http://www.theonion.com/a...%3Adefault

The picture is the best. And so is this line: “The big themes this season are ‘roomy,’ ‘loose,’ and ‘comfortable,’” said Cathcart, adding that there is already considerable buzz surrounding the new American flag–inspired sweaters from Kohl’s.

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from the state’s premier apparel and footwear designers.

The highly anticipated weeklong event is reportedly expected to draw as many as 250 people to the capital region for a first glimpse at new collections from the top names in Iowa fashion, including Ames resident Jerry Paquette, Iowa City’s Marjorie Lanford, and veteran crochet designer Shelly Farnsworth of Jasper County.

“This week is a chance to show off the hottest new Iowa looks—from long johns to windbreakers to hooded sweatshirts,” said 31-year-old Fashion Week coordinator Jennifer Cathcart. “What’s on display over the next few days will soon be seen all over the trendiest streets in the likes of Davenport, Sioux City, and Algona.”

“This is the cutting edge of Iowa style,” Cathcart added.

The festivities reportedly began with a gala show at the Hampton Inn near the Des Moines Airport. According to reports, dozens of fans clamored to watch models strut down the butcher-paper catwalk in Conference Room B wearing Jockey’s 2013 line of white crew-neck tees as the Roosevelt High School jazz band performed a rendition of Katy Perry’s “Firework.”

In addition to Jockey, other big names scheduled to debut new clothing lines throughout the week include St. John’s Bay, Champion, Joe Boxer, Lee jeans, and Starter. Also on display will be this year’s University of Iowa Hawkeyes baseball caps and knitted wool hats, which are reportedly perennial favorites among the state’s fashion aficionados.

“The big themes this season are ‘roomy,’ ‘loose,’ and ‘comfortable,’” said Cathcart, adding that there is already considerable buzz surrounding the new American flag–inspired sweaters from Kohl’s. “Many designers have gone with bright neon greens and purples for their polyester rain jackets, which should be a big hit among Corn Belt fashionistas, and the oxford loafers from Payless are also guaranteed to be one of the hottest items of the season.”

“But keep an eye out for the new line of sweatpants from trendy Quad Cities designer Tom Dunborn, which is supposed to make an especially big splash,” Cathcart continued. “Everyone is talking about them. Tom always pairs classic elegance with sensible durability, and what he does with elastic waistbands is truly timeless.”

According to sources, excitement has been palpable on the streets of Des Moines, as a host of celebrities from the Hawkeye State are expected to make appearances.

“Everybody who’s anybody in Iowa will be here this week,” said Des Moines Register reporter Cathleen Fletcher, noting that local CBS 8 news anchor Mollie Cooney, star Burlington Bees shortstop Wade Kirkland, and Q92.3 DJ Luke Kimball are all expected to be in attendance to check out the new branded shirts from the Iowa Aviation Museum gift shop. “There’s no telling which stars you’ll see sitting in the front row of folding chairs. There are even rumors that [former Herbert Hoover High School basketball standout and 2009 graduate] Lee Pedersen will be there!”

Fletcher added that the first day of shows had already garnered positive reviews, despite a brief incident in which a model wearing a T-shirt featuring cartoon cats suffered a heart attack on the runway in Hoyt Middle School’s gymnasium and had to be rushed to a nearby hospital.

Nevertheless, fashion designers and event officials alike reportedly remain eager to impress, as the weeklong event affords them statewide exposure and reportedly pumps over $1,200 into the Iowa economy.

“Launching at Iowa Fashion Week is a dream come true for me,” said up-and-coming designer Debra Schmidt, 34, of Council Bluffs, IA, who will be debuting her line of relaxed-fit carpenter jeans. “I’m branching out this season from my usual camouflage cargo pants and really pushing the boundaries of Iowa fashion. I can’t wait to see the reaction from fans and the press.”

Following the conclusion of the opening night festivities, an afterparty was reportedly held at the local VFW hall on Locust Street, where sources confirmed an exclusive list of attendees enjoyed complimentary glasses of Coca-Cola and Miller Lite while waiters made rounds with plates of pizza bagels, pigs-in-a-blanket, and cheese fries.

Many Iowans told reporters they are already gearing up for tomorrow’s shows, which include risqué presentations of Fruit of the Loom’s spring line of men’s classic briefs and a new collection of white gold-toe athletic socks from acclaimed sock designer Darryl Andrews.

“I love coming to Fashion Week because all the clothes are really nice,” said 46-year-old mother of three Barbara Hastings of Creston, IA. “The shirts are nice, and the pants are nice, too. Everyone does a great job.”

“It’s very nice,” Hastings added.

Genesia said:

"Pumps over $1200 into the Iowa economy" - dead.

I thought you would enjoy this.

Efan said:

Oh, it's this week? Good, I have time to check it out. I've been looking forr a new pair of carpenter pants. I say as I wear my plaid hoodie.

Efan said:

:

Where are the models?

Behind the big-boned lady?

Well, I guess this is a niche market. I finally see someone get excited about something I could never get excited about.

I hear Johnart will be show cased in the fruit of the loom fashion show. No need to worry Johnart will wear his trademark denim shoes.

oh my damn x forever

"everything is nice."

Genesia said:

"Pumps over $1200 into the Iowa economy" - dead.

I will never stop laughing.

I'm going to be laughing for days.

the fashion industry needs to get real ~ but omg

I got half way in, and I'm trying so hard to hold in the laughter (at work), my eyes just started watering

Its funny... cuz its true.. :-/

I mean, have any of you BEEN to Iowa??!!

One word... COUNCIL BLUFFS... or as its better known as, Counciltuckey!

*cough*

tinaz said:

Its funny... cuz its true.. :-/

I mean, have any of you BEEN to Iowa??!!

One word... COUNCIL BLUFFS... or as its better known as, Counciltuckey!

Years ago, I had a friend who was an ER doctor in Council Bluffs. The stories he told of people who came in were astounding.

Council Bluffs should not be used to represent Iowa, though. They're in a whole other realm over there.

Efan said:

tinaz said:

Its funny... cuz its true.. :-/

I mean, have any of you BEEN to Iowa??!!

One word... COUNCIL BLUFFS... or as its better known as, Counciltuckey!

Years ago, I had a friend who was an ER doctor in Council Bluffs. The stories he told of people who came in were astounding.

Council Bluffs should not be used to represent Iowa, though. They're in a whole other realm over there.

My brother lives there... taxes are cheap, yada yada yada... Ya, but the place is the armpit of the state!!!

And sadly... its turned him into a redneck.. FOR REAL!!

My fashion shows always have a token volupmtuous drunk on champange cougar who will flash the fine diners her tit job from underneath her fur trench as she walks the run way while the band plays bangles baubles & beads. (true story)

kewlschool said:

I hear Johnart will be show cased in the fruit of the loom fashion show. No need to worry Johnart will wear his trademark denim shoes.

With his leopard-print Snuggie.

an afterparty was reportedly held at the local VFW hall on Locust Street, where sources confirmed an exclusive list of attendees enjoyed complimentary glasses of Coca-Cola and Miller Lite while waiters made rounds with plates of pizza bagels, pigs-in-a-blanket, and cheese fries.