem is quite low.

I've been told by others that the female assistant pastor (who was already his shadow to begin with) is on him like white on rice. I was told everytime you look up you seem him with her but I remember once (before I left) he was talking to her and he kept starting at me while talking to her, it was a bit awkward. I don't understand how this dude's wife puts up with a female pastor being on his jock like that. If that were MY husband, truth be told, I would cut a bitch!

That assistant pastor has hated me from the beginning and now I can kinda see why. Her attitude was really awful and she just seemed to not like me for no reason. Now that some time has passed, it makes a bit more sense now.

The irony of this statement.

BUt you still haven't answered Ottie's questions. What exactly did he say? And how in the hell do you know he's "trolling your facebook"? If you care so much about that, block him, and then the good pastor will pester you no more.

Why don't you answer those questions?

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

SeventeenDayze said:

He didn't respond when I was telling him that those rumors were flying around and judging by his behavior and other things, HE was the root cause of it.

Doesn't matter now because what's done is done. I left the church, he probably hates me but I know that he trolls my facebook page from time to time still. I dunno, even after I filed the lawsuit he was still trolling my page and whatnot. So, maybe he's a bit of a drama king himself. I think he's too proud/arrogant to admit what he did was wrong and that's where a lot of this starts. His ego is rather healthy but oddly enough his self-esteem is quite low.

I've been told by others that the female assistant pastor (who was already his shadow to begin with) is on him like white on rice. I was told everytime you look up you seem him with her but I remember once (before I left) he was talking to her and he kept starting at me while talking to her, it was a bit awkward. I don't understand how this dude's wife puts up with a female pastor being on his jock like that. If that were MY husband, truth be told, I would cut a bitch!

That assistant pastor has hated me from the beginning and now I can kinda see why. Her attitude was really awful and she just seemed to not like me for no reason. Now that some time has passed, it makes a bit more sense now.

The irony of this statement.

BUt you still haven't answered Ottie's questions. What exactly did he say? And how in the hell do you know he's "trolling your facebook"? If you care so much about that, block him, and then the good pastor will pester you no more.

Why don't you answer those questions?

Why did this dude always get jealous when he sees me talking to other men? I mean case and point...there was a guy there who once the pastor saw me talking to him, the very NEXT WEEK the guy wouldn't say a word to me and kept a hell of a distance away. I already knew what happened it's ONLY because pastor got jealous. This happened on more than one occasion! Anytime he'd see me talking to a guy in front of him, it never failed the next time the guy would see me that the guy would run away from me or avoid me altogether. I already KNEW it was because of the pastor.

And yes, I really would cut a bitch if that were my husband and some alleged female pastor was doing that bullshit, count on it!

SeventeenDayze said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

The irony of this statement.

BUt you still haven't answered Ottie's questions. What exactly did he say? And how in the hell do you know he's "trolling your facebook"? If you care so much about that, block him, and then the good pastor will pester you no more.

Why don't you answer those questions?

Why did this dude always get jealous when he sees me talking to other men? I mean case and point...there was a guy there who once the pastor saw me talking to him, the very NEXT WEEK the guy wouldn't say a word to me and kept a hell of a distance away. I already knew what happened it's ONLY because pastor got jealous. This happened on more than one occasion! Anytime he'd see me talking to a guy in front of him, it never failed the next time the guy would see me that the guy would run away from me or avoid me altogether. I already KNEW it was because of the pastor.

And yes, I really would cut a bitch if that were my husband and some alleged female pastor was doing that bullshit, count on it!

Have you thought MAYBE... just MAYBE he's tell them to run as fast as they can away from you because he thinks your CRAZY?!?!?!?!

tinaz said:

SeventeenDayze said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

The irony of this statement.

BUt you still haven't answered Ottie's questions. What exactly did he say? And how in the hell do you know he's "trolling your facebook"? If you care so much about that, block him, and then the good pastor will pester you no more.

Why don't you answer those questions?

Why did this dude always get jealous when he sees me talking to other men? I mean case and point...there was a guy there who once the pastor saw me talking to him, the very NEXT WEEK the guy wouldn't say a word to me and kept a hell of a distance away. I already knew what happened it's ONLY because pastor got jealous. This happened on more than one occasion! Anytime he'd see me talking to a guy in front of him, it never failed the next time the guy would see me that the guy would run away from me or avoid me altogether. I already KNEW it was because of the pastor.

And yes, I really would cut a bitch if that were my husband and some alleged female pastor was doing that bullshit, count on it!

You're still dodging the questions. Which means you can't answer them because you know you have no case, and/or you're just stirring up yet more drama.

Sure...you'd cut a bitch for coming after your husband. Yet you have no remorse (no true remorse anyways) that you had lustful feelings for HER husband. I'm surprised the woman hasn't tried comin' after yo' ass.

You're also assuming that the guy is jealous of you for talking with other men in the church. Unless the guy actually roughed you up and told you "I don't want you talking to any other man"....you really can't make those assumptions and expect the people of this forum to take them seriously.

Got any actual receipts for alladis? Or just more pointless rehashing?

Ive gotten a couple laughs out of this thread but now i want to get serious.

I'm not going to get into the specifics of your situation but i would like to say a couple things.

A couple years ago i got into this big, public, nasty fallout with someone that Ive known for about 36 years. It all went down on Facebook and because me and this person had a lot of the same friends and family, a lot of people got wind of it.

What led up to the incident was, over the years me and this person would talk about a lot of personal stuff.

We talked about stuff like physical abuse, sexual abuse, death, resentments towards family, relationship problems, faith in god, fear of intimacy etc. Also when we were younger we kinda had a thing for each other so that complicated matters. Anyway what it came down to was i cared about this persons well being so i invested a lot of time, emotions, and effort into our friendship.

Anyway about 2 years prior to the facebook blow up our friendship was starting to go sour so we didn't talk much anymore. I started resenting some of the things she did and said and vice versa...

Fast forward to the facebook beef...

What happened was we were friends on facebook but one day i decided that because i wasn't feeling her i was going to block her and that's what i did. But after thinking about it for a couple weeks i decided to unblock her.

After i unblocked her i sent a message saying why i did what i did...

Well, she sent me a reply saying what she thought of me and then blocked me.

Anyway me being the somewhat immature, dysfunctional, codependent and headstrong person that i am, i got all butt hurt by the things she said. I felt i didn't deserve her hostility and i also felt that she never gave me the respect and consideration that i deserved so i decided to call her on her shit and do it on facebook.

I spoke on all the rumors i had heard about her, stuff that she told me in personal emails, stuff her family had said about her, etc. I told her that i thought she was a liar, mentally disturbed, a slut(not in those exact words) and a fool.

Here's the thing though. Instead of taking personal responsibility for the part i played in whatever problems we may have had and man the fuck up, i let my ego and my insecurities get the best of me. Instead of letting go and letting god, i tried to force my will on the situation (and on her)and ended up making a mess of things.

Like i said before, i had a lot of emotions invested in my relationship with that person so i was really hurt by our fallout. In looking back at all my interactions with her and with other women i realised that i have certain behavior patterns with women. I seem to attract and be attracted to women with certain personalities and issues. I might not always be conscious of it but its most definitely there.

Anyway after a few days of wallowing in my anger, sadness, remorse, betrayal, abandonment and rejection i decided to delete the stuff i said about her...And my facebook account.

All this happened about 2 years ago and i still feel bad about the whole situation. I may have had some valid issues with that person but in looking back, i went about it in the wrong way.

I thought that by saying what i said about the person i was going to make them pay. I may have done that but i ended up paying a price as well.

I probably ended up making a fool of both me and her.

Peace.

[Edited 3/19/13 0:14am]

JoeyC said:

Ive gotten a couple laughs out of this thread but now i want to get serious.

I'm not going to get into the specifics of your situation but i would like to say a couple things.

A couple years ago i got into this big, public, nasty fallout with someone that Ive known for about 36 years. It all went down on Facebook and because me and this person had a lot of the same friends and family a lot of people got wind of it.

What led up to the incident was over the years me and this person would talk about a lot of personal stuff.

We talked about stuff like physical abuse, sexual abuse, death, resentments towards family, relationship problems, faith in god, fear of intimacy etc. Also when we were younger we kinda had a thing for each other so that complicated matters. Anyway what it came down to with me was i cared about this persons well being so i invested a lot of time, emotions, and effort into our friendship.

Anyway about 2 years prior to the facebook blow up our friendship was starting to go sour so we didn't talk much anymore. I started resenting some of the things she did and said and vice versa...

Fast forward to the facebook beef...

What happened was we were friends on facebook but one day i decided that because i wasn't feeling her anymore, i was going to block her and that's what i did. Well after thinking about it for a couple weeks i decided to unblock her.

After unblocking her i sent her a message telling her why i did what i did...

Well she sent me a reply telling me what she thought of me and then blocked me.

Anyway me being the somewhat immature, dysfunctional, codependent and headstrong person that i am, i got all butt hurt by the things she said. I felt i didn't deserve her hostility and i also felt that she never gave me the respect and consideration that i deserved so i decided to call her on her shit and do it on facebook.

I spoke on all the rumors i had heard about her, stuff that she told me in personal emails, stuff her family had said about her, etc. I told her that i thought she was a liar, mentally disturbed, a slut(not in those exact words) and a fool.

Here's the thing though. Instead of taking personal responsibility for the part i played in whatever problems we may have had and man the fuck up, i let my ego and my insecurities get the best of me. Instead of letting go and letting god, i tried to force my will on the situation (and on her)and ended up making a mess of things.

Like i said before, i had a lot of emotions invested in my relationship with that person so i was really hurt by our fallout. In looking back at all my interactions with her and with other women i realised that i have certain behavior patterns with women. I seem to attract and be attracted to women with certain personalities and issues. I might not always be conscious of it but its most definitely there.

Anyway after a few days of wallowing in my anger, sadness, remorse, betrayal, abandonment and rejection i decided to delete the stuff i said about her...And my facebook account.

All this happened about 2 years ago and i still feel bad about the whole situation. I may have had some valid issues with that person but in looking back, i went about it in the wrong way.

I thought that by saying what i said about the person i was going to make them pay. I may have done that but i ended up paying a price as well.

I probably ended up making a fool of both me and her.

Peace.

Peace!

We have all done things we could have done better. I love your honesty on this because it resonates. And like the OP, It's usually the things we do ourselves that hurt us the most. Hope the OP gets the message and is mature enough to cop the truth to herself. Because that's the only one she is fooling.

V10LETBLUES said:

JoeyC said:

Ive gotten a couple laughs out of this thread but now i want to get serious.

I'm not going to get into the specifics of your situation but i would like to say a couple things.

A couple years ago i got into this big, public, nasty fallout with someone that Ive known for about 36 years. It all went down on Facebook and because me and this person had a lot of the same friends and family a lot of people got wind of it.

What led up to the incident was over the years me and this person would talk about a lot of personal stuff.

We talked about stuff like physical abuse, sexual abuse, death, resentments towards family, relationship problems, faith in god, fear of intimacy etc. Also when we were younger we kinda had a thing for each other so that complicated matters. Anyway what it came down to with me was i cared about this persons well being so i invested a lot of time, emotions, and effort into our friendship.

Anyway about 2 years prior to the facebook blow up our friendship was starting to go sour so we didn't talk much anymore. I started resenting some of the things she did and said and vice versa...

Fast forward to the facebook beef...

What happened was we were friends on facebook but one day i decided that because i wasn't feeling her anymore, i was going to block her and that's what i did. Well after thinking about it for a couple weeks i decided to unblock her.

After unblocking her i sent her a message telling her why i did what i did...

Well she sent me a reply telling me what she thought of me and then blocked me.

Anyway me being the somewhat immature, dysfunctional, codependent and headstrong person that i am, i got all butt hurt by the things she said. I felt i didn't deserve her hostility and i also felt that she never gave me the respect and consideration that i deserved so i decided to call her on her shit and do it on facebook.

I spoke on all the rumors i had heard about her, stuff that she told me in personal emails, stuff her family had said about her, etc. I told her that i thought she was a liar, mentally disturbed, a slut(not in those exact words) and a fool.

Here's the thing though. Instead of taking personal responsibility for the part i played in whatever problems we may have had and man the fuck up, i let my ego and my insecurities get the best of me. Instead of letting go and letting god, i tried to force my will on the situation (and on her)and ended up making a mess of things.

Like i said before, i had a lot of emotions invested in my relationship with that person so i was really hurt by our fallout. In looking back at all my interactions with her and with other women i realised that i have certain behavior patterns with women. I seem to attract and be attracted to women with certain personalities and issues. I might not always be conscious of it but its most definitely there.

Anyway after a few days of wallowing in my anger, sadness, remorse, betrayal, abandonment and rejection i decided to delete the stuff i said about her...And my facebook account.

All this happened about 2 years ago and i still feel bad about the whole situation. I may have had some valid issues with that person but in looking back, i went about it in the wrong way.

I thought that by saying what i said about the person i was going to make them pay. I may have done that but i ended up paying a price as well.

I probably ended up making a fool of both me and her.

Peace.

Peace!

We have all done things we could have done better. I love your honesty on this because it resonates. And like the OP, It's usually the things we do ourselves that hurt us the most. Hope the OP gets the message and is mature enough to cop the truth to herself. Because that's the only one she is fooling.

You are right, I am wrong. Happy now?

Be relaexad and wait what will hapen. You are not first nor last who felt in love with pastor. It happens all the time.

It makes sense, you are young going to church and liste wise words of your paster and it is normal to fail in love to his inteligence and expirience in spiritual (religious) 'suffs'...

So, just be cool, and wait some time, see did he send some 'signs' to you.

Geeez... Why are you all still buying into the drama? Might as well be a whoa-is-me show.

crazyHorse28 said:

Be relaexad and wait what will hapen. You are not first nor last who felt in love with pastor. It happens all the time.

It makes sense, you are young going to church and liste wise words of your paster and it is normal to fail in love to his inteligence and expirience in spiritual (religious) 'suffs'...

So, just be cool, and wait some time, see did he send some 'signs' to you.

I don't think I "fell in love" but basically at first was attracted but then kept him at a distance because I didn't want to get caught up in the nonsense and drama. I think it went well for about a year because I didn't even say hello to this guy for over a year before I finally had a conversation with him. So, that's a good thing that I avoided him for a while in the beginning. It's just sad that things got out of control.

V10LETBLUES said:

Peace.

Peace!

We have all done things we could have done better. I love your honesty on this because it resonates. And like the OP, It's usually the things we do ourselves that hurt us the most. Hope the OP gets the message and is mature enough to cop the truth to herself. Because that's the only one she is fooling.

So very true.

SeventeenDayze said:

Deadflow3r said:

you may be extremely right about this man but this is the problem;

A woman will always take the blame

ESPECIALLY where christians are concerned.

no matter what she is the virgin, you are the whore and he is the poor man stuck in the middle.

Sooooo

Would you rather be right or sane?

LOOSING your wits is like breaking your back; it may mend back but you will never be the same.

well, I don't know if it's a matter of being "right or sane" but I am really sick of high-ranking assholes taking advantage of their position of authority and mistreating others. I am a nobody in this town so I can always just disappear back into obscurity. He can try to make me out to be a villanness whore if he wants to but hey that's how this whole mess started. This guy basically is getting away with bullshit because he has a "big name" money and power, etc. I am sick of it. He's the 1 percent who poses like he's some kind of hero for working class and poor folks, it's a fucking joke.

I just got a response from the office of the denomination saying that their office doesn't handle this type of thing. Pfff. My response to them was, "So, tell me what you guys do when there's a conflict between the pastor and a clergy/ex-clergy". I want those morons to tell me that they aren't gonna do shit.

It's just unreal how much "leaders" get away with these days.

I don't know how old you are but there is one thing that you need to understand

churches are big business

YES THEY ARE NON PROFIT

but people who work in non profit making places make a lot of money.

if he keeps his numbers high they could give 2 shits about what you say

the nicest pastor, who can only keep a flock of 35 or less, now his job is on the line.

but a crazy mother f$$ker who sleeps with anybody male or female but can bring in the big $$$

his job is secure.

he pays the bills

Theirs as well as his own.

Often people that work for nonprofits make more money then those working in the for profit industry do and can have less credentials.

I know of a preacher that has zero credentials except " God called me when I was in prison".

He make damn good money.

His previous jobs include car sales and singing.

He is a natural ham, performer and con artist.

The preacher can keep the numbers up. That keeps the money coming in. Part of that money pays for him, part goes to the larger organization and those that work for it.

It is just like theatre. Who cares if the actress playing the virgin is a virgin in real life?

You tell the audience what they want to hear. If she is a good actress then she will fill up the theatres time and time again. Producers, directors etc get paid.

Call in and say "she is noooot a virgin" and they will say "really????" because they ALREADY KNOW THAT.

Remember how Britney Spears and her sister were virgins because if we the public were told otherwise we would think that they were not suitable role models?

Why is John Travolta "straight"? Why do all of his people deny otherwise? Do you really think that they don't know???

Of course they know.

Churches are seldom if ever about Jesus.

they are about those streets of Gold that everyone is really wanting.

Deadflow3r said:

Often people that work for nonprofits make more money then those working in the for profit industry do and can have less credentials.

I know of a preacher that has zero credentials except " God called me when I was in prison".

He make damn good money.

His previous jobs include car sales and singing.

He is a natural ham, performer and con artist.

The preacher can keep the numbers up. That keeps the money coming in. Part of that money pays for him, part goes to the larger organization and those that work for it.

It is just like theatre. Who cares if the actress playing the virgin is a virgin in real life?

You tell the audience what they want to hear. If she is a good actress then she will fill up the theatres time and time again. Producers, directors etc get paid.

Call in and say "she is noooot a virgin" and they will say "really????" because they ALREADY KNOW THAT.

Remember how Britney Spears and her sister were virgins because if we the public were told otherwise we would think that they were not suitable role models?

Why is John Travolta "straight"? Why do all of his people deny otherwise? Do you really think that they don't know???

Of course they know.

Churches are seldom if ever about Jesus.

they are about those streets of Gold that everyone is really wanting.

Yeah that's true. It's interesting what will happen (if anything) at this point. I think you're right, churches are all about the money if they can get away with it long enough. I guess they see Jesus as a selling point or just gives them a convenient platform to seem relevant in the larger society. For those of us who are flawed but still love Jesus and don't want to deal with the pageantry and nonsense, it's tough to find a church "home".

I visited a few churches since this whole thing happened but have decided to take an indefinite break for going to church service but have found a Bible study group to connect with. I think the idea of church has soured on me, precisely when I was trying to get to the next level, LOL.

Oh and yes, this "pastor" is the moneymaker for the church and is very buddy-buddy with high ranking local politicians...there you have it