dJJ said:

Pokeno4Money said:

I think one of the biggest reasons why people (especially women) remain single in their later years is because they become set in their ways, they won't even consider a guy unless he enjoys the same things. The key to a good relationship is compromise, it's being willing to try different things. And who knows, something that may not have interested you before might be something you now enjoy. For instance I never cared for Nascar, but I started following it and going to races because it was one of my girlfriend's interests. Guess what? I enjoyed it, and now I'm more of a fan that she is.

So no, I would never stop seeing someone just because they like different things. I would give her interests a try, and expose her to what I enjoy. If neither of us got turned on by the new experiences, only then would I consider stop seeing her.

of course, it's never that black& white.

But I also think that a lot of women just don't think it's worth the effort, based on their experiences and based on what they see around them.

It's not necessarily a burden to have no kids, no quarrels and to be able to do whatever you want without somebody bitching to you about it.

exactly - it's not necessarily set in their ways I think maybe it's more "hallelujah! I'm free at last to do what I want and not have to look after anyone but myself" especially after a divorce, or death of a spouse. I know many women who get a new lease of life and finally do all the things they always wanted to but never could because it would have been selfish - they couldn't be happier.

ZombieKitten said:

dJJ said:

of course, it's never that black& white.

But I also think that a lot of women just don't think it's worth the effort, based on their experiences and based on what they see around them.

It's not necessarily a burden to have no kids, no quarrels and to be able to do whatever you want without somebody bitching to you about it.

exactly - it's not necessarily set in their ways I think maybe it's more "hallelujah! I'm free at last to do what I want and not have to look after anyone but myself" especially after a divorce, or death of a spouse. I know many women who get a new lease of life and finally do all the things they always wanted to but never could because it would have been selfish - they couldn't be happier.

Yeah, that's me at the moment.

I'm really happy and apreciate the calm & nice atmosphere of my days.

I may want to be in a relatioship, but it's hard to compete with the happy life I currently have. I would not give that up easily.

On the other hand, I don't have that love and involvement of family life. And I also miss that sometimes.

But it's not clear cut one way is the road to hapiness. Not at all.

Cinny said:

Do you stop seeing a person who doesn't enjoy (at least some of) the same..

music? or movies? or television? or books?

I don't know how people decide to spend time together (or stay together, for that matter)

if they can't suss what the other person enjoys.

Do you end up doing the same things you both like (ie. eating at the same restaurant)

or do you always try something new to you to keep it going?

lawd, I dated someone who was super into Madonna (and I'm not).

Into gay movies (and I'm not).

Hated the outdoors (and I love the outdoors).

And LOVED watching 6 feet Under (and I don't).

If not for the blowjobs, I don't think we would have lasted the few

short months we did.

But then again, could imagine dating another Prince fan?

Jesus weeps.

imago said:

But then again, could imagine dating another Prince fan?

Jesus weeps.

Only if he is a gay man.

Being with a Princefan is overrated . I miss my ex like crazy for a million reasons, but not because he is a Princefan. It would be nice if a partner enjoys some of the music I love, but if not then it's okay too .

Like stated by a few others, some crossover is definitely needed. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel that the other person doesn't "get you" if he / she doesn't like at least some of the same things you have a passion for.

It's easier to compromise on things like a "shared taste" in literature, but what type of music you're going to listen to when you're together could be a bit problematic. Though I think I've got such a wide taste in music myself that if the other person doesn't like any of the stuff that I like to listen to then the problem doesn't really lie within me.

A bigger problem for me is that I don't like to put my money into expensive vacations, which is something women of my age often seem to want to. I'd much rather buy a new keyboard instrument etc. with my money.

Serious said:

Being with a Princefan is overrated . I miss my ex like crazy for a million reasons, but not because he is a Princefan. It would be nice if a partner enjoys some of the music I love, but if not then it's okay too .

Prince fans can be competitive and petty...

With my luck, I'd end up with some fammy fool who'd throw his grandmother into traffic for the last Prince ticket. (trust me- I know a couple of people like that! )

If I'll ever move in with someone that person better get used to hearing 70s and 80s funk all the time.

chocolate1 said:

Serious said:

Being with a Princefan is overrated . I miss my ex like crazy for a million reasons, but not because he is a Princefan. It would be nice if a partner enjoys some of the music I love, but if not then it's okay too .

Prince fans can be competitive and petty...

With my luck, I'd end up with some fammy fool who'd throw his grandmother into traffic for the last Prince ticket. (trust me- I know a couple of people like that! )

Or he might be 6 feet tall and insist to stand right in front of you blocking your view just to be closer to his idol . Thank God I don't speak from experience here . But I am sure they exist somewhere out there !

I guess for me being with a Princefam would be worse than being with somebody who doesn't care about Prince at all. I had arguments with fams who acted as if he was a close family member . These people were friends (and I said were ), if they had been my partners it would have been a nightmare .

dJJ said:

imago said:

But then again, could imagine dating another Prince fan?

Jesus weeps.

I only would if he is a gay man.

dJJ said:

Pokeno4Money said:

I think one of the biggest reasons why people (especially women) remain single in their later years is because they become set in their ways, they won't even consider a guy unless he enjoys the same things. The key to a good relationship is compromise, it's being willing to try different things. And who knows, something that may not have interested you before might be something you now enjoy. For instance I never cared for Nascar, but I started following it and going to races because it was one of my girlfriend's interests. Guess what? I enjoyed it, and now I'm more of a fan that she is.

So no, I would never stop seeing someone just because they like different things. I would give her interests a try, and expose her to what I enjoy. If neither of us got turned on by the new experiences, only then would I consider stop seeing her.

of course, it's never that black& white.

But I also think that a lot of women just don't think it's worth the effort, based on their experiences and based on what they see around them.

It's not necessarily a burden to have no kids, no quarrels and to be able to do whatever you want without somebody bitching to you about it.

I agree there's nothing wrong with valuing the freedom of choice that comes with not being in a relationship. Being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, can be quite enjoyable.

All I'm saying is for those who truly do want to be in a relationship, it's silly to walk away from someone you really like simply because they have different interests. An effort should be made to reach some common ground.

All too often I hear women complain about how they are tired of being alone and want to be in a relationship, but they don't want to "settle" for anything less than what they perceive to be the perfect match. The majority of those who hold out for perfection never settle down with someone, because perfect matches are rare and they aren't willing to make the effort to adapt to a less-than-perfect match.

Genesia said:

Our differing interests make us more interesting to each other.

Oh, there's definitely something to be said for this too. My bf plays pool on a league and while he used to want me to play with him I think it's great he has something to do on his own with his own friends and I can watch Walking Dead with my friends.

It's also been really fun to introduce each other to new things. He practically insisted I start bike riding with him and now I positively love it. I took him to see Prince at the Dakota recently and within the first 2 songs of the show he declared it his best birthday ever (he'd seen the Musicology tour but wouldn't really consider himself a huge fan). And there are things I forgot I liked to do that he'll do with me - like visiting state parks all over and going hiking. I did it with my family as a kid all the time but I don't really have friends into that kinda thing so it had fallen by the wayside and now it's something we love to do together.

So yeah, differences can be great as well.

The dick is what I want. I could care less about their personal tastes because I'm not going to be around them long enough to find out.

Pokeno4Money said:

dJJ said:

of course, it's never that black& white.

But I also think that a lot of women just don't think it's worth the effort, based on their experiences and based on what they see around them.

It's not necessarily a burden to have no kids, no quarrels and to be able to do whatever you want without somebody bitching to you about it.

I agree there's nothing wrong with valuing the freedom of choice that comes with not being in a relationship. Being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, can be quite enjoyable.

All I'm saying is for those who truly do want to be in a relationship, it's silly to walk away from someone you really like simply because they have different interests. An effort should be made to reach some common ground.

All too often I hear women complain about how they are tired of being alone and want to be in a relationship, but they don't want to "settle" for anything less than what they perceive to be the perfect match. The majority of those who hold out for perfection never settle down with someone, because perfect matches are rare and they aren't willing to make the effort to adapt to a less-than-perfect match.

I agree with you.

I can only talk for myself though.

For me, there currently is not a candidate around. And I'm not going out or to dating sites to find one. And I don't complain about being alone.

I'm happy right now,but don't exclude anybod a priori.

I would think it's great if I would meet somebody with whom I click.

I would love to leap together showered with love sparkles.

And yes, in order to be in a realistic relationship, both parties have to respect eachother's needs and wishes and make an effort.

To me, a relationship is both wanting yoursel and the other to be happy. And if both feel like that, the relationship is based on true love.

Any hidden agenda's will interfere the course of the relation.

If the relationship is started because one just wants the other to make him/her happy, it will fail.

Only if both have the best interest of the other and oneself in mind, and respect eachothers individuality, than love can flow.

But words are cheap, it's not that easy in real life.

Pokeno4Money said:

dJJ said:

of course, it's never that black& white.

But I also think that a lot of women just don't think it's worth the effort, based on their experiences and based on what they see around them.

It's not necessarily a burden to have no kids, no quarrels and to be able to do whatever you want without somebody bitching to you about it.

I agree there's nothing wrong with valuing the freedom of choice that comes with not being in a relationship. Being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, can be quite enjoyable.

All I'm saying is for those who truly do want to be in a relationship, it's silly to walk away from someone you really like simply because they have different interests. An effort should be made to reach some common ground.

All too often I hear women complain about how they are tired of being alone and want to be in a relationship, but they don't want to "settle" for anything less than what they perceive to be the perfect match. The majority of those who hold out for perfection never settle down with someone, because perfect matches are rare and they aren't willing to make the effort to adapt to a less-than-perfect match.

I think that happens, sure, but I also think most folks would be better off alone than in a less-than-satisfying relationship. It's a balance.

I could never be in a relationship just for the sake of having someone. Before I met my bf I assumed I'd be alone forever. I didn't think I'd meet anyone I'd be interested in enough to want to compromise. And I was perfectly happy with that scenario.

CarrieMpls said:

Pokeno4Money said:

I agree there's nothing wrong with valuing the freedom of choice that comes with not being in a relationship. Being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, can be quite enjoyable.

All I'm saying is for those who truly do want to be in a relationship, it's silly to walk away from someone you really like simply because they have different interests. An effort should be made to reach some common ground.

All too often I hear women complain about how they are tired of being alone and want to be in a relationship, but they don't want to "settle" for anything less than what they perceive to be the perfect match. The majority of those who hold out for perfection never settle down with someone, because perfect matches are rare and they aren't willing to make the effort to adapt to a less-than-perfect match.

I think that happens, sure, but I also think most folks would be better off alone than in a less-than-satisfying relationship. It's a balance.

I could never be in a relationship just for the sake of having someone. Before I met my bf I assumed I'd be alone forever. I didn't think I'd meet anyone I'd be interested in enough to want to compromise. And I was perfectly happy with that scenario.

Yes, this is exactly what I mean.

When compromise is a positive thing for you, because you want both to be happy.

CarrieMpls said:

Pokeno4Money said:

I agree there's nothing wrong with valuing the freedom of choice that comes with not being in a relationship. Being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, can be quite enjoyable.

All I'm saying is for those who truly do want to be in a relationship, it's silly to walk away from someone you really like simply because they have different interests. An effort should be made to reach some common ground.

All too often I hear women complain about how they are tired of being alone and want to be in a relationship, but they don't want to "settle" for anything less than what they perceive to be the perfect match. The majority of those who hold out for perfection never settle down with someone, because perfect matches are rare and they aren't willing to make the effort to adapt to a less-than-perfect match.

I think that happens, sure, but I also think most folks would be better off alone than in a less-than-satisfying relationship. It's a balance.

I could never be in a relationship just for the sake of having someone. Before I met my bf I assumed I'd be alone forever. I didn't think I'd meet anyone I'd be interested in enough to want to compromise. And I was perfectly happy with that scenario.

I strongly agree with you that being alone is better than being in a bad relationship. I was in a hellish relationship years ago, it was so bad that I wanted nothing more than to be alone.

But as we both said, if we really like the person then an effort should be made to at least try some of the things that the other person enjoys. Your example of biking was a great one, how do we know we won't enjoy something if we don't try it? A lot of times we enjoy things more when it's with the right person. And even if we tried something years ago and didn't like it, that doesn't mean we won't like it today.

Pokeno4Money said:

CarrieMpls said:

I think that happens, sure, but I also think most folks would be better off alone than in a less-than-satisfying relationship. It's a balance.

I could never be in a relationship just for the sake of having someone. Before I met my bf I assumed I'd be alone forever. I didn't think I'd meet anyone I'd be interested in enough to want to compromise. And I was perfectly happy with that scenario.

I strongly agree with you that being alone is better than being in a bad relationship. I was in a hellish relationship years ago, it was so bad that I wanted nothing more than to be alone.

But as we both said, if we really like the person then an effort should be made to at least try some of the things that the other person enjoys. Your example of biking was a great one, how do we know we won't enjoy something if we don't try it? A lot of times we enjoy things more when it's with the right person. And even if we tried something years ago and didn't like it, that doesn't mean we won't like it today.

Without compromising I would still be a virgin today, as I never met the perfect man and I know he does not exist and even if he would, why the fuck would he want to be with me ? So I had to start to compromise at last so that I am not alone forever . I never ever had these dealbreaker lists that others seem to have, if I love somebody I am very willing to compromise. And I will try to change him too .

I never had a relationship though just for the sake of having someone, no matter how many nice men I had to turn down, no matter how many people shook their heads why I am alone. I am very picky who I want to be with. But I do prefer being in a bad relationship with somebody I truly love to being without that person. Then again there are certain things that I won't overlook, so if I see it as necessary to end it than I will do it. Even if it means I am worse off being without that person .

Pokeno4Money said:

CarrieMpls said:

I think that happens, sure, but I also think most folks would be better off alone than in a less-than-satisfying relationship. It's a balance.

I could never be in a relationship just for the sake of having someone. Before I met my bf I assumed I'd be alone forever. I didn't think I'd meet anyone I'd be interested in enough to want to compromise. And I was perfectly happy with that scenario.

I strongly agree with you that being alone is better than being in a bad relationship. I was in a hellish relationship years ago, it was so bad that I wanted nothing more than to be alone.

But as we both said, if we really like the person then an effort should be made to at least try some of the things that the other person enjoys. Your example of biking was a great one, how do we know we won't enjoy something if we don't try it? A lot of times we enjoy things more when it's with the right person. And even if we tried something years ago and didn't like it, that doesn't mean we won't like it today.

I don't think I'm alone out of bitterness.

I'm just alone because there is no alternative option.

If I meet somebody, great!

Let's see where it goes.

If not, that's fine. I'm happy.

Cinny said:

Serious said:

chocolate1 said:

Prince fans can be competitive and petty...

With my luck, I'd end up with some fammy fool who'd throw his grandmother into traffic for the last Prince ticket. (trust me- I know a couple of people like that! )

Or he might be 6 feet tall and insist to stand right in front of you blocking your view just to be closer to his idol . Thank God I don't speak from experience here . But I am sure they exist somewhere out there !

I guess for me being with a Princefam would be worse than being with somebody who doesn't care about Prince at all. I had arguments with fams who acted as if he was a close family member . These people were friends (and I said were ), if they had been my partners it would have been a nightmare .

One of my male friends has a friend who is OBSESSED with Prince to the point of being insane...
He has lied about having to work overnight to sneak off to concerts, used the rent money to buy tickets, and "borrowed" money from his girlfriend...

He will argue about every little aspect of Prince's life ad nauseum, and hangs around every show trying to chat up anyone who might have a connection to Prince. He isn't an orger, because the people on here are too 'amateur' for a connoisseur like he is.

I really don't understand how his girlfriend can deal with him.

He is actually scary...

when i first met my husband we pretty much liked total opposite music, tv, etc. but now that we've known each other for 11 years we have become more open minded. he likes some prince music now, and i have come to love brazilian music, dean martin, & frank sinatra. he likes my bruno mars music and listens to it in the car, and we both like the same kind of movies for the most part. we love mafia movies like the Godfather. we both tend to be very easy going people though, so that might have something to do with it?

sexton said:

Some compatibility in those areas is very important to me in a relationship so if there was practically no crossover at all, I would not start seeing that person in the first place.

Same here.

Serious said:

Cinny said:

Your next relationship paragraph needs more smileys before I believe you!

My next relationship was with a man who has completely different hobbies from mine and a completely different taste in music and movies . It did not make our life any easier . But we loved each other, so it was okay for us to compromise .

But didn't that at some point become a source of frustration at all and/or help lead to feelings of disconnect?

ZombieKitten said:

I'm not going into a vent, because I'll get the "why are you even with him?" comments again (and yes, WHY???????)

I am married to someone who regularly asks me when I'm going to sell my books on eBay because they are taking up space "you're not even going to read them again so why keep them?" (I could say that about all the sporting equipment that is accumulating in the garage)

We have a no music in the car policy if we are both in the car now because once I asked if we didn't have to listen to the mauritius CD EVERY time we go somewhere and it came to light that he doesn't like any of my music either

We watch certain movies together, others we save for plane trips or times when we aren't together.

So, in short, sexual chemistry is not enough in the long run because when you aren't even attracted to each other any more, if you don't have any common interests (in our case, we have our kids, and that's more a source of conflict than anything else) then you have NOTHING.

You know I've been there, Hon...a few times in my life

chocolate1 said:

The older I get, the less I want to try to be with someone with whom I have little in common.

I've spent so much time doing the things I like without someone to share them with, I can't see being with someone if I still can't share.

I used to try to discover new interests through the men I dated, but it usually became one-sided.

My ex-fiance actually told me that when we were married, I would have had to give up the things I liked to do.

It would be wonderful to meet someone with whom I can share experiences...

That can be tricky. On one hand, it could potentially open a person up to new interests, but on the other, it can be a minefield of distractions for an unwise woman where she loses herself in experiences that don't reflect her authentically

As for that ex-fiance, I'm glad for you that he's gone. The nerve.

Serious said:

chocolate1 said:

Prince fans can be competitive and petty...

With my luck, I'd end up with some fammy fool who'd throw his grandmother into traffic for the last Prince ticket. (trust me- I know a couple of people like that! )

Or he might be 6 feet tall and insist to stand right in front of you blocking your view just to be closer to his idol . Thank God I don't speak from experience here . But I am sure they exist somewhere out there !

I guess for me being with a Princefam would be worse than being with somebody who doesn't care about Prince at all. I had arguments with fams who acted as if he was a close family member . These people were friends (and I said were :lol, if they had been my partners it would have been a nightmare .

I do like having musical interests in common with the people I've been involved with through the years, but oddly I was never one wanting Prince to be one of them. I don't think that's happened since I was a teenager in the 80's, and we were all (from my general group of friends) were listening to the Around the World in a Day and Lovesexy albums

Cinny said:

Do you stop seeing a person who doesn't enjoy (at least some of) the same..

music? or movies? or television? or books?

I don't know how people decide to spend time together (or stay together, for that matter)

if they can't suss what the other person enjoys.

Do you end up doing the same things you both like (ie. eating at the same restaurant)

or do you always try something new to you to keep it going?

I go on a dating site.

I hate T.V. and got a message from a guy recently. His profile said something like " T.V. and movie freak".

My first message to him was thanks for the interest but I despise T.V.; I am willing to meet you though if you would like.

I kind of knew that message would turn him off; he has not written back.

Good.

One nice thing about internet dating is that you can check out someones likes and dislikes right away. When someone describes themselves as a sports or fishing or T.V. "freak", I doubt highly if we have a chance in hell of hitting it off.

I wouldn't recomend anybody date Timmy, for instance, if they seldom listen to music. Why be with Jonart if your not really into the arts at all? They may date someone who is not as into the arts as they are.

Both Zombie and her spouse have a strong artistic leaning.

That doesn't mean that every single interest matches up.

There is a big difference between occasional enjoyment and a "freak",lol.

[Edited 2/19/13 10:51am]