Stymie said:

PurpleJedi said:

Okay you two...get a room!

...and a camcorder.

My weight's been fluctuating between 62-102 kg during my adult years. Yeah, I know that's quite a lot.

I was overweight this summer, but went on a diet and lost the weight rather quickly (I was "back in shape" in 2-3 months). I didn't do it for "health" reasons, even if I'm in the risk group for developing diabetes (I've already had the symptoms associated with it). I just did it to look better again and to be more on the "same level" with the type of women that I'm usually attracted to.

So now I get dumped by good-looking women instead of the not-so-good-looking ones.

Unless you are born with the genes that will make you look like Prince Charming or Cinderella you will most likely have a self image problem.

I say this because we all grew up watching T.V. and movies.

The closer a character looked to charming and cindy the nicer and smarter they also were.

The characters with the big noses were mean and had no friends.

The characters with the thick necks were stupid.

We all want to be loved, and the media that has invaded our homes since the 1950's says we need to look a certain way to be sexually desireable, period. We can be funny and have a few friends if we are old or chubby but no fucken way will anyone ever want us sexually.

I for one am not looking for a physically perfect mate.

Stymie said:

I've had them all my life. Hell, I'm 43 years old and people still call me "ugly". Couple that with the amount of weight I put on.

The fact that people find me "ugly" or "unattractive" though is just something I'll have to deal with. I'm not changing a damn thing to make THEM feel better about ME. Losing weight though, is for my own health and something that I work on.

Fuck 'em.

vainandy said:

Stymie said:

I've had them all my life. Hell, I'm 43 years old and people still call me "ugly". Couple that with the amount of weight I put on.

The fact that people find me "ugly" or "unattractive" though is just something I'll have to deal with. I'm not changing a damn thing to make THEM feel better about ME. Losing weight though, is for my own health and something that I work on.

Fuck 'em.

Yeah, most days that's my attitude about it. Other days, I wish people weren't so shallow.

Visionnaire said:

I have alot of hair on my fat, sloth ridden ass,
but, TBH, I have no problem with it.
The way I figure it,
I'm not the one who has to look at it.

I am a hairy female.

This is not due to any drug I took or any choice I made. It is part of my DNA baggage. I shave a lot but you can bet that I missed a spot here and there. Sooner or later the truth comes out. I can not tell you how mortified I was for so many years that someone would know my secret.

vainandy said:

Stymie said:

I've had them all my life. Hell, I'm 43 years old and people still call me "ugly". Couple that with the amount of weight I put on.

The fact that people find me "ugly" or "unattractive" though is just something I'll have to deal with. I'm not changing a damn thing to make THEM feel better about ME. Losing weight though, is for my own health and something that I work on.

Fuck 'em.

On the horse they rode in on....DOUBLE TIME!!

Stymie said:

vainandy said:

Fuck 'em.

Yeah, most days that's my attitude about it. Other days, I wish people weren't so shallow.

You can't help but feel hurt because you're human but don't ever let the bastards see it because it lets them know they have accomplished their goal. They don't pay your bills, nor do they support you, so their opinion of you ain't shit. Fuck 'em.

shorttrini said:

vainandy said:

Fuck 'em.

On the horse they rode in on....DOUBLE TIME!!

vainandy said:

shorttrini said:

On the horse they rode in on....DOUBLE TIME!!

Exactly!

Stymie said:

I've had them all my life. Hell, I'm 43 years old and people still call me "ugly". Couple that with the amount of weight I put on.

The fact that people find me "ugly" or "unattractive" though is just something I'll have to deal with. I'm not changing a damn thing to make THEM feel better about ME. Losing weight though, is for my own health and something that I work on.

What kind of dumbfuckery is that?! Lemme at 'em!

Self-image problems? Hell, yes. In my own mind, I have never been pretty enough or thin enough. I was raised by a mom who had her own nasty set of self-image demons and she just passed them on. Many were the times, as a teenager or young woman, that I would express interest in a sewing pattern and my mom would say, "You don't have the figure for that." It wasn't 'til Sweetie came into my life that I actually thought that maybe my body was okay.

I look back at pictures of me in my childhood and teens and I was thin. I always, always thought I was fat because I had thighs and a rear end, and my abdomen wasn't completely flat. But I was a totally normal-sized girl.

But it really isn't my mom's fault either. Her mom was the same way. True story: when my grandma was alive, if I took her out to lunch, she'd order something very small, and she'd say "No, I don't need French fries. I don't want to get fat." When she was 90, she'd say shit like that.

What the hell kind of hope was there for me?

Genesia said:

Stymie said:

I've had them all my life. Hell, I'm 43 years old and people still call me "ugly". Couple that with the amount of weight I put on.

The fact that people find me "ugly" or "unattractive" though is just something I'll have to deal with. I'm not changing a damn thing to make THEM feel better about ME. Losing weight though, is for my own health and something that I work on.

What kind of dumbfuckery is that?! Lemme at 'em!

Self-image problems? Hell, yes. In my own mind, I have never been pretty enough or thin enough. I was raised by a mom who had her own nasty set of self-image demons and she just passed them on. Many were the times, as a teenager or young woman, that I would express interest in a sewing pattern and my mom would say, "You don't have the figure for that." It wasn't 'til Sweetie came into my life that I actually thought that maybe my body was okay.

I look back at pictures of me in my childhood and teens and I was thin. I always, always thought I was fat because I had thighs and a rear end, and my abdomen wasn't completely flat. But I was a totally normal-sized girl.

But it really isn't my mom's fault either. Her mom was the same way. True story: when my grandma was alive, if I took her out to lunch, she'd order something very small, and she'd say "No, I don't need French fries. I don't want to get fat." When she was 90, she'd say shit like that.

What the hell kind of hope was there for me?

When my great aunt and I used to go out to eat, she used to tell me all the time..."When you go out to eat, you should always leave some food on the plate"....and she would actually leave some food on her plate every single time herself. To which my reply to her would be...."Well, you may want the waitress to think you're some dainty little frail bird, but I could care less"....My grandmother (her sister) used to tell her all the time...."Don't mess with me sister, I know you're REAL age and I'll tell it".

Deadflow3r said:

Visionnaire said:

I have alot of hair on my fat, sloth ridden ass,
but, TBH, I have no problem with it.
The way I figure it,
I'm not the one who has to look at it.

I am a hairy female.

This is not due to any drug I took or any choice I made. It is part of my DNA baggage. I shave a lot but you can bet that I missed a spot here and there. Sooner or later the truth comes out. I can not tell you how mortified I was for so many years that someone would know my secret.

Hairy...

Like wolf hairy?

Not that there's anything wrong with that, just curious.

I find it astonishing what women do to themselves, to fit in and for the pleasure of men...

I have a hairy chest...

And I'm sorry I won't give it up for all the blonde women in sweden.

chocolate1 said:

Your hair and your butt are totally awesome!!! :eek:

I know I have no idea what a pain in the ass maintaining those incredible curls must be, but to be honest with your face I reckon any style would suit you and your new do is super adorable, love it! :love:

I'm always envious of you ladies with butts because it gives you WAISTS!!!! and there's my body issue no discernible waist and too top heavy

Stymie said:

Wtf?????

You have the cutest face I ever saw!?!? (except maybe sextonseven who looks kind of like an elf when he smiles )

Your photos always go in my special folder, and I'm as fussy as they get

Visionnaire said:

:fallof: OGM

CarrieMpls said:

you're so awesome

I cried reading this though, at the thought of you thinking you were ugly as a little girl :sigh:

I grew up thinking I looked "different" (classmate made a comment I could never decide whether that was good or bad. Who wants to be different when they are 13?)
I knew my family was different because we came from another country and I became convinced you could tell just by my appearance. Now of course I know that's a lot of crap, nobody gave a shit really. I know at my school reunions nobody really took enough notice of me to remember I came to an Australian third grade classroom straight from Europe - like where the fuck is that anyway? :lol:

I never talked, and I know now my quirks were asperger traits and THAT'S why I was the weird girl, not because I looked unusual :err:

My hang up in my teens became my large breasts. I was a 30F by the age of 16, wearing highly inappropriately sized bras I felt like a freak and wore tenty style shirts because the underwires poked out at the front. I held on to my first boyfriend well past his best buy date, convinced nobody else could ever love someone as deformed as me.

I wish I could take those years back, wear tight shirts and be the slut I never got to be

ZombieKitten said:

chocolate1 said:

Yes.
I hate my hair; always have.

When I was young, I was very skinny with bowed legs. Kids can be very cruel.

I just wanted to develop like the other girls.

I developed my shape in college, and then I worried that my hips/butt were too big.

My weight goes up and down. I'm never thin enough...

I've come to a point where (to overuse a phrase) "it is what it is".

I will never be thin- I will always be considered "curvy", and my hair will never cooperate, no matter what style it is in... Those are the things that make me me.

Your hair and your butt are totally awesome!!! I know I have no idea what a pain in the ass maintaining those incredible curls must be, but to be honest with your face I reckon any style would suit you and your new do is super adorable, love it! I'm always envious of you ladies with butts because it gives you WAISTS!!!! and there's my body issue no discernible waist and too top heavy

Thank you!!

I read your reply to Carrie, and I just wanted to give you a big hug!

I've been there: "Who else would want this?"

*Someone who I loved so much, married a woman who looked totally opposite of me.... We maintained a platonic friendship, but that messed with me for a long time... I felt so ugly, and "not good enough" to be anything but a "buddy", and not an object of desire.

*sigh*

It took me a long time to realize that SOMEone would look at me that way.

i think it's important to stop and think about the people that you've found attractive during your life... i bet most of them weren't plastic looking "perfect" people

yet it's so common to think that we can't be attractive because of our imperfections

chocolate1 said:

ZombieKitten said:

chocolate1 said: Your hair and your butt are totally awesome!!! I know I have no idea what a pain in the ass maintaining those incredible curls must be, but to be honest with your face I reckon any style would suit you and your new do is super adorable, love it! I'm always envious of you ladies with butts because it gives you WAISTS!!!! and there's my body issue no discernible waist and too top heavy

Thank you!!

I read your reply to Carrie, and I just wanted to give you a big hug!

I've been there: "Who else would want this?"

*Someone who I loved so much, married a woman who looked totally opposite of me.... We maintained a platonic friendship, but that messed with me for a long time... I felt so ugly, and "not good enough" to be anything but a "buddy", and not an object of desire.

*sigh*

It took me a long time to realize that SOMEone would look at me that way.

u know u r better than that - u have to believe in your self and then u will feel the beauty others c in u

because boy that chistmas photo is just sooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Deadflow3r said:

Unless you are born with the genes that will make you look like Prince Charming or Cinderella you will most likely have a self image problem.

I say this because we all grew up watching T.V. and movies.

The closer a character looked to charming and cindy the nicer and smarter they also were.

The characters with the big noses were mean and had no friends.

The characters with the thick necks were stupid.

We all want to be loved, and the media that has invaded our homes since the 1950's says we need to look a certain way to be sexually desireable, period. We can be funny and have a few friends if we are old or chubby but no fucken way will anyone ever want us sexually.

I for one am not looking for a physically perfect mate.

No, that is not true.

If that was true, than, there would be no pretty person whith a self-esteem issue.

And there are a lot of beautiful people who really think they are not.

As the op mentioned, he works hard on his body, every day for hours, and still he is not happy with his own body. That statement already implies that it's not the body that is not good, but the mind that wants to cliing to that idea.

Like a mild form of body dismorphic symdrome.

Gunsnhalen said:

I have wanted to start this thread for awhile on the org. So please no slandering or arguments in here cause i would like a good talk on this subject.

How many people have had self image issues before?I ask because although i don't like to talk about it much but i still have some image issues even at my age. Most people know i workout like a maniac & i am very strong and confident in my strength and fighting abilities.But i never feel satisfied no matter how much work i put in!.

Besides media obviously there are people who influence you and ways you view yourself, i never had gay friend's in TX and in L.A i discovered there is a sick obsession with body image in the community and discriminating against those who don't look like white Abercrombie and Fitch models.

When you try to change image is it really for your health? well being? and all that discourse people preach. Or is it because someone said your stomach is to big? your legs are to wide? or something to that matter.

Even now i struggle with body image cause i myself do care about my health and work hard at work & everywhere including the gym and give me 200%.

But while i work hard everyday.. some days i wonder if the extra hours i put in at the gym are really what i feel is a necessity or part of me becoming obsessed with wanting a perfect body.

This is something i have struggled with since youth. I was always a huge kid and despite being stronger then the other kids and did great at sports i was very unattractive and felt kind of like monster.

Another issue i got from it is i had a lot of anger issues... i was not a problem starter at all in school and always got good grades. But i did get into some bad fights then, despite me being a nice guy i had sort of repressed anger from being in the closet in a very homophobic town & the image issues.

And i also have had that issue going into adult hood as well.

And it's something i have worried about since being young and it had followed me into now. While i feel i have a tiny bit better under control and i for sure have learned to not be so angry i still feel that blah factor when i see someone who i think look's better then me.

So who else has had a similar issue at one point in their life?

It seems that you are comparing yourself with others daily. That must be very tiring, because you will always find somebody who is better at something, just like there always be someone who is not as good as you. But you probably will focus on the person who is better than you.

Moreover, it's the combination of your traits and habits that make you special. So, for every skill and trait or look, there will allways be some other person who is better at it. But that person will not be better at all the traits you evaluate. Because for another trait, you will find another person who is better.

So, your comparing one of your traits with the rest of the world, in stead of comparing the whole package.

The whole package means, I'm good at some things and bad at other things. Just like all a other people. Prince is a good musician, but is very short.

Nobody is perfect. So, why be unhappy over not being perfect? You can also try to come to terms with yourself, apreciate what you got and make the best of it, while you are a live.

How do you want to look back at your life when you are 95?

-Enjoyed life and apreciated what I got.

-Unhappy for my whole lilfe because I didn't like some of my features.

MoBetterBliss said:

i think it's important to stop and think about the people that you've found attractive during your life... i bet most of them weren't plastic looking "perfect" people

yet it's so common to think that we can't be attractive because of our imperfections

Exactly!

Nobody is perfect.

Not without photoshop.

And being pretty does not garantuee a happy life.

I mean, Marily Monroe did kill herself because she was not happy. Despite her beauty and succes.

Gunsnhalen said:

i still feel that blah factor when i see someone who i think look's better then me.

Are you sure your interpretation is always right?

You are so focused on what other people think of you, that when somebody looks at the windowshop behind you, you think he's looking at you and dismisses what he sees. While in reality he didn't like the t-shirt in the windowshop behind you!

ZombieKitten said:

CarrieMpls said:

I’ve had significant issues with this for most of my life.

I was going through boxes of old stuff at my parents several years ago and found school papers from when I was about 7 or 8. One had sentences written out to tell about yourself and you filled in the blanks. One line said “Most people would tell you that I am” and I’d filled it in with “ugly”. There were a few more lines where I mentioned that as well. I broke down crying right there when I realized how long it had been an issue in my life. Red hair and freckles may look positively adorable to me now, but it felt like no one in the world thought so when I was young.

I always thought I was chubby growing up, but looking back at pictures now, I really wasn’t for most of my youth. I gained some weight around 13-15 and by the time I was 16 it had mostly evened out. I joined weight watchers and lost a little more weight but I never really felt good about my size.

Then at about age 22 I started putting on significant weight. By my mid-20’s I was obese. And I assumed no one would ever love me because of it. It sounds so stupid to me now, but it’s how I felt. I was also in denial about what I looked like. What I saw in the mirror is not what I saw in pictures. (Actually, it still isn’t. Most of the time I don’t really know what my body looks like. It still looks strange to me in pictures.)

A few years ago I made some conscious efforts to get myself healthy, mentally and physically. They both had to work in conjunction with each other. I lost a bunch of weight (60 pounds), went on depression meds and generally did the work on myself I needed to. Still, a careless comment from a stranger could bring me to tears. I even wrote about it here. After feeling great about myself for a while some guy on the bus commented on my “thunder thighs” and while I ignored him when it happened, I went in my house and cried.

Which brings us to today. I’m still overweight, but I make much healthier choices. I still struggle with self-esteem, but I’m a lot better than I used to be. I remind myself that my worth as a person has nothing to do with what I look like. That my friends and family (and boyfriend) love me regardless. I do my damndest to be kind to everyone and that’s the most important thing. Sometimes it’s still hard to remember when I see pictures of myself, but I still try.

you're so awesome I cried reading this though, at the thought of you thinking you were ugly as a little girl I grew up thinking I looked "different" (classmate made a comment I could never decide whether that was good or bad. Who wants to be different when they are 13?) I knew my family was different because we came from another country and I became convinced you could tell just by my appearance. Now of course I know that's a lot of crap, nobody gave a shit really. I know at my school reunions nobody really took enough notice of me to remember I came to an Australian third grade classroom straight from Europe - like where the fuck is that anyway? I never talked, and I know now my quirks were asperger traits and THAT'S why I was the weird girl, not because I looked unusual My hang up in my teens became my large breasts. I was a 30F by the age of 16, wearing highly inappropriately sized bras I felt like a freak and wore tenty style shirts because the underwires poked out at the front. I held on to my first boyfriend well past his best buy date, convinced nobody else could ever love someone as deformed as me. I wish I could take those years back, wear tight shirts and be the slut I never got to be

I wonder how different my life would have been if I didn't let something like that hold me back.

All we can do is our best to not let it get to us now!

dJJ said:

Gunsnhalen said:

I have wanted to start this thread for awhile on the org. So please no slandering or arguments in here cause i would like a good talk on this subject.

How many people have had self image issues before?I ask because although i don't like to talk about it much but i still have some image issues even at my age. Most people know i workout like a maniac & i am very strong and confident in my strength and fighting abilities.But i never feel satisfied no matter how much work i put in!.

Besides media obviously there are people who influence you and ways you view yourself, i never had gay friend's in TX and in L.A i discovered there is a sick obsession with body image in the community and discriminating against those who don't look like white Abercrombie and Fitch models.

When you try to change image is it really for your health? well being? and all that discourse people preach. Or is it because someone said your stomach is to big? your legs are to wide? or something to that matter.

Even now i struggle with body image cause i myself do care about my health and work hard at work & everywhere including the gym and give me 200%.

But while i work hard everyday.. some days i wonder if the extra hours i put in at the gym are really what i feel is a necessity or part of me becoming obsessed with wanting a perfect body.

This is something i have struggled with since youth. I was always a huge kid and despite being stronger then the other kids and did great at sports i was very unattractive and felt kind of like monster.

Another issue i got from it is i had a lot of anger issues... i was not a problem starter at all in school and always got good grades. But i did get into some bad fights then, despite me being a nice guy i had sort of repressed anger from being in the closet in a very homophobic town & the image issues.

And i also have had that issue going into adult hood as well.

And it's something i have worried about since being young and it had followed me into now. While i feel i have a tiny bit better under control and i for sure have learned to not be so angry i still feel that blah factor when i see someone who i think look's better then me.

So who else has had a similar issue at one point in their life?

It seems that you are comparing yourself with others daily. That must be very tiring, because you will always find somebody who is better at something, just like there always be someone who is not as good as you. But you probably will focus on the person who is better than you.

Moreover, it's the combination of your traits and habits that make you special. So, for every skill and trait or look, there will allways be some other person who is better at it. But that person will not be better at all the traits you evaluate. Because for another trait, you will find another person who is better.

So, your comparing one of your traits with the rest of the world, in stead of comparing the whole package.

The whole package means, I'm good at some things and bad at other things. Just like all a other people. Prince is a good musician, but is very short.

Nobody is perfect. So, why be unhappy over not being perfect? You can also try to come to terms with yourself, apreciate what you got and make the best of it, while you are a live.

How do you want to look back at your life when you are 95?

-Enjoyed life and apreciated what I got.

-Unhappy for my whole lilfe because I didn't like some of my features.

This is very true actually... it's something i do almost daily as sad as that sounds.

It's a problem i am trying to work on more each day including being happy for who i am and what i got.

Gunsnhalen said:

dJJ said:

It seems that you are comparing yourself with others daily. That must be very tiring, because you will always find somebody who is better at something, just like there always be someone who is not as good as you. But you probably will focus on the person who is better than you.

Moreover, it's the combination of your traits and habits that make you special. So, for every skill and trait or look, there will allways be some other person who is better at it. But that person will not be better at all the traits you evaluate. Because for another trait, you will find another person who is better.

So, your comparing one of your traits with the rest of the world, in stead of comparing the whole package.

The whole package means, I'm good at some things and bad at other things. Just like all a other people. Prince is a good musician, but is very short.

Nobody is perfect. So, why be unhappy over not being perfect? You can also try to come to terms with yourself, apreciate what you got and make the best of it, while you are a live.

How do you want to look back at your life when you are 95?

-Enjoyed life and apreciated what I got.

-Unhappy for my whole lilfe because I didn't like some of my features.

This is very true actually... it's something i do almost daily as sad as that sounds.

It's a problem i am trying to work on more each day including being happy for who i am and what i got.

That's good to hear. One tip (I still haven't got around to do it myself) is to write down positive things about yourself every day before you go to bed and read your list when you wake up.

And really, you will never feel good about yourself if you relate your own worth in comparison to others. There will always be someone richer, funnier, more intelligent, beautifuller, or whatever it is you think is decisive for your unhappiness.

chocolate1 said:

ZombieKitten said:

chocolate1 said: Your hair and your butt are totally awesome!!! I know I have no idea what a pain in the ass maintaining those incredible curls must be, but to be honest with your face I reckon any style would suit you and your new do is super adorable, love it! I'm always envious of you ladies with butts because it gives you WAISTS!!!! and there's my body issue no discernible waist and too top heavy

Thank you!!

I read your reply to Carrie, and I just wanted to give you a big hug!

I've been there: "Who else would want this?"

*Someone who I loved so much, married a woman who looked totally opposite of me.... We maintained a platonic friendship, but that messed with me for a long time... I felt so ugly, and "not good enough" to be anything but a "buddy", and not an object of desire.

*sigh*

It took me a long time to realize that SOMEone would look at me that way.

Exactly!

The fact that you might not want to marry someone, does not imply that person is not worth it. It's just not a match for that person. That still can be very painfull, but it does not say anything about you not being okay

Chocolate, you are a wonderful orger, and very much worthy of loads of love

TommorowNeverKnows said:

Deadflow3r said:

I am a hairy female.

This is not due to any drug I took or any choice I made. It is part of my DNA baggage. I shave a lot but you can bet that I missed a spot here and there. Sooner or later the truth comes out. I can not tell you how mortified I was for so many years that someone would know my secret.

Hairy...

Like wolf hairy?

Not that there's anything wrong with that, just curious.

I find it astonishing what women do to themselves, to fit in and for the pleasure of men...

I have a hairy chest...

And I'm sorry I won't give it up for all the blonde women in sweden.

Really?????

Sure - everyone has had them at one time or another.

Remember this - God does not make mistakes.

Remember this - God loves you just the way you are.

Do this - Throw your shoulders back, stand up straight, and walk like you own the world.

Because you do!