AFine1 said:Okay, not just break it, but rip it out, show it to them, then stomp on it?! I'm in a 20 year marriage I don't want to be in anymore. I hate the thought of hurting him, but I have a right to be happy too, don't I? Anyone else out there been through this? You need to just separate and at least be respectful and try to get a mediator to handle the divorce. You have obviously been feeling this way for some time, so no matter what happens, your partner will be hurt and caught off guard. You don't need an instruction booklet on how to do it. You will hurt your partner more in the long run if you continue to live a lie--pretending to love and care about someone is just wrong.

Breaking someone´s heart is one of the easiest things to do.

The more interesting thing is...how do you WIN someone´s heart?

Pokeno4Money said: AFine1 said: Lammastide said: Wish it was so simple! Did I completely misunderstand your first post? Because I interpreted it as you want to end your marriage but you DON'T WANT to rip his heart out, show it to him and stomp on it ... but you know that's basically how he will feel once he realizes your marriage is over. The best way to handle it is to be very honest and direct, tell him exactly how you feel and why your mind is already made up that you want a divorce. Point out to him that you respect him and care about him, which is why you don't want to continue the marriage by lying to him, cheating on him, etc. He will appreciate that you were direct, and that he didn't hear things through other people first. And please tell me that he doesn't have any weapons in the house. BTW - You definitely need to say more than your filing for divorce & goodbye, he deserves an explanation and opportunity to talk about the marriage one last time.[Edited 2/23/13 16:43pm] Divorce is NEVER simple but staying will only make you regret the time you spent wishing you were gone. Are you afraid of the financial changes? Are there little pieces of him you are still trying to hold onto. You have to let him go, and let him go completely--no back and forth booty call--you need to space it out so you can both heal. You also cannot lead him on--he wants to be together and you are done. That means you don't give him gifts, have sex, send valentines or anything that sends mixed messages. After 20 years, you have to let the ENTIRE relationship go if you don't want it anymore. Make up your mind and tell him the truth, otherwise you will die miserable together.

This has been on my mind for probably more than 10 years. We have kids, we have debts, and he really hasn't done anything "wrong"...it's just not there for me anymore. These are the things that make it so difficult. And I'm a fighter and don't want to admit I failed...

We are both miserable right now and honestly it's more of a friendship than a marriage. We are doing counselling and that's how I know how much he wants it to work - and how I know telling him its over will crush him.

You guys telling me to be direct and honest is perfect advice and is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you...I just need to somehow find the courage now...

OP hasn't said enough about her husband

What's his job?

What kind of personality?

Will he snapped if u break up with him? >>>important question

History of infidelity?

Could this be a masterful ?