PurpleJedi said:

JustErin said:

Heartbreak hurts in any situation. That's not what we are talking about.

That's why it's a "follow-up question".

I don't necessarily agree that love has to be a 2-way street...but I'm willing to grant it consideration...AND as a result of this train of thought, I'm asking whether or not that emphasis on reciprocration has any effect on the hurt of its dissolution.

It's a valid question.

Definitely valid

I also agree that you don't have to have the love reciprocated in order to experience being in love...hell, for all we know, NOT having your feelings reciprocated might make you feel even more "in love". How many times have we heard people say that once they were in a relationship with someone, the feelings started to evaporate? lol ...

Byron said:

Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them.

I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll :dead:

My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

ZombieKitten said:

Byron said:

Definitely valid

I also agree that you don't have to have the love reciprocated in order to experience being in love...hell, for all we know, NOT having your feelings reciprocated might make you feel even more "in love". How many times have we heard people say that once they were in a relationship with someone, the feelings started to evaporate? lol ...

Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them. I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

Exactly. Infatuation.

ZombieKitten said:

Byron said:

Definitely valid

I also agree that you don't have to have the love reciprocated in order to experience being in love...hell, for all we know, NOT having your feelings reciprocated might make you feel even more "in love". How many times have we heard people say that once they were in a relationship with someone, the feelings started to evaporate? lol ...

Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them. I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

Yes.

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

Byron said: Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them. I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

Exactly. Infatuation.

What I never get is if there is that difference between infatuation and love at what point does infatuation turn into love and I am not talking about unrequited love here. In my relationships the kind of love I had for my partners stayed the same from the moment I fell in love through the years we then were together. So after 17 years it sure was more than infatuation, was it only infatuation but not love after 6 months or after 1 year? That was always confusing for me. In my last relationship I fell in love within seconds I met that man and then later when we were together my feelings for him did not change, the love or infatuation or whatever stayed the same. And it's even more complicated as the German words for love and infatuation might not have exactly the same meaning as the English ones.

Loss of trust in others

Paranoia

Overpopulation of Earth

Child support

Being Cheated On

I'm no Saint either (too much sex with so many different individuals)

Being Hurt

Emotional Trauma

Divorce

Child custody loss

Bankruptcy

Loss of faith in humanity

those are my reasons, in a nutshell

I've had some strong/deep crushes now and then, when I was younger, but that's all, it was mere curiosity mixed with sexual anxiety towards one specific/temporarily interesting person

I also had a GENUINE bromance, it ended...badly

JoeTyler said:

Loss of trust in others

Paranoia

Overpopulation of Earth

Child support

Being Cheated On

I'm no Saint either (too much sex with so many different individuals)

Being Hurt

Emotional Trauma

Divorce

Child custody loss

Bankruptcy

Loss of faith in humanity

those are my reasons, in a nutshell

I've had some strong/deep crushes now and then, when I was younger, but that's all, it was mere curiosity mixed with sexual anxiety towards one specific/temporarily interesting person

I also had a GENUINE bromance, it ended...badly

me too. i wanted him to take better care of hisself and maybe play with my pinger, i dunno. he got me into stripclubs, i overindulged, got upset about it. blamed him instead of myself. stopped going to them/answering his phone calls. i hope his number hasn't changed .

Byron said:

CarrieMpls said:

I think there are many different flavors of love.

[img:$uid]http://img2-3.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/080805/TV-sex-scenes/Flavor-of-Love-NY_l.jpg[/img:$uid]

ZombieKitten said:

Byron said:

Definitely valid

I also agree that you don't have to have the love reciprocated in order to experience being in love...hell, for all we know, NOT having your feelings reciprocated might make you feel even more "in love". How many times have we heard people say that once they were in a relationship with someone, the feelings started to evaporate? lol ...

Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them. I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

What I said was mostly in jest lol...but the reality remains that being "in love" does not require having the person feel the same way about you. It's simply a feeling you have for someone else. Having that person return your feelings allows for a fuller expression of your feelings, which (usually) makes the experience more intense, but it doesn't negate what was felt before...it only validates it.

I do agree wholeheartedly with you, though, about some people are in love with being in love...and building up a concept of that person in their heads because of it that isn't based on reality. They're usually known as "stalkers" lol ...

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

Byron said: Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them. I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

Exactly. Infatuation.

"In love" is intensified infatuation.

"True love" is that plus a billion other things thrown in.

At any rate, I still believe that the heart wants what the heart wants...and that if you're in love, you're in love. If you say "Well, I won't know if I'm in love until they give me the same thing in return", that doesn't sound like being "in love". That sounds more like a needs exchange lol.

Serious said:

JustErin said:

Exactly. Infatuation.

What I never get is if there is that difference between infatuation and love at what point does infatuation turn into love and I am not talking about unrequited love here. In my relationships the kind of love I had for my partners stayed the same from the moment I fell in love through the years we then were together. So after 17 years it sure was more than infatuation, was it only infatuation but not love after 6 months or after 1 year? That was always confusing for me. In my last relationship I fell in love within seconds I met that man and then later when we were together my feelings for him did not change, the love or infatuation or whatever stayed the same. And it's even more complicated as the German words for love and infatuation might not have exactly the same meaning as the English ones.

I thought the german word for "love" was "Gesundheit"?...

Me: "Achoo!"

Girlfriend: "Gesundheit."

Me: " I love you, too, sweetie "

That whole exchange makes no sense now...

Byron said:

ZombieKitten said:

Byron said: Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them. I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

What I said was mostly in jest lol...but the reality remains that being "in love" does not require having the person feel the same way about you. It's simply a feeling you have for someone else. Having that person return your feelings allows for a fuller expression of your feelings, which (usually) makes the experience more intense, but it doesn't negate what was felt before...it only validates it.

I do agree wholeheartedly with you, though, about some people are in love with being in love...and building up a concept of that person in their heads because of it that isn't based on reality. They're usually known as "stalkers" lol ...

I agree.

A great example is people falling in love with a friend. Especially a close friend. That kind of thing happens all the time. You have a relationship even, just not a romantic one. And that friend likely loves you back, just not in the same way.

I don't think you can fall in love with someone you don't know personally - that's infatuation or a big ole crush. But you can definitely love someone who doesn't love you back.

Byron said:

Serious said:

What I never get is if there is that difference between infatuation and love at what point does infatuation turn into love and I am not talking about unrequited love here. In my relationships the kind of love I had for my partners stayed the same from the moment I fell in love through the years we then were together. So after 17 years it sure was more than infatuation, was it only infatuation but not love after 6 months or after 1 year? That was always confusing for me. In my last relationship I fell in love within seconds I met that man and then later when we were together my feelings for him did not change, the love or infatuation or whatever stayed the same. And it's even more complicated as the German words for love and infatuation might not have exactly the same meaning as the English ones.

I thought the german word for "love" was "Gesundheit"?...

Me: "Achoo!"

Girlfriend: "Gesundheit."

Me: " I love you, too, sweetie "

That whole exchange makes no sense now...

Oh Byron you got that all wrong

CarrieMpls said:

Byron said:

What I said was mostly in jest lol...but the reality remains that being "in love" does not require having the person feel the same way about you. It's simply a feeling you have for someone else. Having that person return your feelings allows for a fuller expression of your feelings, which (usually) makes the experience more intense, but it doesn't negate what was felt before...it only validates it.

I do agree wholeheartedly with you, though, about some people are in love with being in love...and building up a concept of that person in their heads because of it that isn't based on reality. They're usually known as "stalkers" lol ...

I agree.

A great example is people falling in love with a friend. Especially a close friend. That kind of thing happens all the time. You have a relationship even, just not a romantic one. And that friend likely loves you back, just not in the same way.

I don't think you can fall in love with someone you don't know personally - that's infatuation or a big ole crush. But you can definitely love someone who doesn't love you back.

Do you believe in love at first sight, then? (I'm guessing no lol)

Byron said:

CarrieMpls said:

I agree.

A great example is people falling in love with a friend. Especially a close friend. That kind of thing happens all the time. You have a relationship even, just not a romantic one. And that friend likely loves you back, just not in the same way.

I don't think you can fall in love with someone you don't know personally - that's infatuation or a big ole crush. But you can definitely love someone who doesn't love you back.

Do you believe in love at first sight, then? (I'm guessing no lol)

You're right, not at all. That's a crush/attraction/lust/etc. I think that can develop into love and a relationship, sure.

I was instantly attracted to my bf the moment I met him (and we've been together since the day we met, now that I think about it) but it took a few months to be able to honestly say I was in love. Just 'cause I felt an instant attraction doesn't mean I fell in love with himin that moment.

Serious said:

Byron said:

I thought the german word for "love" was "Gesundheit"?...

Me: "Achoo!"

Girlfriend: "Gesundheit."

Me: " I love you, too, sweetie "

That whole exchange makes no sense now...

Oh Byron you got that all wrong

Apparently

And I'm right there with you concerning how my feelings never changed in relationships from how I felt at the beginning of them ...there was never any ebbing and flowing, my feelings remained constant. I'm not sure that's normal, though lol

CarrieMpls said:

Byron said:

Do you believe in love at first sight, then? (I'm guessing no lol)

You're right, not at all. That's a crush/attraction/lust/etc. I think that can develop into love and a relationship, sure.

I was instantly attracted to my bf the moment I met him (and we've been together since the day we met, now that I think about it) but it took a few months to be able to honestly say I was in love. Just 'cause I felt an instant attraction doesn't mean I fell in love with himin that moment.

I guess it's different for different people. With my last bf I fell in love at first sight and the day I met him it felt like love and that feeling did not change later in the relationship.

Byron said:

Serious said:

Oh Byron you got that all wrong

Apparently

And I'm right there with you concerning how my feelings never changed in relationships from how I felt at the beginning of them ...there was never any ebbing and flowing, my feelings remained constant. I'm not sure that's normal, though lol

Like I just repeated in my post above this one .

I guess we are both not normal

[Edited 2/22/13 7:29am]

CarrieMpls said:

Byron said:

Do you believe in love at first sight, then? (I'm guessing no lol)

You're right, not at all. That's a crush/attraction/lust/etc. I think that can develop into love and a relationship, sure.

I was instantly attracted to my bf the moment I met him (and we've been together since the day we met, now that I think about it) but it took a few months to be able to honestly say I was in love. Just 'cause I felt an instant attraction doesn't mean I fell in love with himin that moment.

Ah, but do you think it's possible for someone in a situation like yours to look back and realize that they were indeed in love with that person from the first time they met?...That time and experience validated those initial feelings as being "in love" and not lust/etc.?

Byron said:

CarrieMpls said:

You're right, not at all. That's a crush/attraction/lust/etc. I think that can develop into love and a relationship, sure.

I was instantly attracted to my bf the moment I met him (and we've been together since the day we met, now that I think about it) but it took a few months to be able to honestly say I was in love. Just 'cause I felt an instant attraction doesn't mean I fell in love with himin that moment.

Ah, but do you think it's possible for someone in a situation like yours to look back and realize that they were indeed in love with that person from the first time they met?...That time and experience validated those initial feelings as being "in love" and not lust/etc.?

On the one hand, I can only take other folks at their word and I can't speak for them so sure, if they belive they were in love at first sight then great for them.

On the other, I don't understand the experience, so while they may have felt they were in love, I wouldn't call it that. I would think we define love differently. Which is fine too.

Byron said:

CarrieMpls said:

I think there are many different flavors of love.

[img:$uid]http://img2-3.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/080805/TV-sex-scenes/Flavor-of-Love-NY_l.jpg[/img:$uid]

ZombieKitten said:

Byron said:

Definitely valid

I also agree that you don't have to have the love reciprocated in order to experience being in love...hell, for all we know, NOT having your feelings reciprocated might make you feel even more "in love". How many times have we heard people say that once they were in a relationship with someone, the feelings started to evaporate? lol ...

Then it wasn't the actual person they were in love with but their concept of that person and all the things they projected onto them. I've had these incredible feelings for 2 particular people (both unrequited) and I got hooked on those dramatic rollercoaster emotions. It's more thrilling I guess, but all the anxiety and pining and wishing and daydreaming take their toll My real actual relationships felt far more ordinary and practical.

I understand what you're saying...BUT...it definitely IS possible to have that "infatuation" and develop a "relationship" with a person that you LOVE...without that person returning the favor.

You can go a lifetime thinking that you have something special with someone, and the fact that the other person doesn't feel the same does nothing to lessen your feelings, as long as you're getting what you need or THINK you need.

In any relationship...hot, cold, lukewarm...initial feelings are intense and then mature as your relationship matures.

Doesn't make what you felt initially "false".

But then again I spent Valentine's Day with a 24 year old who I'm lustfully infatuated with and who will never feel the same towards me, so I'm shutting my mouth and walking away.

I'm trying to understand what you just said PJ

So you're asking if there is a difference between the way you feel when:

Your love is reciprocated and When you believe your love is reciprocated?

(And/or feeling in hindsight that you were led to believe it was reciprocated - and the day you find out it never was in the same way as you thought then it all means nothing kind of )

Unrequited is KNOWING your love isn't reciprocated, unless of course you have some psychological delusions, like that Madonna is in love with you right back and as soon as she's finished raising all those kids she's coming to move in with you to live happily ever after.

ZombieKitten said:

I'm trying to understand what you just said PJ So you're asking if there is a difference between the way you feel when: Your love is reciprocated and When you believe your love is reciprocated? (And/or feeling in hindsight that you were led to believe it was reciprocated - and the day you find out it never was in the same way as you thought then it all means nothing kind of ) Unrequited is KNOWING your love isn't reciprocated, unless of course you have some psychological delusions, like that Madonna is in love with you right back and as soon as she's finished raising all those kids she's coming to move in with you to live happily ever after.

No...I wasn't going that deep.

My last comment was a direct response to the notion that you cannot truly "love" someone unless that love is reciprocated....that it's simply an infatuation.

I was simply making a "hypothetical" example of a situation where one's feelings are what they are, regardless of what's happening on the receiving end.

Unrequited love is an argument all onto itself...the fallacies notwhithstanding; my argument is that the feeling - the emotions - are real, regardless.

Love is an illusion.

The same person u love today...u hate tomorrow.

Be thankful u have been spared.

Graycap23 said:

Love is an illusion.

The same person u love today...u hate tomorrow.

Be thankful u have been spared.

Thanks...besides only my mother could love my face

iaminparties said:

Graycap23 said:

Love is an illusion.

The same person u love today...u hate tomorrow.

Be thankful u have been spared.

Thanks...besides only my mother could love my face

It is about the inside.......not the outside.

If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

Bob Marley.

TD3 said:

If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

Bob Marley.

Beautiful inspiration! Just what I needed to hear.

TD3 said:

If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

Bob Marley.

Yeah, pretty good. Then you remember Bob was shagging everything anyway.